


homes for lost things

by daskey, polarkai



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Jewish Alex Danvers, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2020-09-05 20:37:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 91,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20279467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daskey/pseuds/daskey, https://archiveofourown.org/users/polarkai/pseuds/polarkai
Summary: Three idiots run a small town bookstore and fall in love in the process.





	1. summer | sam

**Author's Note:**

> why do gaygentdanvers and daskey always collab on agentreigncorp fics? bc we're whores thats why  
anyways this fic started bc i told daskey "god i want a fic with autumn vibes" so we wrote it. here ya go.

babe, there's something wretched about this, 

something so precious about this, 

where to begin.

— hozier,_ from eden._

* * *

Driving through her hometown is something Sam had never thought she’d do again.

From the outside, it looks like the same slow, quiet town it was when Sam still lived here. There are a few new places she notices, like a new pub on the corner of one street that wasn’t there a decade ago, but most of the shops are still exactly as she remembers them. Even the small antique shop that she and her mother would visit occasionally is still up and running, and her eyes linger on the faded wooden _ open _sign hanging from the door. 

She wonders if the owners are still there; she wonders if they all know about her being kicked out, or if Patricia had been too embarrassed to admit that she had a granddaughter. 

Do they think she ran away on her own accord? Do they think she went insane and joined a cult? She wouldn’t put it past Patricia to make up stories in order to save face, to shift the blame to make Sam look like she _ wanted _to leave. 

“I think this is it,” Lena says, tearing her attention away, and Sam looks out the window to see the one place that had taken up so much of her time as a kid. 

“It is,” Sam confirms, tone wistful. 

It's a narrow building, not too tall, squished between other narrow buildings of very much the same style. It fits in on account of how unique it is, with it's little steps leading to a heavy wood door, a mostly plain storefront that had been painted several times during her childhood, each time a different shade, as if that would change the fact that it was a very old building, in an old part of town, that most people would walk by without much of a glance. 

It is a bookstore. Patricia's bookstore; if all had gone to plan, she would have had this a lot earlier. The plans had always been in place, for her to take the reins when she turned eighteen. She was Patricia's only child, after all, and Patricia's own parents had passed down the old bookstore (and a considerable amount of money) over to her when they'd retired. 

Needless to say, that hadn't happened. 

Just like the town itself, the bookstore hasn't changed much in terms of appearances since she'd last seen it ten years ago. The front is painted a pale green, which the weather has worn down quite a bit. The windows are clouded and boarded up, and the door is firmly locked. Sam has the key, it rests in the heavy yellow envelope that she was given, but she hesitates. 

“This place is a shithole,” Lena says bluntly. 

“Shut up,” Sam rolls her eyes, shoving Lena’s shoulder. “It wasn’t always. Patricia actually used to take care of this place.” 

There's no point in hesitating. This has to be done, she at least has to see what her mother had left behind before they inevitably sell it. 

The door is heavy, stuck on its hinges a bit, and she pushes it open, and despite Lena's harsh words about the place, she squeezes past Sam to be the first to enter, her curiosity getting the better of her. 

Now, the shelves are coated in layers of dust, the books all packed in boxes and stacked against the chipped walls. The counter is a ways away from the front door, with an old, outdated cash register and a small stack of pamphlets next to a notepad and pen. 

She glances towards the books stacked against the walls. Who had taken them off the shelves and packed them up? She wonders if it had been Patricia, if she’d been possibly planning to abandon the store before her death, or if someone else had come in to clean up once her mother was gone. 

“I used to come here everyday, you know,” she remarks, coming to a stop in front of one of the open boxes. Inside she can see a few books she’d loved as a kid, and a few she’d never gotten around to reading once she had Ruby. “I never thought I’d be standing here again.” 

Sam runs her fingers along the spines of the old books. An old habit, one that got her scolded a number of times. But there's no voice telling her to stop that, she only gathers dust on the ends of her fingertips, that she then rubs on the back of Lena's coat. 

When she glances over, Lena is looking over some of the books herself, nose wrinkling and lips curling up in distaste. “I hope you didn’t spend your time reading Sylvia Plath, of all things,” she comments, placing the book back into the box it was in.

“No, definitely not. I was more of a Jane Austen fan myself.” 

“Of course you were,” Lena rolls her eyes. Then she turns around. "Well, it has good bones. And demand in this area is high, so you should get some interested buyers," she pauses when she sees the expression on Sam's face, that little distant look in her eyes. "I'm guessing that selling isn't your priority though. That isn't why you brought me along, is it?" 

Lena's brow furrows, and Sam can feel her gaze burning holes into the side of her head but she's focused now on that view outside the window. The street, the other buildings on the other side, all as old as this one. The people passing by, without much of a second glance. It's amazing how the noise can't reach them in here, it's a little haven from the hustle and bustle, a pocket of silence in an otherwise chaotic world. 

"Remember when you said you wanted to try something new?" she says, and turns to Lena, who isn't glaring at her like she'd thought she'd be. It takes her a second to find her, but she's the only other living thing (the only other living _ human _ thing) in this space, so she follows the sounds she can hear, and finds her in amongst the shelves. 

She walks slow, perusing the space, pausing every now and again to look at the titles, at the genres engraved on small brass plaques, affixed to each shelf. "It all needs to be sorted out. There's Lovecraft in the romance section, there are travel guides in the poetry-" 

Sam's hopes are lifted, just a bit. "I know," 

"The building is old, we might have to get an engineer to see if it's structurally sound. And the electrical..." She's musing to herself, out loud, as she walks through, as her hands touch an old pillar, as she tries the switch on a light and it inevitably does not work. "The electrical might cost us a small fortune, if there's something wrong and we need to replace the wiring. God, and the plumbing…” 

There's a chance there, a little spark of potential, that Lena might want to keep the building, and it rests in the word 'us'. Sam can't fight the smile that starts to spread on her face, and when it gets too dark in the building, and Lena pauses to turn around to look at Sam, she stifles a laugh. 

"It's a lot to take on, Sam. With our jobs-" 

"Maybe I'll quit," She doesn't even hesitate, and that brings pause to Lena, her own smile falls, as she realises Sam is serious. 

Her eyes search Sam's for any hint of- well, whatever it is, she can't find it, and her brow furrows again, and her tone shifts. "_ Sam," _

But this is it, isn't it? The only connection she has to a childhood that she can barely remember, the only good memories she has of her mother. She can't let it go, not when she can remember it all so clearly. There’s always been gaps in her memory, but this one has always, without fail, been as vivid and authentic as if she was just here yesterday, curled up in the nook with her nose buried in a good book. She’d stay like that for hours, up until Patricia shooed her out right after closing time, demanding she actually get some real homework done before the day is over. 

She can’t just… abandon it like her mother might have. She can’t just leave it like this, an empty husk of what it used to be. It’d be like abandoning a part of herself, and Sam had already done that without a choice when she was sixteen. 

She refuses to do it again.

“I think… I think I want to fix this place up. Leave the city, come back here.”

"Your job is good," It's a weak argument, and Lena knows it. 

"It's boring," she argues, and it _ is _— while she’s always been somewhat of a math nerd, especially in high school and continuing on throughout college, calculating finances at L-Corp is one of the least rewarding jobs in terms of personal satisfaction. Her heart has never been in it. 

But this place? She can’t help but feel like she never left.

Lena shakes her head, she can't look at Sam in the eyes, she pinches the bridge of her nose, and that's how Sam knows she has her convinced. "You love your job," 

"I love you. Working with you. But this..." 

Those green eyes glance up at Sam as if _ pleading _for her to at least make her role as the naysayer easier, but Sam's mind is set. 

"You don't have to be a part of this. I won't take you away from L-Corp, I just... I can't let this place go, Lena. I can't let these memories go," 

Lena shakes her head, and sighs heavily. "You've really put me in a difficult position here. You're my right hand," 

"You're ambidextrous," Sam smiles, and that gets her a sharp glare that withers into a very long and awkward staring contest. 

“Actually, I’m left-handed. I thought you knew this about me.” Lena glances about the space again, her eyes decidedly don't linger on the dust-covered spiderwebs arching between the beams overhead. "You're really going to take this all on yourself? This isn't going to be as easy as patching up a hole in the wall and calling it a day, and I'll-" she lets her words trail off, but Sam can fill in the blanks. _ 'I'll miss you.' _

"Hey, just give me the summer, and I reckon I could make this into something. You'll see," Maybe her confidence is misplaced, but she can almost feel the potential buzzing in the walls. She doesn't want the story of this old bookstore to end here. 

“I can do this, Lena,” she insists, sure of it. “I’m not going to let this place be turned into some shitty back alley pub.” 

“You better be right,” Lena tells her, and Sam only smiles in response. 

* * *

As she’d expected, it takes a big chunk of the summer to settle into the small apartment above the store _ and _get things in order downstairs, starting first with the electricity and plumbing; it’s one of the very, very rare moments that she willingly lets Lena pay for everything that costs more than a few thousand dollars without feeling bad about it. 

Buying the furniture is the easier part, and the part Sam looks forward to the most. The store is big enough to place a few small couches in the back, behind most of the shelves, as well as adding in a few tables and chairs in the front by the windows. She lets Ruby pick out some of the decor, her daughter ecstatic at the prospect of being part of the process. 

Sam tries not to grimace too much at the series of portraits she picks out, each displaying a different dog dressed in various kinds of old fashioned attire. 

“This one is my favorite,” Ruby comments as she watches Sam hang one just above the front counter. It’s a beagle with a top hat and a wooden pipe in his mouth, donning a monocle on his left eye. “I really think it’ll make this place pop, Mom.” 

“I think it looks horrendous.” 

The reply startles Sam enough to make her nearly drop the hammer in her hand, and she whips her head around to see Lena observing the portraits with a critical eye, brows arched. 

“What- when did you- are you-” 

“Do you not watch the news?” Lena scoffs, eyes rolling as Ruby giggles beside her. “If you did, you would have seen that I left National City. _ And _ that I held a press conference about it. _ And _that I passed L-Corp onto Jack.” 

It takes a few seconds for the words to sink in, but once they do, Sam can’t help the smile that splits across her face. She climbs down from the step ladder she was on and sets down the hammer, staring at Lena.

“You left for me?” 

“Oh, don’t be daft,” Lena retorts, waving her hand in the air uselessly. “I didn’t leave for you. I left because it was time for a change of pace.” 

“You left for me,” Sam repeats knowingly, eyes crinkling at the corners with how wide she’s grinning. Lena only glares at her through long eyelashes, before she finally shakes her head and looks down towards her feet, scuffing her heels against the wooden floorboards.

“Fine. _Maybe _part of why I left was for you,” she admits, albeit a bit stubbornly, and Sam’s smile stays plastered on her face. “But that is not the only reason. I meant it when I said it was time for a change of pace, you know.” 

“Sure you did,” Sam teases, reaching over and poking Lena in the middle of her chest. “It’s okay to admit you left solely because you just love me too much, Lena.” 

“I didn’t,” Lena insists, but Sam is already walking away from her. She calls out again, adamant, “I didn’t!” 

(It’s only after a few hours, as the three of them are sitting around the dinner table that night, that Lena reluctantly admits that _ okay, fine, I left for you. Happy now, Samantha?) _

Being back in her old hometown, inevitably takes some getting used to. Sometimes, when she first wakes up, she expects to still be in the large urban house that she and Ruby had lived in back in the city, but instead, she finds herself in the cozy new apartment in the town she thought she left for good ten years ago. 

Overall, it’s different but a good kind of different, waking up every morning and going to work downstairs. It's the shortest commute she's ever had in her life, and the fact that this is _ hers _means that she doesn't have to bother with the corporate wear that had slowly taken over her wardrobe. She finds herself replacing her slacks with jeans more often than not, especially with all the repairs that need doing. 

A summer storm exposes a problem with the roof that needs patching. Ruby decides that they need to repaint the ceiling after the repairs are done, and Sam agrees, so they spend hours trying to figure out how to get the paint on the ceiling and not all over themselves. 

(They end up covered in paint anyways, and it takes Sam several _ more _hours to get it out of her hair. She swears she sees flecks of white paint showing up in her periphery for a week after that.) 

Lena takes to it all surprisingly well. There are a few little moments where Sam expects her to leave, to pick up and leave just as quickly and abruptly as she arrived. It's hard to tell with her, she's not quite the type that makes it known when she settles, Sam hadn't even known she'd miss her presence until she'd decided to take on the bookstore and leave L-Corp. 

But even when she spots a rat in the alley outside, and shrieks so loud the neighbors almost call the police, she doesn't leave. She stays, and calls an exterminator to make doubly sure that the place isn't "infested with the little plague-carrying bastards,". 

She spends hours each day reorganising the shelves, she keeps a laptop by her side, keeps a record of the titles, Sam gets used to seeing her cross-legged with a few boxes around her, her hair messily tied up (no point in keeping it down, with all the dust around). It's summer, but she even manages to get Ruby excited about doing chores somehow, and she's a godsend in that respect. 

And every night, Sam will go to bed after a day of patching and fixing and her muscles will have that good ache they get after a day of actual work, and Lena will settle in next to her, always another thought on her lips- 'We need to fix that drafty window tomorrow,' or 'maybe we can repaint the front of the shop another colour this time, I'm not that fond of the green,' like her mind never quite stops thinking about their little project-

And it really becomes _ their _ project. There's as much of Lena in here now as there was of Sam, as there is of Ruby, it's in the little things. Ruby finds herself a little nook, and she's almost always able to be found there, perched with a book in her hand- her daughter is _ reading _, and that is a miracle in and of itself. Lena comes in with colour swatches and one of Sam's paint-splattered shirts and she gets Sam to try to choose between different (identical) shades. Sam tries to argue in favour of the old wallpaper, but Lena adamantly refuses on the fact that the flowers look vaguely lewd. 

"Look at it properly," Lena says, gripping her by the chin and angling her head slightly. She tries not to wince at how her fingers dig into her jaw, she's ready to complain but-

"_ Oh," _Sam's surprised she never noticed it before, and when she does, it makes her laugh until her sides hurt, and then they're faced with the terrible task of ripping off old wallpaper. 

The glue doesn't want to give, and it feels very much like a form of torture. Lena's by her side, humming along to a song on the old radio, she's not sure if she's feeling it too, because she's trying her hardest to focus on the task ahead. 

Of _ course _Lena would decide that they desperately needed to change the wallpaper on what felt like the hottest day of the summer. And she'd made it seem so casual, so simple. 

"I read online that you only have to remove the old paper and the glue, and you can just put up new wallpaper after that," 

Sam makes a note to search up the facts for herself next time. Not that Lena's _ wrong _ , the steps are exactly in that order. It's just that each step requires _ so _much work, a lot of time, a lot of scraping, they have to spray the old paper with warm water (which is Lena's job), and Sam then has to try and get the old paper off with the scraper. Then they'll sand the whole wall down to get it ready for the old glue, but they haven't even gotten to that point yet, they've barely cleared a few feet of it. 

The windows aren't properly sealed, and the old fan they'd carried down from upstairs is whirring along, trying its best to cool the space. Sam can start to feel the sweat dripping down her back as she tries to run the scraper under a particularly tough section, and she's getting more frustrated by the minute, especially as she realises that this part of the paper is still dry. 

"You're not even doing anything, you're just standing there-" 

Her annoyed tone seems to break Lena out of some kind of reverie. Lena meets her glare with a smirk, brandishes the spray bottle, and Sam barely has time to shield her face as she spritzes her with the tepid water. 

"Hey!" 

"Whoops," Lena shrugs, a sly smile playing at the corner of her lips. Sam seethes at her, and she's ready to- what, to yell? To laugh? Definitely not laugh. She's not going to let herself laugh at the absurdity of this all-

Lena spritz her again. 

"Hey stop-" 

Another spray, this time directly in the face, and Sam drops the scraper in order to try and grab the bottle out of Lena's hands. The other woman dances out of the way with a peal of laughter, but Sam's arms are long enough to grab the back of her shirt, and from there it isn't very difficult to catch her in her arms. 

"Oh I regret everything- get off me you're _ sweaty _," Lena protests, arching away from Sam's wet shirt, glancing over her shoulder with a grimace. 

"This isn't sweat, this is your doing!" 

"I'm sorry I made you so wet darling, but I thought you'd appreciate it. You were getting a little red in the face there," Lena bites back with a smug grin thrown over her shoulder. 

Sam uses the distraction to wrench the spray bottle out of her hands. She gets her revenge by unscrewing the cap and tipping the entire bottle over Lena's head. 

Oh sure, she regrets it the instant she does it (if looks could kill, Sam would be dead twenty times over) but they laugh about it later as they sit by the window to dry off. 

Lena's smiling at her, her green eyes bright and clear, she's never seen her like this, without the layers that she puts in place at L-Corp, the layers of armor, the masks that protect her. That's all gone now, this is a different side to her best friend, and it feels like she's seeing her in a new light now. 

She's always loved Lena, but she thinks now- maybe she loves her _ more _, if that's even possible. 

* * *

She sends Lena to the hardware store with Ruby. She's too focused on what she has to do, on itemising the remaining jobs that need to be done before they can even dream of opening, and the task is pretty daunting without adding the stress of a small town hardware store with overly-friendly cashiers. 

Outsourcing the job seems like the best choice at the time, but she regrets it when they come back without paint rollers or drop sheets like she'd requested. 

Instead they come back with ice cream and milkshakes. Lena smiles at her disarmingly, Sam can't see her eyes behind the dark sunglasses. 

"So did you get-" 

"The hardware store was closed," Lena cuts her off, and by Ruby's overeager nodding, she knows that's a lie. "We're thinking of painting the front,"

"We got _ swatches _," Ruby exclaims, and pulls them out of her pocket as if she's performing a magic trick. 

Right. Sam is immediately skeptical, and she tries not to let the exhaustion show in her voice but she's _ tired, _ and that sounds like yet another job she doesn't have the time for- "So the hardware store was closed, but you got _ paint swatches _?" 

Ruby and Lena both glance at each other, confirming their guilt. "We went to the paint shop," Lena offers, and Sam rolls her eyes. 

"We're _ never _going to get this done," 

She's starting to feel that pressure even though there's no deadline. Sam's own savings are more than enough to cover the renovations without even touching Lena's own fortunes that she's so generously donating. They could realistically keep chipping away at this for as long as they'd like, but is it _ worth it _if they never get the shop back up and running? 

She rubs at her face with her hands, and Lena takes a few steps forward, offering her a milkshake. "I know I started on this already, but I don't want it," 

She takes the cup, doesn't care about the fact that there's a red mark around the top of the straw from Lena's lipstick. They've known each other for long enough to be able to read each other, and Lena drags over an empty paint tub so she can sit next to Sam, who has settled with her back against the wall. 

"Are you giving up?" Lena asks, and Sam isn't sure. 

"No. I'm just-" she fiddles with her straw, shaking her head. "Should we have just sold it?" 

"No!" Ruby protests, bounding over to sit on Sam's other side. "Are you kidding me? This is the coolest thing. We haven't even opened the shop yet! You can't give up now" 

Ruby's enthusiasm is nice, but Sam is more focused on how Lena now has gone quiet. She takes off her sunglasses, tucking them into the front of her shirt, and purses her lips as she thinks. "We can still sell, if you don't want to go through the rest of the renovations," 

That's not it. It isn't remotely the problem here. She doesn't want to _ sell _, but it feels like it will never be done. "I don't want to sell. But this is turning out to be bigger than I thought it would be, and now I've dragged you two into it and-" 

"You knew this wouldn't be easy," Lena says with a soothing voice, stopping her rambling in its tracks. "I didn't come over here because I thought it would be a walk in the park. We did it because it would be a challenge," 

"I can help more? With the painting and stuff. We've got _ ages _till school starts again so like, I don't mind, I really don't," 

The offer really warms Sam's heart. She looks over at her daughter, and her eyes are wide, she doesn't want to let this place go either, and so maybe... 

Lena inhales deep, thinking for a moment before breaking the silence to ask, "Is this about the wallpaper? Cause if it is-" 

"No it's not about the stupid wallpaper," it gets her to laugh, and Lena grins triumphantly- damn it that was meant to distract her and it's working. 

They don't bring it up again until later that evening, when Sam is staring at the wall adjacent to the bed, the patch that they'd repainted stands out like a sore thumb, but she's gotten used to seeing it. 

They have to share a bed, because there's only two rooms in the small apartment, and it never even occurred to her that Lena could have asked for her own room, or even have bought herself an apartment elsewhere in town. This is the moment where Sam realises, Lena is here of her own accord. 

"You stood by me, even with the most craziest idea, to fix L-Corp into something better. I could have let it die in the water, but do you remember what you said to me?" 

Sam can't look at her, afraid of the intensity of Lena's green eyes. She can't remember, she's not sure if it's because she's so far in this bad mood or if it's because her memory is genuinely that bad. 

Lena continues to talk despite her silence, probably assuming she's asleep, since her voice becomes a little quieter. "You probably don't remember, because it didn't mean as much to you as it did to me, but you said you'd be by my side, at a moment where I had no one. No family, no investors, no other business partners... _ nobody, _" 

Sam doesn't respond. She's afraid that if she does, the emotions she's holding in check will just fall right out. Lena doesn't seem to expect a response, she only gets into bed beside her, nestling next to her even though she usually complains that Sam runs too hot on nights like this. 

Then there are lips pressing a gentle kiss on her bare shoulder, and a very quiet whispered- _ 'goodnight, darling' _. 

In the morning, Sam is sure she's just imagined it. 

* * *

Things seem to pick up the pace after Sam's little breakdown. Her girls never come back from a shopping trip without what she asks for (although they do sometimes buy a little more than what is on the list). Lena also starts doing the proper research into the amount of work required behind her suggestions, so there are no more 'wallpaper' incidents. 

They scrap a few ideas to be able to cram as much of the essentials in before Ruby has to leave for school. Because she does become useful, carrying things and helping to tidy up after a job is done. 

Sam's glad she puts down drop sheets, because painting with Ruby is chaos. The floor is safe, but she ends up with handprints on her back, and Lena, being the lovely friend she is, doesn't inform her about them until she comes back from the grocery store. 

Then the rest of it passes in a blur, once the drop sheets are lifted and the floors are cleaned and restained. Ruby even helps with cleaning and stocking the shelves, which is something Sam thinks would have never been possible. 

“I think we’ve really done something here,” Sam expresses, late at night after they’ve finally finished painting the front, and things finally feel like they're _ done _ . They’re celebrating with a glass of wine between them and music playing quietly from the old record player Patricia had left behind, and Lena’s eyes are gleaming and proud and Sam has never felt so _ warm. _

Somehow, she knows it’s not because of the wine in her system. 

“I do, too,” Lena agrees, nodding. “I shouldn’t have doubted you for a second.”

Sam shrugs, slipping off the barstool and standing, a hand outreached towards Lena’s. “Well, you can make it up to me,” she smiles, dizzy from the way Lena is looking at her. “May I have this dance, m’lady?” 

She even bends down and extends her hand with a flourish. Lena purses her lips. “You’re an idiot.” 

“Yes, but I’m _ your _idiot,” Sam answers without hesitation.

It’s the closest she’s ever gotten to outright saying_ I’m yours. _

“Well?” she asks, looking at Lena expectantly. 

Lena slides off her own barstool. Her hand is warm when it slips into Sam’s, and she lets out a yelp she’d never admit to making as Sam yanks her close without warning. “You’re ridiculous,” she scoffs, slapping at Sam’s chest. 

Sam doesn’t answer. She wraps an arm around Lena’s waist and starts to move along to the song playing through the kitchen. It takes them a few seconds to get into the right rhythm, but soon enough they’re dancing slowly, their bodies intertwined, hands clasped together. Lena’s head comes to rest against Sam’s shoulder and Sam’s eyes slip shut automatically, chin coming down to rest against the top of Lena’s head. 

And it’s such a subtle shift that Sam almost doesn’t notice it. It almost slips right past her, the way the pieces slot perfectly into place in a way they hadn’t been before. 

Perhaps it's the soft amber light from the lamp in the next room, or the grainy nature of the sound coming from the old player. Maybe it's the alcohol that warms her blood, or maybe it's none of that at all. Sam's hand settles on the curve of Lena's back, and this closeness- they've always been close, but not like _ this. _

She's got her feet on the ground, but she's sure she's falling, and by the look in Lena's eyes when she brings her head up to smile at her- she's not the only one. 

"We should bring the record player downstairs. For the ambiance," Lena murmurs, a passing thought, and Sam isn't quite sure why of all things, that's the final straw but it is. 

It brings a laugh out of her that they both don't expect, and Lena's looking at her curiously, but she's smiling too, bringing a hand to rest on the side of Sam's face, to draw her back in. 

"I'm being serious, Samantha. I don't see what's so funny-" 

Her laughter fades, and Lena's hand doesn't move from her cheek, but her smile stays, as she looks down at Lena, and that brings more confusion to the other woman. "I told you that you didn't have to help me, now you're telling me where to put my record player," 

"Yes, well. You know why I followed you to this place," Lena's voice drops to a murmur, her hand slides down from her cheek to rest by her shoulder, her fingertips skirting to the back of her neck, and when her eyes meet hers again, there's an intensity to them that says more than her words ever could. 

Kissing Lena, Sam decides, is quite possibly the best thing she’s ever done.

Her mouth is still for a moment before they relax, softening against Sam’s own lips, warm and pliant. Her hand comes up to curl around the back of her neck, Sam’s arms tightening around her waist, and Lena presses up against her, head tilted up.

She could get lost in this, in the gentle give and take, in the soft curves under her hands, and even as the song ends, they stay there, and it feels like she's meeting Lena again for the first time, she's discovering her in a new light, until her lungs start to burn and she needs to come up for air before she drowns in her. 

When she pulls away, it takes a second for Lena’s eyes to open again, but when they do, Sam feels herself freeze up. “I’m sorry,” is what comes out her mouth first. Her lips are still tingling. Then, “We’re drunk.” 

Lena shakes her head, fingers coming up to brush against her lips. “I’m not drunk. Are you drunk?” 

“Not at all,” Sam answers, before leaning in again.

In the morning, neither of them mention it, and it’s only until Ruby comes out of her room to join them at the table that they both look at each other. “Why are you guys being so weird?” 

“What do you mean, Rubes?” Sam asks, at the same time Lena says, “We’re always like this.” 

Ruby blinks. Her eyes shift from Sam to Lena and then back to Sam, before she narrows them and crosses her arms. “Did you guys finally get your shit together?” 

Sam gapes at her daughter. Beside her, Lena’s shoulders shake with quiet laughter. _ “Ruby! _Language!” 

Lena rolls her eyes, patting Sam on the shoulder. “Oh, let her have this. She’s not wrong, after all.”

And that’s that. They don’t talk about it again, but they both know something has changed between them, and neither of them seem to mind. 

The next day, Ruby decrees that there must be a proper reopening ceremony. That seems to consist of the three of them standing outside at 9am on a Monday morning, with a red ribbon across the properly varnished wooden door. 

It's still summer, mid-summer, but the sun isn't too fierce this morning.

It was a stroke of genius on Lena's part, the black paint on what was previously a sickly mint green. It contrasts with the red brick of the building, and seems to make the glimpses of the interior visible through the arched windows look even warmer, even more inviting. 

"And you were going to do yellow," Ruby chuckles, and Sam gently pushes her. 

"Shush, you. Don't tell Lena she was right, it’ll only encourage her.” 

“Wouldn’t that be a good thing?” Ruby questions. “I mean, you wanted to do yellow. Lena’s _ always _right.”

“Please stop bringing that up!” Sam narrows her eyes at Ruby's cheeky grin, pinching the bridge of her nose. "And- hey! Who's side are you on?" 

Lena's voice can be heard from inside, she's muttering to herself as she bustles back outside. "These are all I could find," she says, and holds up a pair of oversized, rusty scissors. "But they should do the job… I hope.”

Ruby's smile falters. "Okay maybe not always," she admits sheepishly.

Lena glances quizzically at her, but doesn't press the matter. It's time for the reopening ceremony after all, but as she's about to hand the scissors over to Sam, she's met with a hand gently pushing her towards the door. 

"You should do the honours," she insists excitedly, beaming at Lena.

"Me?" Lena raises her eyebrows. "It's your-" 

"It's _ our _ building," Sam argues, holding up a hand. 

"Then we should cut the ribbon togeth-" 

"Oh my god you two just _ cut the damn ribbon _," Ruby cuts in before their bickering can go any further.

Sam whips her head around to look at her daughter. "This ceremony was _ your _idea Ruby, also mind your language," she reminds her, eyebrows furrowing.

Ruby throws her arms up and grabs the scissors from Lena’s hands. "Fine, then _ I'll _ cut the ribbon.”

It takes seven awkward, fumbling tries for the scissors to actually do some minor damage on the thin fabric, and that’s when Ruby throws them down onto the sidewalk in frustration, arms crossed. Sam steps forward and rips apart the ribbon with her bare hands, huffing as both Ruby and Lena stare at her in amusement.

"There. Officially open!” 

And it is something beautiful once they all step inside, and Ruby gets to turn the little sign in the door from 'closed' to 'open'. With dark wood and countless books lining the shelves, it feels like the store itself is something out of a storybook. 

It's both the store she remembers, and something new entirely. The bizarre paintings that hang on the walls would have never been allowed on the walls while Patricia was alive. The ugly wallpaper replaced with a fresh coat of paint, and a new little brass bell by the door. 

She wonders what she'd think if she saw it. If she saw what had become of the place. Would she be happy, that it had a new lease on life? Would she—

No. Sam knows her mother well enough to know she’d probably hate it. She had always been critical of things like this, especially when it came to Sam.

Lena's hand settles on her back, she's noticed her pause, and she watches Sam's face intently, waiting for a reaction. 

Ruby has already wandered in, no doubt looking for her new favourite section of the store, but Sam stays for a moment, taking the space in, before she finally takes a deep breath, and grins at Lena. 

"And you called this place a shithole," 

“It _ was _a shithole,” Lena defends herself. “You’re just lucky that I have taste, or else it would have looked worse than before.” 

* * *

As it turns out, getting the bookstore renovated is one thing. Running it? An entirely different beast in and of itself. 

The first days are slow. Torturously slow, and Sam isn't sure if she can handle this type of boredom. It gets to the point where Ruby's almost always in her little niche up in the shelves, with little else to do but read for hours. 

Sam stands behind the counter. And stands behind the counter. And goes for a walk around the already neat stacks, due to Lena's constant adjusting, the books don't even have a chance to get messy before they're put back in place. 

And the idea of Patricia's disapproval keeps gnawing at her, almost as if it knows, she can't quite get closure on that without Patricia being alive to tell her if she agrees or not. And her mind starts telling her that maybe this was a mistake, that the reason why it's not working out is because she's strayed too far from her family's vision. 

It feels almost like a miracle when she hears the door open, turning to look so quick that she nearly gives herself whiplash. It’s an elderly man who walks through the door, cane thumping against the hardwood floors, glasses sitting low on his nose. 

He looks familiar, but Sam can’t quite put her finger on why. It’s been so long since she’s been here that she’s rusty with recognizing anyone she’d known as a child, and this man seems to be one of them, if the shocked look on his face is of any indication.

“So it is true then,” he states, stopping right in front of the front counter, dark eyes staring at Sam through his glasses. He squints, shaking his head. “Oh, my. I didn’t think they were right when they said the Arias girl was back in town!” 

Sam swallows, throat suddenly dry, but she pushes through it and forces a polite smile. “Hello,” she greets slowly, wracking her brain to put a name to the face in front of her. “Can I help you with anything?” 

The man straightens up. “Oh, no,” he answers. “I just stopped by to see it with my own eyes. Oh, you’ve grown into a lovely young woman! Your mother should be proud.” 

“My mother’s dead.” It comes out of her mouth blunt and completely unexpected, taking even her by surprise as well as the man, and she cringes. “But… thank you.” 

It doesn’t take him long to leave after that, muttering to himself and stopping to give her a brief wave goodbye before pushing himself out the door. 

Other than that, nobody else passes through the store, and Sam can’t help but feel like she’s already failed.

She tells Lena as much one night, as they sit awake one night after dinner, the TV on in the background, a story about L-Corp's recent acquisition of Spheerical Industries a surprise to neither of them. 

"I know it's not the same, but what did you say to me while we were going through the rebranding?" 

"Yes, but that's been successful. This..." 

"We didn't expect for this to turn a profit. We don't need it to turn a profit," 

"But- do you think maybe I shouldn't have changed anything?" 

Lena levels her with a look, one that Sam can't quite decipher. Not in her current state, where she's second guessing herself, 

"Mom?" Of course, the talk brings Ruby out of her room. She ends up squishing between on the other side of Sam, her arms squeezing around Sam's waist as if she can get the sad out of her that way. 

"It's just... the shop isn't doing as well as we thought it would. In fact it’s not really doing well at all, Rubes.”

Ruby’s face scrunches up. "Do we have to move back?" 

"Not yet," Sam says, and Lena's head snaps up, and her stern glance tells Sam that maybe she's throwing in the towel a little too early. "I mean... no. But we're not getting enough customers. Or, well, _ any _customers.”

Ruby ponders this for a moment, before shrugging and simply saying, "Maybe people don't know that we're not a boring old bookshop anymore. We should tell them somehow." 

Her daughter is a genius. That's why Sam finds herself seeking out a print shop after closing. Ruby designs the posters, with Lena's help of course, and Sam's given the task of getting multiple copies for the great re-opening sale next week. 

The shop is only open from Monday to Friday, nine to five. It's Thursday when they make the posters. Sam gets to the print shop on Friday, she walks there because she figures it's not too far, and she might as well get the exercise while it's still warm and sunny outside. 

Summer's last little surprise for her is a storm. The biggest storm the town's had in years. 

Right when Sam's carrying back stacks of freshly printed posters in her arms, she's feeling good about herself for once, when that little spark of hope is reignited, the heavens open, and she's standing six blocks out, being pelted with heavy raindrops, trying to run to save as many as she can before the whole stack gets soaked through. 

And because of course the day can't get any worse, she trips. Over her own feet, in the middle of the street, nearly faceplants with the ground. The remaining dry posters flutter out in a cloud around her, and she feels the sting of the grazes against her skin and the burning in her eyes but she can't bring herself to do anything but close her eyes for one long moment as she accepts her defeat on the concrete. 

This is it. This is what her life has become. 

The rain is so heavy that she doesn't hear the footsteps of the stranger who had been walking their dog across the street jogs up to see if she's okay, as she continues to lie face down on the concrete for several awkward seconds. 

She does hear the stranger's voice as she asks, "Hey, are you okay?" and that gives her the motivation to at least get up to her knees, wincing as she sees the harsh red scrapes on her skin. The stranger reaches down, a hand extended, and Sam gratefully takes it, rising gingerly to her feet. Her other hand is wrapped around a black leash, attached to a harness wrapped around a grey pitbull’s chest. 

"Thank you. I'm fine, this- ugh," It's all been so much, that she finds herself oversharing to this absolute stranger. As far as rock bottom goes, it's not the worst. "Do you ever have those moments where just... everything's going wrong?"

The stranger barely hesitates before answering. "Yeah." 

"What do you usually do when that happens?" 

"You want the motivational answer, or the honest answer?" she asks, completely serious by the sound of it. Beside her, her dog sits quietly and obediently, staring at Sam as if trying to gauge whether or not she’s a threat. 

"Honest answer," Sam decides, wincing slightly as scrapes on the heels of her hands sting from the rain.

"Drink and try to forget about it," the woman says, and Sam can’t help the way she huffs out a laugh; the answer reminds her so much of Lena it’s almost ridiculous.

"And your motivational answer?" 

The stranger pauses. "Keep going," And a hand enters her field of vision again, holding ten of her posters, they aren't as ruined as the rest, they're still salvageable. 

“If it makes you feel any better,” she says with a sympathetic smile, “it looks like this town is small enough to only need ten of these anyways.” 

Sam blinks, wiping the rain from her eyes and pulling a face. “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that.” 

It’s only then that Sam realizes that she’s never seen this woman or her dog around, as a child or in the past few weeks that she and Lena had been fixing up and running the bookstore. But before she can think too hard about it, the woman hands her the posters and smiles, the pitbull rising to her feet as she tugs on the leash.

“You should make sure to wash those scrapes well, you wouldn’t want to get an infection. Plus, you’ve probably got some dirt in there too, since you landed on the concrete.” 

Sam nods; she’s cleaned enough of Ruby’s scraped knees and elbows to know that the stranger is probably right. “Will do.”

“And another tip,” the woman calls out as she starts to walk backwards the way she’d been going before, “Try not to fall again. You wouldn’t want to ruin the rest of your posters.” 

Sam doesn’t know whether she should roll her eyes or laugh at the comment. “Thanks,” is what she ends up saying, before the stranger and her dog are off again, disappearing around the corner. 

So then, the re-reopening is what Sam would call a tentative success. Now it's not just the few elderly people wandering in on their morning shop, but a few families who come in looking for books to help pass the rest of the summer. Ruby is extremely useful there, after spending weeks combing their shelves for anything good, she seems to have memorised quite a few titles and knows where they're stored, and Sam sees her following Lena around when there are other kids in the store to help them find the right book. 

As the end of July subtly begins to bleed into early August, she's glad she decided to keep going. And she holds out hope that maybe the mysterious stranger will drop in, since she'd seen the posters of the sale they were having, but as the days go by, Sam wonders if she'd just imagined her. 

While there are rarely any teenagers who graduate high school and continue onto college instead of taking a job at their family’s business or farm, the community college down the road is still a viable option for some students who refuse to give into the pressure of their parents; and this proves to be greatly beneficial to the sake of the shop as they wander in weeks in advance, searching for the many books on their syllabus.

The idea to make the bookstore _ more _than just that strikes when Lena makes a fleeting comment one morning while they’re stocking the shelves, replacing all the old, fragile books that had once been there with the newer, less worn copies they’d ordered a few days ago. 

“If your daughter isn’t going to help us with these,” she grumbles, somehow managing to sound both affectionate and bitter, “the least she could do is get me a cup of coffee.” 

“That’s it!” Sam blurts out, nearly dropping the pile of books in her arms. “A coffee shop!” 

Lena cocks an eyebrow. “Yes. Exactly. Is there one around here, or do we have to drive forty five minutes out of town just for an espresso?” 

Sam turns around and grabs Lena by the shoulders. “No, Lena, I mean we turn this place into a coffee shop. People can come in, buy books, have some coffee. It’ll bring in more customers than it would if it was just a bookstore,” she points out. “Especially considering that yes, you’re actually right. The closest coffee shop around here is about thirty minutes away.” 

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take them as much time to incorporate a cafe into the store as it did to fix up the place in the beginning, and while she’s probably a little rusty, Sam had worked many jobs after being kicked out. One of them, luckily, had just so happened to be a barista.

Lena and Ruby, as joint leaders of the creative team of their little business, work on writing their menu on a chalkboard for three hours, and Sam's left there to remind them that while they have creative freedom for the way the items are written, Sam is still the one who will have to be making the items at the end of the day, so they have to eliminate a few of their more 'creative' options. 

The menu is given to Sam, who then has to stand on a stepladder to get it up there, and that's of course when Lena and Ruby start coming up with _ more _crazy ideas behind her back-

"We should have bought that poster of the poodle with a coffee cup. If I'd known back then that we were doing this, Mom, I would have told you to get it," 

"I can find the artist-" Lena starts, but she's promptly stopped by Sam, who turns around with her power drill in hand, and gestures at the both of them. 

"No. I draw the line at another dog painting. You didn't let me paint the shop yellow-“

“For good reason,” Lena cuts in, but Sam ignores her. 

“We already have enough dog paintings. I think the store will survive without another one.” 

So yes. It doesn't take too long, but eventually they do figure out a compromise for the small cafe at the front of the bookstore. Lena doesn't buy another dog painting, Ruby pouts for twenty minutes, but Sam agrees to incorporating a matcha latte and a hazelnut hot chocolate with extra marshmallows to their menu for when the cold inevitably hits once the summer is over. 

"We need to take the bell off the top of the door," Lena says, five days after the cafe has been in operation, and the scowl on her face and the absolute annoyance that swells in her eyes when the bell rings another time tells Sam that the cafe was a _ great _ idea. 

Maybe a little too great for the three of them to handle. 

“This town has what, a population of five thousand?” Lena huffs. “How is it that they’re all gathering _ here?” _

She’s in the stacks most of the time, she can't stand to see things out of place. Ruby helps out where she can, but she's still not exactly an _ employee _, so Sam is reluctant to give her any real duties in the shop. She mostly runs the cafe alone then, but there's only so much she can handle, when customers come in for their caffeine and don't take heed of the sign that very politely asks them to leave their cups by the counter. 

It's profitable, extremely so, with the fancy espresso machine that Lena ordered that is miles better than anything else in town, but as the word spreads, more customers come, and Sam is gradually stretched way too thin, to the point where she starts to feel a little... _ out of it _. 

Most of the customers who wander in only exchange a few words, but others stay for longer chats — chats that Sam normally would be ecstatic to have, but not lately.

Instead, she just wants to take a nap rather than speak to anybody for more than three minutes. 

She's on autopilot most of the time, and that's not her preferred state of being. She's getting the work done, but she's tense, she feels like the days are slipping by faster than she can keep track of them. 

She crashes on the couch one afternoon, and wakes up a few hours later to Lena's fingers rubbing comforting circles on her scalp. She tries to open her eyes, but the throbbing throughout her skull proves to be far too much to handle.

"Your head is so warm, I think your brain is about to melt out of your ears.” Whether it’s meant to be a joke or not, Sam doesn’t even crack a smile, just moans pitifully.

"I have a migraine.”

"You're working too hard again," Lena chides her, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

"I have a migraine," 

"I know darling.”

Sam frowns, turning over to burrow into Lena’s lap, "Then why are you talking so loud?" 

"Please, I’m practically whispering. Anyways, I want to know if you agree with another idea," Lena says, and Sam starts to groan, because that sounds like _ thinking- _ but Lena quickly cuts her off. "I think we should get some more hands on board. Employ someone to help run the cafe with you," 

Sam gives her a feeble thumbs up as response. 

“I don’t want you to run yourself into the ground,” Lena tells her.

“The ground and I are old friends,” 

That at least gets a brief chuckle out of Lena, before she’s patting Sam on the back and- oh no, she’s _ leaving. _“I’ll get started on finding your replacement then,” 

“Now?” 

“Yes, no better time than the present,” she shrugs. Then she’s gone, her footsteps disappearing downstairs, without another word. 

Sam buries her face into the couch cushion and sighs.

* * *

Now that they’ve agreed on needing more help, the fun task of finding a suitable candidate begins. Sam leaves that part mostly to Lena, and the other woman doesn’t seem to mind. 

She notices a handful of people coming in with the intent of talking to Lena for the position, but none seem to be the perfect fit by Lena’s standards. That wouldn’t be an issue, if it didn’t mean Sam was still single-handedly running the cafe in the meantime. 

She’s getting to the end of her rope one afternoon, about to tell Lena that she should quit being so critical and hire the next person who walks in with a resume who knows how to pour coffee, when she hears Ruby shout at someone from where she’s perched up in one of the shelves. 

Sam has distinctly told her not to do that, since technically, she shouldn’t even _ be _up there while they’re open for business. 

“You look like a protagonist,” She says, and then leans almost all the way down to look at someone, who Sam can see is wearing a grey beanie. “How’d you get that scar?” 

“I fought a bear,” It’s a woman’s voice, a voice that is vaguely familiar to Sam, but she can’t quite place where she’s heard this woman before. The scar in question stretches across her wrist down the top of her hand, white and jagged, the rest of it disappearing under a rolled up flannel sleeve. “With my _ bare _hands. And I won.”

Ruby gasps, and leans over the shelf a little bit, before shouting- “Bullshit,” 

Sam scowls as she approaches, seeing Ruby speaking to a redheaded woman, bent down slightly to be eye-level with her daughter. “Hey! What did I say about language?”

“Not in front of the customers,” Ruby mutters, before Sam narrows her eyes at her. 

She crosses her arms and tilts her head to the side. “I didn’t say that,” she states, raising an eyebrow at her daughter.

“Oh, then that must have been Le- never mind,” she slinks back into the shelf, as if she can somehow disappear out of view. 

The woman is clearly trying her hardest not to laugh, covering her mouth with a hand. Sam turns to apologise for her horrible daughter, when all of a sudden it clicks. She’d heard that voice just a few days earlier.

“Oh, hey, you’re-“ 

“Alexandra Danvers?” Lena pokes her head around the stacks, raising an eyebrow at the mysterious stranger, the mysterious stranger who now has a _ name _, and is here, and-

“Just Alex,” the woman seems to correct automatically, then cringes a bit. “I mean, yeah, that’s me.” 

Then Lena’s taking her away for an interview, and Sam’s left to watch her leave, watch her turn around and give her a smile, and— 

“Mom, you’re drooling a little bit.”

She glares up at Ruby, who’s peeking over the edge of the shelf with a smile. “No. You don’t get to call me out on things when I’m mad at you!”

Ruby holds her hands up in surrender but doesn’t wipe the shit-eating grin off her face, and Sam turns away before her daughter can see her blush even harder. It’s the first time she’d really gotten to _ look _at Alex, when she’s not blinking through heavy rain and can barely make out the face in front of her. 

Now, she can’t help but be glad she hadn’t gotten a good look at who had helped her that day in the rain; she’s sure she would’ve ended up embarrassing herself even further. 

Alex Danvers. The name doesn’t ring a bell, but it’s on repeat in her mind as she tries to somehow listen in for anything coming from the back room. _ Alex Danvers _. 

Another iced chai latte. _ Alex _ . That little smile she’d shot over her shoulder before Lena whisked her away. She’s not from here, Sam’s _ sure _she would have remembered her if she was. 

It’s not the voices from the back room that catches her attention, but a conversation a few minutes later. Ruby’s voice, way too loud in the way it often is (she doesn’t have a filter or any form of volume control, apparently). 

“You didn’t really get that from a bear,” she’s saying, and- god, they’re still talking about this? 

“Sure I did,” Alex replies. When Sam peers across the store, she sees her leaned against one of the bookshelves next to Ruby’s spot. At Ruby’s expression, she feigns offense. “What, you really don’t believe me?” 

“No,” Ruby asserts bluntly, eyes rolling towards the ceiling. She crinkles her nose. Still, part of her seems to remain uncertain, because she prods further, “If that’s true, how did it happen?” 

"So it starts like this," Alex begins, and Ruby tries not to let her interest show, but she leans forward just a bit, and her eyes widen with that childlike wonder. "It was the middle of winter, and I was looking for a place to camp. The sun was getting low, and I could feel the chill in the air, you know, the type that settles right in your bones, that makes your teeth chatter like your skeleton's trying to crawl out-" 

Ruby grimaces and shudders, and Sam realises that somehow, the woman's entranced them both with this story, fictitious or not. 

"So I get my sh- my ah, stuff, together, and focus on starting a fire. I gotta find some wood, cause if I don't get that fire going, I'll be dead by morning, frozen like a popsicle. What I'm not expecting is that the cave wasn't empty in the first place-" 

She lets her voice trail off, and Ruby's eyes widen even more, she's paying rapt attention up until-

"Then I heard footsteps coming up behind me while I was breaking down some branches-" 

Ruby scrunches up her nose. It doesn't add up, and she cuts in, "Wait, but if it was winter, wouldn't bears be hibernating?" 

“It was-“ Alex flounders for a brief moment, “It was a polar bear.” 

Ruby narrows her eyes. “In the woods?” she asks, skeptical. 

“Uh- yes.” Alex flashes a smile that makes Sam dizzy for a second. “It was… lost.” 

At that, Ruby scoffs, folding her arms in front of her and staring Alex down. “I’m not a little kid, I know when a story’s been made up. Like when my mom and Lena tried to tell me they weren’t dating when they so clearly are.”

Sam’s eyes widen at the way Ruby so casually tells this complete stranger about her business, and suddenly her feet are carrying her across the store. “Ruby!” 

Ruby freezes up like a deer caught in headlights; she obviously hadn’t expected Sam to have heard that. 

“Oops,” she mouths at Alex, just before disappearing into the shelves before Sam can reach her. 

“I’m so sorry about her,” Sam apologizes, face hot. “She’s not usually like this.” 

“Well, _ that’s _a lie,” Lena pipes up as she brushes by them, only serving to make Sam’s face heat up even more. She shuts her eyes for a moment, mouth set in a thin line, but Alex only chuckles.

“It’s really no big deal,” Alex assures her, more bemused than anything else. “That’s a pretty smart kid you have there.”

“Thank you!” This time it’s Ruby chiming in before Sam can reply herself, her voice echoing proudly through the shelves. 

“Hey, why don’t you head upstairs?” Sam proposes loudly. It’s not a question. 

From within the stacks, they’re both able to hear Ruby’s groan clearly, as well as the unhappy grumbling as her feet stomp up the stairs. The door to their apartment slams shut, and Sam grits her teeth. 

“She’s a charmer,” Alex chuckles, not unkindly. It makes Sam’s face warm again, but she can’t help but notice how Alex seems to actually _ like _ Ruby, rather than the fake politeness that she’s so often had to deal with from other adults who don’t have children of their own to give them a better understanding of what it’s like. 

“Yeah, she sure is something,” Sam agrees, a burst of pride erupting in her chest despite her initial exasperation towards Ruby. 

“It must be nice,” Alex continues. At Sam’s confused frown, she clarifies- “Having a kid, I mean.” 

There’s a wistfulness in her tone that Sam doesn’t miss, but she says nothing about it. Alex reaches up to scratch the back of her neck, then runs her hand through her hair so that the messy strands fall into her face slightly.

“Oh, hey!” Alex suddenly exclaims, as though she just remembered something. “How are your- your hands?” She motions down, a slight grimace on her face. “You know, after…” 

Sam blinks. She doesn’t know whether she should be embarrassed or shocked or even flattered that Alex remembers her, even if it is because she had made a fool of herself that day. 

Whatever it is that she feels, it’s paired with a brief, odd sensation in her stomach as she realizes Alex is checking up on her. “All better,” she waves her hands up as proof. “Just a few small scrapes. Nothing fatal. Thank you, again, for helping me. Do you- do you always walk your dog in the rain?” 

Surprisingly, Alex chuckles at that. “No, not always. We got caught in the storm just like you. Unlike you, though, we usually manage not to trip.”

Sam feels a disbelieving laugh bubbling up in her throat. She steps back and stuffs her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, nodding. “Oh, wow- okay.” 

Alex flashes her a teasing but kind smile, and Sam tries not to stumble over her next words at the sight of it. “How long have you-“ 

Before she can finish her sentence, Alex’s phone rings, a photo of a blonde woman flashing on the screen. She curses and looks up at Sam apologetically. “Shit. Sorry, I’ve got to run, but… I’m hoping to hear a call back?” 

“Within the next few days,” Sam assures her. “It was nice meeting you… again.”

“You too,” Alex smiles warmly, before rushing out the door and answering the call. 

Sam tries hard not to watch her go.

(She fails.)

* * *

Later that night, she and Lena are both lying in bed when Sam clears her throat, feeling green eyes shoot towards her as tries to figure out how to say what she wants to say. 

“I think we should hire, uh— what was her name?“ Sam feigns a contemplative look, eyes drifting up towards the ceiling. She lowers the book in her lap. “Alex?” 

Lena looks at her, eyes glinting with mirth. “Oh?” she asks, a brow cocked. “And why is that?” 

Sam shrugs, the tips of her ears burning at the expression on Lena’s face. Like she knows everything. “I don’t know, she just, she seems like the most qualified.” 

“To what, make coffee?” 

“Yeah.” 

This time, Lena does more than raise an eyebrow. She smirks, shifting to face Sam completely. “You think so?” she asks. “That’s odd, considering you weren’t the one conducting the interview.” 

Sam tries to laugh it off. She tries to flash Lena a look as if to say _ yeah, whatever. _ She tries many things to get Lena to stop _ looking _ at her like that. 

All her attempts are fruitless. 

“Lena,” Sam warns, just as Lena glances away and pretends to be innocent as she says,

“She was pretty, wasn’t she?” 

Sam’s throat closes up. “That’s not- what does that have to do with anything?” she demands, voice teetering on the edge of becoming shrill. 

Lena shrugs a shoulder. “It was just an observation, Samantha.” 

“Well, it was a meaningless observation,” Sam retorts, turning back to the book in front of her. 

For a few long moments, there’s only silence between them, not unlike the comfortable kind that they’ve both gotten more than used to over the years. Sam tries to pretend she doesn’t feel Lena looking at her, or that she isn’t still thinking about how their next potential hire.

Then, “_ I _thought she was pretty-”

_ “Lena!” _

In the end, though, they do hire Alex. 

It’s not out of bias — Sam insists upon that when Ruby looks at them like she knows exactly why they favored her — but out of logical reasoning. While there were several other potential hires to choose from, they were all mostly high school and college students trying to find a last-minute job for the summer, and Sam had already been able to see in her mind’s eye the complication of working with limited schedules. 

Alex Danvers, somehow, had been the most available. 

The morning after they call Alex to tell her she got the job, Sam wakes up extra early and makes pancakes for breakfast. Blueberry, banana, _ and _ chocolate chip.

“What are we celebrating?” Ruby asks as she shuffles into the kitchen, rubbing at her eyes. 

“We are celebrating the fact that I don’t have to run the cafe on my own anymore,” Sam tells her, flipping a pancake in the pan and grinning from ear to ear. “You know what that means, Rubes?” 

“What?” 

“I get _ breaks _ .” She’s almost _ too _ excited for the prospect of having an hour-long break with someone else now able to manage the coffee counter, especially since Ruby will be starting school next month and won’t be around to help them out as much anymore. 

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself,” Lena says as she comes up behind her, wrapping her arms around Sam’s waist. Her chin comes down to rest against Sam’s shoulder, head tilted slightly to look at her. “You’ll still have to _ work, _ you know.” 

Sam smiles. “Yeah, but I won’t come upstairs by the end of the day feeling like I need to sleep for the rest of the week,” she points out, reluctantly pulling away from Lena’s hold on her in order to hand Ruby her breakfast. 

Lena hums in agreement as she sits down next to Ruby at the table. “I suppose you’re right. I’m just glad you won’t be working yourself to death trying to keep up.” 

It has been unexpected, just how many customers they get each day despite being in such a small town; Sam guesses that’s also why their store is such a hit. With barely anywhere else to get books and quality coffee without having to drive into the city, it’s only natural for everyone to be drawn here. 

It’s not that they necessarily _ need _ as many customers as they have — Lena still comes from money, after all — it’s still something to be proud of, how much business they’ve generated in the span of a few weeks. 

Only a few days into August, and they already have _ regulars _ from the small community college that had started classes extra early this year, students who come in with tired eyes and a pile of books in their arms, desperate for anything to keep them up while they study. 

“So we’re gonna be alright?” Ruby asks through a mouthful of pancakes. Sam and Lena lock eyes across the table. 

“Yes, sweetie,” she answers first, resting a hand on Ruby’s shoulder, smiling softly at Sam. 

It feels like everything is finally going to work out. 

* * *

By the time they get downstairs, Alex is waiting by the front doors. It’s only eight in the morning, an hour before they’re supposed to open; they hadn’t expected to see her here so soon already. 

When Alex catches sight of Sam and Lena, she smiles automatically in greeting, stepping inside as soon as Lena unlocks the doors. Then her smile falters as she takes in the confused looks on their faces. “Sorry- am I too early?” 

“No, not at all,” Sam reassures her, at the same time Lena says, “Yes, actually.” 

Sam's surprised at the bluntness of Lena's response, but realises why when she turns to look at her and notices that she hasn't quite finished getting herself ready. She still has her glasses on- which is a surprise in itself, since Sam can count on one hand the number of times Lena's been brave enough to show her face in public with them on- and she's missing her signature bold lipstick. 

"Come back in an hour." 

"Don't listen to her," Sam rolls her eyes. Lena's just going to have to get used to their one employee seeing her at less than her best. It doesn't matter anyways, this is a bookstore, not a Fortune 500 company. "She's just grumpy since she hasn't had her caffeine yet," 

A bit of tension seems to leave Alex's shoulders, and she smiles briefly. "Well, I can help with that!” she says excitedly, before immediately setting upon making Lena her first (of many, Sam knows) cup of coffee for the day.

The first day of having Alex here goes by slower than usual, which Sam is internally grateful for, because the only thing worse than working on a busy day is training someone on a busy day. 

Alex, however, seems to catch on quickly to how things work around here. Sam runs her through the operation of their espresso machine, and she’s pleasantly surprised to see Alex taking to it almost immediately. She herself had spent a few days getting used to the additional gadgets and features when they'd first bought it, fumbling and cursing most of the time, since it was leagues ahead of anything she'd used in the past. 

As they work side by side the first couple of days, she can't help but notice the scar on Alex's right hand, and a few others, much less obvious, scattered across the rest of her arms; it doesn't seem to be hindering her as she works, but it catches Sam’s attention as she runs her through a few of the menu items. She's burning with the desire to ask, but she's not about to follow in her _ daughter’s _footsteps.

Alex isn't really the type to talk much about herself, but that doesn't mean she's a quiet person. Quite the opposite in fact. Sam thought it would be a lot harder than this. Alex is a relative stranger, after all, she'd thought it'd take her some time to get used to someone new in her space, that she'd previously just shared with her family. But Alex is witty, and she's smart, and she's able to keep track of orders while also keeping up a conversation at the same time. 

Sam hadn't felt like she was bored before, but she'd had so much on her plate that she hadn't really had the opportunity to find the joy in what she was doing. With Alex there to share the load, she's able to take a moment to really appreciate it all. The smiles on people's faces, the almost comical expressions of relief in the morning when the students get their fix, the vaguely familiar people she recognises from her childhood, the little snippets of conversation she has with the older patrons. 

Lena's noticing a difference too, whenever she decides to wander over from the shelves. Alex actually gets to anticipating her wanderings, and it's something that Sam herself didn't even notice until she saw Alex one day, sliding over one of Lena's lattes just as she emerged from the shelves. 

“I made this one special,” Sam hears Alex tell her quietly, and then she sees the way Lena’s eyes widen just a fraction as she takes a sip. 

“You’re a wonderful addition here,” Lena says immediately, turning towards Sam and snapping her fingers. “Samantha. She’s a _ wonderful _addition here!”

A faint blush spreads across Alex’s cheeks at Lena’s excitement, and she purses her lips as she makes herself a coffee minus the shot of liquor, glancing over her shoulder at Sam and throwing her a wink that nearly makes her knees buckle.

She’s also, more surprising than anything else Sam has witnessed, _ amazing _with Ruby. 

Her daughter’s lack of filter doesn’t deter Alex at all; if anything, it only spurs her on, their sarcasm and wit clashing with each other in a way that Sam has rarely seen from adults who have interacted with her daughter. 

Rather than treat Ruby like she’s a naive child like many others would, Alex talks and jokes around with her like she’s one of the grown-ups, and Sam can see the amount of gratitude on Ruby’s face as she watches them.

So, yes, Sam would say they’ve all been getting along quite well the past few weeks, and she can’t help but be relieved about that. Throughout her teen and young adult years, she’d had to suffer through tense, quiet relationships with coworkers where talking felt more like a chore than anything else. 

With Alex, however, that’s not the case. It’s almost alarming, just how easy it’s been to work with her so far, and despite herself, Sam keeps expecting things to drastically change. Like a switch being flipped. 

A part of her expects for Alex to change as she becomes comfortable in her role, and she knows she shouldn't, but years of working similar jobs has her overly cautious. She expects for her to get snappy with her, for her to start showing up late, for her to take longer breaks, because she _ knows _she's not the strictest boss (she doesn't know if she has it in her to be like some of her old managers), and she expects for her to take advantage of her. 

But that never happens. 

They close on Friday, Ruby flicks the sign over to 'closed', and Alex starts turning over chairs as Sam wipes down the counter. It's starting to get dark a little earlier, the sun's further down in the sky, or maybe it's the heavy grey clouds that make it feel later than it actually is. Without the buzz of customers in the cafe, Sam can hear the rumbling of another thunderstorm somewhere in the distance, just over the quiet murmurings of the record player behind the bookstore counter. 

It's then that Lena emerges from the stacks, a bottle of wine in each hand, grinning from ear to ear. "Red or white?" 

Sam glances at her with a raised eyebrow, then at Alex. It seems to take Alex a moment to realise the question is addressed to her, and she rubs her hands together, eyes darting between them both. "I'm technically meant to be sober," 

"And yet you carry whiskey in a flask to work," Lena retorts, and the redhead shakes her head with a laugh. 

"Don't let my sister hear you say that," she rubs at the back of her neck with a hand, "I wouldn't want to intrude," 

She looks at Sam as she says that, dark eyes wide and expectant, and her voice is quiet as she responds. "You wouldn't be. And we won't tell," 

"Do I get wine too?" 

"No," All three adults respond at once to Ruby's question, and she raises up her hands. 

"Wow don't all attack me at once, it was just a joke," she scoffs, and Sam rolls her eyes. The nerve of this kid; she briefly wonders if Ruby _ did _end up getting some traits from Lena, somehow.

Alex ducks behind the counter, and Sam is confused until she sees her get out a brown paper bag and a plate, gesturing at Ruby to come closer. 

Sam sees the way Lena's expression shifts, instantly skeptical. "Are those pastries?" 

"Yes," Alex says, sliding them over to a now very excited Ruby. 

"That we could have sold during the day-" 

"Well, I put them down here when we were just about to close. They were going to go to waste anyway," 

Sam sees Lena's brow furrow just a bit. She doesn't quite understand, Sam can see the gears churning in her head, why someone would save day-old pastries rather than just throw them out and buy more the next day. 

"That's fine," Sam says, and at that, Lena glances at her and seems to lower her defenses just a bit. "But not too much before dinner," 

Ruby gives her a thumbs up, her mouth full of sugar and icing, and Sam struggles to internalise her sigh. “Did you get your summer reading done?” she asks instead, Ruby’s head shaking in response. “Why don’t you go do that?"

Ruby scowls. “You never let me stay down here,” she grumbles, sliding off her seat. 

Alex is on edge now, she stays standing until Sam taps the seat next to her. "You've been on your feet all day, I don't get how you're still standing. You never answered Lena's question. Red or white?”

Alex hesitates a second before she sits, “Red.” 

“Good answer,” Lena says as she pops open the bottle and starts to pour some out. 

For a few minutes, they all drink in silence, and Sam watches out the window as the wind picks up, making the branches on the trees across from the store shake. The rain starts soon after that, pounding against the windows. It's the first time they've really had a chance to sit together since they'd hired Alex, the occasional break not included, because there was always a customer wanting a chat, or they'd need someone else to hold the fort in the meantime. 

The silence should bother Sam then, but it's unusually comfortable, especially with the deep, mellow wine warming her chest as Sam sips at it absently. 

“So,” Alex speaks up after a while, having already finished her glass. “How did you guys, uh, find this place?” 

Sam knows why she’s asking. To anyone who wasn’t specifically looking for it, they would have easily passed by the building without even noticing it, at least before Sam and Lena had fixed it up. 

“It was my mother’s,” she answers quietly, sipping her wine. “Then she died. I used to love this place as a kid, and I couldn’t bear to let it go.” 

Alex nods along as she talks. She looks genuinely _ interested, _ and it’s a stark contrast from the outright nosiness of most of the other people in town, like she wants to know about Sam for reasons other than spreading it around to everyone she talks to.

“You lived here as a kid?” Alex asks, then scrunches up her nose. “Well, I guess no one would intentionally move to a place like this if they hadn’t already lived here.” 

“You did,” Lena points out immediately. 

Alex’s lips curl up. "I never claimed to have good judgement," she teases, flashing a look towards Sam. 

“So why did you move out here?” Sam asks curiously, looking at Alex over the rim of her glass.

"My sister thought it would be good for me. A change of pace, you know, from the city," Alex tells her after a brief moment of hesitation. She pours herself another glass of wine and sips it idly. "Nothing much happens here. It's quiet, calm. Traffic isn't too bad. You don't have to hunt for a place to park, and not as many people shout obscenities at you just for existing, so…” 

"You clearly haven't been here for long," Lena huffs into her glass, and Sam rolls her eyes. As if Lena has lived here long enough to experience any of what Alex had talked about.

"It isn't _ that _bad. Most of the assholes have died of old age," Sam rolls her eyes, nudging Lena just a bit, causing her to choke a little on her wine. "Don't listen to Lena. The only bad experience she's had here was when she met my mother a few years back," 

"And that was enough to make me never want to step foot in this place again," Lena wheezes, after clearing her throat. 

“And yet you’re here with me anyways, aren’t you?” Sam retorts, shooting Lena a pointed yet affectionate look as Alex chuckles at their exchange. 

"How long have you two been together?" 

"Too long," Lena groans, just as Sam says, "A few months," 

Alex is amused by all this, she grins over the rim of her glass. "I would have thought longer. You two bicker like an old married couple," 

"That’s because they are one!” Ruby’s voice comes from upstairs, and Sam immediately whips her head over to see her daughter poking her head out of the apartment door, peering down at them. She ducks back inside as soon as she and Sam lock eyes, the door slamming shut. 

Sam covers her face with her hands, and she hears Alex laugh- it's a surprisingly bright, carefree sound that almost contradicts what Sam knows of her, and it at least helps to ease the sudden surge of embarrassment. 

Lena's hand slides over her shoulder, as if to comfort her. "You really thought she'd be doing homework?" 

"I thought she'd be _ minding her own business," _

"She's a good kid," Alex comments, and this is one of those rare moments where they are privileged with a little sliver of Alex's own backstory. "I was a lot worse when I was her age. Gave my mom hell as a teen, that’s for sure. I don’t know how she did it.” 

“Sometimes I still don’t know how _ I _ do it,” Sam admits honestly. 

“No, I’m sure you’re an amazing mother, Sam,” Alex says, and there’s an eruption of… _ something, _in Sam’s chest at the amount of sincerity in her voice. 

“She is,” Lena agrees, nudging Sam’s side. “She just refuses to accept that she’s good at anything.” 

Sam frowns. “That’s not true!” 

“Are you saying I’m wrong?” Lena challenges with a raised brow. “Tell me again how confident you were before, starting at L-Corp with me last year.” 

Sam purses her lips. Her silence is enough of an answer for Lena, who turns back to Alex with a look that says, ‘_ see? I’m always right.’ _

“L-Corp,” she says with slightly furrowed brows, as if just now realizing something. “Used to be LuthorCorp?” 

“Yes,” Lena affirms, instantly on edge, her shoulders and jaw tense. Sam reaches out and places a hand on her lower back, feeling the former CEO relax slightly under her touch. “I took over LuthorCorp a few years ago and transformed it into L-Corp. It’s now Spheerical Industries.” 

“Why’d you leave the city to run this place?” Alex questions, resting her chin on her palm. Then her eyes widen a bit at the implication, and she hurries to clarify. “I mean- not that this place isn’t great, obviously, it’s just- you know-“ 

“I understand,” Lena cuts in, seeming a lot less on edge than before, probably because Alex doesn’t have the critical, judgmental expression on that most people do when the topic of Lena’s family and old business comes up. “Like you, I decided I needed a change of pace. And I couldn’t very well leave Samantha to run this place on her own, after all. It would be chaos.” 

“Hey!” Sam feigns offense, gasping as Lena and Alex just snicker. 

“Do you like it? Better than running L-Corp, I mean?” 

“L-Corp had its moments,” Lena says with a shrug. “I must say, I certainly don’t miss meeting after meeting. This is… nice. It gives me a chance to walk through the streets without people crossing to the other side.” 

Alex’s eyebrows shoot up. “They did that? Why?” 

“Of course they did,” Lena answers, slightly skeptical at how out of the loop Alex seems to be. “As Lex Luthor’s sister, it’s only natural for them to point their fingers at me, next. Have you been living under a rock?” 

“Lena,” Sam hisses under her breath, but Alex doesn’t seem to be fazed by her question. 

“I guess you could say that. In a way,” she replies, circling the tip of her finger around the rim of her wine glass. “I’ve been… away, for a while.” 

Well, that’s cryptic. 

As if Lena’s reading her mind, she says, “Oh, fantastic. More mystery.” 

Sam rolls her eyes. “Shut it,” she warns. “Sorry about her. She may be a genius, but she never learned what tact is.” 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Alex assures her, lips quirked up in an awkward, albeit kind, smile. 

There’s a slight lull in conversation then, with each of them falling into a comfortable silence. From the way the sky is darkened outside, Sam knows it’s getting late, but for some reason she doesn’t want Alex to go quite yet. Maybe because they’re finally starting to actually talk. 

Her eyes flicker towards the clock on the wall; it’s only ten minutes past eleven, and they don’t open tomorrow, and she can’t help but give into the urge to invite Alex up to their apartment for another drink.

“Would you want to-” Sam starts to ask, as soon as Alex slides off her chair and says, “I should probably get going.”

She tries to squash the disappointment that wells up in her chest. Beside her, Lena’s watching her carefully, downing the rest of her wine. “Oh, right. Of course. See you Monday?” 

Alex nods, and when she flashes both of them a smile, Sam wonders if she should be alarmed by the way the warmth seeps right into her chest and curls around her heart. 

Beside her, Lena sets upon gathering up the empty wine glasses. “We made a good decision, hiring her,” she concludes, eyes gleaming as they drift over towards the way Sam is still staring at the front door even after Alex is long gone. “Don’t you think, Samantha?” 

“What?” Sam’s eyebrows furrow. “Why do you keep-” 

“You fancy her,” Lena states, cutting her off. “I’ve known you for many years, Sam. I can tell when you like someone. And you _ like _Alex. Admit it.” 

And while they haven’t technically put a label on whatever this… thing, between them is, Sam can’t help but feel like Lena shouldn’t be teasing her for something like this. Like Lena should be jealous, or something. 

Then she remembers that Lena has never been the jealous type, at least when it came to her. If anything, the fact that Lena is teasing her rather than arguing with her about Sam’s reluctance to admit she has a _ little, tiny _ crush on Alex, is more of a blessing than a curse.

“I barely know her,” Sam shakes her head, frowning, insistent anyways.

Lena rolls her eyes. “Infatuation is a thing. Why do you think I started talking to you all those years ago?”

Sam inhales deeply, immediately turning to shoot a brief, half-hearted glare at Lena. “Oh, whatever,” she huffs, before she whirls around and heads up to the apartment.

“Oh, is that Alex right outside?” 

Sam’s head whips over. “She’s still here?” she asks, before ducking her head and searching through the windows. There’s nobody there, nothing but a few kids riding their bicycles along the sidewalk and a man walking his dog. Sam’s eyes narrow. 

“Tell me again, how you aren’t interested in Alex?” Lena inquires, a dark eyebrow cocked. Her lips quirk up into a teasing smirk. 

Sam clenches her jaw. “I hate you.” 

Lena’s knowing chuckle follows her up the stairs. 

* * *

So, okay- Sam may be a _ little _ bit infatuated with Alex, but that means nothing. 

_ Nothing, _ she thinks to herself, repeating it in her head like a mantra. _ It means absolutely nothing. _

She's never sure about her emotions when it comes to things like this. She can count the number of people she's ever been drawn to like this on one hand. 

And when Alex looks at her and smiles, Sam thinks she understands what it means to be _ lovesick. _

She sees her laugh with Ruby, watches the way she never forgets to make Lena's coffee just the way she likes, and Sam can't help but wonder-

But she's happy. This is what throws her off, she reaches a point in her life where things are going well, and life throws her a curve ball in the form of a redhead with gorgeous dark brown eyes. She has Lena, she has Ruby, she has the shop. 

And Lena's no help, Lena is almost _ encouraging _her. But this means nothing. Absolutely nothing.


	2. autumn | lena

the most beautiful part is

i wasn't even looking when i found you.

— _ a u t u m n _

* * *

When Lena wakes up, it’s with two long arms wrapped around her torso and a head buried in the crook of her shoulder, and it’s  _ hot. _

She wonders why the hell Sam would buy cotton sheets. 

“Sam,” she whispers, nudging the other woman. She’s clinging to her like a koala, dead asleep, and Lena sighs as she pokes her in the ribs. “Sam, move, I’m hot.” 

“Mhm, yeah you are,” Sam mumbles, still half-asleep and still  _ not moving.  _ Lena rolls her eyes and attempts to roll over, but Sam is as heavy as she is tall and lanky, like dead weight. 

_ “Sam.”  _ She ends up smacking her in the face, Sam’s eyes fly open. “Great, you’re awake. Get off of me.” 

“But you’re so warm,” Sam argues, burrowing even further under the covers and tightening her hold around Lena. Lena isn’t having any of it, pressing both her hands against Sam’s shoulders and shoving. Sam sits up with a groan, a pout, and a grumbled, “ _ not very nice,”  _ as she shuffles out of bed, giving Lena some space to breathe.

“You know what else isn’t nice?” Lena asks as she flings her legs over the side of the bed and stands. “Having you on top of me.” 

“That’s not what you were saying last- ow!” Sam squeals as Lena’s slipper hits her right in the forehead, ducking out of the way before the other one can hit its mark. She grins cheekily as she shuffles into the bathroom, leaving Lena in the bedroom alone. 

Lena wonders how exactly her life turned out like this, but she can’t say that she particularly minds.

She can’t even think of a time without Sam in her life now. Without Sam by her side, making snide comments, doing unpredictable things, she’s not sure if she wants to try and think of who she would be without her. Boring, perhaps. She’d be in the city, cooped up in a sterile office, bothering herself with corporate jackasses who couldn’t stand to see a woman in charge. 

She’s heard enough from Jack to know that would be the case. There are still a few Luthor loyalists who remain stuck in their old ways, scandalised that a woman passed on the reins to a man of colour. They all blatantly ignored the fact that Jack is one of the most capable people to lead their company, with actual experience as a CEO in a similar field. Leagues more capable than Lex, who despite his intellect, couldn’t give two shits about the day-to-day operations of the company. 

But that isn’t her life now, is it? She’s left that behind her. While Sam has gone to find herself, to reconnect with her past, and her family, Lena has cut them all off. 

And she’s better for it. This is her family now. 

She wouldn’t trade this for anything. Evenings spent with Sam and Ruby, on the old sofa in their upstairs apartment. The laughter, the hugs, the constant affection. The way Sam always seems to know what’s going on without asking — she’s had years to learn how to read her, and it shows. She’s never felt comfort in being known until her. 

This sentimental mood settles like the grey clouds overhead, that blot the sky and stay for almost a week. She isn’t quite sure why, but she thinks it has to do with the new addition to their little family at the bookstore, who has quietly yet surely shaken things up. 

Alex is already downstairs when Lena comes down, a mug of coffee in her hand from the kitchen upstairs. She’s bustling behind the counter, placing muffins in the display case when she looks up at the sound of Lena’s footsteps. At the sight of her, Alex gasps, scandalized, a hand coming up to her chest. “Lena! You drink coffee that isn’t made by me?” 

Lena blinks at her from over the rim of her mug as she takes a long sip, the coffee scalding hot. “I wasn’t aware that I couldn’t,” she replies without a hint of sympathy. “Besides, Sam made this for me.” 

“Is it as good as mine?” It’s a bold question, one that Lena raises her eyebrows at. It’s a challenge; like Alex is testing her. 

“Better,” Lena deadpans without hesitation, staring at Alex as she takes another sip. 

“Are you sure?” Alex narrows her eyes, resting both her hands on the counter and staring Lena down. “Are you  _ really  _ sure?” 

This is what they’ve become. The banter is refreshing from the oh-so-serious conversations she’d have with her other co-workers back at L-Corp, minus Sam, and it’s… nice. Lena  _ enjoys  _ it, enjoys having someone with a similar sense of humor, someone that challenges her wit. 

Alex isn’t afraid to take her on, and that’s what Lena likes most about her. She’s far from being intimidated even when Lena gives her a look that would make even the most unflappable business associate quiver in their seat. 

“You still have a lot to learn, after all, you’ve been here for what- three days?” 

“I’m the only other employee you have. You know I’ve been here for longer than that,  _ princess, _ ” 

Lena’s eyebrows shoot up. The hand curled around her mug tightens. “Excuse me?” 

Alex only smirks, as though she has no idea what she's done. “Is that not- is that not your title? I just figured, you know, ‘cause you’re always acting like one-” 

Sam chooses this moment to make her presence known. Oblivious to the tension in the air, she walks past Lena, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, and gives Alex a kind smile. 

“Good morning guys!” she chirps, much too brightly and much too loudly for the time of day, leaning against the counter next to Alex. “What are you talking about?” 

“Politics,” Lena answers, right as Alex says, “Semantics.”

Sam blinks owlishly, before her brows rise and she draws her lips into a line. “Well that sounds complicated. I’m gonna get ready for the day, if you two wanna continue your-” 

“Let me help,” Alex taps her hands on the counter, ready to go, and Lena also starts to stand up. 

“I have things I must attend to. I don’t pay either of you to just stand around-” 

Sam rolls her eyes. “Hey,  _ I’m  _ the one paying people here, your highness,” 

“Ha!” Alex cheers, triumphant. “So I was right.”

“What were you- nevermind,” Sam shakes her head, taking in the way Lena crosses her arms over her chest and huffs indignantly. “Lena? Help me in the stacks. Alex, do… whatever it is you do here.” 

Alex frowns. “Make coffee?” 

“Yes, that. Lena, come on.” 

Lena allows herself to be dragged through the shelves until they reach the back of the store, Sam’s grip tight around her wrist. “Alright,” she says as they come to a stop, whirling around to face Lena. “What was that?”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” Lena feigns indifference, shrugging as she inspects her nails. Sam snaps her fingers in front of her face, eyebrows arched. 

“ _ That.  _ Between you and Alex. Lena, you know I can’t have you and Alex butting heads all the time. This place can’t afford to be full of aggression, and if you and-” 

Lena blinks holds a hand up, stopping her right there. “I thought you knew me well enough to realize that  _ that  _ wasn’t aggression, Samantha.” She takes a step back and glances back towards the front, where Alex is wiping down the counter while bobbing her head to the music drifting throughout the store. “It’s friendly banter, nothing more.” 

Sam rolls her eyes. Lena doesn’t like that knowing smile that works its way onto her face. “Don’t scare off our only employee. She’s keeping me sane,”

“Sure, that’s the  _ only  _ reason you want her around,” Lena muses, as Alex shrugs off her leather jacket, and Sam lets out a sharp exhale at the sight of her toned arms- “And you think I’m unprofessional. I can hear you drooling,” 

The banter continues. Sam’s little comment gives Alex fuel for the rest of the day. 

She walks over during what is meant to be her break at twelve, with a cup of coffee balanced on a saucer. Lena is grateful for all of five seconds, when she opens her mouth and speaks- 

“A coffee, your majesty,” 

She wonders if Alex knows more than she lets on. If that’s why she teases her, if she’s heard about who she is, about who her family is. But Lena can’t know for sure, because she never makes a big deal out of it. Never brings it up. Part of her just aches to march right up to Alex and demand to know if she’s doing all this because she’s Lena Luthor, or because she simply enjoys bickering back and forth with someone on the same level as her.

_ What is her angle?  _ Lena can’t help but think. Alex said that she had been “away for a while” before moving here. She wonders if that’s true, or if it was just a way to get her to let down her defenses.

As if reading her mind, Sam comes up behind her as Alex is distracted by two more customers, two long arms twining around her waist. “You’re thinking too much,” she whispers, breath hot against the nape of Lena’s neck. “What’s wrong?” 

Lena turns around in her arms. “You realize that we’ve barely learned anything about her beside the fact that she has a sister and knows how to make coffee.”

Sam shrugs. “Give her time, Lena. She works here, that doesn’t mean she has to disclose everything about her life to us. Besides, you’re the same way. You never talk about your family unless it’s brought up.” 

She has a point; still, Lena can’t help but want to know more about Alex, find more information on her than the other woman provides them with. 

“Maybe we can just get her drunk,” she suggests, but Sam rolls her eyes.

“Didn’t you see her last time? She drank more than the both of us and she wasn’t even phased by it. She could drink us both under the table,” 

“What if she was sent here by Lex?” 

“Okay, Lena, now you’re just paranoid. You think someone like Alex would work for someone like Lex?” 

Lena purses her lips. “Absolutely. I should quiz her… Try to catch her by surprise. See if she spills anything.” 

Sam grips her shoulders. “Lena. Look at her.” 

When Lena peers over her shoulder, Alex is peering into a coffee cup while trying to make some kind of latte art, her face scrunched up and her tongue sticking out in concentration. She looks utterly ridiculous. “Do you think she works for Lex?” 

Lena clicks her tongue. “Where’d she get that scar though? It definitely wasn’t from making coffees,” she points out, turning back around to see Sam’s eyebrows scrunch up.

“Anyone can get a scar. Remember that time you-” 

“We don’t bring that up!” Lena snaps before she can finish her sentence. Sam’s mouth snaps shut with an audible click, her eyes bright and amused as she tries to hide her growing smile. “I’m just saying, Lena, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.” She motions towards the shelves around them with arched eyebrows.

Lena rolls her eyes. “Oh, isn’t that original?” she snarks, ignoring the look Sam gives her.

“Hey you two, trouble in paradise?” Alex calls out from behind the counter. 

“I wouldn’t describe this as being anything close to paradise,” Lena deadpans, twirling around to see Alex watching them with cautious curiosity. 

Sam scoffs and returns to the counter, leaving Lena to herself in the shelves. 

She goes back to shelving. A wave of recent customers have left a few books lying about here or there, she spots a few things out of place, it’s harder without Ruby here to point them out. She feels eyes on her a few times, but every time she turns to look back at the counter, Alex is always busy with something else. Caught in a conversation with Sam, laughing at one of her undoubtedly lame jokes, working her magic with the machine. 

The woman is a mystery. One that Lena intends to get to the bottom of, but as soon as she makes the decision to pay more attention to the other woman, fate intervenes. 

For the next few days, Alex doesn’t come into work. 

It would be concerning if she didn’t let Sam know beforehand that she wouldn’t be working. Lena probably would’ve asked for a welfare check if she didn’t see the look on Sam’s face right after getting off the phone.

“Perhaps she’s sick,” she suggests when Sam face-plants onto the couch in defeat, her groans muffled by the cushions. 

“No,” Sam huffs. “She just wants me to suffer.” 

Lena sits next to Sam and runs her fingers through her hair. “I’m sure you’ll do fine. If you truly need a break, then shut down the cafe until she gets back. Or I can take over.”

Sam shakes her head. “No, I can do this, it’s just-” 

“You miss her?” she finishes, causing Sam’s head to whip up from the couch so fast Lena’s nearly concerned she’s given herself whiplash. 

“What? No,” Sam denies. “No, Lena, I don’t  _ miss  _ her. Why would I-”

“You miss her.” . 

“I miss her,” Sam admits pitifully.

Lena sits back against the cushions and sighs. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I miss her too. Her coffee, at least.” 

Sam’s forehead scrunches up into a frown. “I made you coffee this morning.” 

For a few moments, there’s silence. Then, Lena rises from the couch and starts walking off. “Oh, I think I hear someone calling, I have to…” She trails off as soon as she gets out the door, able to hear Sam’s offended, “Hey!” from inside as she descends down the stairs.

* * *

Lena can feel Alex’s absence like a physical thing. The shop is a little quieter without her shouting names out across the counter, she goes downstairs to start work and there’s no bickering to keep her feeling awake and alive. There’s Sam, and Ruby, of course, but somehow it’s different without Alex. 

She wonders with a knot in her stomach if she should be unnerved at the thought of Alex being such a fixture in their lives that it feels odd to have her gone. 

Even Ruby, it seems, has noticed her absence. 

“I haven’t had cookies in three days,” is the first thing she mutters when she enters the apartment, throwing down her bookbag and plopping down on the couch next to Lena. “And she’s gonna lose employee of the month!” 

Lena glances at her. “Who said we were doing that?”

“Hey, you not having cookies is a good thing,” Sam shouts from the kitchen, pointing her spatula at Ruby with a warning look. “Alex shouldn’t be feeding you so many sweets anyways.” 

Ruby just groans in response, and all Lena can think is, ‘ _ agreed.’ _

When Alex does finally return to work, it’s on Thursday, waiting outside the store in a black and white flannel and a grey beanie. She looks like a fucking hipster, and as Lena opens the door for her, she tells her just as much. 

“Thanks,” Alex grumbles, brushing past her and heading behind the counter without so much as a sarcastic comment or a witty reply that Lena had expected from her. It startles Lena enough for her to stand there in the doorway for a few seconds before shutting the door and turning around, watching as Alex sets about opening up boxes of paper cups and lids with a kind of ferocity that Lena’s never seen before. 

“Are you alright?” she asks, approaching Alex cautiously, as though she’s a cornered animal that may attack. “Somehow I highly doubt the coffee cups made you this angry.” 

Alex puffs out a breath. “My mother was in town,” she replies briskly. “Checking up on me. Seeing how I was doing.” 

Lena takes a seat. “That wasn’t your decision, I assume?” 

“No,” is Alex’s gruff response, and Lena leaves it at that. 

_ Well. I suppose we all have family issues,  _ she thinks as she slides off the chair and stalks towards the back of the store. Still, she takes note of this and files it away, inside the imaginary file cabinet in her brain marked  _ Alex. _

(She tries not to think too much about why an imaginary file cabinet like that exists in the first place.)

She finds Sam a little later, when Alex has ducked outside for her break. She's wiping down a table, her hair falling from the messy bun she'd tied it in earlier, straying into her face. She blows the few strands away from her eyes, when she stands up, and gives Lena a crooked smile. 

"Hello, stranger," she greets happily. 

It's only been an hour since they last spoke. Lena resists the urge to roll her eyes. 

There aren't that many in the way of customers in the shop, so Sam isn't too bothered by the hand that brushes the wayward hair from her face. Her eyes closed, and she lets out a little huff of air, smiling her thanks. 

"How is Alex doing now?" 

That gets a reaction. Sam's smile fades, and she glances outside, as if she'd be able to see Alex from where they both are. "I want to talk to her but..." 

She doesn't know where the line is with them either, and that sets that unease that has been building around all things to do with their only employee swirling about once again. If  _ Sam  _ is unsure of where the boundaries are, and actually concerned about them, then how the hell is she meant to know when she's doing the wrong thing? 

Lena wonders, for possibly the upteenth time this week, if she should be concerned about how important Alex is becoming to them both. She had never once been this worried about a coworker like this, much less one she’s only known for a couple of months. 

She doesn't really have to think too hard about it though, because the tinkling of the bell above the door signals Alex's return, and she's walking in with a bit more of a spring in her step. Lena grabs Sam's wrist, and the woman lets out a surprised sound but yes- Alex is back inside, right on the minute. 

Sam reaches to hold her hand right as Lena lets go of her wrist and steps back. Alex she doesn't miss the little pout Sam has at the gesture. 

"Ladies, don't stop on my account," Alex teases, but Lena is already returning to the shelves. 

That’s when Lena feels a slight gust of wind and nearly topples over as Ruby speeds past her, right into Alex’s arms. Alex lets out a heavy exhale as she manages to barely catch Ruby and keep them both from crashing to the ground, eyes wide. 

“You’re back! I thought you died,” Ruby is saying, words muffled as she presses against Alex. 

“Nope, still breathing,” Alex grins. Suddenly it’s as though her sour mood has been wiped clean, and instead her expression is one of glee, as she carefully pries Ruby away from her in order to reach into her bag. “Hey, I got you something.” 

“Is it money?” Ruby asks, and Lena notices how Sam closes her eyes, takes a deep breath. 

Alex huffs out a small laugh. “No, kiddo, but I saved a cookie for you. Hope that’s enough.” 

Before Alex can even pull it fully out of her bag, Ruby’s snatching it away with wide eyes. “Yes!” 

“Save it for after dinner!” Sam’s voice rings out amongst the shelves as she approaches them. 

Ruby turns, cheeks bulging, eyes wide, and as she opens her mouth to speak, a trail of crumbs fall from her mouth. Sam pinches the bridge of her nose, before shaking her head, knowing a lost cause when she sees one. Lena can already tell, her ‘disapproval’ is more for appearances, and she stifles a laugh. 

Alex has a keen sense of hearing, and as she turns to glance at where the noise came from, Lena quickly turns her attention to the shelf in front of her. She’s not blushing, only flushed due to the current temperature in the room, and she is certainly not trying to use her hair to shield the fact that she’s red in the face from the other woman. She is above such things. 

She finds herself caught up in discussions with a few customers soon enough. An older lady, looking for a few classics that Lena herself read in her youth. She ends up taking more of her time than she really should, once she’s caught onto the fact that they’d shared a few books in common, that is it, Lena is trapped for the next fifteen minutes, desperately trying to keep an eye on a small group of kids that are now wandering aimlessly through the shelves, causing a mess- 

And of course, Ruby, who would usually be her go-to in a situation like this, is goofing off behind the counter with Alex. 

The woman begins to drone about Poe, and Lena’s eyes wander to the ridiculousness going on in the cafe. Ruby standing on an upturned milk crate next to Alex, watching as she makes a squiggle in some foam, something that probably takes much skill to master in the way that she does, but really it’s annoying at how she makes it look effortless. She’s probably an excellent teacher too, without having to-

“And what’s your favourite?” 

There is a thud from two shelves over, and a little laugh, the sound of quickened footsteps running away from what is probably a disaster zone. 

Lena gives the old lady a wan smile. “I’m sorry, I just have to check up on this for a moment,” 

She doesn’t wait for a response. She storms over, expecting to see chaos, her shelves a mess, books strewn everywhere, but she’s thankfully wrong. There’s only one book on the ground,  _ ( _ on the  _ ground _ but she’ll live, it will live, it’s  _ fine _ ) that she picks up and turns over in her hands. 

Of course, it’s a romance book. The trashy kind, that Sam would read in the bath with candles surrounding her and a glass of red wine. A handsome soldier on the cover, a love-stricken brunette with her hand against his chest, her hair blowing in the wind. 

The kids were probably trying to find the raunchy part. She resists the urge to sigh. 

“Oh, hey!” Sam appears behind her, peering over her shoulder. “That’s one of my favorite books,” 

Lena rolls her eyes.  _ Naturally _ . “You grew up in a bookstore, surrounded by centuries worth of great literature, and you choose-“ 

“Hey now, don’t bash this stuff. It’s got everything you could want! Romance. Hot people-“ Sam starts to list, counting them on her fingers. 

“-poorly written love scenes, sexist undertones-“ Lena adds, and Sam points at her with a raised eyebrow. 

“The classics have those too!” 

She puts the book back on the shelf, and makes her way to the counter, expecting to find the old lady waiting there to ambush her again. Sam follows her, rattling off about it not being  _ smut  _ but  _ erotica _ , when she finds something unusual waiting for her on the counter. 

She stops in place, and Sam bounces off her, not expecting the sudden stop. 

It’s a cup of coffee on a saucer. Which in itself isn’t usual, but as she walks closer she notices the cookies, and the rudimentary heart shape in the foam. 

It isn’t usually by her counter. Alex usually delivers this in person. She’s never added a heart before, and Lena’s own beats faster in response, because what does it-  _ wait _ . 

She glances over at the cafe, and notices Ruby, waving enthusiastically over at her as she stands next to Alex. She’s wearing Sam’s apron, and looking very proud of herself. 

“How come nobody feeds  _ me?  _ Or makes  _ me  _ coffee?” Sam protests, reaching over Lena towards the cookies, and Lena swats her hand away, taking her cup and saucer and returning behind the counter. 

“Go and ask them yourself,” She takes a sip of the coffee and- yes, spiked. Looks over again, and now notices that Alex is smiling knowingly in her direction. That’s  _ definitely  _ not something that Ruby would have added to her coffee. 

She lifts the cup in her direction, and Alex gives her a little nod of acknowledgement. 

Then Lena glances down and swats at Sam’s hand again. “Get your  _ own _ .” 

* * *

“I really don’t appreciate you stealing my assistant,” Lena comments, as Alex hefts a trash bag towards the exit. 

“She got bored. Not my fault if I’m more exciting,” Alex huffs, lifting the bag in one hand and trying to get the back door open with the other. 

Lena decides to have pity on her, and she holds the door open, just long enough for Alex to step through. 

Then she herself steps into the back alley behind Alex. She stuffs her hands in the pockets of her coat, bracing herself against the chilly breeze that brushes past, sending leaves scraping against the concrete. 

She hears Alex muttering under her breath. “...And now you’re following me. Great.” 

“Good, you have basic observational skills,” Lena teases with an eye roll, expecting an equally as snarky response. 

She doesn’t get one. Instead, Alex gives her a blank look. She smiles, but it probably looks less believable than Sam’s faux-innocence. 

“I feel like I’ve had your eyes on me all day,” Alex says, and Lena would be surprised, but then again, she’d probably not been very subtle. She watches Alex’s arms flex as she lifts the bag into the dumpster. “In fact, I  _ know _ I’ve had your eyes on me all day.” 

It doesn’t come out as accusatory as it could’ve been. Rather, it’s mostly curious, with a hint of suspicion and maybe a bit of paranoia that Lena can’t help but understand more than she wants to. 

She draws her mouth into a flat line. What is she meant to say? That Alex is particularly interesting? That she’s still trying to understand her? That she’s unlike anyone she’s ever met? 

Alex quickly wipes her hands on her jeans, and tries to go for the door behind Lena. 

Lena doesn’t move. 

Alex stops, barely a few feet away. 

“You’re very good with Ruby,” Lena says, and she wonders why that’s the first thing on the top of her mind. “Very few people seem to be able to handle her,” 

“I wasn’t lying when I said she was a good kid. Real smart, sometimes a bit of a smartass,” Alex tilts her head to the side, a fond smile on her face. “But still. She’s got a good heart. Like her mothers.” 

She’s not Ruby’s mom in the same way that Sam is, but she can see how Alex would draw that conclusion. In any case, she doesn’t get a chance to respond, because Alex crosses her arms, and raises an eyebrow. 

“That isn’t it though,” she continues, lips pursed knowingly. “You weren’t watching me because of Ruby.” 

“I was watching you to see that you weren’t slacking off,” Lena retorts, getting on the defensive for a moment, but something in Alex’s eyes has her falter just a bit. “You didn’t exactly start work today in the best of moods, after all,” 

Alex glances off to the side, and it’s almost as if Lena can see her hackles raise at her tone. “Yeah well, I didn’t let that affect the way I worked but anyways, I’m sorry-“ 

“Maybe I was watching you because I was worried,” the admission spills out and she’s left frozen in place at how easy her words betray her emotions. Alex turns to look at her. “Maybe... I was worried about you,” 

She doesn’t quite know why, exactly, that is - it’s rare that she worries about anyone who isn’t part of her found family, like Sam and Ruby, and it’s been longer than she can remember since she started caring about a mere co-workers’ welfare, of all things. 

Then again, perhaps Alex isn’t just a coworker. Despite her constantly having her guard up, like Lena herself, and rarely ever providing them with anything but cryptic hints about who she is, Lena could almost call them  _ friends.  _ At least, on the surface. 

“You- what?” Alex asks, doubtful, and Lena wants the ground to swallow her up. Of course Alex is going to make her say it again.

“I was worried about you,” she repeats, quieter this time. “There.” 

Then of course, as Alex stares at her, brow furrowed, her reaction unreadable, the door whacks Lena in the back, and she’s stumbling forwards into Alex’s arms. She’s lucky the woman’s reflexes are so sharp, because otherwise she’d have a face full of concrete. Instead, now she has a face full of Alex’s chest, those strong arms around her, and she can hear Sam’s voice as she cheerfully asks-

“Am I interrupting something?” 

“You’re causing something,” Lena growls, and Alex betrays her by laughing as she helps Lena regain her balance. Her hands rest on her arms as she steadies her, and Sam’s smile only grows wider. 

“Well, I was going to ask if someone wanted some food to take home. We’ve got too many leftovers,” 

“My sister raided my fridge the other day, so yeah- I could really use something for dinner tonight.” Alex informs them with a shrug.

And just like that, the odd tension that had started to descend upon them is gone. Alex exchanges a look with her before stepping back into the store, brushing by a curious Sam. “What was that about?” she whispers. 

Lena just sighs. “Later,” she answers, before following her and Alex back inside. 

_ Later, _ it turns out, is at a shitty diner on the outskirts of town, one that Lena visibly cringes at when Sam pulls into the small parking lot. “You’ve chosen to take me to an abandoned diner on the edge of town?” she clarifies slowly. “Well, if you’re going to kill me, you might as well get it over with.” 

Sam rolls her eyes. “Quiet. It’s not abandoned, and it’s- it’s pretty good! I used to love coming here as a kid. Just try it, please?” 

And Lena wants to be able to say that she isn’t as affected by Sam’s puppy dog eyes than she is - but she cannot. “Alright,” she gives in, unbuckling her belt as Sam squeals happily beside her. 

“You won’t regret it, I promise!” 

Lena highly doubts that, but she follows Sam inside anyways. 

The diner, as expected, is nearly empty. Only two other people sit inside, one at the bar, nursing a chocolate milkshake, and one alone in a booth, shoving fries into his mouth. Lena grimaces at the sight, then feels Sam’s elbow dig into her ribs. “Stop staring, it’s rude.” 

“I wasn’t staring,” Lena argues, even though she clearly was. Before Sam can reply, however, a booming voice interrupts them as a man bursts out of the kitchen, a gleeful smile on his face. 

“Is that who I think it is? Samantha Arias?” 

Sam’s face splits into a grin. “Marty! God, it’s been too long.” 

“Yes it has,” the man - Marty, apparently - agrees with a solemn nod. “Business has been slow for the past few years without my best customer.” 

Lena’s eyebrows shoot up. Best customer?  _ Here?  _

“I bet. Please tell me you’re still making the-”

“-Samantha Arias burger with garlic, curly fries, and extra bacon? Of course.” 

Oh, God. She has her own burger, too? Lena shouldn’t be surprised, really, but she watches this exchange with a shocked expression anyways. 

“Have a seat with your lady here,” Marty tells her with a smile flashed in Lena’s direction. “I’ll get to you in a minute. Make sure to drop by some more, I’d like to hear about this bookstore my daughter’s friends have been raving on about.” 

They take a seat across from each other on a worn leather booth in the corner of the diner. Lena’s eyes drift around the place, taking in the old fashioned 50’s-esque posters hanging on the wall, the gumball machine by the door, and the corkboard above their booth, proudly displaying old newspaper clippings and photographs of what Lena assumes to be the other people in town. 

“Isn’t this place great?” Sam asks as two waters and an order of curly fries is set down before them, steaming hot. 

She glances over at Sam, and she looks so happy to be here that Lena can’t deny it. “Yes, darling,” she agrees with a nod.

It makes sense, of course, that Sam would like this place. After all, she was the one who decided to turn a shitty, dumpster of a bookstore into their own place, and Sam has never been one to enjoy the more classy restaurants like Lena has. There, she can’t eat without having to cut her food into little pieces and chew slowly - meanwhile, when they’re here, Sam has already begun to finish off the fries sitting in front of them. 

Lena glances back at the other man in the booth across from them, then back at Sam. 

God. Everyone in this town is the same. 

“Are you even chewing them?” 

Sam looks up at her, affronted. She swallows before answering, “ _ Yes _ , I’m chewing them.” 

Despite herself, Lena can’t stop the fond smile from spreading across her face. 

It disappears a second later when Sam asks, a mouthful of food, “So what happened with you and Alex earlier?” 

Lena had hoped she’d forgotten about that. 

“Oh, you mean before you purposefully and  _ rudely _ shoved me into her?” she snaps, only a little bitter about the whole thing. Sam smiles, her nose scrunching up. 

“Yes,” she says, looking anything but sorry. “Before that.” 

Lena rolls her eyes and picks at a fry. She can feel the embarrassment bubbling up in her chest as she thinks back to what she’d foolishly told Alex earlier. “I- I may have told her that I was worried about her,” she tells Sam with a humiliated grimace, watching carefully as Sam’s eyebrows rise up to her hairline. 

“You- seriously?” 

Lena groans; Sam isn’t making her feel any better about the situation. “It slipped out on accident.” 

“But it wouldn’t have slipped out if you didn’t mean it,” Sam concludes, a smile slowly but surely spreading across her face. 

“Please stop talking.” Lena rubs at her temples. Why is this giving her such a headache? 

“Okay, okay, fine. I’ll leave it alone for now.” 

_ For now,  _ she says, implying the subject is going to come back up sooner or later. Still, Lena lets out a sigh of relief at Sam dropping it now. 

But, of course, Lena’s luck has never been as good as she’d like to think. 

When the bell chimes at the front door, Lena’s attention turns towards the newcomer, and it’s almost fucking  _ comical,  _ how her eyes immediately lock with familiar brown ones. 

“Now she’s stalking us,” Lena hisses across the table, watching as Sam peers over her shoulder to look at Alex. “God, I can’t believe-“ 

“I invited her.” 

Lena blinks. Then she blinks again. She watches the way Sam smiles and briefly waves at Alex in greeting, and then watches as Alex approaches their booth. “Why would you do that?” 

“Because! She  _ just _ moved here, like we did, and I don’t even think she really knows anyone else here. I figured it was the nice thing to- hey, Alex!” She changes the subject at lightning speed when Alex gets to their table. 

In a tight grey shirt that brilliantly shows off her biceps, Lena can’t help but let her eyes wander unintentionally, noticing Sam doing the same - albeit a lot less subtly. There’s a silver chain around Alex’s neck, disappearing beneath her shirt, and Lena can just barely see a hint of black ink under her sleeve, which—

“You have a tattoo?” 

It seems Sam has noticed it as well. 

Alex gives a brief, awkward smile as she sits down next to Sam, running a hand through her hair. “Yeah. Several, actually,” she corrects. 

When Lena looks over at Sam, her attraction is nearly palpable. Lena rolls her eyes and takes a long sip of her water. 

Throughout the evening, Alex doesn’t mention their conversation from earlier that day, and neither does Lena. In fact, it’s almost alarmingly  _ normal,  _ how they’re interacting now. As if Lena’s embarrassing admission hadn’t happened. They chat and laugh and bicker just as they do during work hours, both chuckling fondly at the way Sam practically inhales her burger and fries in seconds, and it’s… 

It’s the most content Lena has been in a while. 

Alex still doesn’t talk about herself as much as Lena and Sam would like, but as Lena begins to pay more attention to the woman, she starts to piece things together like a puzzle about Alex’s life. Then Lena observes the way Sam looks at her and smirks a bit; Sam has never, ever been discreet with any of her crushes, and now is not an exception.

Part of Lena feels it should bother her, maybe, that Sam has such obvious heart eyes for Alex, but she isn’t. She’s secure in her relationship with Sam and always has been, even before they officially got together. Crush or not, she knows her relationship isn’t in jeopardy, and so does Sam. 

As if reading her mind, Alex speaks up, “So you two have been together for a long time,” she says, eyes full of something Lena can’t quite put her finger on. “Not often that happens anymore.” 

For a few moments Lena feels her hackles rise, before she realizes that Alex is simply complimenting them. She exchanges a look with Sam and smiles. “Well, technically, it’s only been a couple months,” she corrects. “But, if we’re being honest, it’s been a lot longer than that.” 

Sam flashes her a warm smile across the table, and Lena melts at the sight of it. 

Alex nods in understanding. She doesn’t look sad or jealous, but there’s a kind of weight in her words when she blurts out, “I was engaged before I moved here. Her name was Maggie.” 

Lena’s head whips over so fast her neck pops. “What?” 

“Yeah. For almost a year. She broke it off a few weeks before the wedding.” 

And, oh. Another piece of Alex’s past, one that wasn’t at all expected by either of them, if the equally as shocked look on Sam’s face is of any indication. But Alex seems unphased by this, shrugging as she swirls the ice cream in her milkshake around. 

“We weren’t in love or anything,” she tells them, shaking her head. “Honestly, if anything, we dated because it was  _ convenient,  _ I guess.”

“How so?” Lena inquires as she leans forward, resting her chin on her fist. Alex glances up at her as she wraps her lips around the straw of her shake. 

“She was just  _ there, _ ” she explains, fingers tapping against the table. “You know when you’ve been waiting so long for something that when you finally see an opportunity, you take it without considering other options? For me, that was Maggie. I came back to the city and she was the first woman I saw, and I just- stuck with her.” 

Lena wants to ask, but at the same time, she doesn’t want to be intrusive. Then again, Alex is the one who brought it up. 

Sam, thankfully, beats her to it. “Why’d she break it off?” 

Alex’s milkshake is almost gone. She pushes it away and leans back in the booth. “It wasn’t meant to be. We fought a lot near the end, she got tired of… certain things. It made us realize that neither of us were ready, especially her.” 

“Oh,” Sam says, eyebrows scrunched together. “I’m sorry.” 

“No, don’t be,” Alex insists, “I’m much happier now, trust me.”

They fall into silence after that, but it isn’t an awkward one. Rather, it’s pleasant despite what they just talked about. Lena listens to the music playing from the jukebox and watches as Sam shovels the rest of her - second - order of fries into her mouth.

It isn’t until they’re finished with dinner and exiting the diner that Sam coughs loudly and obnoxiously clears her throat, shooting pointed glances between Lena and Alex. “So I’m going to call Ruby, see how she is. Why don’t you guys, uh, talk for a minute?”

Lena glares at her retreating form as she heads towards car. How subtle. 

“Well, that wasn’t weird at all,” Alex chuckles lightly, scuffing her boot against the concrete. She crushes a leaf under her heel, smiling at the soft  _ crunch  _ it makes _ .  _

It’s fucking adorable, and Lena wants to kick herself for even thinking so.

“This is about our conversation earlier,” Alex jumps straight to the point without any hesitation or warning, and- there it is. The dread, welling up in her chest. She doesn’t want to have this conversation now, or… well,  _ ever, _ really. 

“Look, Lena, I get it,” Alex starts, turning around to face her. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans and glances up, towards the grey clouds in the sky. “You’re not allowed to care about anyone, right? According to whatever rules you’ve set for yourself, worrying about someone would ultimately break them, okay, I get it. So if you want me to just forget what you said-“    
  
“No,” Lena interrupts, surprising even herself. She swallows past a dry throat and sees Sam trying too hard to pretend she isn’t listening in on their conversation. “No, I don’t want you to forget it.”   
  
Alex makes a face. “You don’t?”    
  
“No. You’re right about not allowing myself to care for anyone. I can count on one hand the number of people I fully let into my life, and there’s only three,” she admits, jaw tense. It’s possibly the first time she’s acknowledged to anyone, excluding Sam, that they’re right about their assumption of her. “So, no, I don’t allow myself to care too much for just about anyone. I don’t know why I let myself care for you, but I do.”    
  
To anyone else, it might’ve been offensive, the way she worded it. But Alex merely smiles softly, her eyes warm. “Well,” she inhales deeply, “I care for you too. For some reason.”    
  
Lena shakes her head. She doesn’t know why she’s smiling so hard right now. “Oh, please.” 

“You know, I’ve known a lot of people in my life. And I’ve lost just as many. I miss them every day,” Alex shrugs, looking away from Lena and down towards the ground, the lights of the diner illuminating her face and letting Lena see the slight frown it adorns. “So I guess I’ve realized that when you find someone you actually care for, you should keep them around for as long as you can.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “What cheesy novels have you been reading during work, Alex?” she scoffs, trying hard to act unaffected by Alex’s words.

Alex’s warm smile doesn’t falter. “Goodnight, Lena,” she says instead of answering, backing away towards her bike - a Ducati, the same kind Jack had for a few years until he traded it in for something more practical. “Night, Sam!” she calls out, waving at the other woman still leaning against the car.

Sam’s smile is almost brighter than the diner lights. “Goodnight! See you tomorrow!” she bids cheerfully, then looks back at Lena as she walks up to the car. “So how’d it go?” 

Lena brushes past her and climbs into the passenger seat. “You’re sleeping on the couch tonight for that little stunt of yours.” 

It takes Sam a few seconds to process that, but when she does, Lena’s already shutting the car door in her face. “Wait- really?” 

* * *

A few days pass, and as September reaches an end quicker than any of them expected it to, the store begins to fill up even more with customers desperate for hot drinks to brace themselves against the growing cold, and more students trying to get the books they need for the semester. The trees around them have already turned various shades of orange and brown, most of the leaves littering the ground but others hanging on by sheer willpower it seems, and Lena lets herself enjoy the crisp Autumn air blowing past.

A few leaves rustle at her feet as she leans against the wall. She’s wearing one of Sam’s own favorite sweaters, a fuzzy black one that keeps her warmer than any of her own tops would have, and a pair of beige pants that reach down to her ankles. 

The tall black pumps stay the same, but everything else, Lena feels, has changed along with the weather. 

She’s… softer, in a way, and she hadn’t noticed it until a customer had approached Sam and raved about how kind she was one day. Lena hadn’t even thought she was being nice - all she’d done was suggest a few of her favorite classics, along with some poetry that she thought the customer might enjoy - but apparently, in a small town such as this, anything can be considered kindness. 

Even coming from a Luthor. 

It’s odd, the sudden shift. The transition she’s gone through, from being Lena Luthor, Lex Luthor’s probably-just-as-evil sister in the city, to Lena Luthor, kind bookstore co-owner in a small town. 

She can’t exactly complain. 

It lifts a crushing weight off her shoulders, no longer living in a city so heavily populated with people who want her dead merely for being the adopted sibling of a mass murderer. She doesn’t think she could’ve made a better decision than leaving the city to join Sam. It’s changed her for the better, made her into someone she actually  _ likes _ . Someone she enjoys being, for once. 

Still, as Alex ever so kindly puts it, there’s still some _ ‘rich bitch’  _ left in her, and this seems to come out the most while they’re working. 

“You need to fix the sign above the counter,” Lena places her hands on her hips, and doesn’t miss the way Sam rolls her eyes like a petulant child. “I’m not going to ask you again,” 

Sam has her hands in her pockets as she stands beside her, they’re set to open in a few minutes, but Lena can already tell that she has no intention of fixing it. “Nobody else can see that it’s crooked,” Sam argues.

“It’s unprofessional.”

“I’ll need to get the step ladder out.” 

Lena arches an eyebrow, and Sam sighs, a deep, exasperated sigh, and throws her head back. “Fine, but I’m telling you it isn’t that-”

“It’s horrendous,” Lena cuts her off, holding a hand up. “Alex, please tell Sam it’s horrendous.” 

From her spot leaning against the fire hydrant in front of the store, Alex doesn’t even spare them a glance, too busy typing away on her phone as she says, “No. I’m not getting in the middle of your lovers quarrel. Why don’t you ask Ruby? She loves conflict, doesn’t she?” 

Lena looks at Sam, who doesn’t even attempt to argue that. Then she shrugs, opening up the front door and yelling, “Hey, Rubes?” 

“Don’t try to pit my daughter against me,” Sam tries to say, but Lena can tell that all the fight has drained out of her (not that there was much fight in her anyways). She knows that no matter what, she’ll have to fix the sign whether she wants to or not.

“You know,  _ you  _ also work here,” Alex pipes up. 

Lena glares at her, folding her arms across her chest. “I’m sorry, what happened to staying out of our ‘lovers quarrel’?” 

Alex’s mouth snaps shut with an audible click at that, and she immediately turns her attention back to her phone, thumbs racing across the screen. Lena and Sam exchange a look, before Sam frowns at her. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for new job opportunities,” Alex says without missing a beat, then looks up and smiles at Sam’s aghast expression. “No, I’m just texting my sister. She’s driving over here in a few weeks for Rosh Hashanah.”

For a few moments, neither of them say a word. Then, “You’re Jewish?” 

It’s Sam who asks this, tone shrill, eyes wide. Lena’s taken aback for about a split second before she begins rambling, hands gesturing wildly in the air. “Why didn’t you tell us? Oh, God, we didn’t offend you in any way did we? Oh no, Patricia was Catholic, is that an issue?” 

Lena lays a hand on Sam’s shoulder to calm her down. “Darling, Patricia is dead.” 

Alex looks upon the flustered Sam, amused, before sliding her phone back into her pocket. “Why would that be an issue?” 

Sam has no response. Her mouth opens and closes a few times, before she shakes her head. “I have no idea I just-“ 

Lena knows Sam well enough to know when she’s trying a little too hard to get someone to like her. This is one of those moments, and it’s funny to not be the one at the receiving end of her overly paranoid ramblings for once. 

Ruby pokes her head out of the door, staring at Alex curiously. “If you’re Jewish, does that mean you only get eight presents for Christmas?” 

“Hanukkah,” Alex corrects automatically, but tilts her head. “But, uh, I don’t really care about the presents, kiddo.”

Ruby rolls her eyes as she ducks back inside, scoffing, “Grown-ups are so boring.”

“Wait!” Sam calls out before Ruby can completely disappear into the store. “Can you grab me the step ladder from the back room? Since Lena  _ insists,”  _ Sam shoots a pointed look in her direction before turning back to look at Ruby expectantly. 

At first, Lena is relieved that Sam has finally decided to fix that god-awful sign. It looks unprofessional, the chalkboard menu on an angle like that. They are already open by the time she gets the drill and steps up onto the ladder, and Lena has customers to help. She’s not really paying attention to what’s going on in the cafe, until there’s a horrific shriek that cuts through the quiet ambiance, and a very loud crash. 

In that instant, Lena regrets pestering Sam about that stupid sign. 

Customer forgotten, she rushes around the shelf, expecting things to be a lot worse than they actually are. 

Sam’s fallen off the ladder, the sign has fallen behind the counter, and Alex is standing in shock, with Sam caught securely in her arms, bridal style. 

“ _ Samantha _ -“ 

“I’m okay!” Sam gasps, and as she tries to get back to her own feet, she flounders somewhat, and Alex stumbles backwards a bit, finally moving again. “I’m okay! Nothing’s broken, everything’s fine-”

Lena watches carefully as Sam clutches onto Alex’s arms as she struggles to get down, and then, she’s just barely able to hear Sam mumble a quiet,  _ oh _ under her breath _ .  _

Alex doesn’t seem to notice this, however, because she doesn’t say a word. Sam plops down onto the floor with a thud, and it takes her a few moments to finally let go of Alex, jerking away from her as if she’s been burned. 

“Thank you, Alex,” Lena says, and that seems to snap her flustered girlfriend out of it, because Sam blinks and clears her throat. 

“Yes! Thank you!” she hurries to say, her face red. “Thanks.” 

Alex smiles, “It’s no problem. Let’s just try and keep the falling to a minimum though, I don’t know how many times I can catch you,” she shakes out her arms, and Sam’s hands hover in the space between them, like she's hesitant to touch her. She reconsiders, lets them fall back by her sides, her hands clenched.

Lena files that away for later. 

* * *

“This is disgusting.” 

Lena makes a face as Alex digs out a clump of wet, gooey pumpkin guts with her bare hands, dropping it onto the newspaper folded across the table. Ruby has already gotten well into the carving stage, tongue poking out slightly in concentration as she slices into the pumpkin in front of her. 

“I think it’s fun!” Sam chirps from beside her, beaming as she looks up from her own work. She brushes some seeds off the table. “We’ll put them out in front of the store for Halloween.”

It hadn’t been planned, inviting Alex to go to the pumpkin patch with them and come back to the store to carve them into jack-o-lanterns. In fact, it hadn’t been a plan at all, until Ruby came home from school earlier insisting that they needed to do more ‘fall stuff’ before the season was over, and that, of course, included decorating for Halloween. 

They’d been on their way to the pumpkin patch, located on a small farm on the edge of town, when Sam had spotted Alex coming back from a jog, and immediately slowed down the car. 

It’d already been decided by both Sam and Ruby before Alex could even accept the invitation.

Spending the day outside in the crisp Autumn air, drinking apple cider and hot cocoa, and spending time with her found family and someone she was truly beginning to grow more fond of with each passing day - it wasn’t the worst way Lena could spend the afternoon. 

She feels less content now, staring in disgust as Alex pulls out the insides of her pumpkin and separates the seeds from the guts.  _ To roast them afterwards,  _ she’d said when Lena had asked earlier why she was doing it,  _ You’ll love it, I promise.  _

The Luthor household had never been one for holiday decorations, whether it be for Halloween or Christmas, and she tells Alex just as much. 

“Come on,” Alex reaches over and grabs the pumpkin Lena had chosen at the patch earlier that afternoon, setting it in front of her. “Do you know how to do it?” 

Lena rolls her eyes. “Of course I know how to do it,” she scoffs, snatching the knife from Alex’s hands and rolling the pumpkin over. But as soon as she goes to cut the top of the pumpkin off, Alex’s hand is reaching over to stop her. “Actually, it’s better to cut from the bottom, so the sides of the pumpkin don’t cave in. Makes it last longer.” 

Alex’s palm is warm on the top of her hand, and Lena glances up, pursing her lips. Alex jerks her hand back immediately, the tips of her ears turning red. She clears her throat, shifting so that she’s turned more towards Lena. “Careful with the knife, I just sharpened it this morning.” 

Lena shoots her a pointed glare. “I’m not a  _ child,  _ Alex, I can handle myself.” 

Alex raises her hands up in a placating gesture, but her eyes crinkle at the edges in amusement as she turns away. “Okay, okay, you’re right. I’m just checking, ‘cause you know, you’re probably used to having other people do things for you-” 

“Alex Danvers,” Lena warns slowly, watching as Alex freezes in her spot, staring at Lena with wide, innocent eyes. She’d been teasing her this whole time, simply trying to get a rise out of Lena. “Are you implying that I don’t know how to do anything for myself?” 

Alex brings a hand up to her chest. “Lena Luthor, former CEO of a multi-million dollar company in the city, who was raised by the Luthors and lived a lavish lifestyle before moving here, to this small town in the middle of nowhere? I would never.” 

If said by anyone else, it might’ve been insulting in a way that clearly wasn’t meant as affectionate teasing, and Lena’s hackles would’ve risen in an instant. This, however, does not happen. Rather, she finds herself gearing up for a  _ delightful, _ familiar back-and-forth that she and Alex have often. 

“Aren’t you hilarious,” she snaps, eyes narrowing as Alex simply grins wickedly at her. “Who was it who refused to go on the hayride today because she might get dirt on her leather jacket?” 

The grin is wiped off of Alex’s face immediately at that. She rises from her chair, almost toppling it over, and points faux-threateningly at Lena. “It’s an expensive jacket!” 

“Is that right? How much did it cost, a grand total of forty dollars?” Lena retaliates, smug as Alex falters for a moment and mumbles a quiet, “Fifty, but-” 

“Hey, guys, look.” It’s Sam interjecting, face etched in buzzing excitement as she holds her pumpkin up and then turns it around to reveal her work of art. Carved big and neat in the center of the pumpkin is the mathematical symbol for pi, and Sam waits for their reactions with an expectant look, grinning from ear to ear.

A few seconds tick by, and neither Lena, Alex, or Ruby say anything in response to it, until Sam sighs and pushes it towards them in emphasis. “It’s pumpkin  _ pi,”  _ she explains. “Get it?” 

“Oh, God,” Ruby groans, the legs of the chair screeching against the floor as she stands up. “I can’t listen to this.” 

“If you leave, you don’t get any  _ real _ pumpkin pie after dinner tonight,” Sam warns, pointing at Ruby with her carving knife. 

Lena glances between them, watching as Sam and Ruby stare each other down, Ruby seeming to be weighing her options. Then, with a heavy sigh, she plops back down in the chair and rolls her eyes as Sam sits back, triumphant. 

“You two really are something,” Alex murmurs from beside her, eyes focused on her carving. Lena can’t yet tell what it is, but by the many chunks of pumpkin that begin to gather in front of them, she assumes it’s something big. 

“You seem to be very into this,” Lena remarks as she watches Alex from the corner of her eye. Alex glances at her for a brief moment before looking back, letting out a slightly embarrassed chuckle.

“Um, yeah. My sister and I used to always do this kinda stuff,” she recounts quietly, a subtle smile appearing on her face as she talks about it. “Kara was really into all the decorating and baking and doing stuff for the holidays, mostly because her own family never really did it.” 

Lena frowns in confusion at that, and when she looks at Sam, her face takes on the same baffled expression. “Her own family?” 

“Kara was adopted,” Alex explains without looking up. “She came to live with us when she was thirteen. Anyways, she was always crazy for this stuff, I swear she wanted to buy every decoration she possibly could. Our house would always end up being the biggest and brightest every year for Christmas, and we didn’t even  _ celebrate  _ Christmas.” 

And it’s heart-warming, the way Alex talks about her sister. Like they’re best friends, like there’s nobody in the world who is more important to her than Kara. It almost makes Lena wonder why Kara had insisted for Alex to move here, so far away from her. 

It also makes something painful and sad erupt in Lena’s chest at hearing Alex speak so fondly about her family. While Lex had been Lena’s best friend when they were still kids, she hasn’t spoken to him since his arrest, and she wonders what it would be like, if she could talk about him the way Alex talks about Kara.

As if reading her mind, Sam’s hand comes down under the table to rest against her knee, squeezing it in a show of comfort. Lena flashes her a quick, reassuring smile before she withdraws her hand and moves to help Ruby finish off her jack-o-lantern.

“I’m surprised you’re not used to this.” Alex speaks up again, laughing slightly as she gestures towards Sam and Ruby. “I mean, since you’ve spent so much time with them-” 

“Oh, she is used to it,” Sam chimes in, grinning. “She just likes to pretend she doesn’t enjoy it. We both know the truth.” 

“That’s not true,” Lena argues flippantly. “I never said that. I said I don’t enjoy these things alone. I never said I didn’t enjoy them with you.” 

Sam seems to perk up at that, and Lena can feel Alex’s eyes boring into the side of her head. She clears her throat and looks down. “Did Lena just admit that she likes us?” Sam teases, reaching across the table and poking her in the shoulder.

Lena rolls her eyes. “You can’t possibly act like that’s abnormal when I’ve literally told you I love you-” 

“You can love someone without liking them. You love Jack, but that doesn’t mean you  _ like  _ him.” 

“That’s because Jack is a basta-” 

Sam coughs loudly, throwing a look over at Ruby and making a face. Lena shuts her mouth immediately, but that doesn’t stop Sam from continuing to tease her. “Lena  _ likes  _ us, Rubes.” 

“Oh, quiet,” Lena scolds half-heartedly. 

She can’t be too mad though - after all, this is the life she chose, and she wouldn’t trade it for the world.

* * *

Things, however, take an abrupt turn when Lena wakes up one morning and knows immediately that Sam is not her usual self. 

It’s an alarming shift from how happy and content she was just a few days ago when they were carving pumpkins, and it makes her worried. After knowing her for several years, Lena’s been able to tell Sam’s mood by how many pancakes she makes. Too many means she’s overly excited about something, and having enough to feed a small army means she’s trying to overcompensate. 

When she shuffles into the kitchen, tugging on one of Sam’s college sweatshirts, Sam has already made enough pancakes for the whole town.

Okay, well, perhaps that’s an exaggeration - but it’s far too many for just her, Lena, and Ruby to eat on their own, and this is a definite red flag, because Sam rarely ever lets pancake mix go to waste. 

Lena finds her standing at the stove, what is already a massive stack on one side, another pancake in the pan. She’s lost in thought, that much is obvious. She’s running on autopilot, so as Lena comes up behind her and wraps her arms around her waist, she flinches before eventually melting into her embrace with a heavy sigh. 

“I made pancakes,” Sam murmurs distractedly, tilting her head over to the side for a quick kiss. Lena runs a hand over the back of her head, and Sam’s eyes slip closed, she’s unusually quiet. 

“I can see that.” 

This mood continues on for the rest of the morning, even as Ruby wakes up, and sees the mountain of pancakes awaiting her and is understandably excited. It isn’t until Lena takes a glance at the calendar does she realise why. 

Sam isn’t exactly more needy than usual today, but Lena can’t help but want to stay by her side, offer whatever comfort she can. She’s torn between that, and giving Sam her space. She doesn’t want to overcrowd her when she already isn’t feeling her best. 

She tries to act normal, but notices the way Sam hugs Ruby before she leaves for school, long enough for Ruby to complain about suffocating. They are down in the cafe, and the door rings as Alex walks in, on time as always, and Ruby reaches out a hand to her. 

“Help... me... I’m... agh-” Ruby feigns death, and Alex laughs, walking closer only to give Ruby a high five before going to throw her bag behind the counter. 

Ruby’s look of betrayal is priceless, and it makes Lena smile as she brings over a plate of pancakes to their only employee. 

The excitement almost looks comical on her. Her brown eyes widen, and her tongue darts out to lick her lips in anticipation. 

“These aren’t for you,” Alex pouts and- oh no,  _ oh no _ . It was only a joke, but the guilt builds up at the pout, and she can’t hold her serious face for long. “I’m kidding. Sam made too much,” 

She slides the plate over, and Alex’s smile returns. She sits at a table, and Lena is unsure of what to do next. Make her a cup of coffee? 

She throws that idea out. She’s sure that’ll be bordering into overcompensating. But nonetheless, Alex is observant, and she figures out soon enough. After all, she works basically affixed to Sam's hip all day, even if Sam technically has nothing to teach her at this point. 

The rhythm of the bookstore is ever-changing. It's a constant ebb and flow, little hectic moments interspersed within these larger pools of stillness. There is nobody there but themselves, the only permanent denizens of the space. 

Lena tries not to stray too far into the cafe. It has always been an unspoken thing between them, that is Sam's domain. 

She tries to make a point of remaining within her portion of the bookstore, but her mind is always straying to Sam, who stands quiet in her corner of the cafe next to Alex. Her smile doesn't seem to light up the room as it always does. 

It's around two in the afternoon when there's a hot cup of coffee waiting for her. Alex is there too, leaning against the counter. She hums along to the song that starts on Sam's old record player, it's a song by Etta James,  _ Stormy Weather _ , if her memory serves her correctly. 

She gets the impression that Alex has a good singing voice by how she carries the tune, but she doesn’t get a chance to comment. She perks up as she notices Lena walk up, gently handing the cup to her. 

"It's my break, but I want to ask..." Alex begins, and pauses a moment, leaning a little closer as she lowers her voice. Her eyes fill with concern as she asks - "Sam?" 

"Mother issues," Lena answers, bringing the coffee cup to her lips, gently blowing on it. She doesn't really feel like she has the right to say more, it's not really her place to. 

"From beyond the grave, huh?" 

"Some things don't quite heal with time," the coffee is warm, and spiked as usual. She swallows, brings the cup down, notices Alex's eyes follow the motion. "She doesn't like it when you make a big deal of things so please-" 

"Yeah, I'm not going to bring it up to her. I just wanted to ask," Alex says with an air of finality, glancing back towards the cafe. Sam is talking to a customer, her smile doesn't meet her eyes. "Maybe I'm worried about her, you know?" 

That admission is soft, and Alex is well aware of the double meaning as she looks back at Lena. But then she's making as if to walk away, and Lena stops her with a hand on her arm. "I'm thinking of closing early.” 

Alex nods, glances back at the counter, then looks over at Lena. "What's a surefire way to get her happy? Even for a little bit," 

"Food," 

"Something other than food. I saw her stress eating from the cookie jar today, and if she had as many pancakes as you said she had this morning, then..." 

"Oh," Lena thinks for a moment, and doesn't want to say the thing that jumps to mind first, because while she wouldn't mind sharing Sam with Alex in  _ that  _ sense, now is not the time- "Flowers?" 

"Okay. Good idea. What’s her favourite?" 

She's never shown a preference before, and the realisation stumps Lena. She'd think of a few that might have been, but Sam always had the same blinding smile every time Lena had thought to pick up a bouquet for her in the past. Has she been that oblivious? 

It's almost guilt that she feels for a moment, swelling up in her, because  _ how could she not know?  _ Sam is her girlfriend, and she's been her friend for longer than that, but Alex just shakes her head, coming up with a quick decision. 

"You close up. I'll just pick up something for her down at the supermarket," 

"I'll give you- how much would that be-" Lena reaches to go around the counter, not listening to Alex's protests, and takes out a crisp fifty. "Take this, there's a florist two blocks down. But also go and have your break, I'll close up in the meantime," 

"I'll be back in fifteen," Alex says, and doesn't give Lena a chance to protest. 

Sam accosts her when she starts gently informing customers that the shop will be closing a little early today. It's quiet enough that people don't really mind, she has a girl ask for a bag so she can take home the rest of the croissant she's eating, and as Lena goes behind the desk to collect it, she's stopped by a hand on her back. 

"You're closing?" Sam blinks at her, a little furrow of confusion between her brows. "Why?" 

"Cause we're having an evening in," she murmurs, glancing over at the customers who have already started filtering out. "It's Friday," 

"But- Alex-" 

"She agrees," Lena replies, and Sam's confusion only grows. 

"We can't just cut her day in half like this," 

"We can? And just pay her like we would a full day. We're in charge here," Lena brings her thumb up to Sam's forehead, to smooth out the scowl set on her face. "Don't do that. You'll get wrinkles," 

"What about the afternoon rush?" Sam shrinks back from her fussing, knowing it's a distraction tactic, and captures Lena's hand between her own. Alas, Lena has a second hand- "No, stop that- you're-" 

"They'll survive without coffee for one day." Lena swaps hands, and Sam continues to squirm. 

"It's bad business practice," it’s a weak argument, and Lena arches an eyebrow in response. 

"Aren't you the one telling me that we should be more impulsive every now and again?" she says with a sly smile. 

Sam finally manages to catch Lena's other hand, and now she stands gripping them both tight, shaking her head. "Don't close because of me, that's just-" 

She sighs, and it’s that same  _ heavy,  _ exhausted sigh that Lena hates to hear. She moves to tangle their fingers together, and she leans in just a bit, conscious of the fact that there are still a few people on their way out. 

"It's not because of that. I just realised... it's been a while since we had some time together. And it's the weekend. Remember when we were back in the city, when we’d-“ 

“Are you going to get me drunk?” Sam asks abruptly, now more interested in what’s going on. It makes Lena almost laugh, the one-eighty in Sam’s mood. Of course she’d get excited at the reminder of their old tequila nights. “Do you wanna... have a sleepover?” 

“No, I meant- when we’d go on Jack’s pub crawls,” 

“Is he in town?” 

“He better not be, I gave him a business to run,“ Lena notices the last patron leaving, and quickly flicks the sign over to closed. “I meant our  _ new  _ friend,” 

There’s a sharp gasp, and Lena turns around to see Sam’s eyes wide, a grin threatening to break on her face. “You want to have  _ tequila night  _ with  _ Alex?! _ ” 

“No-  _ no!  _ That’s not what I-“ she stumbles on her words and feels her face heating up and that’s when Sam’s cheeky grin appears. She’s been played. Frustration runs hot in her veins and she glares at Sam, who chuckles behind the coffee machine as she wipes it down. She’s mad, but Sam is happier at least. 

They shut off the lights to most of the place, but Lena leaves the light on over the couches in the corner. She brings over a book she was trying to get through, and waits for Alex’s return. Settled in on the couch, with her legs tucked underneath her, her heels kicked off to the side, she can hear the whistling of the wind outside, the bustle of Sam trying to tidy up the shop before closing, and the gentle crooning of the record player. 

Sam is sweeping the cafe when Alex walks in with a not-so-quiet curse, the wind whipping a torrent of leaves inside. 

Sam lowers the broom in silent defeat. 

Alex tugs her beanie onto her head with one hand, her face is flushed, her hair still managing to look like a chaotic mess. Her other hand brandishes a rather dishevelled looking bouquet, and she’s slightly out of breath as she speaks. 

“These are for you,” 

Sam stares at Alex. Stares at the flowers. Stares at Lena, curled up like a cat in the corner, her hand still hovering, frozen in the motion of turning a page. 

The flowers are bright yellow and orange, rather garish, nothing like what Lena herself would have bought. “The florist was closed but I just went over to the supermarket and-”

Alex rambles. Alex rambles and her head looks between Sam, and the flowers, and Lena, who doesn’t move. She can’t, because she’s too busy watching Sam’s facial journey. Confusion, realisation, surprise, and then... she just  _ melts _ . 

“You’re  _ lovely _ Alex,” Sam gushes, before she freezes, realises what she just said, backtracks, and then quickly corrects “They’re lovely. The flowers. Thank you,” 

Lena imagines that if this was a cartoon, there would be little hearts popping out of Sam’s eyes, little winged cupids fluttering all around her. She’d be floating right now and the accompaniment to the softness of Sam’s affectionate look brings a smile to Lena’s face, a warmth to her heart, and she can’t help but notice that Alex is almost a mirror of her, captivated by her eyes for a moment before her dark eyes look over to Lena. 

She gives her a nod of thanks, and the corner of Alex’s lips quirk up. “I have something for you too, your highness,” 

Alex jogs back outside, letting in another handful of leaves that skitter against the floorboards, but this time Sam doesn’t care, she’s holding the bouquet close to her chest. She swivels around to look at Lena, and her movements are jerky and uneven as she walk-jog-stumbles over, she’s  _ flustered _ , and she points at Lena accusingly. “Did you- you did. You- you  _ schemed _ , you planned this and now I made a fool of-“ 

“Consider this revenge for the door,” Lena narrows her eyes, “My back is still bruised from that, by the way.” 

“It literally isn’t, I’ve seen your back and it isn’t-“ 

The bell jingles as Alex walks back in, this time with a six pack of cider under one arm. She grins as she approaches. “How come every time I leave you two alone, I come back and you’re bickering?” 

“Because they’re married,” is the response she gets. It’s from Ruby, who bursts through the door and throws her bag down, then stops abruptly in the middle of the store. “Why are we closed?” 

“Well, we’ve decided to have an evening in,” Lena explains. She glances at Sam, then purses her lips. “Why don’t you go in the back and finish your homework?” 

“Don’t have any!” Ruby replies proudly. Then she seems to catch onto the tension in the room, and she looks between the three of them before pulling a face. “Oh. But- I’ll just go read or something,” she mumbles, disappearing into the stacks. 

“Great,” Sam sighs deeply, rubbing at her face with her hands. “Ruby shouldn’t have to feel like she has to hide away today.”

Lena shakes her head. “I’m sure she doesn’t feel that way.” 

“Actually, you know, why don’t I take Ruby out?” Alex suggests suddenly, surprising both of them. She sets the six pack of cider on the table and glances between the two of them. “I’ll take her out to eat, maybe bring her back to my apartment for a lil bit.”

Immediately, Sam starts to refuse, shaking her head. “No, Alex, I couldn’t ask you to-”

“You’re not asking,” Alex interjects resolutely. “I’m offering.” 

Still, Sam seems to hesitate. Lena rests a hand on her knee. “I’m sure Ruby will have a great time with Alex,” she assures her, then leans back in the seat. “Ruby?”

“Yeah?” Her voice echoes through the store, and then her head is popping out of one of the shelves. “What?”

Alex is the one who speaks first, whirling around and flashing Ruby an excited smile. “How would you like to hang out with me for a few hours?” 

Ruby doesn’t even take a moment to consider it. Her eyes nearly pop out of her head as she smiles, squealing, “Yes! That’d be awesome! Can we go to the movies?” 

Alex matches her enthusiasm with ease, crouching down and opening her arms. “Uh- yes, of course?” she says in a  _ duh  _ tone, smiling at the way Ruby pumps her fist in the air. “Then you can come back to my apartment with me. You get to meet Isa.” 

“Isa?” Ruby’s face contorts into a confused frown, and Alex nods.

“Isa is my dog.”

Lena’s almost afraid that Ruby’s going to rattle her brain with how much she’s bouncing on her feet. “You have a  _ dog? _ Mom, please, can I hangout with Alex today?” 

When Lena looks at Sam, she’s watching the two of them with sad eyes, but a heartfelt smile. “Yes, Rubes, just- make sure to behave, okay? Don’t give Alex too much of a hard time.” 

“I promise!” Ruby crosses her heart before turning her attention back to Alex with a blinding smile. “Do you think I can ride on the back of your motorcycle?” 

“No!” Lena and Sam shout at the same time. 

Alex chuckles, rubbing at the back of her neck. She shoots an apologetic look down at Ruby and shrugs helplessly. “Sorry, kiddo, I have to listen to your moms or else they’ll probably fire me. Besides, I only have one helmet anyway.” 

Ruby’s shoulders slump a bit at that, but her initial glee hasn’t disappeared, and Lena takes notice of the way Alex watches the teenager with a fond expression. “Come on, we should leave now if we want to catch a movie, right?” 

Before they leave, Ruby jumps forward to press a kiss to both Sam and Lena’s cheeks. “Bye! Love you!” 

She’s gone a moment later with Alex, leaving the two of them alone in the darkened bookstore. When Lena rises from the couch, Sam’s eyes are watching her carefully. Lena can tell she’s exhausted from the emotional and mental battle going on in her head. 

“Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

A few minutes later, Lena watches Sam change into more comfortable clothes, sweats and a long sleeve shirt, before pulling her hair up into a messy bun. A comfortable silence has settled over them, only somewhat tainted by the lingering feelings of sorrow. Lena’s fingers skate up and down the length of Sam’s thigh, tracing intricate little patterns there as she waits for her to speak first. 

“I’m sorry,” Sam says after a long while, just like Lena expected her to. Her hand stills on Sam’s knee and she looks over. “I shouldn’t be so upset, I mean- it happened so long ago, and-”

Lena shakes her head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Sam.” 

But Sam can’t stop thinking about how it’s somehow her fault, Lena knows. The guilt is clear on her face, and she almost hesitates in letting Lena touch her, letting Lena be this close to her, as if it might damage both of them. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Lena kisses the top of her head. “You’re allowed to be upset about this, even now.”

Sam sits up. Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears, and Lena feels her heart break a bit in her chest. “Oh, sweetie.” 

Wordlessly, she reaches up, brushing a few loose strands from Sam’s face. Then Sam is leaning forward and kissing her, as gently as she can. When they break apart, Lena bumps her nose against Sam’s cheek, eliciting a quiet sound of contentment from her. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Sam begins to say, voice strained as she forces herself not to cry. But Lena just shakes her head again, her hand curling around the back of Sam’s neck. 

“Oh, hush,” she admonishes. “Obviously I’m a treasure that most people don’t deserve, but you’re not one of them.” 

That gets a small, albeit choked up laugh out of Sam as she curls into Lena’s side, pressing soft kisses to her shoulder. “I love you.” 

It’s the first time they’ve said it since getting together - and while they’ve said it to each other multiple times before, something about this is different. Lena has never felt so sure of anything else in her entire life. 

“I love you too, darling.”

And something finally seems to click into place, after that.   


* * *

Lena arrives at Alex’s apartment to pick up Ruby twenty minutes late. 

It’s not her fault - it’s more Sam’s, than anything - but Alex still calls her before she’s even left the store, voice playful. “You guys didn’t leave me with an orphan, did you? Because I love Ruby, but I’m getting a bit worried-“ 

“Quiet,” Lena snaps into the phone, hoping Alex knows she’s rolling her eyes. “I’m on my way now.” 

There’s hardly any traffic in a small town. Well, what  _ they _ consider traffic is the four-car-long line stopped behind a school bus in the afternoon. Despite this, Lena still gets to Alex’s apartment later than she’d have liked to after taking several wrong turns and ending up on the opposite side of town - and she tries not to feel  _ too _ foolish at getting lost in a small town that stretches a grand total of six square miles, of all things. 

When she finally pulls up to the curb in front of Alex’s building, she takes it in for a moment. Like the bookstore, it’s wedged in between a row of similar houses. The dark red brick is a stark contrast to the white and pastels of the houses around hers, surrounded by a wrought iron fence and brick steps that lead up to the front door.

It’s the first time Lena’s been to Alex’s home, and she can’t help but feel a bit odd. Like she’s intruding, somehow, even though she’s only here to pick up Ruby.

Her fist gets halfway up in the air to knock on the door before she freezes up at the sound of voices coming from inside— 

“I’m the reason my mom was sad today,” she hears Ruby tell Alex, somewhat muffled through the door and by what sounds like the TV playing somewhere in the background. Lena straightens up, an immediate frown overtaking her features.

“What?” Alex asks, voice taking in a concerned, soft tone. “Ruby, why do you think that?” 

Lena finds herself practically pressed against the door, straining to hear Ruby’s next answer, but before she can say anything, there’s a loud bark right next to her ear through the wood. Startled, she nearly topples over and slips down the stairs at the shock of it.

“Isa!” It’s Alex calling out for the dog, and then the scratching on the door ceases as she pulls her away. The door is pulled open a moment later, bringing Lena face to face with Alex and a stocky grey pitbull, Ruby watching them from the kitchen. “Hey, I didn’t know you were here. Come on in, Ruby and I were just watching TV.”

Lena doesn’t even get a chance to step inside before the pitbull wrenches herself out of Alex’s arms and lurches upwards, pawing at Lena’s stomach, mouth open and tongue sticking out as she whines and pants. 

She's nearly bowled over by her enthusiasm, and she's quietly thankful that she didn't wear her usual heels. 

“Isa, down!” Alex tugs on the dog’s collar and pulls her away from Lena, but the pitbull just wags her stub of a tail, drool dripping onto the hardwood floors beneath her. Lena makes a face, but Alex doesn’t seem to mind it. "Sorry, she's just excited ‘cause she's never met royalty before." 

"Oh very funny," for some reason, the comment seems to alleviate her hesitation, and she crouches down to pat the dog on the head. Instantly she regrets it, because her hand is lathered with saliva in a movement so fast, she can't take it away in time. 

“She likes you,” Alex tells her, but Lena just looks up at her with a grimace. She rises and immediately wipes her hand off on Alex’s shirt. 

“Oh? Is that what this means?” 

“Hey, you should be grateful she’s licking you and not biting you. That would be a very different story,” Alex points out. Somehow, it doesn’t make her feel any better.

"Well, Sam-" Lena almost,  _ almost  _ forgets that Ruby is right in the kitchen, and it wouldn't exactly be proper to make a joke about her mother in that respect. She cuts herself off with a fake cough. “Sam would like her,” she ends up saying, but she can see in Alex’s eyes that the other woman knew exactly what she was about to say.

They move out of the doorway eventually, and Lena finally gets a chance to see the rest of Alex's apartment. 

It's basically as sparse as the entryway. 

The first thing she takes notice of is the framed photos of her and a blonde woman hanging from the walls. It’s the only decorative thing in the apartment, aside from a few quite basic artworks and a long surfboard in the corner. It’s obviously just for show, since the nearest beach from here is almost two hours away, but it surprises Lena all the same.

“You surf?” 

“Used to,” Alex tells her as she wanders around the rest of the apartment. “I, uh- I haven’t gone in a while. My body isn’t what it used to be.” 

She blinks at the clearly-visible biceps and calf muscles through Alex’s clothes. Somehow, Lena highly doubts that, but she says nothing.

“So,” Alex draws out, glancing over at Lena with careful eyes. “How is Sam doing?” 

Lena brushes her hand along the wall. “She’s… better. This day has always been hard for her, but she’s strong. She gets through it.”

She can tell Alex wants to ask why, but her lips stay pursed in a contemplative look as she observes Lena taking in her apartment. Lena allows herself to be grateful that Alex doesn’t push her for information on Sam; what she went through is something for Sam, and only Sam, to tell. 

She goes back to looking around.

The living room has a well-loved sofa, there are a few snacks laid out on the table, and the television is paused on what looks like Saw II, something Ruby should probably not be watching, but Lena again, holds herself back from commenting. She does notice how Ruby gets a little antsy as she takes notice of the screen. 

All in all, it is a functional space. There's not much in the way of decor, a few trinkets here and there but everything else seems like it came with the place. There are dog toys scattered around the living room and a dog bed in the corner, but not much else. 

It makes it hard for Lena to really gauge just how long ago that 'trip' of hers was. She's been working with them for a few months now, so Lena would have assumed that she would have settled in somewhat. But it feels like Alex could have moved in a week ago. 

“Not very sentimental,” she observes aloud, and Alex whips her head over to look at her. 

“Oh, yeah, I just- I’m not really into the whole 'interior decorating' thing. That’s more of my sister’s forte.” 

"You haven't even filled this photo frame," Lena points towards a frame on the shelf, standing upright, with a blank piece of paper inside it. When she glances at the back of it, she sees it still has the price tag on it.

"It was a gift," Alex explains with a shrug. "It's a nice frame though," 

Lena is about to continue on her investigation when she feels something cold and wet touch the palm of her hand. Alex's dog, eyes wide as she sniffs her, and Lena tries not to look too uncomfortable as she pulls her hand away. 

“You’re not a fan of dogs.” It’s not a question, but a statement, and a true one at that. Lena inhales deeply and tilts her head as Isa continues to bump into her with her nose, getting wet spots on her jeans. Oh, great. She’s  _ drooling.  _

"I've never... the Luthors weren't the type to keep animals," she explains with an indifferent hand gesture, "Sam's also allergic.” 

Ruby walks over, and that seems to get Isa's attention. She turns around, and her body wiggles as she tries to wag that stump of a tail again. "Mom's not allergic to dogs though, she's allergic to  _ cats _ . She just says they poop too much and they need walking and stuff," she holds Isa's head between her hands as she pets her, doesn't even flinch at the slobber landing on her as she does so. "I want a dog," 

Oh no. Ruby looks up at her with a pout, and while Isa is messy, it's almost as if she's conspiring with Ruby, her mouth opens in an approximation of a smile. 

"No," Lena says, but she can tell that she's lacking conviction in her voice. Luckily, Alex comes to her rescue. 

"Well, I can always bring Isa around-" 

“After closing time, I hope,” Lena cuts in, rolling her eyes at Alex’s sheepish smile.

“Oh, right. After closing time.” She watches with an adoring smile as Ruby says goodbye to Isa. Then she looks up at Lena and shoves her hands in her pockets, tilting back and forth on her heels. “See you tomorrow?” 

“I’ll be expecting my special latte,” Lena teases, before resting a hand on Ruby's shoulder. The girl leans against her side, and Alex's gaze softens.

"Of course, boss." She purses her lips together, and points at her before grimacing and retracting her finger guns. "Right. I'm gonna. Yeah you gotta get Ruby home and- oh, say hi to Sam for me? I hope she liked the flowers." 

"She won't shut up about those flowers. Even though I think they're atrocious. She put them on our kitchen table. Can you believe that?” Lena scoffs; she’s only partly messing around with Alex, but she really does hate those flowers.

"Well, I'll make sure to remember that for next time, when I buy you flowers instead," 

Lena has to shake herself out of the brief shock Alex puts her in before she manages a quiet response. "Plumerias.”

Alex’s eyebrows pull together, a crinkle forming in the middle. "Bless you?" 

"My favourite flowers are plumerias. See if you can remember that.”

Then she’s stepping outside and leading Ruby towards the car before Alex even has a chance to respond. It takes all her willpower not to glance back and look at Alex over her shoulder, and it’s only once Ruby’s gotten herself settled in the passenger seat that Lena hears the front door close. 

It’s halfway back to the bookstore that Ruby pipes up. “So can we-” 

“No, we cannot get a dog.” 

* * *

Sam's mood picks up over the following days, until by Tuesday, Lena has lost count of the number of times she's been startled out of her shelving by Sam's peals of laughter, almost always caused by Alex or Ruby.

She can't help but feel like they're doing less work than they should be. She peeks over the shelves from time to time, and always seems to find them lost in conversation, and she's not  _ jealous _ but- 

Maybe she is. Or maybe she's just feeling left out. She isn't sure, and while she tries to define what it is exactly she feels when she sees Sam laughing at a joke Alex has said, her hand resting over Alex's on the counter, her smile so wide it lights up the room, and Alex's brown eyes focused on her-

It’s not… jealousy, she’s sure of that. More because she often notices herself acting the same way, and she’s anything but a hypocrite. 

She can't leave the stacks for too long, people wander in to browse and for some reason see fit to browse with their  _ hands  _ and not just their eyes, pulling books out from the places they belong and dropping them elsewhere. But she wants to be there with them, and that desire builds within her, this roiling tempest of emotion until she has to tell Sam, she can't live without telling her-

"Why don't you just walk over then?" Sam says with a shrug, she doesn't even look in her direction as she says it. "It's not like we're in different offices. There isn't even a wall between us anymore so..." 

Lena raises her eyebrows, holds up a hand, but the words die on her lips because Sam is right, but she won't give her the satisfaction of knowing that so soon after Lena herself makes that realisation. 

So Lena finds a spot for herself, just on the edge where the cafe meets the shelves. And over the course of about a week, it becomes her spot, she's able to sit there with a book rather than just stand behind the counter for hours on end. Her legs do enjoy the break, and she's able to get a little more light, being marginally closer to the front windows. She's able to see the trees mostly, their almost-bare branches, she's able to watch people as they walk in and out. 

She also sits there in the afternoons, when she's already closed her part of the store, which isn't as time consuming as cleaning up the cafe. 

It's one of those days where Ruby has come home from school in a rush, in such a rush that she barely gives Sam a kiss on the cheek and Lena a one armed hug before she's thundering towards the stairs. 

“I’ll be upstairs!” she shouts. 

“Hey- what are you doing?” Sam calls out, immediately suspicious. 

Ruby holds up a game that she’d been clutching in her hand. Lena can just barely see the title on the front of the case,  _ Call of Duty. _ “Hunter got it for me!” 

"Is that a nickname?" Lena asks Sam, arching an eyebrow. 

She shakes her head. "No, that's his actual name. He's her new best friend, apparently." 

The first few minutes are quiet as Ruby gets the game ready. Lena digs out a few cans of cider that Alex had brought by earlier that week, handing one to each of them. 

"I feel like I'm gonna need this," Sam sighs, cracking open the can, and Alex chuckles. 

"It can't be that bad," she says, doubtful.

"You clearly have never lived with an overexcited Ruby," Sam scoffs, shooting Lena a knowing glance over Alex’s head.

As if to prove her point, soon enough Lena can hear thumping from the ceiling and Ruby’s excited shouts drifting down from the stairs. As well as that, the sound of gunfire and explosions comes through the thin walls, amidst Ruby’s own yelling. 

Beside her, Sam sighs. While it’s not necessarily a problem, since it’s after closing time and the few customers left in the store had already trickled out a few minutes ago, Ruby shouldn’t be making a habit of having the volume up so loud in the first place. 

“Ruby!” Sam shouts up the stairs, banging on the wall to get her daughter’s attention. “Turn it down!” 

It’s only when Lena looks towards Alex to exchange an amused look that she realizes something is wrong. 

It’s almost as though Alex isn’t there anymore - she stands rigid and tense, hands gripping the edge of the counter so hard her knuckles are white, and when Lena tries to get her attention she barely notices, eyes glazed over and staring unfocused at a point behind Lena’s head.

Although she’s standing right here in the cafe, Lena has a feeling her mind is a thousand miles away. 

“Ruby!” Sam shouts again, before sighing and turning back. She doesn’t seem to notice Alex’s paralyzed state. “I’m just going to run up there, I’ll be right back,” she tells them, before disappearing up the stairs and leaving Lena and Alex alone in the cafe. 

“Alex,” Lena says quietly, carefully. She knows what this is - she’s seen it many times with Jack, and has even experienced it herself at times, though never enough to paralyze her like this. “Alex, sweetie.” 

The name slips out of her mouth without her meaning to say it.

Upstairs, the video game turns off, or at least the volume turns down enough not to hear it through the walls. This doesn’t do anything to help Alex, though, who Lena can already tell is struggling to take in calm, steady breaths. 

She approaches slowly, hands raised and hovering over Alex. “Alex. Alex. It’s alright, you’re in the bookstore. Ruby’s just playing a game. Can I touch you?” 

It seems to take Alex a few seconds to process her questions, and then she’s nodding her head jerkily, eyes coming up to meet Lena’s as Lena brings her hands down to her forearms, able to feel how badly Alex is trembling now that she’s touching her. Her chest heaves, and Lena doesn’t doubt that if she were to press her hand against it, she’d feel Alex’s heart racing. 

She manages somehow - and later when she thinks back she won't know how, because Alex is taller and stronger than her and during that moment every muscle of hers was tensed - to get her to a chair, she sits her down and watches. Alex's eyes still remain unfocused, but her breathing regulates somewhat, the heaving stops, and she's breathing deeply, her fingers curling around Lena's hand. 

“Alex,” she calls out quietly. “Can you tell me where you are?”

For one long, agonising moment, Alex doesn't respond. Lena is about to repeat the question, but Alex's eyes flutter, and she takes another deep breath- "Lena?" 

Alex looks at her like she’s surprised to see her here. Lena runs a hand along the back of her shoulders, feeling the sweat that’s already dampened her shirt. Her body shakes under Lena’s palm as she puts her head in her hands, taking in shuddering breaths, before she seems to calm down enough to take in her surroundings. 

When she locks eyes with Lena, Lena can almost see the haunted look behind them, her face pale. 

There are footsteps coming down the stairs, and Sam returns shaking her head, about to start a rant about Ruby, but she freezes in place when she notices them both. 

“Guys?” she starts, but Lena just shakes her head. She stares at Sam, trying to tell her without words not to freak out. Thankfully, this is one of those times where they are on the same wavelength, because she nods in vague understanding, and Lena watches as she ducks behind the counter, coming back with a glass of water and a few cookies. 

She doesn't crowd Alex, just sits next to Lena across the table from her, hands firmly in her lap like she's trying very hard not to reach out for Alex. 

"I'm sorry," she croaks out, voice trembling slightly.

The first thing she says when she comes back from wherever the hell she'd just revisited, is an apology. And it makes Lena angry, because she shouldn't have to feel like she has to apologise for something like this. 

“Do you want to come upstairs?” Sam asks carefully, but Alex shakes her head. 

“No, no, I uh-“ She swallows, and Lena can see the way she taps anxiously against her thigh, eyes focusing on anything but the two of them. It takes Lena a second to realize that she’s embarrassed. 

She reaches up to scratch at the back of her beck, staggering up from the chair and nearly tipping it over. “I’m gonna go, I- I’ll see you guys later,” 

“Alex, wait-” Lena starts to call out, but Alex just turns away and starts walking towards the front door. Then she’s gone, refusing the offer of a ride home from Sam with a weak smile, assuring them that she'll be fine. 

As Lena watches the way she fumbles with her keys before mounting her bike, she isn’t so sure.

Ruby is understandably torn about the whole ordeal. She'd figured out that something had happened, and listened in on the conversation after Sam had left to go back downstairs. She feels guilty, although they both try to reassure her that Alex wouldn't hold it against her. 

"Just be more considerate next time," Sam says, and as she pats Ruby on the shoulder, the girl slumps next to her with a sigh. "There's a reason why I tell you to keep the volume down.”

Lena ends up settling on Ruby's opposite side. Ruby tugs her arm over her shoulders, angling for a hug. Sam watches them both with a smile, although it doesn't quite meet her eyes. 

"Do you know what that was?" she asks Lena, running her hand through Ruby's hair absently. 

Lena is about to go into an explanation of what she saw, but she spares her the details. "You remember what happened with Jack?” 

"She had a panic attack," Sam answers, the realization dawning on her. Lena nods solemnly "She didn't- I didn't know, I mean, did she tell us-" 

"She didn't tell us. But I mean, would you? If something happened to you..." Her voice trails off, but she knows Sam understands. 

"No I wouldn't," she confirms. "God, what could’ve happened to her to make her react like that?”

Ruby shifts at that, tilting her head up just a bit to look at her mom. "Maybe she was in the army," she offers up, eyebrows pulling together.

At Lena and Sam's matching stares, she continues. 

“Like Jason’s dad,” Ruby explains, as if it should be obvious. When Sam and Lena still don’t get it, she sighs, exasperated. “Jason’s dad was in the army and when he came home he’d always act like that until he went to therapy. Then Jason could start-“

Sam stops her before she can get too far into her rambling, Ruby’s mouth snapping shut. 

She and Lena exchange a worried look, and Lena can almost see the gears working in her mind, trying to piece together the little hints they’d receive from Alex over the past couple of months. 

“Do you think-“ 

“It’s a possibility,” Lena agrees, taking in Sam’s sorrowful eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Ruby speaks up again, shrinking into the couch. “I didn’t mean to upset her. Do you think she’ll be mad at me?” 

“You didn’t know, baby,” Sam reassures her immediately, pulling Ruby into her side. “Just be more careful from now on. And try not to make a big deal out of it, okay?” 

Despite Sam's suggestion, the  _ second  _ she sees her walking through the door the next day, she sprints at her, tackling her with a big hug. 

"Oof," Alex nearly stumbles back, but catches herself with a smile, glancing down at the girl now trying to squeeze the life out of her. "Hello to you too I guess?" 

"I thought you'd never come to work again and I was so worried ‘cause I didn't want you to not be here cause Mom's boring and she gets all blah when she has to do things on her own and Lena goes all grumpy too and also Mom never gives me cookies-" she pauses for a quick inhale and Alex laughs. 

"Okay, I'm here now though and I need to actually get to my job," she pats Ruby on the back, and meets Lena's eyes from across the store. 

"You're early," she states, as if Alex wouldn’t already know that. 

"I know," Alex sighs. "Don't ask," 

Lena nods, her brow furrowed, but doesn't push the matter. 

She's almost exactly the same. If anything, the only difference is the subtle grey bags under her eyes, but she somehow doesn’t let her tiredness affect her job performance. Lena notices from her new favourite spot, that Alex doesn't really show much difference in how she'd been before the  _ incident _ . She is still the same, bickering with Lena about anything she can think of and cracking bad jokes that make Sam snort-laugh. 

One of them is particularly notable, since she asks Lena to borrow her notebook while she was writing a list of ideas of things to add to the menu, and gets Sam's attention from across the cafe by jumping and waving wildly in her direction. 

"Hey Sam!" 

"Yeah?" Sam looks up from the coffee machine, a smile already spreading on her face in anticipation. "What?" 

"You wanna hear a joke about paper?" 

"Sure!" 

Alex glances at the notebook, makes a big show of shaking her head, and gives the book back to Lena. "Oh, nevermind. It's  _ tearable _ ," 

Lena snatches her notebook back and swats at Alex with it. The woman laughs and dances out of the way back to the counter. "I already have to deal with one of you, and that's bad enough. Get out of my corner, you're ruining my zen," she’s shooing her away with her hands, giving her a warning look. 

Sam's laughing so hard, she's gone silent. 

Lena can do nothing but roll her eyes.  _ Children.  _ She’s working with children. 

* * *

Alex takes her break at eleven, and it's while she's gone from the store that someone comes in looking for her. 

It takes Lena a moment to recognise her from the framed photographs she’d seen around Alex’s apartment; the blonde looks different without her glasses. 

"You're the sister,” is how she greets the woman, stepping forward and extending a hand. The blonde’s handshake is firm - a little too firm, because Lena winces as she retracts her arm. 

"Sorry!” the woman squeaks, cringing as Lena stares at her. “I’mKara Danvers. Alex was meant to call me when she went on break but she didn't, so I just wanted to see how she was holding up," she wrings her hands together, swinging back and forth on her heels. 

"She's fine. She was tormenting us all with terrible jokes.” 

"Wait, you do know which Alex I'm talking about right?" her nose wrinkles, and she tilts her head to one side. "Alex doesn't tell jokes," 

"She does, and they're hilarious," Sam pipes up from behind the counter, leaning forwards onto her elbows. Kara only seems to grow more confused. 

“Alex… Danvers?” 

Lena’s eyebrows arch up. “Yes,” she confirms with a nod, watching as Kara’s face scrunches up even more. "We only have one other employee here," 

Sam nods. "And she's the best employee named Alex that we have," 

"That isn't the compliment you think it is," Speak of the devil, Alex enters the cafe and stops dead in her tracks when she sees her sister standing there with Lena and Sam. “Kara? What are you doing here?” 

"You didn't call me, so I got worried!" Kara rushes over to Alex, immediately grabbing her by the arms, but Alex doesn't seem phased. She only rolls her eyes, gently prying herself out of her sister's grip. 

"I was at work." 

"I told you to call me  _ on your break _ ," 

Lena tries not to listen in on their conversation, especially when Alex intentionally lowers her voice, but she can’t help it - it’s a small space, and there’s not much else to focus on. 

“You can’t blame me for worrying, Alex,” Kara hisses, eyes wide. “Especially after the other day.” 

“Kara, I’m  _ fine-“  _

“You’re not! And if I hadn’t been coming to visit you anyways, would you have even told me?”

Lena glances at Sam. She doesn’t want to intrude on what is clearly a private conversation between Alex and her sister. “Come on, let's give them a moment,” she says, resting her hand against Sam’s lower back and leading her away. 

Neither Alex nor Kara seem to notice their absence. 

The back room isn't cramped per se, but now that it is filled with boxes and other things that Sam hadn't thrown out yet, they are only a few feet away from each other. She closes the door softly behind them, and Sam pouts. 

"We can't just leave her out there," 

Lena rolls her eyes. "I'm sure Alex can handle having a conversation with her own sister." 

They can still hear the muted sounds of conversation through the door. Sam remains pouty, leaning against one of the boxes. 

Several moments pass, and Sam gets bored. She stares at a few of the boxes, poking around at the contents. When that ceases to be interesting, she stares at Lena, making faces. 

Then she properly looks at Lena, and her hand reaches out to brush some lint from her shoulder. Lena is sure that there is nothing there, and that it's an excuse for Sam to get closer to her. Sam bites her lower lip, and her voice drops an octave. 

"Remember when you used to bring me into the back room for other reasons?" 

"That's highly unprofessional, we've never done that. You've clearly mistaken me for one of your numerous assistants," Lena shrugs off her hand, and Sam sighs dramatically, falling back against the boxes. 

"I never had assistants at L-Corp, I worked by myself," she grimaces in Lena's direction. "You're boring. Are they done?" 

"We might as well make our presence known. I don't want them fighting in the middle of the store," Lena muses, and just as she's about to turn to open the door, she feels Sam's hands slide over her hips, and she pauses in place. She's only human after all. 

"Can we keep this as an idea for later though?" Sam asks innocently. 

Lena agrees with a silent nod, and tries not to notice how Sam's hands are almost reluctant to leave her as she opens the door and steps back into the store. 

Alex has moved behind the counter, where she's noticeably irritated. Lena has seen this side to her before, the frustration evident in the sharpness of her actions as she works the machine. Kara is still there, on the other side of the counter, and although Lena can tell that her intentions are in the right place, her attempts at pleasant conversation are just stressing Alex out further. 

“Maybe we should invite her up for some drinks? Get her mind off everything?” Sam suggests with a shrug, trying too hard to act nonchalant about it. Lena sees right through her. 

“Oh? Why, so you can get her drunk?” 

“No!” Sam stammers, face reddening. “No, Lena, I just- she’s our friend. We should help her.” 

“By getting her drunk,” Lena repeats, but Sam pinches the bridge of her nose. 

“By distracting her,” she corrects sharply. “By hanging out with her and reminding her that she’s not alone, or something, I don’t know!” 

Lena doesn’t say anything for a moment. Then, “Alright, ask her.” 

“Me?” Sam squeaks. 

“Yes, you. It was  _ your _ idea.” 

Once Kara has left, Alex seems to relax a bit more. Now is the perfect time, but Sam seems to want to linger, to wander around and do anything but ask. It's almost like she's waiting for Lena to get annoyed enough to take initiative for her, but she doesn't take the bait. 

She stays in her little nook, and stares at Sam expectantly. 

Eventually, the staring becomes too much, and Sam steps forward and clears her throat. 

“Alex?” 

Alex blinks owlishly at her. “Yeah?” 

“Do you- Lena and I were wondering if you’d like to come upstairs and have a drink, maybe talk for a bit? We have wine or scotch, if that’s what you prefer.” 

Lena can practically feel the anxiety radiating off Sam as they wait for Alex’s response. The other woman, however, winces apologetically. “I- I can't. Kara’s here, you know, and-“ 

Sam inhales sharply. "Right. No, that's- that's totally fine. Yeah. Of course. I'm sorry I- forget about it," she stumbles over her words, a blush spreading from her cheeks down to her neck. 

She's firmly put her foot in her mouth, and Lena doesn't know how to save her. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion, Sam's charisma shrivels up and dies and she's trying to save face but oh God, is it horrible to watch. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to!” Alex insists, but that only seems to be making it worse for Sam, who’s now wringing her hands next to Lena. “It’s just, I can’t exactly ditch Kara during Rosh Hashanah.” 

She sounds as guilty as she looks, and Lena decides to take this moment to spare her anymore guilt as she holds up a hand. “It’s alright, Alex, we understand. Another time?” 

Alex smiles, relieved. “Yeah. Another time, definitely.” 

Lena intends to hold her to that promise. 


	3. winter | alex

_ the first section of darkness is the densest, dear— after that, light trembles in. _

— emily dickinson, from a letter to susan gilbert dickinson, 

written c. november 1883.

* * *

There is blood gushing through her fingers.

Alex can’t seem to get it to stop. It just keeps  _ coming,  _ hot and wet and sticky, painting her hands red, no matter how hard she presses down.

_ You can’t save everyone.  _

That was one of the first rules Alex had learned, even before enlisting. It’s something she’s repeated to herself every time a new patient comes in, covered in blood and moaning, crying,  _ begging  _ for the pain to stop. 

Some of them pray; and Lucy had never been one for praying, but she does so now, eyes fluttering closed as the blood pools underneath her, leaking from her mouth. “Danvers-” she croaks, pain etched into her features. She coughs, blood spraying from her mouth.

“You’re gonna be alright, Lane, just- stay with me-“

Alex has never, ever lost her composure in battle. You’re not allowed to start screaming when the soldier beside you slumps over with a bullet wound in his head. You’re not allowed to take a break to get sick at the smell of burning flesh and the sounds of agonizingly painful screams as another bomb goes off.

But she loses her composure now, pressing her hands against the gaping hole in her friend’s chest. There are tears running down her cheeks that leaves tracks through the dirt and blood caked on her face, dripping down to soak into Lucy’s uniform. 

Gunshots hit the ground all around them, sending dirt flying, but Alex barely lets herself flinch. It’s only when there’s a panicked shout from somewhere far behind them, yelling at them to  _ get down,  _ that she stops putting pressure on Lucy’s wound and instead dives down, shielding her friend’s body with her own. 

Excruciating heat licks at her skin, and for a moment, all she can do is shut her eyes and think about how  _ hot _ she is as she braces herself against the explosion, Lucy’s chest stilling beneath her own with a final shuddering breath, and— 

She wakes with a jolt, her eyes opening to the spinning ceiling fan above her bed, and it takes her a few long, confusing moments to realize that she’s not in Afghanistan anymore. There is no dirt in her eyes, nor is there blood on her hands, and the heat is gone, replaced by a cold sweat that drips down the side of her face and dampens the sheets beneath her. 

Then she processes the two heavy paws pressing against her chest and Isa’s nose against her cheekbone, cold and wet. She’s lying almost fully on top of Alex, whining slightly as she licks at her face, happy to see that Alex had woken up.

Alex lets her eyes slip shut again as her hands come up to scratch Isa behind the ears, the pitbull finally shuffling off of her and curling up into her side, resting her head against Alex’s stomach. It takes a few minutes for her heart to stop pounding, and she wipes the sweat from her forehead as she sits up, eyes adjusting to the still darkness of the room. She glances at the clock. 

Just past four o’clock in the morning.  _ Great.  _

She already knows she’s not going to fall back asleep anytime soon, so instead she slips out of bed and gets dressed, pulling on a pair of leggings and a jacket before whistling. 

Isa jumps out of bed to follow her to the door, Alex grabbing the leash and her phone before stepping outside. It’s already late November and most of the leaves have fallen off the trees, leaving them bare, the sky a light grey. 

She wonders briefly if it’s going to snow; it’s been a while since she’s last seen anything even close to flurries. Having lived on the west coast for most of her child and teenage years, it didn’t snow much in Midvale, and the thought of snow coming down in the hot deserts while in active duty is borderline laughable. 

There’s a tug on the leash and Alex takes that as a cue to start her jog, Isa’s paws clacking against the concrete next to her as she trots next to her, tongue hanging out. 

It’s been almost five months since she’s moved here and she’s still not quite used to it, but she likes it. It’s calm, serene; there’s not as many things demanding her attention like there is in the city. When she’d lived with Kara for a while after getting back home, it had been a rough transition, to say the least. 

National City wasn’t like Midvale, the slow, small beach town she’d spent the first eighteen years of her life in. At least on the other side of the state, there’d been a general blanket of calm that had settled over the town long before Alex was even born, and she’d liked it that way. 

This place reminds her a lot of Midvale, save for the lack of long stretches of beach and the simmering heat that lasts a while into Autumn. It’s  _ easier _ here - and Alex knows it’s not just because of the quiet. She had never been able to make many friends back in the city, or even back in Midvale, save for a few ‘bad apples’ through sophomore to senior year, as her mother liked to call them. 

Now there’s Sam and Lena, and Alex doesn’t quite know how she managed to get so lucky that the universe decided to grant her this, but she has. 

She makes it two blocks before phone buzzes with a message, and the strangest thing happens. For once in her life, she hopes it’s one of her bosses calling her into work on her day off. 

But it isn’t, Alex can tell in under a second, because the message is filled with emojis and way too many exclamation marks. 

_ Kara- don't you have friends now? go hang out!!! don’t just stay at home all day!!!  _

Alex sighs, shakes her head. She tucks her phone back into her pocket. Isa boops her leg with her nose, getting impatient at Alex’s pause. 

“Wow, can’t I get a break from either of you?” she mutters under her breath, but picks up jogging again, Isa bounding next to her. 

Their jog takes them by the florists’, one of a handful of shops that seems to open early on this street. The bakers start work from four, and Alex figures that the florists also have to do a lot of work to make sure the flowers are nice enough to be sold right from the start of the morning, although she isn’t quite sure as to what that entails. 

It gives her the start of an idea, as does the liquor store, closed for now but Alex isn’t surprised to see that (she’s better than she used to be, but she’s still memorised their opening hours within the first few weeks of being here). 

She's so caught up in the possibilities of this idea that she doesn't overthink it until it's almost five, and she's standing outside the store. 

Alex wouldn't exactly consider herself impulsive. She's just the type that makes decisions and carries them through to the end, and that's why she doesn't run for the hills when Ruby spots her through the window as she goes to flip the sign over to  _ closed _ . 

Her eyes widen, then suddenly she can't open the door fast enough, and Alex is left struggling to manage an overexcited dog, an overexcited child, two bouquets of flowers and a bottle of the finest whiskey that she could find that was under thirty dollars. 

“Alex! You came on your day off?” 

There’s so much glee in her voice that Alex can’t help but smile. “Yeah, kid. Are your moms around?” She glances around, but Sam nor Lena are anywhere in sight. 

Ruby nods. “They’re upstairs.”

“Here, you want to play with Isa while I go talk to them?” 

Ruby’s eyes light up. “Yes!” she squeals. 

She’s never been up these stairs before. She’s seen the stairwell, knows it leads up to the apartment, but has never made the trek. There are voices coming down from the door up ahead, and the smells of what seems to be a real good dinner on its way. 

Her stomach grumbles in anticipation. She’s not here for dinner, just for conversation. But hey — with dinner that smells  _ that  _ good she wouldn’t exactly turn down a portion. 

She gives one knock on the door, and it swings open on its hinges, and a wave of warmth and light has her blinking in surprise. 

Lena’s cheshire grin is the first thing that greets her. She’s sitting at the round dining table, her legs up on the seat next to her. She wears a college sweatshirt and a pair of glasses perched on her nose as she reads a paperback that she holds casually in one hand. 

“What a pleasant surprise,” she drawls, and that brings out a surprised little sound from further in the apartment. 

Then she’s almost barrelled over by Sam, who has a spatula in one hand, her hair piled up on her head in a messy bun, and she’s dusted from head to toe in flour. She storms through the hallway. 

“I’m making pie,” that explains the wonderful smells, and the state of Sam’s hands, covered in flour. “I was just telling Lena it was going to be too much! Come in,” 

Lena shakes her head at Sam, tutting under her breath. “I didn’t say it was too much. I said that the pie tin was made to serve four,” then she gestures at Alex, “And now we have four, so it’s enough,” 

Alex can’t just stand in the doorway, but this is more than what she bargained for. “I just-“ She’s better than this. She’s a little bit overwhelmed, but she should know how to navigate her way through a situation like this. “I was coming here for just a drink, and to drop off these,” 

She holds up the bouquets in her hands, and she watches as Sam’s eyes go soft, and Lena slides her glasses up to the top of her head, placing her book on the table. 

Sam swoons at the sight of the yellow sunflowers she’d found, bringing them up to her face and smiling almost as bright as them. “You’re so sweet!“ 

Lena isn’t as easily impressed. She narrows her eyes at Alex- “Those better be-“ 

“Plumerias?” Okay, maybe that comes out a little bit cocky. But it had taken a little bit to find some, and it’s more than worth it for the look of absolute shock that slips through Lena’s defenses. 

For just a moment, she’s caught her off guard. And once her defenses are down, then Alex gets to see, for the briefest of moments, a genuine smile on her red lips. Then she’s nearly being hit with her hair as she goes to find a vase. 

Sam’s gone a little quiet, she holds the flowers close, and doesn’t look up until Lena brushes past her to get to the kitchen. She studies Alex for a moment, then her voice is gentle as she speaks. 

“I don’t want you to think that you  _ have  _ to stay for dinner. I can just put the pie in a container for you to take home,” 

“I mean... the plan was just to catch up on Netflix with my girl and some takeout,” Alex shrugs with a sheepish smile, admitting that she doesn’t have plans feels like she’s letting them know that she’s not exactly the exciting type. 

Sam’s smile falls a bit, and her eyes grow a little confused. “Oh, you- you had plans with someone then,” she stammers, a red tint spreading across her cheeks. “No, that’s fine, if you have a date-“ 

Alex’s eyes widen as she realizes what  _ my girl  _ must’ve come off as, and she stops Sam with her hands held up in front of her, shaking her head. “No! No date,” she assures her awkwardly, the tips of her ears burning. She scratches at the back of her neck and glances away from Sam’s stare. “I was- I was talking about Isa.”

Sam is quiet for a tick, before her mouth drops open in a silent  _ ‘oh’  _ as she processes Alex’s words. 

She doesn’t know why Sam had reacted like that, like she was unhappy about the prospect of her having a date, or why Alex felt the need to correct her as soon as possible. All it does is make her more confused about her feelings. 

She’s known Sam for a few months now, and with each passing day, she finds herself growing closer to the other woman, Lena too. Both of them have become a fixture in Alex’s life, her friendship with them something she hasn’t had since Maggie. 

But Maggie was her girlfriend, and then her  _ fiance.  _

Sam and Lena are just her friends. Both of them. And they’re dating, anyways, so she shouldn’t be—

“Alex?” 

Lena’s fingers are snapping in front of her face. She blinks and then blushes, realizing she must have gotten lost in her thoughts, enough to not realize Lena had entered the room again with a vase for the flowers. Sam is staring at her oddly, and she clears her throat, the nape of her neck burning.

There’s a loud yip from downstairs, and Sam and Lena’s faces make Alex shift her weight, glancing back towards the door. "Is it alright that I brought her here?” she asks. “Isa, I mean. She's downstairs with Ruby, and trained, and-" 

"You brought your dog here? Is she downstairs?" Sam is suddenly a lot more excited, and it almost makes her laugh. She can see where Ruby got her excitement from. 

"Yeah," Alex answers, but barely gets the word out before Sam is rushing past her and wrenching the door open, leaving Alex and Lena alone in the room for all of five seconds before they both turn to follow.

They go downstairs, Sam all but bounding down, only Lena's hand on the back of her shirt stops her from faceplanting down the last five steps. It brings a laugh out of Alex, and that seems to call over Isa, who immediately races over, paws skittering against the hardwood floors. 

"I never knew you liked dogs," Lena muses as Sam crouches down before Isa, wide-eyed and looking more like a child than her own daughter at the moment. Alex glances up and sees Lena’s eyes narrowed. "I thought you were allergic.”

“That’s what she  _ says _ ,” Ruby mutters, but Sam just shakes her head. 

"I always wanted one as a kid, but Patricia never let me. Said they were too much responsibility and that I couldn’t take care of one.” She huffs out an ironic laugh then, as her eyes flick towards Ruby for a moment, and Alex bites her lip to keep from laughing herself.

"So... why didn't you get one afterwards?" Lena inquires.

"Well, I'd like to see you single parent a kid  _ and  _ a dog while also micromanaging the finance department of a large company," she closes her eyes as Isa scrambles up to lick at her face, her nose wrinkling as she continues to scritch at the back of the dog's ears. "I didn't have the time. This monster was already too much to handle," She reaches out to Ruby, and Ruby squirms away, laughing. 

Alex glances over at Lena, and notices she's seemed to have melted a bit at the sight of Sam so happy, her eyes crinkling at the edges, a small, fond smile playing at her lips. 

She doesn't even turn Isa away as she boops her leg, wagging her tail, wanting to get her involved in the cuddles. She even gives her a single pat on the head before Ruby wants the dog's attention again. 

“When did you get her?” Sam asks her, scratching the top of Isa’s head and making her lean forward. 

“A month or two before I moved here,” Alex explains as she kneels down beside Sam, Isa’s head nudging against her hand. “Kara had been trying to convince me to get a dog for a while, so I finally gave in. Isa here was a rescue, and I pretty much fell in love with her the moment I saw her.”

Sam turns her head up to look at Lena, her face next to Isa's, and gives her a heart-melting look that makes even Alex’s stomach flutter.

"Not you too," Lena sighs, shaking her head. "I already had to deal with this once from your daughter. We're not getting a dog," 

Both of the Arias girls sigh in defeat, and that somehow chips away at Lena's armor just a bit. It's in the twitch of her brows, and the way she purses her lips, these miniscule movements that make Sam grin. 

Lena sighs, tearing her eyes away from the matching puppy dog eyes to instead look at Alex, a hint of desperation in her voice. "Well... Alex can always bring Isa around, right?" 

"She's loving this right now. I'm sure she'd love to come back to visit," 

It's difficult not to laugh at Lena's grateful smile. Alex wonders what that means, that they are both so eager to make Sam happy. 

She doesn't get much longer to ponder it, because Lena's nose wrinkles, and she casts a glance upwards, thinking for a moment before her eyes go wide, and she starts rapidly tapping Sam on the shoulder. 

Sam doesn't react at first, still petting Isa, until Lena says "The oven," and Sam freezes. 

"What about the oven," 

"You left it on," 

"Sh- shoot," 

She scrambles up, and somehow avoids colliding with shelves and walls on her way up the stairs. Isa makes to follow her, but Ruby holds onto her, and that's a good thing because not a second later, there is a sharp squealing alarm, and what vaguely smells like smoke drifting down the stairs. 

"Oh goddamn it-  _ fucking  _ hell what the- oh come  _ on _ really? Shit it's not gonna come out- son of a  _ bitch- _ " 

Ruby's eyes bug out wide, and Lena facepalms, already heading towards the stairs. Sam seems to have forgotten that the walls are thin, and they can hear the steady stream of curse words with near perfect clarity. 

"That's like... twenty dollars for the swear jar," 

Alex herself is in shock because  _ who knew _ that Sam 'Language' Arias could construct such wonderfully vulgar sentences. But she tries to keep her face carefully neutral, and decides the best course of action is to distract Ruby. 

"So, what do you think your moms will like more. Pizza or Thai?" 

* * *

After ordering, they go upstairs to find a solemn looking Sam, poking a fork at the charred remains of whatever pie she was intending to make. She's a lot more sad than Alex would expect for something as simple as burning dinner, and judging by Lena, whose hand rests on her back, she can’t help but think it might’ve been a bit more personal to Sam.

“You okay?” she asks, concerned, as she hangs up the phone and glances towards the kitchen. 

Sam sighs, dropping the fork and shaking her head. “It was just- it was this recipe that my mother used to make when I was younger that I found, I wanted to make it for Ruby so she could see how amazing it is, but I- I guess that won’t be happening anytime soon.”

She sounds so sad about the predicament that Alex feels like it’s affecting her own emotions too, and she frowns at the slight wobble in Sam’s bottom lip. 

“I mean... you can always try again?” she suggests, “Have you used the oven before? Kara always tells me that it takes a couple of tries to get used to a new oven,”

She places her hand on the back of Sam’s. It’s an instinctive thing, she doesn’t think much of it until she notices Sam and Lena both glance down at her hand. 

But Sam doesn’t give her a chance to pull away, she holds her hand and lets out a great big heaving sigh. “I can try again. It just feels like everything I try-...” 

“She’s not here to judge you anymore. You don’t have to prove anything to a dead woman,” Lena says, and while Alex is a little taken aback at how blunt she is, it seems to be just the thing. 

She grabs both of their hands now, gives them a tight squeeze before letting them go, grabbing the tin and carrying it to the trash. She turns it over to tip out the contents. 

A handful of crumbs fall down. 

Ruby starts laughing first. It’s a snort, that she tries and fails to hide, as Sam waves the tin over the trash can, and her movements slowly become more frantic. 

Then Alex glances over at her side to see Lena’s hand over her mouth, her eyes sparkling, and that breaks Alex, followed by Sam, who eventually gives up, rubbing her face with her hand while she laughs. 

They’re interrupted when the sound of the door downstairs. Lena rises from her seat, smiling. “That must be the pizza.”

Sam looks up, swivels her head to glance between them all, her face still bright from laughing so much, a mock scowl on her face. “You really didn’t have any faith in me, did you?” 

Alex’s eyes narrow immediately, and she’s instantly on edge. “They would have knocked, wouldn’t they? They wouldn’t just-” 

They all stop at the sound of shattered glass. Looking across the apartment, she sees Sam immediately pull Ruby behind her, eyes wide and jaw tense, as Lena freezes with her hand halfway in the air, ready to turn the doorknob. 

Beside her, Isa’s mouth turns up in a snarl, and a low, threatening growl forces its way out of her throat. Alex sets a hand on the back of her neck. “Easy, girl,” she murmurs, before reaching out to Lena. “Lena, step back, let me go see what it was.”

They can hear shuffling downstairs, what sounds like a few books crashing to the ground and a loud thump from what Alex can only assume is someone jumping over the front counter to the cafe.

“Alex?” Sam hisses, voice full of fear not for herself, but for her daughter. Alex raises a hand in her direction and presses her finger to her lips.

“Quiet, we don’t want to them to know you’re up here. I’ll be right back, okay?” 

“You can’t go out there!” Sam cries out worriedly, but Lena just gives her a subtle nod, and Alex makes her way towards the door, Isa creeping next to her, hackles raised and lips curling back to reveal her teeth. 

She inches the door open slowly, listening closely to the footsteps downstairs. By the sound of it, they’ve moved near the back, and Alex pushes Isa back slightly, through the door. “Keep Isa here, just in case,” she tells Lena, even though she knows Isa’s first instinct is to follow her. “And call the cops, but keep your voices down,” 

“Wait!” It’s Ruby, rushing forward, and when Alex turns back, she has a baseball bat in her hands, brandishing it in a way that makes Sam pinch the bridge of her nose. “Take this so you don’t die!”

Alex decides not to tell her she has a knife in her pocket. “Thanks, kiddo,” she says instead, taking the baseball bat and winking down at Ruby. Ruby just smiles, before Sam drags her back behind her and says something Alex can’t hear.

As she makes her way down the stairs, she can’t help but feel a familiar kind of anticipation building up, but this kind is a lot less severe than what she’d feel overseas. This, a couple of wannabe-criminals breaking into an old bookstore, of all places, doesn’t scare her in the slightest. 

But still, as she slips her knife out of her pocket and peers over the banister to get a look at who broke in, she realises that yes, there is more than one criminal downstairs. 

Two against one. Logic would say the odds are against her. 

She sees a skulking shadow making their way through the store methodically, searching every corner with a small flashlight held in the palm of their hand. She spots that one first, the light from the torch casting long shadows through the space. 

The other is rattling the cash register at the counter in the bookstore. trying to figure out how to open it. It’s dark, but she can make out their silhouette, 

Two. She hefts the bat in her one hand, the other tightens around the knife. 

She gets down the stairs, tries to avoid making too much noise, every step feels impossibly loud, the old wood just waiting for a chance to creak. The thieves are getting antsy, with every rattle of the register, she hears a quiet curse, and the flashlight thief turns around to tell them off when their torchlight lands on Alex at the base of the stairs. 

It catches in her eyes, and she can’t quite make out the thief’s features. She only has a second to act, and as they move towards her, pulling something from their side, she grabs the bat, and throws it in hopes that it’ll give her at least a second of distraction. 

It does. It collides with their head with a meaty  _ thwack _ , and they go careening back into one of the shelves, the heavy wood quaking but staying put, a few books however fall around them as they land to the ground, unconscious. The flashlight tumbles to the ground, flickering for a moment, but remains on, the only light in the space. What was in their other hand also clatters to the ground, but Alex doesn’t have the time to think about that before she’s faced with another problem. 

She sees the hint of a blade in her periphery, and barely dodges in time. The knife whisks past her face harmlessly, the other intruder having tried to catch her unaware. 

She grits her teeth, and with her free hand tries to catch at the arm that swung her way. They wrench themselves free — a little taller, a little stronger, and Alex is out of practice and not running on unbridled adrenaline like this thief — and try to rush her again, swinging the knife in her direction again. 

But their swing is telegraphed, they go wide and Alex now can use this opening against them. She doesn’t hesitate to grab their knife-wielding hand with one arm, swing underneath and get that to their back, holding it tight till they let out a cry of pain, hand loosening until the knife joins the gun and the flashlight on the ground. 

They aren’t going down without a fight though, still wrestling in her arms as she tries to maneuver them to the ground. They only manage to catch her off guard for a moment, long enough for an elbow to reel back and smash into her cheekbone, but she doesn’t loosen her grip, instead bringing her knee up to their back, forcing them to the floor with a thud. 

Alex nearly scoffs; despite them getting a hit in, this is almost hilariously easy compared to what she used to do in active duty. 

The intruder spits out, “What the fuck, bitch?” before Alex digs her knee into his back, her hand coming down to hold onto the back of his head, keeping it on the floor. 

Her cheek throbs. She tightens her hold on his arm. Over the sound of her own breathing and the constant curses thrown her way, she hears the wail of sirens, red and blue lights illuminating the store as the car pulls up to the curb. 

Upstairs, she can hear three sets of footsteps headed toward the stairs and then the creak of the door opening slightly, and when she glances up, Sam, Lena, and Ruby are each poking their heads through the crack in a cartoonish fashion, with Ruby’s head at the bottom, Lena’s above hers, and Sam’s at the very top.

They’re all watching her with varying levels of shock and excitement, and even a bit of worry, and she sends them a brief thumbs up as the cop enters the bookstore and takes in the unconscious intruder near the bookshelves, and the fully conscious and very angry intruder beneath Alex. 

Then, there’s a shout from behind her coming from none other than Ruby. “That. Was.  _ Awesome!”  _

Alex rises only when the cop approaches to handcuff the intruder under her knee, still glancing at her from the corner of his eye, as he surveys the rest of the damage. 

Luckily, it’s clear that it had been forced entry by the shattered window and the rest of the mess in the store, and as his eyes land on the knife lying a few feet away, it only helps their case that they had the intention of harming her. 

“If you could come with me,” he tells Alex as he hauls the intruder up. “I’ll need to take a statement,” 

Alex nods; she’s been in enough bar fights to know the protocol for this. She glances back at the three heads still poking out of the door. 

“Can you guys stay with Isa? I’ll be back.” 

Lena is the one who nods, both Sam and Ruby still staring at her with both shock and amazement. “We’ll start cleaning up. Won’t we, Sam?” 

By Sam’s slightly pained grunt, it’s clear to Alex that Lena has just elbowed her in the ribs, and she smiles as Sam nods furiously. “Yes! Yeah, we’ll do that.” 

It turns out there’s not a lot of crime in a small town, and what “crime” does happen is usually something as trivial as parking a car in front of a fire hydrant. There’s only a few people in the station as Alex walks in, most of them looking dead to the world, even the receptionist seeming as though she might fall asleep at any possible second. 

The cop - Officer Morgan, Alex has learned - leads her towards a desk in the back of the small bullpen, gesturing at her to have a seat. She does so, fingers reaching up to touch gingerly at her cheek. The throbbing has decreased to a dull ache, but she can feel how swollen it is, and it’s no doubt going to leave a nasty bruise. 

“We’ll get you some ice for that,” Morgan says as he sits down across from her, typing into his computer. “Alright, let's start at the beginning.“

As she answers the questions and explains what had happened, Alex can’t help the way her mind wanders back to the bookstore.

Ruby had clearly stated that what she did was awesome, but what about Sam and Lena? Did Alex just ruin her friendship with them by handling the break-in like she did? Do they think she’s dangerous? 

They’d already seen her mind go back to war once, Lena especially; Eliza would probably use the word ‘unstable’ to describe her mental state since coming back to the states, and her heart drops at the thought of Sam and Lena saying the same thing. 

Then again, Eliza had reason to be concerned; her first week back had been anything but smooth. 

Eliza and Kara crowded her when they stayed at her apartment. They didn’t talk about it, and they tried not to make a big deal of it, but they were both constantly in her space, watching over her with matching expressions of thinly veiled pity. 

She hated it. 

She’d never lash out at them intentionally, she knows their hearts are in the right places, but Kara had gotten into her space without making her presence known and it’s only reflexive for Alex to wrench her arm around her back, then Eliza was screaming and—

“Miss Danvers?” the sound of a pen hitting the clipboard gets her attention, and she’s drawn back to the present. There’s another person here now, holding an ice pack out towards her. 

“Yes? Sorry,” she shakes her head before reaching for the offered ice pack. “Head hurts,” 

She’s let out after giving her statement, because really— she’s done nothing wrong, this is all for their records. She steps out into the night and it’s then that she realises that she’s left her jacket at the bookstore as the chill finds its way into her bones, and she draws her arms into her body, unsure for a moment as to what she’s meant to be doing. 

Across the street, the headlights of a car switch on, two eyes in the night. A window is rolled down, and Alex watches as Sam sticks her head out, and calls her name. 

“I hope you don’t intend to stand there all night,” she calls out, “because there’s pizza waiting for us back home.” 

Sam drives with one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the transmission, as if this isn’t an automatic family sedan, with Ruby’s sports gear piled up in the back seat, and a pack of candies in the cup holder. 

“You can take one,” Sam says, when she notices Alex’s curious stare. “But don’t tell Ruby that I let you have candy before dinner,” 

She’s looking through them for a flavour she likes when she realises that they’re all orange. Not wanting to be rude, she takes one anyways. 

The silence isn’t exactly awkward. 

Sam’s hands tighten on the steering wheel when she notices Alex is a little quiet. 

“You’re not in trouble are you?” she asks, and her tone is rather blunt, but her eyes bely her concern. She tries to mask it as a joke, “Because if you are, I’ll drive a little faster,” 

“We just left the station, you don’t want a speeding ticket,” Alex says with a shake of her head, and regrets the action when her cheekbone throbs. She wonders why she didn’t take the ice pack with her. “I’m just... I didn’t really want you to see that,” 

“Well, I’m kind of glad you were there. I don’t know what I’d do if we were alone,” Sam says with a little burst of laughter. “We owe you big time,” 

Sam doesn’t seem phased, so maybe Alex doesn’t have to worry. Maybe that silence from before had just been the adrenaline, they weren’t silently judging her. 

But she doesn’t know for sure until they get back to the shop, and it doesn’t take long at all. 

The broken window is boarded up when they get back, but the windows are lit on both levels. Lena moves through the downstairs meticulously, she’s already cleaned up the glass, but now she’s straightening up some of the furniture that got knocked to the ground in the scuffle. 

She jumps when the keys rattle in the lock, but Alex sees over Sam’s shoulder that she relaxes when she recognises Sam, wiping her hands on her jeans before rushing over to open the door. 

“Oh thank goodness you’re okay. They let you out-“ 

_ Oh _ . 

She’s not just eager to see Sam. In fact, she’s pushing an amused Sam over to the side to drag Alex into the store.

She shoves Alex onto one of the couches, and clicks her fingers at Sam. 

“Get me some ice, and some painkillers,” 

“Yes Ma’am,” Sam gives Lena a mock salute, and in hindsight, she wonders how she didn’t realise that Sam and Lena have already figured it out. 

In the moment, she’s taken by Lena’s eyes, piercing green inspecting her with a laser-like focus. She grabs her by the chin, tilting her head to the side so she can see the bruise better in the light. 

She moves to touch it when Alex reaches for her wrist. “No fractures. It was just an elbow. I’m sure it’ll go down in no time,” 

The skin of Lena’s arm is soft under her touch, and for a moment Alex is taken by the fact that she could have been caught up in that fight. The horrific thought is gone as fast as it arrives, she can’t think such things, it’s  _ over _ after all. 

Some of her thoughts must show on her face, because Lena doesn’t let her hand fall, but the surety in her eyes fades just a bit. 

“Let me at least check,” she pleads, “For peace of mind,” 

It’s a moment of vulnerability. She needs to see that Alex is okay. She nods, and lets go of her wrist, letting Lena continue. 

She only ends up reaffirming what Alex already knew. She’s a bit disappointed that she can’t enjoy the closeness because the pain has her involuntarily flinching under Lena’s touch when she presses against her cheekbone. 

Sam comes back with more than just the ice- oh no, it’s a bag of frozen peas. Sam gives her a half-shrug. 

“Ruby lost the ice pack at soccer practice, so you’re gonna have to settle for this age-old remedy,” and before Alex can show her reaction on her face, she’s handing Alex a glass of scotch. “And a  _ gold, _ aged remedy,” 

Lena shakes her head, but the little huff of air that escapes and the twitch in the corner of her mouth is all the validation Sam needs. That smile of hers could melt even the hardest of hearts, and right now she’s blinded by it. 

She takes the offered bag of peas, and swallows a heavy gulp of the whiskey, lets it burn, and tries to find comfort in the stillness of the bookstore late at night. Sam sits atop the armrest of the loveseat, and rests her head against the wall. Alex can’t figure why she’d choose to sit there, when there’s plenty of seats around, but she appears to find it comfortable. 

“Ruby and Isa managed to sleep after all that adrenaline wore off, but I suspect they’ll be down eventually,” Lena comments, coming to sit beside Alex as she drinks. “Did you even bring the bottle down, Samantha?” 

“Who do you think I am?” Sam huffs, and lifts the bottle from where she’d stashed it beside the sofa. She’s being difficult on purpose, and she holds it back from Lena, tutting under her breath. “Only if you get some glasses, love,” 

Lena scoffs, and stands up abruptly, muttering under her breath- “I cleaned up this place for you, and this is the thanks I get-“ but Sam only laughs, resting a hand on the back of Alex’s head. 

The contact is surprising, and Alex nearly coughs as she takes a sip, Sam’s fingers casually dragging against the base of her skull, light against her scalp before she seems to think better of it, and her hand retracts as Lena makes her way over. 

Alex shifts on the couch, a frown finding its way onto her face. “I think I owe you an explanation,” she starts to say, throat already closing up with nerves.

“You don’t owe us anything, darling.” Lena shakes her head, one hand settling on Alex’s knee as she settles in beside her, the two glasses held in the other, clinking as she sets them down on the table. “You kept us safe,” 

Sam hands the bottle over to Lena, and she fills the two glasses, and tops Alex off as well. 

“Planning on getting me drunk, Luthor?” Sam teases, before her mind wanders a bit and she hisses. “Shit, the pizza’s probably cold by now,” 

“I saved you some. We can heat it up if you-“ 

“I don’t want to move just yet,” Sam sighs, settling with a hand on Alex’s shoulder, probably to keep her balance. 

Lena hands Sam her drink, and they share a glance before their attention turns to her. 

“Do you want to come back upstairs?” Sam asks, squeezing her shoulder a bit, and to be honest, Alex isn’t sure. 

This space downstairs has always been  _ their  _ space. And now it’s dark, and she’s staring out the window to the now dark street, illuminated only by the streetlamps. The bare branches of the trees look bone-white where the light hits them, but apart from that, all that Alex can really see is the reflection of the inside, and of themselves. 

“Not just yet,” 

“Well then, put a record on, Lena!” Sam gestures over to the bookstore counter with a smile, and Alex catches a tiny wince on Lena’s face. 

“... do you remember that loud thud we heard?” 

Sam’s smile falls. “No,” 

“No you didn’t hear it or no-“ 

“Don’t tell me the record player...” Sam’s hand leaves Alex’s shoulder so she can rub her face, as she groans. She’s exasperated, the whiskey sloshing in her glass- “That’s-... maybe it’s a sign,” 

“Yeah,” Alex chooses this moment to chime in. “You can buy another one, maybe one that’s a little louder, so we can hear it better in the cafe when there are a lot of customers,”

“See? Alex has  _ ideas _ , not just complaints.” 

But Alex has fallen silent after that, staring down at the liquid in her glass, lips pursed. She can’t help but feel like she’s lying to them, somehow, by not telling them, and she wants to think that they’ve all grown close enough that she can let them know without becoming one of the two things people always think of her when they find out.

To some, she’s heroic, like being in the military is some kind of god-tier job. 

To others, like her mother, specifically, she’s broken. She’d had a rough transition from military to civilian life, and there’s a reason she’d been discharged in the first place.

“Alex?” Lena calls out, but her frown just deepens. 

“I was in the military,” she blurts, the words just kind of tumbling out of her mouth without her consent. “The Marines, as a combat medic. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past ten years, and it’s why I moved here instead of living in the city with Kara. That’s why I knew how to take down those guys earlier.”

There’s silence, the kind that’s deafening, but when she looks up, neither Sam nor Lena are reacting in the way she’d expected. 

Lena is  _ nodding _ , as though she already figured it out, and Alex wonders if she had, if she’d known since her panic attack all those weeks ago. 

Sam, though, is just looking at her. It’s not a look of pity, or awe, or any of the looks Alex has received over the years when her job is revealed. Instead, it’s one of understanding, and she’s taken aback immediately. Still, she tries to continue, hands starting to gesture wildly in the air like they often do when she’s nervous.

“And I understand if you don’t want me near Ruby anymore, because of that- and- and because of what you saw tonight, but I-”

“Are you kidding?” Sam scoffs, exchanging a bewildered look with Lena. “We were so lucky to have you here tonight, Alex. How could I not want someone like you near my daughter?” 

Alex swallows thickly. “Well, I-” 

“God, you’re an idiot,” it’s Lena this time, rolling her eyes. “We don’t care that you were in the Marines. If anything-” 

“It’s not just that,” Alex cuts her off. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips, mouth dry. “I- I left for a reason, I have Isa for a reason, I moved to this quiet, small town for a reason.”

Why is she telling them this? She doesn’t know how she’d cope if they turned her away, rejected her, but then, isn’t she just trying to push them away by doing this? 

“Alex,” Sam murmurs, facing her. “We don’t care, okay? You’re our friend, and you’re great with Ruby, and we love having you here. We love-” 

She cuts herself off, but by the way her jaw clenches and unclenches, eyes flickering towards Lena and then back towards Alex, it’s clear she wanted to say more.

She doesn’t. She clears her throat. “We love working with you,” she continues after an awkward pause. “Look, we’ve all had it rough before. All three of us moved here for a new start, right?” 

Tentative, Alex nods, and Sam smiles, soft and warm. “See? So it doesn’t matter what happened before, what matters is that we all ended up here together. And I can’t speak for everyone, but I- I’m pretty sure we all want you here.” 

Lena nods in agreement. Alex takes a deep, slightly shaky, breath. “Okay,” she says, pursing her lips. “Okay, fine.” 

“Thank God,” Lena says. “I don’t know what I’d do without you fixing my coffee every morning.”

And things are… fine, after that. Mostly. She’d thought that things would change once they knew. That they’d start acting different around her, but in actuality things between the three remained pretty much the same. 

But Ruby now knows as well, and she’s a lot less satisfied with her more creative answers about the scar on her arm. 

“Do you really expect me to believe that you fought an entire group of ninjas alone in the army? I’m twelve, not  _ stupid _ ,” 

They’re getting a delivery in, some more coffee beans, some milk. It needs to be lifted out of the back, and Ruby has offered her assistance, which means she’s walking alongside Alex while she makes her trips inside. 

“We really gotta talk about your eavesdropping,” Alex huffs, and Ruby doesn’t seem phased. “One day you’re gonna hear something that you don’t wanna hear,” 

“Like what? My moms don’t do anything. I’ve only seen them kiss once. I think they’re-“ 

“Woah- that’s- that’s not what I was going to say, how do you-“ 

“I’m  _ twelve,  _ not  _ stupid _ . I know how babies are made,” 

Alex chooses not to comment on that. 

Ruby continues to talk despite the fact that Alex’s face is burning and she’s now just trying to get this job done as quickly as possible. “I bet you got stabbed, didn’t you? Or- or was it something else, was it like a-“ 

“Look, kid,” and she doesn’t mean to make it sound harsh, but that’s how it comes out, and she can’t stop herself before the words begin to pour out of her mouth. “I get that you’re curious, but it wasn’t exactly a fun and cool time for me, okay? I didn’t feel like a hero, or a badass, or anything like that. I was scared,” she snaps. “Absolutely terrified. And I got out of there, sure, but a lot of people didn’t. A lot of people weren’t as lucky. My  _ friends  _ weren’t as lucky,” 

Ruby’s eyes are wide, and Alex wonders if this was the wrong thing to say. But the adrenaline pounds through her system, and she’s reached that tipping point. 

“Just- don’t look up to me, Ruby, okay? I’m not someone who deserves to be thought of as some kind of superhero. Don’t start thinking you want to join the military just because I was in it.”

Ruby stays quiet, after that, only occasionally glancing at Alex out of the corner of her eye as they walk. Alex feels regret already bubbling up in her chest at how she’d spoken to Ruby, but she’s still too wired to say anything else, so she lets Ruby wander off to find Sam and Lena as she finishes up.

She ends up leaving work early. The clouds have moved all the way in, and her phone goes off with messages from both Lena and Sam but she doesn’t look at them. She’s got two days off, and she intends to spend them with Isa, getting drunk, watching shitty TV, and forgetting where she is. 

Halfway through her plans, there’s a loud, rhythmic knocking at the door that Alex registers immediately as Kara’s, and she’s forced to haul herself up off the couch in order to answer the door. 

It swings open to reveal her sister with a travel bag slung over her shoulder and furrowed brows. Instantly, Alex is racking her brain trying to figure out what it is she did this time, or if she’d given Eliza any reason to send Kara over in the past few weeks.

Her silent question is answered as soon as Kara shoves her way through the door, dropping her bag in the hallway and absently reaching down to pet Isa as she glares at Alex. “You forgot to call. Again.” 

Alex blinks. “Oh.”

“Yeah,  _ oh. _ You can’t just not call, Alex, because then I get worried and the longer you stay quiet the more I start to think about things that could’ve happened to you, and then I’m suddenly picturing you lying dead on the apartment floor because you forget to do basic human things like  _ eat _ and  _ sleep- _ ” 

“Kara,” Alex cuts in, leaving Kara to pause her rambling and take a deep breath. “I’m fine. You really don’t need to keep checking up on me, you know.” 

Kara rolls her eyes at that. “Oh, yeah, and leave you here to rot because you don’t know how to do anything but order takeout for dinner?”

“I don’t always order takeout,” Alex argues, though it’s feeble, and she shrugs, avoiding eye contact. “Sometimes I eat out.”

Kara covers her ears. “Ew! Alex, I already told you not to make those jokes-” 

“That’s not what I-” Alex’s eyes widen, her cheeks flaming, and she groans. “Kara, I meant literally. Sometimes I literally eat out. At restaurants.”

Kara’s hands slowly come down. “Oh.” Then she pauses suddenly, her eyes drifting past Alex and falling on the opposite wall. Alex isn't sure why at first, maybe she's just distracted, but then she walks forward towards what had previously been an empty photo frame. 

There's a picture in there now, the four of them - Sam, Ruby, Lena, and Alex - standing outside the store. It was taken on Halloween, after they decorated the place, but Ruby had chosen to hold hers for the photo, her smile almost wider than that of the Jack-o-Lantern she'd made herself. 

She doesn't realise what it is that gets Kara to pause, for her expression to change, because it's just a photo of the four of them, the way they always are. Sam's grinning, Lena's got a quietly amused smile on her red lips. They're holding hands, and Sam's roped her in with an arm around her shoulders, and she remembers being startled by the surprising strength to her wiry arms, so startled that she laughed, and that's what the camera caught. 

That’d been a good day. One of Alex’s best since moving here.

“Hey!” Kara’s face scrunches up, and she leans closer to the photo, pointing at Sam. “She was outside your apartment earlier.” 

Alex’s head whips up. “What?” 

Kara nods. “Yeah, she was just pacing in front of your door. I asked her if she was here to see you, but she just kinda ran off?” 

That does sound like Sam.

“Oh,” Alex sighs heavily. She brings her hands up to her face, rubbing at her eyes until colors burst behind her eyelids. “I’ve been… avoiding her.”

Her sister frowns at that, and Alex can already see the gears turning inside her head. There’d been a time, before her last deployment, that she’d repeated those same exact words after her awkward and humiliating incident with Maggie before they’d first officially gotten together.

“No,” Alex stops her train of thought before she can even say anything. “No, it’s not like that with Sam. It’s-”

"So, which one is it then?" Kara asks, and her voice is light but she's got that crinkle between her brows, like she's trying too hard to appear open minded but is confused and not sure of how to proceed. 

Alex inhales sharply. How is she meant to tell Kara that it isn't just  _ one  _ of the two, but- wait. She shakes her head, brings a stop to that thought. "No, it's not- it's not like that. It's not like that at all. I'm not- they're  _ together, _ " 

“Well,” Kara says, tapping on the photo. “That sure looks like a  _ family _ photo to me, Alex.” 

Alex isn’t ready for this conversation. 

“You’re being ridiculous. Sam and Lena are together, that’s Sam’s daughter, Ruby. I’m just- I’m the friend. We’re friends.” At Kara’s slow spreading, disbelieving smile, she clenches her jaw.  _ “Kara.” _

Her sister raises her hands in a placating gesture, adjusting her glasses and looking away from Alex’s warning glare. "Hey, I'm sorry. It's just... you never have  _ friends _ , they're always... you know. You were never just  _ friends  _ with Maggie-" 

"It's not like Maggie. This is nothing like that," Alex insists, because it isn’t. She never felt like this with her ex-fiance. With Maggie, everything was so…  _ quick.  _ They’d barely even let themselves be friends before they got together, and although it had seemed like a good idea at the time, like Alex was embracing her sexuality and going for what she wanted, it backfired. 

Then she was deployed again, and things got worse after she came back to the states. As quickly as they had started their relationship, they ended it, with Maggie leaving as soon as she looked down Alex’s hard road to recovery and decided it was too long of a walk.

So, no. This is not like Maggie. This is different, with both of them.

Then Kara asks, “Is it more?” 

Alex groans.  _ “Kara.” _

She stops after that, poking Alex in the stomach and giggling slightly at the way Alex squirms away from her.

"Well, anyways. I'm happy for you." she says, and it's a little point of sincerity in amongst all the joking that Alex almost appreciates, before Kara starts talking again. "I've been telling you that you need to meet some people, and you did. So that's a point for Kara, and no points for that old grumpy Alex who thought I was being silly," 

"I'm not responding to that. You can show yourself out when you've finished annoying me," 

"Also, now that you’re working on getting friends maybe you’ll finally sign up for group therapy like Eliza and I have been-”

"Thank you, the door is right there," Alex points.

"-and when you get the time, you should look up 'polyamory', I think it'll be really useful-" 

"You've more than overstayed your welcome. Get out," she’s already shoving Kara out the door and onto the front steps. “Come back when you’re invited.” 

“Go be with your  _ friends _ !” Kara calls out before the door is slammed in her face. Through the door, though, Alex can still hear her shouting. “And go to therapy!” 

* * *

She takes one half of Kara’s advice. 

The closest VA hospital she could find was almost an hour and a half out of town, on the outskirts of National City, but she manages to get there without much of a problem, hands gripping tightly onto the steering wheel. 

She hesitates before walking in. It’s one that Kara suggested to her, one that she vaguely recognizes as the hospital Vasquez had gone to after their arrival back in the city. 

As if being summoned, the woman steps out of the building with surprise etched into her features. “Alex Danvers?” she gawks, eyes wide. “I’m not imagining this, am I?” 

Alex grins. “It’s good to see you too, Vasquez.” 

Vasquez pulls her into a tight hug before she can refuse. Alex digs her hands out of her pockets and hugs the other woman back, arms curling around her torso. “Come on in, Kara mentioned you’d be coming by.” 

They walk through a narrow hallway towards a room in the back, and Alex can’t help but feel slightly uneasy. Not because she’s not happy to see Vasquez after so long, but- she’s nervous. 

She hasn’t been to therapy since her father died, and it wasn’t the best experience then. Walking in now, to see twelve folded metal chairs arranged in a circle in the middle of a room, a table with what Alex doesn’t doubt is shitty coffee and stale cookies displayed on it, she feels like her heart is in her throat. 

“Group starts in twenty,” Vasquez says as she sits, gesturing for Alex to sit next to her and handing her a styrofoam cup full of the shitty coffee. “So we have some time to catch up. How have you been, Alex?” 

It’s a loaded question, and Alex knows Vasquez understands the weight behind it. She leans back in her chair, nursing her cup and blowing on the tiny wisps of steam rising from it. “I’ve been… better.” 

It’s not entirely a lie - she is better, although it took a while. She has two amazing women in her life and a kid who actually likes her, who looks up to her, and she has Isa. Moving had been the best choice for her. It’s  _ good  _ for her, living there. 

She tells Vasquez this, and other things too, but nothing too personal yet. Alex is thankful, because after just a few minutes of talking, a couple people begin to trickle into the room, grabbing their seats and muttering to each other. 

It’s not long before the whole circle fills up, and Vasquez leans close to Alex. “We’ll grab a drink later, alright?” At Alex’s nod, she turns in her seat and clasps her hands together. “Alright, guys! I see a few familiar faces here. I’m so glad you all could make it. Would anyone want to speak first?”

Alex doesn’t know what compels her to raise her hand. She’s never done this before, even when she attended therapy after her dad died. Back then, she’d simply sat amongst the group and remained silent, listening to others talk but never talking herself.

But she does this time. “I would,” she says, and it surprises Vasquez just as much as it surprises herself, because Vasquez whips her head over to stare at her. She clears her throat. “I’m- I’m Alex, It’s my first time here. I, uh- I was a combat medic for the Marines, I was in the same unit as Vasquez here.” 

She hesitates. When she looks over, Vasquez nods in reassurance. “Go on.”

Her palms are sweaty. She clears her throat again. “Uh- Coming back from war was…  _ is  _ hard. Every day I wake up and I have to remind myself that I’m not there anymore, and it’s- it’s ruined a lot for me. Other job opportunities, family, relationships…” 

Even as she’s sitting here in front of the group, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, she feels herself being transported from the VA hospital to the apartment she’d briefly had in National City before she’d moved. 

Suddenly, she’s lying in bed and there’s an almost overwhelming feeling that something is  _ wrong _ . 

The other side of the bed is empty. When she reaches an arm over to check the sheets, they’re cool to the touch, which means Maggie’s been up and about for a while. She looks at the clock and her eyes widen when she sees that it’s already 4:35 in the morning; she’d slept almost twelve hours. 

“Mags?” she calls out, voice husky with sleep. “Maggie?” 

The quiet is the only thing that answers back, and it’s all the motivation she needs to swing her legs over the edge of the bed and go search for her fiancé. 

Luckily, it ends up not being much of a search. Alex doesn’t get further than the three steps in front of her bedroom before she spots Maggie on the sofa, curled in on herself with a mug of coffee in her hands. The TV is on, illuminating her silhouette in the dark living room, but it’s muted, without even the captions on.

“Maggie?” Alex calls out. And she doesn’t flinch at how loud her voice sounds in the unsettling silence of the apartment, but she does frown, though, because Maggie has barely acknowledged her. “Hey… Are you okay?”

When Maggie finally seems to come back to herself, it’s with a start, staring at Alex through the dark. “Yeah, Danvers, sorry,” she says, none too convincingly. She smiles, but Alex can see even in the darkness that it’s still not reaching her eyes. “We should, uh—” she clears her throat, rubbing her hands together. “We should talk, though.”

Alex has a vague sense that she should be sitting down; they’ve been through this many times before, too many times. “Okay,” she agrees slowly, and stumbles to sit next to Maggie on the couch, unsure of where this is heading and just on this side of terrified because of it. “Hey. I love you, you can talk to me about anything.” 

That’s when Maggie closes her eyes, shaking her head. “You’re about to hate me, in a minute,” she says, and if ever there was a way to not preface a conversation, this has to be it.

All traces of sleep leave Alex in a dizzying rush of nervous adrenaline. She shakes with it, tremors in her hand and an ache already building in her chest. She wants to tell Maggie that she won’t hate her — that she can’t, even — but there’s another feeling deep in her gut, a little uglier and a lot more raw, that says, 

_ Maybe _ .

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Alex.”

And there it is.

Alex’s breath escapes her in a heavy exhale. The exhaustion that had settled deep in her bones is quickly replaced with a sudden, startling emptiness, but there’s something else there, too, something that had been nagging at her since she got back home. 

She’d expected this. 

“You-” 

“I can’t do it anymore,” Maggie repeats, standing now. She paces back and forth across the living room, but Alex stays frozen on the couch. “It’s too hard for me. I can’t go through this, Alex.” 

“Too hard for you?” And although she means for it to come out a scoff, it sounds more like a pathetic whisper, like she’s halfway to losing her voice. There is white-hot anger bubbling up in her chest, and she clears her throat when Maggie nods. 

“I thought I could do this. For you. I wanted this to work for you. But I-” She sighs. Wrings her hands. Alex is still frozen. “I’m sorry.” 

She doesn’t give Alex enough time to respond before she’s sliding her engagement ring off. It clatters onto the coffee table, spinning a few times before finally going still.

Maggie is out the door soon after that; Alex doesn’t bother moving from the couch.

She’s not… sad, exactly. She’s more embarrassed than anything, thinking that this could work, but she leans back against the cushions and stares at the engagement ring in front of her. She can almost hear Lucy’s voice in her head, saying  _ I told you so, Danvers. _

Lucy has never liked Maggie, that’s something Alex knows with certainty, even before Lucy had declared outright that she deserved better. 

“What do you think you’ll do afterwards?” Vasquez had asked that night, her voice barely above a whisper.

Alex didn’t know. Recently, she hadn’t been in the habit of dreaming. Afterwards had never been something that is certain, with their jobs. 

“You know what I’m gonna do,” Lucy jeered, a salacious grin on her face. “People love a woman in uniform,”

Attention had turned to her, and the atmosphere seemed to shift as they picked up on Alex’s sour mood. She’d just gotten off a skype call with Maggie and had the same exact argument they’ve been having for the past three months, and it must’ve shown clearly on her face, because Lucy slammed her bottle down.

“Fuck her. She doesn’t get it.” 

Alex shook her head. She was used to Lucy reacting like this, and even more used to Maggie’s complaints about her job. “It’s nothing, guys. Really. Just... it’s hard for her-“

“Really, Danvers? You’re still defending her?”

But for her, Maggie was a tether to reality. The outside world, her other life. She wasn’t sure why her friends didn’t get it. 

There was a life out there, waiting for her with Maggie. It’s what had kept her going, the idea of a home that they share, of a life together, where nothing ever hurts, there’s no blood on her hands, where the sand doesn’t choke her lungs with every breath— 

Then a hand came down on her shoulder, a heavy firmness to it that shook her out of her reverie. Vasquez has never been the type to say much, it’s all in the eyes with her. She knew Alex’s mind has wandered off, and she’d been grounding her back in reality. 

Lucy squirmed in her seat, uncomfortable at the tense emotions in the air. “Hey, I’m- Alex, I’m sorry. This happens every time, and I worry about you, okay?” 

“It’s-... it’ll be fine. Once I get back, it’ll be fine. She just misses me,” It was weak even as she said it. She knew as soon as the words left her mouth, that they think she was living for a pipe dream. 

“I just want to get back to my life,” Vasquez toyed with the cap from her beer bottle, thankfully changing the subject. “Stop living for an idea, start living for me. Maybe I’ll get some cats.” 

And the conversation had ended after that - they’d never mentioned it again, except for a few occasions where Lucy had witnessed Alex hang up the phone a little too harshly, or throw away a letter with a bit too much anger—

She blinks, coming back to herself. Everyone else in the group is staring at her with varying expressions of understanding, and she swallows thickly, the tips of her ears burning. “So, uh… Yeah. It was rough, I guess. Still is, sometimes.” 

Vasquez nods at her. “The transition is always the hardest in the beginning,” she agrees. “Especially when the ones you love don’t get it.” 

“But it’s- it’s… easier, now. I got a dog,” she continues on. “Isa. She wakes me when I have nightmares. I made some friends, and they’re supportive of me, always trying to do their best to help. It’s good.” 

Some people nod. Others just look down, solemn, like they wish nothing more but to be able to say the same for themselves. She looks back at Vasquez. “I’m proud of you, Alex,” she assures her, a soft, understanding smile on her face. Then she turns back, and Alex can breathe. “Would anyone else like to speak?” 

She spends the rest of the session sitting quietly in her chair, listening to the other veterans speak. Some stories are more heartbreaking than others, some even making her feel lucky, and it isn’t until the group has dispersed and people are filtering out that she speaks up again. 

“That drink you mentioned,” she says, approaching Vasquez as the woman folds up the chairs and stacks them against the wall. “Want to grab that right now?”

* * *

“Did you ever get those cats?” Alex asks, hand curled around a cold bottle of beer. She and Vasquez are sitting in a dingy, underground type of bar that Alex actually kind of likes - it’s quiet, with dim lights and not too many people, and the beer is decent enough. 

Vasquez smiles, pulling her phone out and scrolling through her camera roll. “Yeah. But not in the way I expected,” 

She shows Alex a picture of herself, a fat, rather grumpy looking tabby cat in her arms, and another woman beside her, with a second, fluffier cat in her arms. 

“My wife had two, so when I moved in-“ 

“Your  _ wife?”  _ She nearly spits out her drink, but really, it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise. They haven’t spoken in more than a year, after all, and it isn’t like Alex is on social media or anything in order to keep up with who’s doing what these days. Still, it sends a sharp jab of pain in her chest, to think of Vasquez getting married without her knowing.

Then again, there’s a lot that Alex has gone through that Vasquez doesn’t know about, so she can’t be too upset. “You remember that woman I’d been talking to through letters when we were deployed? We got married a few months ago.”

She’s taken for a moment by the memory of an overly nosy Lucy, peering over Vasquez’s shoulder to try and read one of the letters she received. They’d always make the usually stoic woman crack a smile, and it became a bit of a routine; Lucy would pester Vasquez, and Vasquez wouldn’t give them more than a one-word answer. 

“So… Maggie?” Vasquez says, trying to make conversation. The silence only exacerbates the feeling that there’s someone missing. 

“We broke up,” Alex tells her buntly, scratching the label off her bottle with her thumbnail. “A while ago, actually.”

“Oh,” 

“But... I’m happier,” Alex says, to try and combat the sudden awkwardness. “You two were right. I met people that actually care for me, that are good for me. I’m better because of it.” 

“Good. After taking care of all of us for so long, it’s what you deserve,” she tells Alex honestly, smile genuine. “So, tell me about them. They must be special if they can get Alex Danvers to look  _ that  _ soft.” 

Alex’s cheeks heat up. “They’re- it’s complicated right now.” 

Vasquez tilts her head curiously. “Complicated?” 

The rest of the label comes off. She shrugs. “I, uh- I snapped at one of my friend’s daughters the other day. I didn’t mean to, but I think I really hurt her feelings. I’ve just been avoiding them all since then, I guess.”

“Hey,” Vasquez’s hand comes down onto hers, her eyes warm. “Whatever happened, I’m sure they won’t hold it against you. They seem like really good people, Alex, and people like that don’t come as often as we’d like. I guess what I’m saying is- don’t let them get away because you’re being a dumbass.”

Despite herself, Alex  _ snorts.  _ It reminds her of the way she, Vasquez, and Lucy would all talk while lying in their respective cots on base, and a flood of nostalgia fills her. “You’re right,” she agrees. “No more acting like a dumbass.” 

“That’s the spirit, Danvers!” Vasquez cheers.

They clink their bottles together. 

Eventually, with the help of Vasquez, Alex takes the rest of Kara’s advice and returns to the bookstore.

She turns up on Monday morning with the expectation that she’ll find someone else next to Sam behind the counter. And in a way, she’s right, but it’s only Ruby, who immediately rushes over to throw her arms around her waist, squeezing her so tight she thinks she might suffer permanent organ damage. 

“I thought you weren’t coming back,” 

“Why wouldn’t I? The coffee won’t make itself.” It’s teasing, the way she says it, but then she sobers up for a moment and crouches down. “Hey, kiddo, I’m sorry for snapping at you the other day. It wasn’t fair, and I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. I know you were just curious, and that’s not something I should’ve gotten mad at.”

“I forgive you,” Ruby says, and Alex feels a weight lifted off her shoulders for a moment, “But  _ only  _ if you save a few of those choc chip cookies for me. And don’t tell mom,” 

She laughs at the seriousness in Ruby’s voice, but still holds out a pinky. “Of course. I promise,” 

"Ruby! I don't think you've finished packing yet," 

Ruby sighs, and the sour expression on her face makes Alex chuckle. 

After a quick shake, Alex goes back around the counter to Sam, and the other woman closes the few steps between them to rest a hand on her arm in greeting, a warm smile on her face. 

"Where's the kid going?" Alex asks, and Sam glances over at her daughter as she runs through the store towards the stairs. 

Sam's a little wistful today, her mind is elsewhere, but she's not sad. Only pensive. "It's this week-long survival camp thing. She wouldn't shut up about it," 

"In the winter?" she glances over her shoulder at Sam, as the woman slides a coffee cup over to her. The machine is already set up for her to start the day, so she gets onto making Lena's coffee. 

"Apparently, that's what makes it more exciting," Sam muses, and she nudges Alex with an elbow. "I wonder if the stories about a certain bear-fighting barista inspired her," 

That just has her thinking about how she snapped at Ruby, and the thought chills her. She pauses in place, and Sam quickly changes the subject. 

“How was your weekend?” 

“Good,” Alex says, and for the first time in a while, she feels like she actually  _ means  _ it. “My sister visited again.”

Sam tilts her head to one side, a furrow in her brow, “Oh? And that’s a good thing?” 

“Yeah,” Alex smiles, and starts pouring Lena’s coffee. “She’s off my case now, since I told her that I’m not just being miserable on my own anymore. I’m being miserable with other people,” 

“What’s this about being miserable? I don’t like when people talk about me behind my back,” Lena strides up to the counter and leans her elbows against it, looking between Alex and Sam with arched eyebrows.

“I wasn’t talking about you, princess. I was talking about group therapy,” she drops it casually, she isn’t sure how they’ll react. She’s relieved when they don’t even flinch at the news. 

“I tried group therapy for a bit, it didn’t work out.” 

Alex’s eyebrows shoot up at Lena’s casual confession. “You-“ 

Lena waves her question off. “It was after Lex, Sam is the one who  _ forced _ me to do it.” 

Sam gapes, smacking Lena in the arm. “I did not!”

“You dragged me in there, Samantha.”

“I-“ she pulls a face, guilty. “I only  _ slightly _ dragged you inside. You didn’t even thank me for it, you know!“ 

Lena looks at her, eyes narrowed. “Why would I thank you for the worst possible experience of my life-“

“Oh, shut up,” Sam rolls her eyes. “Alex, I think it’s great you’re going to group therapy. What made you decide to go?” 

Alex’s first thought is  _ you guys,  _ but she manages to keep herself from saying that. “I… realized I needed more help than I was getting. Besides, Kara’s been trying to get me to go for months, I figured I might as well give in.” 

Sam’s smile nearly leaves Alex lightheaded. “We should celebrate.”

Alex chuckles, slightly confused. “Celebrate… me going to therapy?” 

Sam’s hands come down to rest on her shoulders. She tries not to pretend that the contact is affecting her as much as it is; that’s been an issue lately, with both Sam and Lena, all of their touches leaving Alex’s skin  _ burning.  _ “Celebrate you taking the steps towards getting better.”

There’s so much genuine care in her voice that it makes Alex’s head spin. Before Sam and Lena had entered her life, she had mostly only had Kara, and her heart swells at the way each of them look at her like they truly want the best for her.

“Alright, it’s decided. We’ll celebrate tonight,” Lena confirms with a resolute nod of her head.

She's getting used to not leaving after her shift ends. Sam somehow gets her hands on a bottle of champagne, and Lena's been keeping something a secret from the both of them all day, a delivery came in the form of a large box which she immediately hefted to behind the bookstore counter, refusing to let either of them get even a peek. 

"I hate champagne," Sam says with a grin as she pops the cork. "So this might be terrible champagne, and I wouldn't be able to tell," 

It's after she pops the cork that she realises they don't have glasses. At all. The wine glasses are upstairs, but there isn't enough time to get any, so Alex thinks on her feet and grabs a few coffee cups to catch the champagne as it flows out. 

It isn't the classiest, and they both look at each other, as if already anticipating Lena's comments, but they're already committed to how this is going to go. 

"It's expensive champagne," Sam whispers, and Alex has to hold back a laugh. 

"It's still going to be expensive, even if we do serve it in cups," 

She watches as Sam walks over to Lena, who is adamantly trying to keep something a secret from them, two cups of champagne in her hands. Sam is lanky and tall, and she always seems to forget that until she sees her like this, with her hair tied up she can see the back of her slender neck, the sweater that lies loose on her frame, the sleeves rolled up, and she's kicked off her shoes but she's still taller than Alex as she walks around in her multicoloured mismatched socks. 

" _ Lena, _ " she sings, trying to lure the other woman away from what has captured her attention since closing. 

Her glasses are perched on her nose, and she glares at them both as they approach, dragging some packing material over the thing that she was tinkering with. "What- oh, is that coffee?" 

She doesn't have to see Sam's face to know she's grinning as she hands the cup over to Lena. "No, it's champagne," 

Lena's expression immediately sours, and she holds the cup at arm's length. "In a- this is sacrilege. Get this out of my sight," 

"I could let you drink out of the bottle," Sam offers, gesturing back at Alex, and Lena takes her glasses off so she can wipe her eyes. 

"This is a vintage," Lena bemoans, staring down into the depths of the cup, watching the bubbles as they rise to the top. "You're both horrible people," 

"We know," Sam isn't phased by Lena's theatrics, which makes Alex at least feel a little bit better about her split second decision. She places her own cup on the counter, leaning over a little so she can try and sneak a peek at what Lena is doing, but she waves Sam away. 

"Not just yet. It's almost done," she scolds, "I knew you'd figure out that it was something for you," 

"A present?" Sam's eyes light up, and Lena and Alex both burst into laughter at the childlike way she perks up at the thought. 

"You're almost as bad as your daughter," There's a certain kind of fondness to Lena's eyes when she looks at Sam. Something filled with so much love, that it warms Alex even though the gaze isn't directed at her. 

"C'mon, Sam," she reaches for the other woman, doesn't know where to rest her hand, and decides to settle it on her elbow. "I'm sure Lena will call us over when she's done," 

"I will. Now go, shoo. Begone," Lena waves a hand at them both, and raises her eyebrows pointedly at what Alex is holding. "-but leave the bottle.”

They sit down in the middle of the cafe. Alex first, finding herself a seat, and she's somehow expecting for Sam to settle right on in next to her and she does. Her legs settle across Alex's lap, and she sprawls over the rest of the sofa, chugging down the rest of the champagne like it's cheap beer and not an expensive bottle. 

"The bubbles will go to your head," Alex comments, and Sam glances up at her, wrinkling her nose. 

"It's fine, my head's mostly full of air anyways," she grins, and slides a little further into the sofa, only Alex's quick thinking has her saving her cup of champagne before Sam accidentally kicks it. "Whoops, sorry," 

"You're not," Alex says, and Sam squishes herself down somewhat, making a funny face at Alex that makes her laugh. "You're only one drink in, why are you like this?" 

A long arm is draped across her shoulders as Sam sits up. “I get affectionate when I’m tipsy, sorry.” 

Alex raises an eyebrow. She tries to pretend like Sam’s touchiness isn’t affecting her, but there’s a warm kind of tension coiling low in her stomach, the kind that makes her think,  _ oh shit.  _

“How are you possibly tipsy after one glass of champagne?” 

Alex knows the levels of drunkenness pretty well, and she likes to think she knows Sam pretty well by now too, and she can’t help but feel like Sam is more sober than she’s letting on. Alex says nothing about it though, for selfish reasons mostly, because she can’t help but revel in the close contact. 

Still, it’s fucking  _ confusing _ , and Alex doesn’t understands. Another thing she doesn’t understand, maybe even more so, is how Sam’s  _ girlfriend _ doesn’t seem to mind it at all.

Sam moves so she’s all but sitting in Alex’s lap. Her hand reflexively goes to Sam’s back to steady her. Sam is warm under her shirt. “Do you think Lena’s going to tell us what she’s working on?” 

“Not until she finishes it,” Alex responds. Sam just groans, stretching herself even  _ more _ across Alex’s lap. 

It doesn’t get easier when Lena joins them. 

Her glasses seem to be holding her hair back, perched on her head as they are. She carries the bottle, taking a swig and finishing it off right in front of Alex, before placing the bottle delicately on the table. 

“So,” she says, perching on the loveseat next to them both. She’s completely unphased by Sam, sitting in Alex’s lap. “I hope you don’t have any plans tonight, because Sam’s not going to move,” 

“I could move if I wanted to,” Sam murmurs, eyes slipping shut. 

"And yet I'm certain that you don't want to," Lena huffs, if Alex didn't know better she'd say she was genuinely annoyed, but it's all in the eyes with her. She looks at them both fondly, shaking her head slightly before glancing back towards the counter. "You know, I've just finished working on that surprise for you," 

That gets Sam moving, her lanky body scrambling off Alex’s lap and hopping up in excitement. “What is it?” 

Lena cocks an eyebrow. “Patience is a virtue, Sam,” she huffs, but she peers over Sam’s shoulder to share a bemused smile with Alex. “Come on.” 

They’re led towards where Lena had been working before. When the record player comes into view, Alex hears Sam’s reaction before she’s able to react herself, excited squealing and a, “ _ Yes _ , I love you!” 

She squeezes Lena's face and peppers her cheeks with kisses, and the sheer  _ annoyance  _ on Lena's face makes Alex burst out into laughter. She manages to work her way out of Sam's grip, and she pushes the other woman aside, the pink tinge to her cheek and the amusement in her eyes only growing.

" _ Samantha _ , make yourself useful and choose a record. I need to see if my hard work really paid off," Lena shooes her away, gesturing to the shelf with all the vinyl, and Sam moves towards it with a spring in her step.

"Yes!" She bends over, eyes narrowed and tongue poking the inside of her cheek as she thinks. "Hm, are we feeling some jazz... maybe something a bit more upbeat..."

Her voice trails off, mostly because Alex can only focus on the way Lena is looking at her from the corner of her eye, a small smirk on her face. 

"How'd you learn to..." Alex starts to ask, because really, it is quite impressive. She'd seen it after the break in on the ground in several pieces, and now it's fixed together. Sure, it's not  _ perfect _ . There are still visible seams, places where Lena has obviously glued it together, but it's the same record player as before. 

"I've repaired more complicated things," Lena waves her question away, scoffing. "Hell, I've  _ made  _ more complicated things." 

Alex doesn’t doubt it. "Still, that's...wow," she brushes her fingertips against the record player, turning to face Lena. "You're kind of a genius," 

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Alex.” It’s dismissive, and Alex finds herself frowning deeply at the way Lena seems so ready to brush off any compliment she’s given.

"I'm not trying to flatter you. I'm just telling the truth," Alex argues, and Lena opens her mouth to respond, but she doesn’t get that far.

"This one!" Sam interrupts with a cheer, holding up a record. 

"All that hard work and you want to play  _ The Beach Boys _ ?" 

"Kokomo is iconic and I don't like your tone of voice," Sam pouts, and reluctantly slides the record back into place. A few more minutes "Fine, how about this?" 

Lena stares at the cover for a long moment, and Alex can see the tension in Sam's shoulders before she eventually nods, and the tension rolls out of her in a great big sigh. 

Sam puts the record on, and lines up the needle to the song she wants to play. The way she does it tells Alex that she's probably listened to this record a number of times, it's one of her favourites perhaps, but she didn't quite get a chance to see the cover. 

There's no sound for one long, tense second, and Lena is about to move forward when the beginning notes of the song start filtering through, just as strong as they usually do. 

"Of all the songs on this record you choose  _ this one _ ?" Lena sighs, and Sam only grins, swaying a little to the first few bars of the song. 

"Can't hear you over the good tunes, babe," 

Lena looks at Alex as if to try and drag her into her disapproval, but Alex can't help but be swayed by Sam's goofy grin, and she shrugs. 

"Come on, it's not that bad," Alex says, and she means it. She's had to deal with being in a car with her sister and her terrible taste in music for hours on end. She'd take this- Sam grinning and singing along off-key to an old song by the Temptations- over hour-long Disney singalongs anyday. 

Lena doesn't seem impressed. If anything, the look on her face could be described as betrayal. 

As the song gets to the chorus, Alex can also feel a little hint of recognition. She knows this song, she's heard it before, and the alcohol in her system probably helps her break through any hesitation she has. 

Sam begins with- " _ As pretty as you are,"  _ and it's almost reflex for her to join in. 

"You know you could have been a flower," she sings, locking eyes with Lena, and those green eyes glare at her for a second before she bursts into a laugh. 

"No, don't get me involved in this. I'm not joining you two," she resists, taking a step back. But Sam is beyond excited by this, and she grabs at Lena’s hands in an attempt to drag her into the dance.

"You two are terrible. I hate you," Lena shakes her head at the both of them now, but she can't hide the smile that creeps up on her face as she pushes Sam away, and feigns a glare at Alex. "I expected better from you, Alex!"

Alex’s nose scrunches up. She nods her head towards Sam, who’s pouting now. “Even I can’t resist those puppy dog eyes, Lena,” she admits without a moment’s hesitation, feeling Sam’s eyes flick towards her. 

"I won't dance. I  _ refuse  _ to dance with you.” Lena’s voice is resolute, but Alex can see her resolve gradually weakening. “

"Come on," Sam pleads, but the woman turns around, where she's faced with Alex now holding out a hand, plastering on her own pout and puppy dog eyes combo that she’d learned from many, many years living with Kara.

"You know Sam won't give up until you join in," she reminds Lena, shaking the hand outstretched in front of her. As soon as Lena grabs on, fingers curling in her palm, Alex tugs her forward and wraps an arm around her waist. 

“This is-” Lena coughs, a pink tint spreading across her pale face. “This is highly inappropriate.”

Alex doesn’t say anything. Instead, she spins Lena out and Sam catches her; she's a little unsteady on her feet but she recovers just in time, swaying with the shorter woman held tight in her arms before she grins over Lena's shoulder at Alex, and prepares to spin her around yet again. 

"I've had- stop it you two I've had way too much champagne for-" 

Her rant ends abruptly with a yelp as Sam pushes her with a bit more force, and Alex barely manages to step forward and catch Lena, an arm behind her back as she dips her. "What's with you two and falling for me?" she teases, and it's just meant to be a passing joke. 

By the sudden quiet that falls over the room, it seems that was the wrong thing to say.

She clears her throat. There’s a tension between them all now, and she tries desperately to break it by huffing out a laugh, awkwardly rubbing at the back of her neck as she looks between Sam and Lena, both of whom are staring at her with matching unreadable expressions. 

She glances away, towards the clock; it’s late, and she uses this as an excuse. “Uh- actually, I should probably get going.”

That seems to break the two of them out of their momentary stupor, because Sam’s eyebrows pull together in a sad frown. “What? No, Alex, stay-” 

“No, really,” Alex insists, already walking away. She can feel both their eyes on her. “I have to let Isa out, and Kara is probably expecting a call from me. And- you two deserve some alone time, you know? I’ll just see you guys tomorrow. 

She’s standing by the door, and it’s colder now at the front of the store, probably because of the windows. A draft blows through, and she zips up her jacket a little bit, distinctly aware of Sam and Lena, who seem reluctant to let her leave. 

Lena toys with the sleeves of her sweater. She’s not usually one for nervous actions, and Alex assumes it must be the alcohol, of which they had a  _ lot _ of, making her seem uncharacteristically jittery. 

Sam can’t seem to hold herself back. “You don’t  _ have  _ to leave,” 

“Are you kidding? It’s one of your first nights alone. I can’t impose,” 

“You wouldn’t be,” Sam protests, and damn is she convincing, her amber eyes wide and that charming smile— “It’s more fun with you here,” 

“I can’t leave Isa alone all night. I’ll see you in the morning — trust me, you’ll thank me tomorrow, Sam,” Sam still looks confused and sad about her departure, and it’s hard not to laugh at her when she’s like this, clearly affected by the drinks. 

Lena, however, gets her gist. She raises an eyebrow, and a slow indulgent smile spreads on her face. “Darling, I think Alex means to suggest that she’s leaving so we can have some time  _ alone _ ,” 

Sam clearly doesn’t get it, because she swats at Lena’s arm with a frown. “We can have alone time with Alex, don’t be rude Lena.” 

“A-a-and that’s my cue to go,” she knows Sam doesn’t mean it like  _ that,  _ but her mind goes there immediately, and she quickly turns around to unlock the door, hoping that the other two can’t see the burning red blush on her cheeks. 

That night, not even five minutes after stepping through the door, Alex googles the term  _ polyamory  _ and tries not to think about Kara somehow finding out she’s taken her seriously.

The first thing to pop up is a definition, followed by multiple sites that Alex can’t but be wary of clicking.

_ Polyamory, _ she reads from her laptop, glasses perched on her nose. _ The practice of engaging in multiple relationships with the consent of all the people involved. _

Alex slams the laptop shut so fast she almost shatters the screen. Why the  _ fuck _ would Kara tell her to look that up? It’s not like she’s—

No, she’s not going to think about this.

She doesn’t open the laptop back up for the rest of the night.

* * *

She gets to work on time. She’d tried to be early, but it had been dark when her alarm rang, so she’d closed her eyes for an extra little nap. Still, she’s jogging up to the bookstore right when she’s meant to be, and she grabs the door to get away from the cold and it’s locked.

She waits, and fifteen minutes later, a quite frazzled looking Lena comes down the stairs to let her in. 

That’s the first thing that clues her into the fact that Sam and Lena enjoyed their night alone. 

There are a number of other bits of evidence. Sam walks a little looser, she’s relaxed, like all the tension that has built up over months is now gone. Her already wide grin is even wider, and she sighs at times when she glances over at the other side of the store. 

And Lena’s wearing a scarf. It’s only early in the winter, and while it was a little bit chilly as she walked over in the morning, the heater is on all day, leaving the store nice and toasty. Outside, it hasn’t even gotten cold enough to snow. Apart from that though, Lena is pretty much the same, a bit better at hiding her emotions than her partner.

“It was...  _ wonderful _ ,” Lena muses later to her when she makes a passing comment about how their night went. She draws her lower lip between her teeth, eyes sparkling. If not for that, Alex would have assumed Lena didn’t get what she was asking. “Sam had a point though, we really did enjoy having you there to ourselves,” 

“You have me every day,” Alex reminds her without looking directly at her, because what she’s getting from this is that they specifically wanted her to stay last night.

“Well, you’re always  _ busy _ , aren’t you? With customers, and with Ruby... it’s not the same when you're here working,” Lena contends, already heading towards the back shelves with a crate full of books. Alex follows her, listening to the  _ clack clack clack _ of Lena’s boots against the hardwood floor.

“Then invite me out sometime,” Alex has no idea where the sudden surge of confidence comes from. It surprises Lena, and it also surprises herself, but she‘s already put it out there, hasn’t she? “I’ll have to talk to my bosses, but I should be able to get a day off.”

“Is that so?” Lena cocks an eyebrow. “And what makes you think that?” 

Alex purses her lips, tilting her head back and forth a bit as she pretends to think. “Because I’m pretty sure they both have a soft spot for me.” 

It’s a bold statement, especially when saying it to Lena. Sam turns into a puddle of mush whenever Alex walks into the room, sure, but that’s just who she is - Lena is a different story.

She doesn’t argue against this, though. Her brow arches further up and she stares at Alex for a quick moment before nodding. “I suppose they do,” she admits, leaning down to shelve books. Then she pauses, glancing out of the corner of her eye and smiling slightly. “How about tomorrow? We’ll go out this time, rather than hole ourselves up in the apartment." 

Sam’s voice booming from behind one of the shelves startles them both, and Lena puts a hand to her chest as Sam parts two books to look at them through the aisle. “Ice skating! There’s a lake I used to go when I was younger, it’d freeze over every year.”

Alex and Lena look at each other. “Is that safe?” Lena asks warily. 

Sam rolls her eyes. “Of course it’s safe,” she scoffs. “C’mon, it’ll be fun! We can skate, get some hot chocolate-” 

“With whiskey?” 

“No, not whiskey, you alcoholic,” Sam shoots her a pointed look, but when Alex looks at Lena, the other woman is already smiling knowingly at her, the discreet wink she receives enough to make Alex’s stomach flip. 

“Anyways,” Sam continues, frowning at their antics, “we’ll have so much fun! Then we can come home, order some pizza, play some games-”

“Games?” Lena’s interest is piqued now. “What kind of games do you suggest?” 

“Yeah!” Sam nods excitedly. Alex can’t help but grin at her. “Like Monopoly!” 

Lena deflates a little at that; she’d undoubtedly been expecting drinking games. “Great,” Sam claps her hands without even acknowledging Lena’s now semi-bored expression. “This is going to be awesome!” 

If it were anyone else, Alex would probably roll her eyes. But this is Sam, and she looks so happy and excited that it sends a burst of warmth directly to Alex’s heart. It seems to have the same effect on Lena as well, because when Alex looks over, Lena is staring fondly at Sam with her arms crossed in front of her. 

“We don’t even have ice skates, darling,” she points out, but Sam shakes her head. 

“I’m sure I have two extra pairs!” she says, because of course she does. Alex wouldn’t have expected anything less. “Okay, I’m going to go look for them!” 

“We’re in the middle of a workday,” Lena calls out after her, but Sam doesn’t listen, already halfway up the stairs.

When the door slams shut above them, Alex and Lena look at each other again.

“Well,” Alex stretches her arms above her head, her fingers cracking. “Can’t wait to see you fall on your ass, princess.”

As she heads back towards the cafe with a teasing smirk, she just barely hears Lena retort, “I am not going to fall on my ass!” 

* * *

Lena falls on her ass.

Several times.

They’ve been here at the frozen lake for almost twenty minutes and Lena has already slipped more than the two of them combined. Just by watching Sam, Alex can tell she’s spent relentless hours skating on this lake when she was younger, and the skill hasn’t gone away yet. Like riding a bike, Alex guesses. 

“I almost wanted to be a figure skater,” she remarks as she turns around them, the blades of her skates scraping against the ice so that bits of it goes flying up. Alex looks on, impressed, but Lena just huffs in frustration as she picks herself up for the sixth time. 

“Well, you have the legs for it,” she mutters under her breath. 

Alex blames the tips of her ears turning red on the frigid wind that rushes past them. She clears her throat, rubbing her gloved hands together and looking towards Lena. When Sam whizzes past them again with a joyous laugh, she sees Lena’s eyes narrow.

"How about this,” Alex suggests, trying hard to hide her smile, “if you stand between Sam and I, we can help you get your balance. Sometimes you just need a bit of momentum, you know?" 

"I am aware of how physics works, yes," 

"She's  _ very  _ aware, considering how many times she's fallen-" Sam teases, and Alex shoots her a look to try and get her to stop, cause she really isn't helping. 

Lena narrows her eyes at Sam, with a glare that is probably intended to look threatening, but she's snuggled up in several layers, thick woolen scarf tucked close against her neck. "I don't trust Sam. She's going to make me fall," 

"I'd  _ never,"  _ Sam gasps with mock offense, clutching at her chest. 

"She's not going to let you fall," Alex says, but she's not entirely convinced herself. There's mischief in that smile of hers as she lazily loops around them, legs crossing as she skates backwards. 

"You're just showing off," Lena sulks, and Sam just grins wider.

Alex doesn't consider herself to be particularly good at skating, but she's competent enough to move herself forwards and not fall. She's steady enough that she isn't worried when she offers her elbow to Lena to hold. 

Lena's grip is almost painful, and Alex realises just how frightened she is. 

"If you're tense, it'll make it harder for your body to balance on the skates. Just try to ease up a bit. And lean forwards.” She looks up at her, and her jaw is tense but she gives Alex a nod, but her grip tenses again on her arm as Alex starts to pull her along. 

Sam continues to spin and spiral on the ice ahead of them, her hair streaming out behind her as she makes it look effortless. 

Alex can feel the warmth of Lena’s hands through her gloves. “Easy,” she says asd Lena lurches forward for a moment, nearly winding up on her face. “Wouldn’t want to mess up that pretty face of yours, princess.”

Lena’s cheeks redden - from the cold or Alex’s words, Alex doesn’t know. 

It’s probably from the cold.

They skate like that for a while, with Alex gripping onto Lena’s hands and dragging her along on the ice, Lena’s eyes flickering constantly from her cautiously moving feet to Alex. It’s only when Alex begins to visibly shiver that Lena abruptly stops, ripping her hands out of Alex’s and nearly sending them both toppling down on the ice.

“You’re cold!” She sounds almost offended, like it’s a personal attack on her that Alex had only chosen to wear her leather jacket and gloves. 

Truthfully, Alex hadn’t been as prepared as the two of them - the cold weather is new to her, having lived in California for most of her life and then having to endure the hot deserts overseas. She hadn’t considered that maybe it  _ snows _ sometimes, and it could be cold enough to freeze over lakes.

“I’m fine,” she lies, though she can already feel her teeth start to chatter. “Really, it’s not-” 

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence before there’s a thick scarf being forcibly wrapped around her neck. “Lena, what-” 

“Sam, give Alex your hat!” Lena shouts, and almost immediately, Sam appears right next to her, coming to a stop with a sharp screech against the ice. The beanie - in pure Sam style, with a fluff ball on the top - is forced onto Alex’s head without a word, mussing up her hair, and Alex pushes the strands away from her eyes.

“Guys, really?” Still, she can’t help the small, disbelieving laugh that escapes her at Sam and Lena’s actions. “This wasn’t necessary.” 

“Nonsense,” Lena brushes her off, “We can’t have our employee out sick for days with a cold.” 

Somehow, Alex doubts that’s the only reason they’re concerned, and Sam confirms this when she says, “And we care about you! Are you still cold? You can have my coat-” 

Well, no- she  _ is _ warmer, so she can’t exactly complain. “No, Sam, I’m fine, really. Thank you.” She’s blushing enough from being in their clothes, and even more so from the way they’re looking at her, and she looks away.

“We can make hot chocolate when we get back to the store,” Sam says with a bright smile. “Oh! And then we can play board games!”

Alex and Lena exchange a look. 

Somehow, she has a feeling that neither of them are as against the childish suggestion as they try to pretend they are.

Alex wonders if it’s the skating, or more simply the season that has Sam like this. Her enjoyment of it all is infectious, and while Alex’s bones are only now starting to thaw, she almost wishes it would snow right now. Just so she could see Sam’s reaction, to see if her smile could get any brighter. 

They leave the rink eventually, and take to the streets. On the way back to the store, the sky is a heavy grey, but there’s no snow in sight. The road is damp and the wind would be freezing but she’s bundled up in the borrowed woolen things, and Sam’s arm is wrapped around her as they walk, she’s rubbing over her sleeve as if she can somehow keep her warm that way. 

“Oh! We can play-”

“Not Twister,” Lena snaps from the other side of Sam, and Alex can feel Sam wither a little at the venom in her voice. “I’m all bruised from the skating, I don’t need to add a pulled muscle to all of that,” 

Alex tries to wrack her brain for a good game suggestion, but somehow nothing really comes up, not that she’s played recently at least. Those memories of  _ before  _ are always distant, odd to call upon, they almost feel like they happened to someone else. 

“I haven’t played board games since... before I left, really. My sister used to have game night at her apartment a lot,” 

“Every week?” Sam asks, and she gets the impression that Sam wouldn’t mind adopting a game night like that, even if Lena’s not as into it. 

“Every two weeks. We used to all play as a family before that, when Kara had just joined us. I never really appreciated it back then, hated it really, but Kara says it really helped her get settled. So when we moved to National City...” 

When she turns to look at them both, Lena has an almost distant look in her eyes, a smile teasing at her lips. “You kept it going,” 

“Yeah,” Alex nods, “It became an excuse to hang out together too, for more than just a coffee here or there. And she got some of her city friends into it too, grew it into a thing,” 

Sam’s genuinely interested in the idea, and she holds Alex a little tighter. “We could do that. We could have game nights! You could even invite your sister, Ruby would  _ love  _ that,” 

“I don’t want to hang around her more than I absolutely have to,” Alex says with a laugh, but as Sam’s arm loosens around her a bit, Alex quickly amends- “But a game night  _ does  _ sound good,” 

Sam’s smile comes back full force, but she lets go of Alex anyways as they approach the store. She wonders why that makes her feel so cold, and as she touches the spot where Sam’s hand had rested, she notices Lena’s curious gaze on her. 

Her hand drops, and she shrugs. “You have brother issues, and I-“ 

“They are not even  _ remotely  _ the same,” Lena scoffs, shaking her head and following Sam as she opens the door. “And yet, I do understand your plight.”

It’s second nature for Alex to settle behind the counter once she walks in, even though she’s not exactly on the clock. Sam did say she’d wanted some hot chocolate though, and she’s more than willing to get that done while Sam ducks upstairs to put their skates away. 

Lena settles across from her, on a stool by the counter. Alex can feel her eyes, never moving. She gets three cups, fills one with an absurd amount of marshmallows, places a single marshmallow in another, and feels around in her inside pockets to find her flask. 

“Don’t worry, princess. I wasn’t about to forget your whiskey,” 

She looks up and intends to flash Lena a roguish, charming smile, but what she sees throws her off considerably. Lena’s face has nearly gone entirely red, her hand covers her mouth as she struggles to hold in a laugh. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t take you seriously when you’re wearing that god-awful hat,” she gasps, before finally cracking up. 

“Are you laughing at me?” Alex reels back, offended. “This is your partner’s hat. You should be laughing at her,” 

“You’re just so- it just isn’t you, but it makes you look  _ adorable _ ,” Lena cackles, eyes fixated on the puff ball above Alex’s head.

Ugh. She grimaces, recapping her flask and tucking it into her pocket. “Right, I’m taking it off,” 

She reaches for the beanie, but Lena holds out a hand to stop her with a hysterical cry- “ _ No! _ ” 

“Well, you’re laughing at me!” Alex throws up her hands in defeat, and Lena continues to giggle, almost at the point of tears. 

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want you getting cold,” Lena wipes at her eyes, glancing at her finger reflexively for makeup. She doesn’t point out the fact that the store has slowly been warming up as the heating kicked in a few minutes ago. “Give me my damn hot chocolate,” 

Alex glares at her, sliding the mug over to her, but she can’t stay fake-mad for long. Lena’s hands reach out immediately to wrap around it, brushing against her own in the process before she tugs the cup away from her, ducking away to go to her regular perch, on the couch near the books. 

Heavy footsteps come down the stairs, and Alex watches as Sam spots Lena on the couch and makes a beeline for her, dramatically tumbling into the cushions, nearly jostling Lena’s hot chocolate in the process. Before the shorter woman can protest, she covers her face and lets out a deep groan. 

“I’m a little more tired than I thought,” she admits, practically burrowing into Lena.

“Well, you  _ were _ speeding around the ice like a jackrabbit on skates, so I’m not exactly surprised,” Alex hums, and Sam peeks through her fingers before sticking a tongue out at her. 

“Is that for me?” Sam spots the mug in her hand as Alex approaches, and sits up a bit. Lena, somehow avoids spilling even a drop of her hot chocolate as those long limbs flail about, nearly knocking the mug into her face as she sips. “Can we have a raincheck on those games?” 

Lena is immediately on edge. She sits up a little straighter, looking at Sam with concern. “Sam? Is it-“ 

“Just a little headache,” Sam rubs at her forehead. “It’ll go away. Can we watch a movie?” 

They move upstairs, and there's a small sofa in front of the TV. It'll easily fit the three of them, but it doesn't make Alex's predicament any easier. 

It's not that she  _ doesn't  _ want to be close to them, it's that she can't help but want more whenever they're in such close proximity to her. And she isn't sure how to act, when Sam sits on one side of the couch, and Lena on the other, and as soon as Alex fits into the only logical place remaining (it would be strange for her to sit on the floor, after all), they both snuggle up closer to her, as if they were unaware of her attempts to make herself smaller so she'd have more distance. 

"We can finally watch..." Lena begins, and then her brow furrows, "What was the name of that movie again? The one that I wanted to-" 

"Really?  _ The Favourite?"  _ Sam groans, as Lena's face lights up in recognition. 

"Yes, that one!" 

Alex has heard of the movie, something that Kara had recommended because 'it has people like you'. Except the lesbians in it were wearing bizarre makeup and frilly dresses, she hadn't gotten far before she'd turned off the movie and watched Die Hard for the millionth time instead. 

Still, they all gather on the couch to watch it; but of course, an hour into the movie  _ she _ chose, Lena’s head falls down onto Alex’s shoulder. 

She inhales sharply, glancing down in a semi-panicked state as she realizes Lena has fallen asleep, before her eyes flick over towards Sam on the other end of the couch, sitting with Lena’s legs draped across her lap.

She’s taken by surprise by the way Sam is grinning at them.

“Your girlfriend fell asleep on me,” she hisses, as though it’s not blatantly obvious already. 

Sam nods. “Yep, and guess what? You’re stuck like that until she wakes up. And Lena is a heavy sleeper.” Sam chuckles under her breath at them, and Alex frowns down at Lena, whose nose is brushing up against her collarbone, sending warmth down Alex’s spine.

She stays as still as she can manage, trying her hardest not to stir Lena awake, but it doesn’t seem to matter; the movie is still on full volume, and she and Sam hadn’t even been trying to keep their voices down.

Lena is out, and Alex can’t move for fear of jostling her and waking her up, and even more concerning- she doesn’t particularly _want_ to move. She doesn’t know what it is, but there’s a fuzzy kind of feeling that accompanies Lena’s head on her shoulder, knowing that the other woman trusts her enough to fall asleep on her, of all things.

That, and the fact that Lena had already been pressed close to her, and now Alex can feel the warmth radiating from her body as she snuggles up. It doesn’t help that she smells amazing, and Alex wants to turn her face and press her lips against the top of Lena’s head in a brief kiss, but she knows she can’t.

That’s not something she’s allowed to do. That’s something Sam is allowed to do, and only Sam, because Alex isn’t a part of this relationship. 

(Even though, with every passing day, Alex can’t help but feel like she’s slowly but surely becoming the final piece in this three-piece puzzle.)

“How could she fall asleep during a movie she chose?” she remarks bitterly, watching the women in frilly dresses and too-large hats move and talk on the screen. “I told you we should’ve watched Die Hard.”

“She would’ve fallen asleep then too,” Sam reminds her, but Alex shrugs a shoulder. 

“Yeah, but at least we wouldn’t have to sit through this. What even is this? Are they lesbians?” They seem like it, and she wouldn’t put it past Lena to choose a film like this if it had homoerotic subtext, something that is apparently _“very prevelant in classic films, Alex,” _according to her.

But Sam frowns, peering over Lena’s sleeping form at her. “They’re both married to men.” 

Alex raises her eyebrows; leave it to Sam to be oblivious to said _homoerotic_ _subtext_. “Do you think that matters?” 

There’s a brief pause before Sam tilts her head in agreement. “I guess not. But-”

Alex swallows hard as Lena shifts, turning so that the upper half of her body is pressed almost completely into Alex’s side, her hair brushing against Alex’s cheek. When she spares a glance towards Sam, the other woman merely smiles softly at them, and all it does is make Alex even more confused.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Sam says, voice but a whisper. Alex’s eyes shoot up, surprised to hear Sam say something like that to her - not like she’s daring Alex to disagree, but like she wants to hear Alex say it. 

“She is,” she agrees, nodding. With the dark hair and green eyes, Lena almost reminds her of-  _ no, _ she cuts her own thoughts off early. Lena may remind her of another woman physically, but the truth is that Alex has never met anyone quite like her.

Sam, too. She’s never met someone other than Kara so… bright and cheery. And she’s able to warm her insides dangerously with nothing more than a soft smile. 

Her own eyes begin to slip shut. She clears her throat and looks towards Sam, who’s now much too fixated on the boring movie still playing, not looking at Alex. Her hand rests on Lena’s knee, tapping there rhythmically, eyes glued to the television. 

“You can stay tonight,” she says after a long stretch of silence. “If you want, I mean.” 

Alex bites down on her bottom lip. She does want to - she aches to stay, to be able to wake up to Sam and Lena, but she can’t. “I have to get back to Isa,” she says, and it’s not entirely a lie, but it’s not the whole truth either. Isa herself is probably knocked out at the foot of Alex’s bed by now, and there’s no real reason for her to rush home.

Still, she gently slides out from under Lena and winces slightly, but Lena falls against the back of the couch instead, still asleep, not stirring even for a moment. “Are you sure?” Sam asks, disappointed. 

She isn’t. In fact, the only thing she’s sure about is the way she longs to stay with them for even just a few more minutes. 

But she knows better. “Yeah,” she sighs, trying to pretend like the look Sam gives her doesn’t leave her more upset than it should. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah,” Sam says. “Yeah, okay. Night, Alex!”

On her way out, Alex wonders if it’s always going to be this way - with her leaving early so that she doesn’t do something stupid, like think that maybe she has a chance with both of these women who are already dating each other.

Except- hasn’t she done that already? Hasn’t she already tricked herself into thinking there’s something there?

But it can’t just be her. They have to feel it too. Right?

* * *

The holidays creep up faster than any of them had expected it to. It seems as if overnight, the majority of the buildings and houses stretching across town are lit up with a mix of golden and colorful lights, decorations strewn across the yards, curtains open to reveal lit Christmas trees set up inside people’s living rooms. 

On her way to the bookstore, Alex stares for a long time at the Frosty the Snowman animatronic waving at her through the glass window, signature pipe in his mouth. 

The closest she’d come to celebrating the holidays for the past few years on base had been… interesting, to say the least. She recalls one memorable year when Lucy Lane had brought a snow machine and a strings upon strings of golden lights onto base to create the feeling of being back home for the holidays.

It’d been one of the best moments in all of Alex’s years spent in active duty. They’d gotten drunk and celebrated until early on in the morning, and that’d been the night she and Lane had grown closer than they had been, actually becoming  _ friends _ .

A sharp pang goes through her chest at the thought, and she shakes it off as she reaches the bookstore.

Sam had begun decorating weeks in advance. There’s lights and garlands hanging in the front of the store, and a Christmas tree set up in the middle of the floor inside, standing between the cafe and the bookshelves. 

When Alex walks in, she notices the menorah on the table in front of the window, already in preparation for Hanukkah in addition to Christmas.

“Do you like it?” Sam appears beside her. “I thought it was rude to only decorate for Christmas, because we should be inclusive of all religions and holidays, and I wasn’t sure if you’d be offended by all the-” 

“Sam, it’s great,” Alex cuts her off before she’s able to further dissolve into a series of rants, and she smiles gratefully. “Really, but- you know you didn’t have to.” 

“What?” Sam asks, affronted, just as Ruby passes by and tells Alex, “She almost bought a giant blow up menorah but Lena talked her out of it.” 

Sam throws her hands up. “I’m trying to be inclusive!” 

Alex can only smile. “No, it’s- it’s great,” she assures her, a hand coming down on Sam’s forearm. “Thank you.” 

“ Bevakasha,” Sam says in return, and Alex frowns in confusion. “It means you’re welcome in Hebrew. I googled it this morning.” 

Her eyebrows raise. She pats Sam on the shoulder as she passes her to get to the cafe. “Alright, that’s a little too much.”

She only vaguely hears Sam quietly berate herself as she slips behind the counter, already working on getting Lena’s coffee ready. 

She shakes her head fondly, trying not to think too much about how that fills her chest up with warmth. 

It's not just the decor that changes as winter starts to set in, and the weather gradually shifts. It starts to get darker a lot earlier, meaning that Alex is often walking out when the sun has already set, the air frigid, the streets lit up across town.

The bookstore is a visually busy place, even more so now with the borderline gaudy decorations strewn all over th e shop. Lena shuffles things around, puts bestsellers in the window display, she's working almost constantly, fluttering about the place, and the front of the coffee shop is also busy as well, people stopping in for a coffee while they go and buy gifts for the holidays, or simply to warm up with a hot drink and some of the gingerbread cookies that Sam starts making. 

She's not particularly fond of gingerbread, but she's swayed when Sam one day comes up to her with a broad grin and a freshly decorated little gingerbread person. 

"It's you! It's got the red hair, the little scrunchy face you make when you concentrate-" 

"I made the tattoos!" Ruby pipes up, pointing at the scribbles of icing along the arms. 

"I don't make a scrunchy face when I-" 

"Yeah, when you pour the coffee," Sam looks a little wistful for a moment, before shaking herself out of it. "Don't worry, it's cute," 

Alex reaches to pick up the cookie, and the little tremor in her hand doesn't go unnoticed by Sam. But Sam doesn't say anything, only smiles for another moment, before setting the tray down beside her. 

"Thank you. Both of you. I almost don't want to eat it. It looks just like me," 

"I can-" Before Ruby can snatch it up, Alex quickly steps back with it in her hand, biting off it's-  _ her? _ -head. 

"Delicious. What was that Ruby?" 

Ruby's eyes bug out, and she gasps before all but shouting- "Alex is a cannibal!" 

It brings out a startled laugh from Sam, who almost spills the cup of coffee she was pouring. "Ruby, go and do something else? Stop tormenting her." 

"Fine," 

_ Something else _ turns out to be just as mischievous, if not more. 

Alex  _ almost  _ doesn't notice, but she's always had to be observant. Ruby must have gotten it done when she was running around, jumping and slapping the ceiling beams as children often do. She'd heard Lena scold her for it, but she'd only just snarked back in response. 

She realises when she walks over at around four, when things are winding down, and the sun is getting a little low. There's a steady rush of rain outside, pattering against the windows, and a little bit of a draft comes through the gaps that haven't quite been sealed right. 

She's going with a cup of coffee in her hands to Lena's side of the store when she pauses just before catastrophe, noting the innocuous little white berries affixed to the garland. 

Mistletoe. Of  _ course _ . Does Ruby know? She can't possibly- perhaps she wants to get her moms under the mistletoe, she's playing a prank on them. She makes sure the coast is clear, Lena's behind her counter, closing up the till, taking stock of what's sold for the day. 

Her glasses somehow don't fall off her nose, even though they're teetering at the end of it. She doesn't look up from what she's doing, even as Alex places the cup beside her on the counter. 

"I was thinking we could close early, you know? So we can all have a chat. It's been a while," 

"I've got no plans tonight," Alex says before her more logical brain can refuse, and she tries not to let any reaction show on her face. It doesn't matter anyways, Lena seems busy. 

"Good. Just run it past Sam, will you?" she waves a hand in her direction, dismissing her. 

What she doesn't expect is to almost collide with Sam as she walks back to the counter. 

"Whoops!" Sam says with a laugh, her hands settling on Alex's shoulders to steady her as she goes to move past her, and before she can get a word out, Ruby's shrill voice cries out across the store. 

" _ Mistletoe!"  _

Alex freezes. Every muscle in her body tenses up, and when she looks at Sam, the other woman’s eyes are wide. When they both look up, the mistletoe hangs above their heads, taunting them. 

“You have to kiss!” Ruby shrieks, bouncing over and staring at them expectantly. “It’s the rules.” 

Ruby  _ wants _ them to kiss? Alex blinks, staring down at the girl, but Sam just chuckles next to her. “Alright, Rubes, that’s enough.” 

Ruby pouts, arms crossed. “But you have to!” 

“Ruby-“ 

“It’s the  _ rules- _ “ 

Before she can finish, a pair of soft lips press against the tip of Alex’s nose in a brief kiss. It’s over a second later, with Sam pulling back and flashing Alex a grin. “There,” she says, triumphant. “A kiss under the mistletoe. Happy, baby?” she asks Ruby. Alex can feel her heart in her throat, and her whole face burns as she looks down, away from Sam. 

"You two are  _ boring _ ," Ruby's shoulders slump, and she rolls her eyes. "You should have kissed on the lips. Mom, you said that you wante-" 

Sam's head swivels around so fast, her hair whips Alex right in the face, blinding her. "Ruby, we have to have a talk about boundaries together." 

What is she even doing here? Blushing like an idiot when a woman kisses her- a woman that is  _ in a relationship _ \- 

Shit. She glances over at Lena to see her reaction, but rather than the anger or jealousy that Alex expects to see on her face, she's standing there watching them with an amused smile on her red lips. She says nothing, but raises an eyebrow at Alex as she brings her coffee cup back up for another sip. 

What does that even  _ mean _ ? 

"Did Lena say you were going to stay over after closing?" 

"Actually, I've gotta feed Isa, and I've got laundry that needs to be done, and there's- a whole bunch of things really that I've let pile up and-" Alex starts to ramble, hands gesturing wildly as she’s throwing out every possible excuse she can think of. 

"Well, we did say you could bring Isa here-" 

"Another time. Like it totally escaped my mind, you know! I just got so carried away in the- coffee. The coffee making. It's an art you know and-," 

“Alex,” Sam tries to break her out of her rambling. 

“I’ve just got- things to do,” Alex clears her throat, adjusting her jacket. It’s suddenly very hot in here. 

“Things?” 

“Yeah, things. You know, uh- just some stuff.” 

God. She cringes at the look on Sam’s face, and all she wants to do is be swallowed up by the ground right now. 

“Right,” Sam replies after a brief pause. “Okay.” 

“I’m gonna get back to work.” It’s awkward, with Alex slowly shuffling backwards towards the cafe, Sam and Lena both staring at her. 

She doesn’t  _ run _ back to the front counter - she just… walks very quickly.

Somehow, though, it gets worse. Over the next few days, the bookstore quickly turns into a minefield for Alex, and she’s desperate to know where each desperate step is.

She's figured out a safe zone, but she notes that Ruby's clever with how she hides the mistletoe up near the beams that cross over the bookshelves. The counter is clear at least, so she does her best to stay there, and when she has to traverse to the other side, she tries to at least make sure that she's alone, and that there are no tall brunettes wandering around behind her for no particular reason. 

Or shorter brunettes either. Lena's easy enough to spot most of the time, but the shelves are quite tall. She's constantly terrified of being ambushed again, because she knows her traitorous face will give her away, and she'll have to explain why she's blushing, and she's not ready for them to know that she likes them- 

Not that she likes them more than is appropriate of course. She appreciates them. As friends. Their friendship. 

Needless to say, Alex is tense for the next few days. 

Sam and Lena? Not so much. 

And that only makes it  _ worse _ . 

Because now she has to see them kiss. At first, it was only little kisses. Lena left a red lipstick mark on Sam's cheek one day. Alex thought she was aware, until Sam caught her reflection and  _ demanded  _ to know why Alex didn't tell her, blushing the entire time. 

The next time Sam catches Lena under the mistletoe, Alex is clearing a table, so she has an unfortunate full view of the way Sam's hand rests on the small of Lena's back as they share a short but intimate kiss. 

She nearly drops a plate because  _ holy shit _ . She'd grown used to seeing them be affectionate, sure, but not  _ that  _ affectionate. 

It's not irritation, it's not disgust, but there's something that seems to build in her chest every time she sees them kiss. A whirlwind of mixed emotions, that grows and threatens to choke her. 

Perhaps it's that same mess of emotions that has her dropping her guard just enough for her to be stopped in place one day by Lena as they cross paths. 

"We better not tempt fate, Alex," Lena warns, and at first Alex is confused by her cryptic words. Then she follows her gaze, as she slowly glances up at the damned weed, fixed to the beam. 

It’s a long while before she moves, but when she does. it’s with a jolt as Lena’s face comes closer to here. Alex can feel her breath against her cheek, and then soft lips are coming down, and- 

The kiss is feather-light, on her cheek, dangerously close to her lips. It is only a graze, but her skin  _ burns  _ with the touch. 

She's not about to bring her hand to the place where Lena's lips just were, as if she could hold that moment in place for a fraction of a second longer. But her hand twitches with the desire to, and it takes every ounce of self control to try and keep herself still, to give nothing away. 

There is a long moment, after Lena pulls away, that neither of them utter a word. Alex is frozen, until Ruby bounds up to them and groans. “That was close, but it still doesn’t count.” 

Alex finally manages to remind herself to breathe, and when she does, it comes in the form of a heavy sigh as she turns away from the two, chest tight. “Okay, my shift is over, I’m gonna go.” 

She’s out the door before any of them can try and stop her, high tailing it back to her apartment and collapsing on the couch. With her face smushed into the throw pillow, the frustrated groan she lets out is muffled, and she digs around for her phone before she stops. She doesn't know what she'll do. Call Kara and deal with her constant nagging and over excitedness? No way. 

Instead, she makes another game plan.

She gets to work _early _the next morning. Maps out the places where the mistletoe is in her mind. Of course, it's then when she gets caught out, when Sam sees her staring up at the ceiling. 

"What are you doing?" she asks, stepping in next to her to look up at the ceiling as well. "Did I miss a spot with the paint?" 

"No you didn't-" 

“Then what are you looking at?” 

And- oh God, this is going to be the cause of Alex’s death. Sam is staring straight up at the mistletoe, realization dawning in her eyes, and there’s a small, albeit awkward smile that spreads across her face. “Oh, that again.” 

Alex swallows, throat suddenly much more dry than it was a moment ago. “We don’t have to, you know-” She gestures vaguely, but before Sam can respond, Lena is cackling from amidst the bookshelves. 

“Might as well get it over with,” she calls out, amusement in her voice. It all throws Alex for a loop. “Or that daughter of yours will never let you hear the end of it.” 

Sam shrugs. “I guess you’re right,” she agrees, but then she must see the look on Alex’s face, because she backtracks. “But, hey, I don’t want to do it if it’ll make you uncomfortable.” 

The truth is, it won’t. It’ll make her the opposite of uncomfortable, and if anything, it’ll probably confirm something she’s already ninety five percent sure about. 

Which is, quite frankly, fucking terrifying.

Still, with both Sam and Lena - and most likely Ruby, too, watching them from some secret hiding spot of hers - are staring at her, she caves. “No, it’s- it’s fine. It’s just a kiss, right? A friendly kiss between friends.” 

Somewhere in the shelves, she can vaguely hear what sounds like childish snickering from Ruby, but she ignores it, already too distracted by the way Sam is gazing down at her. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, why not?” She sounds more confident than she feels, her voice coming out smooth despite her nerves being anything but. “I mean, it’s not like it means anything, and you’re dating Lena, so-“ 

“Here, it’ll just be a kiss on the cheek, Alex,” Sam rolls her eyes, and-  _ oh.  _

The way she’d been talking, Alex had thought… 

_ Stupid _ . 

“Oh, yeah, no, right! No biggie,” she blows out a breath, cheeks puffing out. “Okay, so just- on the cheek,” 

Except— 

She and Sam both turn and lean in to kiss each other’s cheeks at the same time, a clear misunderstanding between them, and it's not really a  _ kiss _ as much as it's a painful collision of their faces. A jolt goes through Alex - and not the kind of ‘spark’ that people describe when they first kiss someone, but rather, a feeling of  _ ‘oh no’  _ as she realizes she’s accidentally  _ kissing Sam Arias _ on the mouth and, even worse, she’s  _ failing _ at it. 

They’re pulling apart a second later, Alex’s lips tingling. The spot behind her eyes burns, and she clenches her jaw. “Um-“

"Was that meant to be a kiss? I'm more than happy to teach you two how they really work," Lena chimes in. Alex can see the moment Sam’s face turns bright red, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. 

“Sorry,” Sam chuckles awkwardly, looking as embarrassed as Alex feels. “I didn’t- it was meant to be a peck on the cheek, but-“ 

Lena pops up beside her, eyes rolling. “Oh, please, don’t feed her that petty excuse,” she scoffs, throwing a comforting arm around both of their shoulders. “You know, I meant it when I said I’d teach you-“ 

And that’s enough for today. The sudden, overwhelming urge to get out of there floods through Alex, and she staggers back, whole body tense and face on fire. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” she stumbles over her words, grabs her things, and is out of there as fast as her legs can take her. 

* * *

It's eight in the morning, and the sun is low. A low fog has settled over the streets as she walks over to the bookstore. 

She needs to do this, and she knows she'll chicken out if she tucks it away. Cars move slowly through their fog, their headlights like eyes, cautiously trying to peer through the haze. That's probably what makes her slow herself down too, she can't quite see where she's going, it's  _ obviously  _ not because she's trying to delay the inevitable. 

It's a slow walk, and she nearly crushes the letter she holds in her hand with how tense she is. It's cold enough for her fingertips to feel numb, but she can't have the letter in her bag, or in her pocket. 

This path isn't the most dangerous she's ever tread, but she might as well be walking to her doom. It's stupid, it's  _ so  _ stupid, how she's let them get under her skin like this. She's let them get to her, and now she's fallen, and this is now her only option. 

For her sake. And for theirs. 

Alex Danvers isn't a coward. But as she spots someone outside the store, she pauses, hoping the fog will obscure her from view. 

Her heart is in her throat. She's not  _ ready _ , but there's really no time like the present. 

She can tell it's Sam just by her silhouette. She's up on a ladder, stringing up more lights on the front of the store. It's an odd time to do it, she gets the distinct feeling that it was a whim of Lena's that Sam is now indulging before they open the cafe for the day. 

She can't stand here forever though. As soon as she starts taking a few steps, Sam notices her, and there's a split second where her face lights up, and Alex wonders if this is the right decision. 

"Hey! I thought you-" Sam drops the lights, and Alex winces as she hears the coil clatter to the ground, there are definitely going to be a few broken bulbs there. She scrambles down the ladder, and Alex can't help but step closer, worried she's going to fall in her haste. "It's good to see you!" 

She bounces down the last few steps, and her smile is as bright as it ever is, threatening to blind her. 

"I need to talk to you. To both of you," Alex says. 

She holds the letter close to her chest, to try and stop the shaking of her hand. Sam's smile falls a little, she's confused. 

The door swings open then, probably because of the clatter of Sam descending as she did. 

"You two are loitering around out here, Sam, stop getting distracted by-" Lena steps outside, bundled up in a large coat, her eyes glancing between them both as she reads the situation. The billowing warmth from inside hits Alex but is quickly replaced by the cold, still air of the outdoors. 

Lena furrows her brows, glancing between them, the joking tone to her voice gone. "Is everything alright?" 

She's going to break them. Lena's moving closer to her, to rest a hand on her arm, perhaps. And it's something that Lena had rarely ever done, Alex has only known her for a few months and she has never been truly tactile with anyone outside of her family, certainly never initiated any contact like she is now. 

And Sam- oh, she wears her heart on her sleeve, and right now it's written on her face. The anticipation of a blow. 

But she has to. This isn't good for them, or for her. She doesn't  _ belong _ , does she? 

At least, not in the way she wants. 

"I can't do this anymore," She blurts, and their reactions are sudden. She holds out the letter, and the implications aren't lost on the both of them. There is hurt in Lena's eyes as she takes a step back, refusing to take the envelope. Sam is more confused than anything, blinking as if she isn't quite sure what she's seeing. 

"Alex?" There is so much concern,  _ care _ , in Sam's voice as she says her name, and it's too much. 

"I just... I can't work with you anymore. This is my letter of resignation." 


	4. winter pt II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy 33k of three idiots figuring out how to date each other

_i couldn’t convince you that the blue you see is the same blue that i see. _

_but maybe that’s how lovers know they’re meant to love; _

_they see the same blue. and they both know it._

— pleasefindthis_, i wrote this for you. _

* * *

After being away for so long, Alex had almost forgotten how rainy it became in Midvale in the winter. It was always something that had got on her nerves back when she was younger, the rain cold and inconvenient, never seeming to stop. 

She listens to it as she lays cuddled in bed, wrapped in thick blankets like a burrito, the raindrops pounding against the window. It fits perfectly with her mood, ironically, and she pushes her face deeper into the pillows as thunder cracks loudly somewhere in the distance.

She barely hears the door swing open, but she does hear the heavy footsteps of her sister barging into their shared childhood room, and she definitely hears the curtains being forced open. What vague light has passed through the clouds in the sky shines through the window, dimly lighting up what _ was _ a perfectly dark room.

“Kara,” Alex groans, her sister’s name coming out muffled into the pillows. She rolls over in her bed and throws the covers off herself, glaring up at Kara, who’s standing at the side of her bed with her hands on her hips. 

“Alex,” Kara replies in the same warning tone, frowning at her from over her glasses. “You can’t sleep in so late. It’s not healthy.” 

“You’re not healthy,” Alex grumbles back, but Kara only rolls her eyes, reaching down to try and physically drag Alex out of the bed. 

“I’m serious. Plus, Eliza made lunch.” 

_ Lunch. _Did she really sleep in that long? It doesn’t feel like it, but then, she had waited until almost two in the morning to actually even make an effort to go to sleep. She’d been up long into the night, her thoughts too loud, fighting with herself over whether or not she should just pick up the phone and call Sam and Lena. 

She picks up her phone. It really is lunchtime- the fact surprises her, even if Kara had just said that it was (she wouldn't put it past her to pretend that it was lunchtime just to get her out of bed). There are also several messages from Sam and a single missed call from Lena. 

"Woah, yeah. I heard your phone ringing like crazy from the other room. I have no idea how that didn't wake you up," Kara chuckles. "Seems like your _ not-girlfriends _miss you," 

"It's just Sam, she-" Alex begins, but furrows her brows when Kara seems to look a little too happy about the lack of a correction. "Why am I even explaining this to you? Get out of my room." 

It’s only after Kara leaves, tongue sticking out at her before the door shuts, that Alex realizes what she’d said. 

_ Just _Sam. 

There is no _ just _ when it comes to Sam, when it comes to either of them. In such a short amount of time, they’ve somehow become _ everything, _and she doesn’t know how to feel about that. 

Her eyes linger on the texts Sam had sent her, each one varying degrees of obvious longing and some even apologetic, like she doesn’t quite want Alex to get annoyed with her, and then nothing at all. The messages had stopped just an hour before Kara came to wake her up.

She doesn't let herself think about them missing her. It's not like they would, not really. They have each other, and they're probably spending the holiday together. Sam with her unending enthusiasm for the season, endless laughter and an almost childlike joy that somehow makes Ruby seem more grown up in comparison. And Lena would roll her eyes and pretend like she hates the gaudy decorations and the repetitive carols but the smile on her face would give her away. 

But of course, Alex doesn't let herself think about that. She focuses on the present, and the present is Eliza and Kara sitting downstairs waiting for her, the rain still pouring outside, and the way her stomach is growling now that she’s been reminded of food. More specifically, her _ mother’s _ food.

Her mother, who smiles teasingly when she turns the corner and comes sauntering into the kitchen, running a hand through her hair. It’s messy from sleep, falling into her eyes, and she must look a mess, too, because Kara snickers under her breath at her appearance.

“It’s about time you joined us,” Eliza teases her, getting her plate ready. Kara’s already halfway done with her meal, mouth full of food as she shoots Alex a pointed look across the table.

“I told her she was sleeping too much,” she says between chews, words muffled, but she quickly shuts up when Alex mouths a threat her way, eyes narrowed. 

“Hey! You’re both adults,” Eliza scolds them, pointing between both of them. Both Alex and Kara cower under her gaze, nodding. “Act like it.” 

“Sorry,” they mutter in sync, shooting sheepish looks at each other. 

Alex glances around, frowning when she doesn’t hear the pattering of paws against the hardwood floor. Usually Isa is the first to greet her when she wakes up, but today, it was Kara. 

“Hey, where’s-“ 

She’s cut off by a half-hearted bark, Isa is already down there, she wags her tail upon seeing Alex but the traitor doesn't move from Kara's side, as she sneaks her bits of food under the table when she thinks Eliza isn't looking. 

Alex's brow furrows, and she glares at her sister. "You stole my dog." 

Eliza, fed up with the bickering, raises her voice before Kara can respond. "Good morning to you too, Alex. Or should I say, _ good afternoon _." 

"It was jet lag," 

"But you drove-" Alex shoots Kara a dirty look, and Kara promptly shuts her mouth. 

She takes her plate, and upon glancing at what Eliza's cooked, her jaw clenches. She's made enough for four again. 

It's not something new, but it just shows how far removed she's been from Eliza and Kara, that the fact that her mom hasn't lost the habit of cooking for the four of them surprises her even though it has happened consistently since Jeremiah died. 

Kara notices her hesitate, and her eyes seem to beg for Alex not to revive the same old argument. '_ Not this time, not this year'. _

So she doesn't point it out, and takes more food than she can eat onto her own plate as Kara goes for seconds. Eliza acts like everything's normal. 

It's just stupid. Hypocritical. She gets the most shit for pretending that things are fine when they aren't, but Kara and Eliza are exactly the same. They chat about menial things over a table set for four. 

There's no liquor in the house, but she feels the clawing urge to get herself a stiff drink to make this week go a whole lot faster. The rain is the only thing stopping her, really. Persistent and never-ending, the roads would be flooded in places and she knows if she gets stuck out there, Kara and Eliza will never let her forget that she got stranded while hunting for booze. 

She keeps her phone in her pocket all day. Mutes it so that Kara doesn't make another snarky comment about her being popular, but keeps it on vibrate. Just in case. It'd be useful- it could be an out, a way to get her out of a conversation. She could make up an excuse as to who would be ringing, and then she could take the call and say- well… 

She doesn't know what she'd say. _ Hey, sorry I abruptly quit on you guys and then left for the week! How are you? _

Eliza raps on the coffee table in front of her face. She’d been staring at the TV without really watching it, a mug of tea cupped in her hands, eyes unfocused as she got lost in thought. “Alexandra.” 

Oh, God. Her full name. When she looks up, Eliza is staring at her in concern. “Is something wrong? You’ve been quiet for a while.” 

Alex clears her throat. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, Mom.” 

It’s a blatant lie and she and Eliza both know it; she can’t help but feel how she did her first year at Stanford back in her college days. She feels _ homesick _, less for the town itself and more for the people in it. 

Both Kara and Eliza are staring at her as she picks at the food on her plate, shrugging. “Guys, I’m fine. I promise. It’s just… weird, being back, I guess.” 

It’s not a complete lie, but really, the only thing she wants right now is to be alone. Or, more specifically, she wants to be ‘alone’ with two other women, but that isn’t exactly an option at the moment. 

Her chair scrapes against the floor as she pushes back from the table, standing and snapping for Isa to follow her. “I’m not very hungry,” she gives as an excuse to leave. Anything to get out of having this conversation now. “I’m going to take Isa on a walk.” 

“But it’s raining-” Kara starts to say, but Alex shoots her a pointed look.

“It’s just a drizzle now,” she brushes Kara off, grabbing Isa’s leash from the hook on the wall. “Besides, she needs the exercise if you’re going to keep feeding her like she is.” 

Kara rolls her eyes. “To be fair, _ Isa _ approached _ me _, and I don’t think-” 

Alex is already out the door before Kara is able to finish her sentence.

* * *

Ruby starts calling Lena the Grinch within two days. It's hard not to be, when everywhere she goes she's accosted by unnecessarily festive decorations and greetings. From the minute she wakes up, Sam is humming Christmas songs under her breath while making red and green pancakes — ones that clash horrendously and look horrible after they're cooked —and she wears a different garishly festive sweater every day, despite Lena’s disgust. 

Today's says _ 'jingle my bells' _ and Lena wonders if Sam's aware of the connotations of the design perfectly framing her- and, oh, she's definitely _ aware _, but Lena isn't sure of what she's trying to suggest. 

She's also not a fan of the new wave of customers they're having. They come in and browse for _ ages _, and pull books off shelves and then just leave them everywhere. Nobody knows what they want, especially the gift-givers, and so helping them usually just ends up with more confusion all around. 

And not to mention the _ children _-

"Hey, Grinchy," It's Ruby, with a cup of coffee and a stack of sugar cookies. Lena doesn't snap at her for the nickname, not when she's showing up with sustenance and caffeine. 

"You've saved my life again," she sighs, and Ruby gives her a wide grin. "How's your mother?" 

Ruby raises both her eyebrows, drawing her mouth into a firm line. Lena places her hands on the counter and leans over to get a glimpse of her partner, and just manages to spot her as she darts from one end of the room to the counter, her hair a mess, her movements frantic. 

Lena glances at Ruby. "Have I said that I absolutely detest the holidays?" 

"Yeah. Several times," Ruby nods, watching her mom continue to run around the store.

The mood continues into the evening. It's like she can't shake the festivities, not even as she sits down with her head pillowed on Sam's shoulder watching television in the evening. 

The obnoxious jingling of sleigh bells underpinning an advertisement for the local shopping mall makes her skin crawl, and she muffles an exhausted groan into Sam's shoulder which makes the other woman chuckle. She starts to stroke the back of Lena's neck with cold fingertips, which would make Lena flinch away if she wasn't already used to Sam's incessant touches by now. 

"Don't laugh, you hate this too. I'm surprised you're fine, just _ watching _ you run around all day nearly gave _ me _a headache," 

Her words do nothing to deter Sam from continuing her ways. The rest of the day goes by in a flurry of mini-panic attacks and nervous rambling as she gets everything ready, nearly tripping over the stairs in her haste to start putting presents under the tree in the living room. 

The next night, Christmas Eve draws to a close as Ruby heads off to bed — too old and too cool to believe in Santa Claus at her age, but ushered to bed by an exasperated Sam nonetheless. Her daughter grins before darting down the hall to her room, long hair trailing behind before she slams the door shut with a shout of “‘Night Mom, ‘night Lena!” 

The sound echoes through the hall, and Lena can’t hold back a laugh. 

Sam rests a hand on the wall, shaking her head with what Lena first assumes is amusement. But then Sam sighs and runs a hand through her hair, and it’s very much not amusement in her eyes. She’s compelled to offer comfort, but it doesn’t feel like _ sadness, _Sam is melancholy in a different way, one that makes her shoulders sag, like her very bones are heavy, but there’s a fond smile on her face that contradicts it all. 

It’s with tentative steps that Lena goes forward, rests a hand on Sam’s shoulder that almost immediately is caught by Sam’s own. She gives Lena’s hand a squeeze, before pushing off the wall, wrapping long arms around her. 

It’s unexpected, but not unwanted, not at all. But she’s confused by the somber mood until Sam mutters- 

“She’s growing up so fast. I wish we could just... go back and do this all again._ Properly _,” Sam’s eyes flutter shut. Lena’s cold fingers skirt against her skin as she cups her cheek, and Sam leans into the touch. 

“Properly?” She’s confused, Sam is the most competent, most _ caring, _ most... _ everything _ mother Lena has ever met. And perhaps it is her own bias that has her thinking that, when Sam takes a big deep breath and tries to recenter herself. “I don’t see how-“ 

“You’re so good to her. You were always the best with her and I never-“ she lets her words trail off. Opens her eyes, and the unexpected intensity has Lena frozen in place. “We wasted so much time being just friends. I dated so many idiots- _ you _dated so many idiots-“ 

Lena narrows her eyes at the not so subtle jab, and instead focuses on the fact that her girlfriend is surely working herself up into a mood that will more than likely end up in a migraine. “How about we make a promise. No more wasted time, okay?” 

She holds out her pinky finger, as Ruby had shown her, and Sam glances down at her hand, her lips quirking into a smile. 

“Okay,” they interlock, and Lena smiles at the little huff of laughter that sneaks out of Sam. She brings her lips to her cheek, the bridge of her nose, her lips, three quick kisses that have Sam’s whole face scrunching up in amusement. “Okay!”

The next day, Lena wakes up on Christmas morning with a face full of Sam's hair, and Ruby beating her hands against the door as she runs down the hall. She splutters, pulling the long strands free from her face as Sam curls closer to her, nestling further into the crook of her neck, and tries desperately to cling to sleep. 

"She's your daughter," Lena murmurs, and Sam only groans, rolling over on her side and taking half the blankets with her as she does so. The cold air hits her bare skin, and Lena tugs the blanket back, but now it's Sam who is mostly bare, save for a pair of ridiculously festive silk shorts. 

"You're the one who got her the most expensive presents," Sam counters, as the sound of Ruby's eager shouting continues through the door. Despite her words, she leaves a soft kiss on Lena's forehead, and crawls out of bed, running a hand through her wild hair as she looks for a shirt to wear. 

She's caught up in staring at the bare expanse of Sam's back when there's a horrendous clattering that has her nearly jumping out of her skin. Sam turns around, and they both stare at the door before realising the sounds of the cacophony are just Ruby, clanging pans together. 

"Sam-" Lena starts to complain, and Sam clambers onto the bed, her arms half in her shirt, to give Lena another quick kiss. 

"I'll deal with the monster, you focus on getting your beauty sleep. How's pancakes sound?" she's close to Lena's face, but she has to raise her voice over the clamor of metal. 

"As long as you don't try to make candy cane pancakes again-" Lena warns, and Sam just laughs. 

"I promise I'll make boring regular ones for you. I value our relationship too much to try that again," 

She tugs at the blankets to make sure Lena's securely enveloped in warmth, leaves _ another _kiss before leaving, this time on the tip of Lena's nose, and gets a soft smile in response. Then she's tugging her shirt on and lumbering out of the bedroom into the hallway to find her hellion of a daughter. Lena's heart warms at her lover's affection, but that turns to irritation when she notices the words 'Mrs. Claus, I've been naughty!' emblazoned over the back of Sam's sleep shorts. 

"I hate you," she mutters, but Sam doesn't quite catch it before she's gone. 

Despite pretending she's too cool for the holiday, Ruby's smile doesn't leave her face from the moment she wakes up. Sam knows, because she's excited too. She somehow gets her to agree to hold off on opening presents until breakfast is ready. And breakfast is quite the affair. Pancakes, of course, that Sam makes herself, and she holds off on the fancy spices and leaves them plain, just the way Lena likes them. Hot chocolate (with a dash of something extra for Lena) and plenty of marshmallows, with sugar cookies that they'd all decorated the day before. 

And then she hears Ruby gasp, and watches her run towards one of the old windows. She presses her hands against the window, and looks back at Sam, 

"It's _ snowing! _" 

Sure enough, there are swirling white flurries coming down from the sky, landing on the ground and sticking just enough to cover the grass in a thin white blanket. The window has fogged up slightly by Ruby’s breath as she watches, and Sam pats her daughter on the shoulder. 

“Maybe if it sticks by tomorrow, we can have a snowball fight,” she suggests, feeling her own excitement building up. 

“God, there are two children living in this apartment,” Lena mutters behind them, and Sam reaches back without looking to swat at her. She misses, her hand swiping through thin air, and Lena chuckles as she heads to the couch, plopping down gracefully and crossing her legs. 

“You realize you’re going to be joining us in said snowball fight, right?” Sam calls back to her, glancing back over her shoulder to see Lena’s expression.

“Bold of you to assume I’d participate in anything requiring going outside while it’s snowing.” 

There are carols on while they clean up after lunch. Lena washes while Sam dries, and it's familiar and peaceful in comparison to the chaos of the morning. Ruby is in the next room, they can hear her shouts as she plays a game with her friends online. The time seems to slow down to a lethargic crawl. The gifts are all open and the gentle crooning of Patricia's old Christmas records makes the whole scene almost perfectly festive. 

But Sam can't shake the feeling that something is missing. And she knows exactly what it is. 

She's halfway through drying a plate, doesn't realise she's paused until there's an odd sensation on her nose, and she realises that Lena has just tapped her with a sudsy finger, leaving a small cluster of bubbles there. 

"Rude," Sam huffs, trying to blow the bubbles away while Lena laughs, loud and unrestrained. 

"Stop getting lost in your thoughts and help me do the dishes," she prompts, hip-checking her, and now Sam has to chuckle. 

"I can't believe it. Lena Luthor doing the dishes,” she teases. “I bet you never had to touch a dirty plate in your life.” 

There's a little moment where it seems like Lena can't quite believe it either. Her pale eyes flicker down to her hands like she's seeing them for the first time, and she ponders the situation before she turns her attention back to the task at hand. "I wouldn't believe it either, if you had told me a year ago. I wouldn't believe that I'd be here, wearing slippers at three in the afternoon, washing the dishes in your mother's old bookstore," 

"You do look sexy in those bunny slippers," Sam drawls, mouth quirking up into a half-smirk, half-teasing smile. 

"And yet you haven't looked sexy since November," Lena retorts, and Sam fakes a gasp, hand flying to her chest. "I'm so glad that this is all over, and I'll finally get to see you in something that isn't red or green.” 

She hands Sam another plate, and Sam gets back to the task of drying off the dishes. The monotony of it brings her back into her thoughts yet again, and she still can't quite place what's really _ wrong _ with this moment. The day has been perfect. It even started _ snowing _. She doesn't have a reason to feel sad, but she does. 

Lena's words make her think about Patricia, but that hasn't really bothered her for a while now. She can't honestly say that she cares about what Patricia would think anymore. 

But then, there’s this thought nagging at her, trying to force its way to the forefront of her mind. The thought that despite everything she has done, what she had accomplished not only in Metropolis and National City but what she’s accomplished _ here _ \- in this small, podunk town she never thought she’d see again - Patricia still wouldn’t be proud of her.

As if reading her mind, Lena looks over at her and leans into her, bringing Sam’s attention back to the present. “Want some hot chocolate?” she offers with a knowing smile. 

Sam leans down to peck her lips in a quick, soft kiss, before brushing past her to grab two mugs, trying hard to ignore the weight still pressing down on her shoulders. “Well, _ duh _.”

The rest of the afternoon passes by fairly quickly, and by the time they’ve settled in on the couch for the night, Sam’s managed to distract herself from the thoughts of Patricia for the most part. 

Ruby gets tired at eight o'clock, halfway through watching Home Alone, the movie that _ she _chose, and groans when Lena pats the pair of legs thrown across her lap. 

"Baby, you're filled with Christmas ham and a whole lotta pie. I couldn't carry you to bed if I wanted to," Sam tells her. 

Despite her mother’s words, Ruby grumbles and becomes a dead weight in Lena's lap. She chuckles, patting the girl's head idly. She's definitely no longer the tiny child that would scamper around L Corp, but she still has her moments where they are reminded that Ruby is still Sam's baby. This being one of them. She doesn't want to move, in fact she wraps her arms around Lena's torso and whines. 

The grown-ups make eye contact over Ruby. Then Sam tucks her arms under Ruby's legs while Lena tucks her arms under the girl's shoulders, and together they stand up, lifting her off of the couch. 

Her eyes bug out wide and her limbs flail as she squeals- "Hey! Put me down!" her cries are interspersed with laughter as they somehow manage to take quick and desperate steps down the hall, Sam kicks the door open to Ruby's bedroom and they both manage to toss Ruby onto her bed as Lena's arms start to burn from the exertion. 

They all break down into giggles at the indignant look on Ruby's face at the manhandling. "You guys carried me!" 

"We did. Now go to sleep," Sam commands, but Ruby just scoffs. Sam narrows her eyes at the girl. "Do you want me to sing you a lullaby too?" 

Ruby pulls another face, shaking her head insistently. "Oh god, no. I'm fine. I'll sleep better without your singing," 

"Hey! Good thing it isn't Christmas Eve, cause that kind of talk would get you onto Santa’s naughty list!”

“Mom,” Ruby groans, “I’m _ thirteen _. I know Santa isn’t real.” 

“Then why are there so many movies about him?” Sam counters with her hands on her hips, mostly just to get a rise out of her daughter. 

But Ruby isn’t falling for it. Rolling her eyes, she throws the blanket over her head and turns over. “Goodnight, Mom!” 

Sam pats where she assumes Ruby’s leg is under the covers. “Fine, I’ll go, but don’t be surprised when you get coal for Christmas next year.” Then, switching the light off, she sighs fondly at the Ruby-shaped lump on the bed through the darkness. “Night, Rubes.” 

She closes the door, and she really isn't expecting any other Christmas miracles today. She's had her fair share, with the snow, and the gifts, and a miraculously migraine-free day. 

Lena has disappeared, and Sam doesn't think much of it until she gets into the bedroom and notices her lying in bed, glasses perched on her nose, one of Sam's cheesy romance novels in hand as she scans through it idly. 

“Is that my-”

“Yes,” Lena interrupts, glancing up Sam over the rim of her glasses. She turns another page, an eyebrow raised. “How do you read this without cringing?” 

Sam rolls her eyes as she climbs into bed beside her, long legs stretching under the covers. She rests her chin on Lena’s shoulder, her own eyes skimming the words on the page. It’s one of her favorite novels, and she finds herself unintentionally reading it as she lays with Lena, arms wrapped around her torso. 

Then, making Lena groan as she’s jostled out of nowhere, Sam jolts up in bed and gasps, arms flailing and reaching for her phone on the table. “Wait! I have to call Alex!” 

Lena frowns. “What?”

“It’s Christmas!” Sam sounds frantic, panicked, and Lena blinks in surprise. “We have to call her!” 

Before she can get the question of _ ‘why?’ _out, Sam's holding the phone up to get a decent angle on her smiling face. She’s facetiming Alex, and Lena’s heart jumps into her throat. They haven’t seen or spoken to Alex since she left for the holidays, and Lena can’t help but feel a bit unprepared. Especially considering the previous activities. 

“Sam, Alex doesn't even celebrate-“ 

Alex’s face pops up before she can finish her sentence. “Alex!” Sam greets, excited like a puppy. “Hey! How’s Midvale? How are your mother and your sister? Are you enjoying-“ 

“_ Hello to you too, Sam,” _ Lena hears Alex through the speaker, cutting Sam off her rambling, her voice full of amusement and a kind of fondness that makes Sam blush. 

“Oh. Hey,” Sam replies sheepishly, giggling. 

She‘s _ giggling _, and Lena’s eyebrows shoot up, but Sam just elbows her. “Shut up,” she hisses under her breath. 

“Why don’t you make me, Samantha?” Lena hisses back. 

_ “Whoa,” _ Alex laughs, _ “what’s got the princess’s panties in a twist?” _

Lena opens her mouth to defend herself immediately, but Sam cuts in, shooting her a look before turning back to Alex. "She hates the holidays. Can you believe- of all the times of the year! She hates-" 

"I'll be glad when this night is over. Sam, show her the sweater you're wearing. Absolutely dreadful. I don't know where she gets them.” 

“Stop it!” Sam swats at her, frowning. “You said you liked this sweater.” 

Lena looks at her with a blank face, “Did I?”

“Yes,” Sam begins to insist, but stops when they hear Alex chuckling over the line, sounding muffled, like she’s trying not to let them hear her. “What’s so funny?” 

Alex sighs fondly._ “I missed this,” _ she explains, still laughing slightly. _ “Your bickering.” _

_ Then come back _. Sam wants to say, but she doesn't, like some kind of... coward. She just stares at the curve of Alex's jaw, the soft look in her brown eyes, and wonders if they'll ever go back to the way things used to be. 

“I have absolutely no idea what you mean,” Lena's voice shakes her out of her thoughts.

And quickly following that, Sam says, “We’re not bickering.”

_ “Whatever you say,” _ Alex laughs. There’s a moment of silence on her end, and both Sam and Lena can almost picture the way she must be thinking of something to say - chewing on her bottom lip, hand scratching at the back of her head - before she finally asks, _ “So, uh… Why’d you call?” _ Then, _ “I mean, not that I don’t like hearing from you! That’s not what I- uh-“ _

Before she can spiral into a nervous rant, Sam interrupts with a cheerful: “We had to wish you a Merry Christmas!” 

Another beat of silence, and Lena can almost feel Sam’s heart beating out of her chest as she rests her head against it. _ “Um, you guys remember that I’m Jewish?” _

“Right,” Sam thinks for a second. “Shabbat Shalom?”

_“That’s not-” _Alex sighs fondly over the line, and Lena rolls her eyes as she smacks Sam’s arm, mouthing, ‘seriously?’ as Alex lets out an awkward chuckle. _“Okay.”_

“Idiot,” Lena murmurs into Sam’s shoulder. 

“I’m not an idiot, Lena, that’s just the only-” 

_ “And the bickering is back,” _ Alex interrupts them, making them both snap their mouths shut and exchange a glance. Then there’s shuffling in the background, and Alex sighs again, less fondly than before. More irritated, than anything. _ “I have to go. Try not to strangle each other before I get back, okay?” _

“No promises,” Lena mutters, before Sam shoots her a look. She shuts up after that, rolling her eyes and plopping her legs in Sam’s lap. “Night, Alex!” 

Alex’s voice is soft as she returns,_ “Goodnight, Sam.” _

Almost as soon as she puts the phone down, Lena stares at her, “I can’t help but think Alex could punch you in the stomach and you’d still have that smile on your face.” 

"I'm just smiling because- did you hear what she said? At the end there." When Lena arches an eyebrow in that curious way that asks for more elaboration, Sam can barely get the words out without grinning. "She said for us not to strangle each other _ before she comes back _. So she's coming back," 

"It's just an expression- she probably means coming back to town. That doesn't mean she's coming back to work. Don't get your hopes up," 

"But- she said-" 

"_ Sam _," 

Sam shoves her, lifting her legs up and off her own lap as she stands. “Shut up and come to bed,” she huffs, reaching down to pull Lena up along with her. 

“As long as you let me take that god-awful sweater off you first,” Lena purrs, ignoring Sam’s eye roll as she trails behind her. 

* * *

“So which one is it?” 

Alex almost drops the phone, her hand going to her stomach as she whirls around to see her mother standing in the doorway of her childhood bedroom. She hadn’t noticed how long she’d been zoned out since hanging up on Sam. “What?” 

Eliza looks at her knowingly. “Which woman is it? That you’re dating?” She pauses, then seems to correct herself, “Or should I say- _ avoiding _,” 

“I’m not- how do you- shut up!” she stammers, cheeks burning when Eliza only continues to stare at her. _ “Mom.” _

Like a shark drawn to blood in the water, Kara emerges from the hallway as if she can sense Alex's discomfort through the walls. "Alex is dating?” She glances at Alex, eyes wide. “Did you actually google poly-"

She points at her, and sends all her energy into a solid glare that gets Kara to shut up with a sheepish smile. Her eyes though, they are alight with the desire to know more, and Alex knows she won't let up any time soon.

"I can have friends without having to date them. Isn't that what you two wanted? For me to meet people, and... hang out. Have drinks. Talk about things," 

Eliza wrings her hands together. There's something she's not saying, a wrinkle in the corner of her mouth. "Yes, but-" 

"Then that's what I'm doing. Being _ friendly _ with people." Alex huffs, dropping her phone - _ face down _so no snooping family members read anything - and stands up, shepherding her mother and sister out of the room. "We just work together, that's all." 

She doesn’t mention that it isn’t technically ‘work’ anymore, but rather _ ‘ _ worked’ _ , _past tense. 

She's very clearly pushing them out, but Kara stops in place, a broad grin spreading across her face with a sudden realisation and - _ shit _ . "Oh? So it was _ them? _" 

There’s something rising in her chest - she doesn’t know whether its embarrassment or what, but she groans, dropping her head in her hands. _ “Kara.” _

“Alex has two girlfriends!” Kara cries out excitedly, bounding over to Eliza and grabbing onto her shoulders. “She’s growing up so fast, hasn’t she, Eliza? Golly, how time flies-” 

“I’m older than you, Kara,” Alex points out, but Kara ignores her, continuing to ramble on about Alex’s supposed-to-be-private love life. 

That doesn’t deter her sister, though. If there’s anything Kara has never taken into consideration since coming to live with them, it’s Alex’s privacy, and that hasn’t changed a bit as she’s grown up. “Have you guys gone on a date yet? Have you kissed? Oh my gosh, Alex, you have to tell me everything. Does Isa like them? That’s a big sign of compatibility-” 

“I’m not telling you anything,” Alex argues, “because we’re not dating. Like I said, we’re just hanging out. We’re friends.” 

It sounds like a lie to her own ears coming out of her mouth, but she avoids looking either of them in the eye as she turns away, clearing her throat. They _ are _ friends, and will probably only ever be friends, to Alex’s chagrin, but… 

It still feels like they’re so much more. 

She shakes her head; she can’t think about this now. She’s been doing too much thinking. She needs a break. Eliza isn't saying anything, and that's somehow more terrifying than being grilled by her. 

She clears her throat, desperately changing the subject. “Hey! We have to light the third candle?”

“Oh, no,” Kara pulls on her shoulder. Behind her, Eliza stands silent, but smiling knowingly. “You don’t get to avoid this conversation!”

“Yes I do. Mom-“ Alex tries to get her on her side, tries to play the ‘Kara’s being ridiculous please tell her to stop’ angle, but- that smile. That _ smile _. “Mom, Kara’s- she’s teasing me! I’m not dating them both, that’s... obviously I’m not dating them both.” 

“I _ have _to meet them properly,” Kara continues, almost bouncing on the spot. “We’ve gotta go out together!” 

Alex finally, _ finally _ pushes them both just by the threshold. “No,” she says firmly, and swings the door shut in their faces. It almost makes her feel sixteen again, slamming her bedroom door and plopping down on the bed. She still remembers her many, _ many _ fights with Kara all those years ago that had ended in a way not too unlike Alex’s reaction tonight. 

She looks to the window, out towards the beach. The sun is just beginning to set, casting a pink glow over the water, which crashes over in big waves. It almost makes Alex’s mouth water as she watches the foam disperse once it hits the sand, her eyes flicking towards the surfboard leaning against the wall in the corner of her room.

Her body aches for it despite knowing that her old hobby as a teenager wouldn't work out for her now, with a body that can still feel the wounds of war as though they just happened yesterday. 

She sighs. Surfing was always a good way for her to stop thinking so much, to focus solely on choosing the best waves and getting up on the board. Right now, her head feels too full of thoughts, each one racing past faster than the last. 

This thing she’s feeling for Sam and Lena is so new, and she feels like she did when she first came out all those years ago, grasping for anything to keep her afloat and keep her from drowning in a sea of doubt and confusion and new, overwhelming experiences. She’s never felt this way before, for _ two _ women, nonetheless.

After seeing a lot more blood and death than she had ever wanted to overseas, there is not much that draws a reaction out of her, but _ this- _

This scares her.

“Alex!” Kara’s voice drifts up the stairs. “Eliza’s ready to light the candle!” 

“Coming!” Alex shouts back down to her distractedly, staring down at the phone on her bed. She blows out a harsh breath. 

She’ll wait to deal with this when she gets back. 

* * *

It creeps up on her a few days before New Years Eve.

The restlessness. The aggravation. The night terrors. She can feel herself growing more and more uneasy as the days leading up to New Years pass by, and she can’t seem to shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen, so full of anxiety that she feels like she could throw up. 

Eliza, of course, is the first to notice it, when she startles at a mug crashing to the floor. Her mother’s eyes are locked onto hers the second she breathes out and starts to sweep up the glass shards. 

“Honey? Are you okay?” she checks, and Alex nods jerkily. It's the little things like that, she realizes quickly, that point towards something worse that’s building up inside her. 

“Yeah, sorry. Just tired, I guess,” she shrugs, hoping her mother takes the excuse and lets it go. She knows what it is, knows that it’s New Years Eve and Kara’s constant chattering on about their plans - a picnic on the beach before the festivities start, watching the fireworks together and having dinner together afterwards.

But she doesn't want to let Kara down, so she's tried to at least not be downright dismissive of her ideas. It doesn't help that Kara is the type to take her silence as a 'yes' to the plans. 

"It's getting worse while you're here, isn't it?" she asks, already knowing what _ it _is. Her eyes linger on the tags around Alex’s neck, the ones she’d left back in Midvale before she moved, and Alex shifts uncomfortably, wrapping her hand around them as if to hide them from her mother’s gaze.

"No it's not," she lies, but it's a weak lie, and Eliza purses her lips as she watches Alex walk over to the trash. She pulls away when Eliza puts a hand on her shoulder. She's tense, so it's a jerky movement that just draws attention to the fact that she's definitely not okay. 

"You want to go home," It's not a question, but a statement. She knows already. 

"I am home," Alex argues, but Eliza holds up a hand.

"You know that's not what I meant," 

She's reluctant to admit it, but some part of her knows Eliza is right. This isn't _ home, _and the fact that it isn't surely isn't helping her deal with the time of the year. "Kara's so excited so I don't want to ruin this for her. She hasn't been excited for New Years in... a long while," 

Eliza's shoulders sag as she sighs, lips pursed as she stares at Alex. "You don't have to put on a brave face for her. She'll understand if you can't stay for the fireworks," 

“No,” Alex insists. She shakes her head, resolute. “It’ll be fine, Mom.”

“Alex-” 

“I’ll be fine!” It comes out harsher than she meant for it to, and she regrets it immediately when her mom’s eyebrows raise at her tone. Trying to push back the agitation, she grits her teeth and repeats, softer this time, “I’ll be fine. It won’t be like last time.” 

Last time, meaning one of her worst memories of her time with Maggie, who’d started doubting their relationship as soon as she witnessed Alex’s reaction the first time they watched fireworks together. It’d only gone downhill from that point, until their inevitable break up a few months later. 

“Alex,” her mother tries to reach for her again, but Alex shifts away. “Your father always-“ 

“-said the same thing,” Alex finishes her sentence for her, throwing her arms up. “Yes, Mom, I know. I know he said the same thing. We all saw it. But I’m not like Dad, I’m fine.” 

She knew this was a risk when she enlisted - to become like her father, who, after decades of service, could barely function enough to take care of his family up until his death. And, while there are some triggers that bring back horrifying memories of her time in active duty, she’d made a promise to both her mother and Kara that she’d come back as _ herself _, rather than the shell of a person Jeremiah became.

But if she’s being honest, it isn’t just New Year’s Eve and the inevitable issues that’ll stem from it that’s got her on edge. She can feel everything inside her building up and up, ready to burst, and she runs a hand over her face, rubbing tiredly at her eyes. 

“I- I fucked up with them, Mom.” 

She doesn’t look at Eliza when she says it, keeping her head down and her hands covering her face. “I had- I could’ve had a good thing, and I just- I just _ left _.” 

Somehow, Eliza doesn’t have to ask what she’s talking about. “I’m sure you can still have that good thing, sweetie.” 

But _ can _ she? She’d made an impulsive decision, telling them how she felt — and for what? In a perfect world, they would have all confessed their feelings to each other in that moment. They would’ve gone on a date, and refused to let Alex quit. But that isn’t what happened. 

“You’ve always been an overthinker, Alex,” her mother points out. This time, when she reaches for her, Alex doesn’t jerk away. “It’s another thing you got from your father. You can never let yourself be happy without digging too deep into whatever it is making you feel this way.”

Sometimes, Alex wishes her mom could just be _ wrong _ about something for once. 

"I'll admit, it did surprise me when Kara started telling me about the _ two _girls who fell in love with you," Eliza muses, and that just makes Alex cringe, immediately about to respond but Eliza doesn't let her get a word in. "But I guess it makes sense. You've got so much love to give, and if what I hear is true, they've opened their family up to you because they want to love you back." 

"So you think I should just go back there, and... what? There's no... it was easier with Maggie. I knew how to... I knew what was expected of me. I can ask out a girl, I've seen it happen a million times. But with Sam and Lena, I just... what am I meant to do?" 

"I'd think you of all people would know that the easy way out isn't always the best choice. Running from it isn't going to solve anything," 

"Then what do I do?" 

"Talk to them," Eliza responds, as though it should be obvious. 

To Alex, it sounds ridiculous. "I don't even know if they ever want to see me again," she shrugs. She tries to play it off, shrug like it isn’t a big deal, but they both know by the way her shoulders slump that it is. 

"Well, there's only one way to find out," at Alex's blank look, Eliza lets out a sigh. "Go _ home _, Alexandra.”

* * *

Ruby has already found herself up in the shelves as she normally would be, reading one of her Christmas presents (which she'll probably be done with by the afternoon). There's a soft dusting of snow on the ground outside. There are kids playing, tossing handfuls of it at each other, it isn't quite able to be made into snowballs but that doesn't seem to deter them.

Lena's content with just sitting by the window, her hands curled around Sam's comically oversized mug as she sips at her coffee. The coffee is slightly too bitter, and on the edge of being too sweet, but she drinks anyways, watching the cars roll on by, and the people move about at a different pace. 

The gentle crooning of carols from the record player set her at ease. She's wrapped up in a soft wool sweater, and despite the chill coming in from the still-drafty windows, its... good. 

She can't ever really shake that sense that she doesn't belong here. This town was never part of her past, she never grew up in a place like this. Winters had been long coats and staying indoors, the brief moments of leaving the house were always rushed, and they would never have been allowed to play in the snow like that. 

"Ruby," Lena calls, and turns her head to the stacks. Ruby pokes her head from around a shelf, eyebrows raised expectantly. "Don't you want to go out there with the other kids?" 

The girl looks confused, walking over to look outside the window at what Lena had been staring at, book in hand. There's a moment where her brow furrows, she considers it, before giving her head a shake. "Nah. Unless you're trying to kick me out for a reason-" 

"No I... I just thought you might want to.” 

"And leave you alone while you're all think-y and sad? No way," Ruby rolls her eyes, plopping into the seat across from her. She brings her socked feet up onto the table in front of her, and opens her book up again. 

"Think-y isn't a word," is the only response Lena can muster, and Ruby rolls her eyes. 

"Shakespeare made up a whole bunch of words and nobody stopped him for it, so..." Ruby arches an eyebrow, and Lena scoffs at her, unable to hide her smile in response. 

"Don't talk back to me. It's rude," 

"Alright. Silent mode activated," she intones robotically, and returns her attention to her book. 

It's another fifteen minutes till Sam decides to grace them with her presence, and after a quick greeting she gets to removing the last of the decorations. They'd removed most of them, only the few garlands on the rafters were a little too difficult for Lena to reach, even with the step ladder. 

"I can't believe Christmas is already over," Sam muses while dragging down a length of tinsel. It's not a particularly interesting observation, it's something that Lena feels like she'd hear frequently if the cafe was open today, but it seems to hit her differently today. 

She's finished her coffee, and the cup is now cold. Ruby continues to lounge across from her, now in an increasingly uncomfortable looking pose as she reads. As Lena swats her arm, she nearly tumbles out of her seat, catching herself at the last moment with a glower in Lena's direction. 

"Come and help your mother," Lena hisses, and Ruby purses her lips, closing her book with a snap before trudging after her. 

Working as a team inevitably gets things sorted out faster. Despite all her complaints, Ruby does help, carting away the decorations to be stored in the attic later. Sam doesn't seem to take it as work at all, eventually she starts a small game, trying to throw decorations into boxes that Ruby holds up over her head. 

And Lena? She manages the operation. It's what she does best, after all. She can't help but smile at the shenanigans, even if Ruby does come dangerously close to backing into a display one two many times. It's worth it, for the smiles on their faces, the bright sounds of Sam's laughter, and Lena wonders how she got so lucky. 

It’s only because of the buzzing of her phone in her pocket that she’s able to tear her eyes away from the pair, and her heart nearly stops completely when she sees the caller ID. 

“Alex?” 

Sam instantly swivels her head around at the mere mention of the name, and Ruby even gets an excited grin on her face. She waves them both off and answers the phone, ignoring Sam's pleas for her to put the phone on speaker. 

_ "Is this a bad time?" _Alex's voice is quiet as she asks, and Lena realises she must have heard the ruckus in the background. She shoots a glare at Ruby and Sam, and quickly responds. 

"No, no. It's alright. It's a good time, it's- how are you? What's wrong, darling?" The term of endearment slips out before she can think about stopping it. She can hear Alex's breathing, irregular but strained, like she's trying to get it under control, filtering through the phone. 

_ "... why would you think something's wrong?" _

"I... you don't sound alright. Did I just catch you on the tail end of a nap?" 

_ "Yeah- I just woke up, yeah. So... what are you doing?" _

She looks over at Sam and Ruby, who are both trying and failing to look like they're not listening in on her phone conversation. There's a cheap plastic ornament on the ground that they haven't yet noticed, so to get them to work Lena picks it up with one hand, and tosses it towards them. 

It arcs perfectly and plinks Sam in the back of the head harmlessly. "Cleaning up," Lena says, as Sam turns around, rubbing at the back of her head, shocked. "We're getting ready for the new year," 

_ "Oh, nice. Any plans?" _

"Apart from getting these displays up and ready for the second, not really," she says the next part a little louder, hoping to spur Sam into getting back to business. "But at the rate we're going, we might be getting the self-help books out by Valentines' Day," 

_ "Hey, that'd still work," _Alex says with a weak chuckle.

"And what about you? What does the Danvers Family do for New Years?" 

"_ We used to light fireworks on the beach. Obviously we don't do that anymore, but Kara still wants to go out to watch them anyways," _

"You don't sound very excited about that," 

_ "Well... it could rain. I don't wanna be caught out in the rain. The weather here... you'd have to see it to believe it. I didn't know the sky could hold that much water. The fireworks won't light and the sand will be all soggy. The wind will be crazy, and I-..." _ It's obviously an excuse, she gets into a rant and all Lena can really hear is how her rambling is clearly a cover for something she's nervous about, but won't admit. 

So Lena interrupts her. Keeps her voice calm. "It hasn't rained here. There is snow, though. So if you're coming back, you'll have to be careful, because they don’t plow it over here. I think it’s ridiculous.” 

There’s a long stretch of silence from the other end. Long enough to make Lena feel slightly uncomfortable; she knows they haven’t been cut off, hearing the static come through, but Alex isn’t saying anything. She doesn't even realise she's said anything worth pausing over. 

That is, until, “If_ I'm coming back?" _

"Yes, if you... I mean, you're welcome to come back, you're always welcome here. Even if you aren't working with us..." Lena takes a breath. "We do like having you around," 

There's another long pause, and Lena contemplates hanging up, wonders if there is any point salvaging such a disastrous call, when Sam rushes over to the front counter, grabbing a pen and quickly scrawling a note down on a post it before slamming it next to her. 

It takes Lena a second to realise what the note says, the hasty scrawl almost illegible as she listens to the static, listens to Alex holding her breath. 

_ No more wasted time _. 

She touches the corner of the note briefly, remembering their promise, and she looks up to catch Sam's eye, finding the courage for a brief and _ stupid _ bit of honesty- "I miss you." 

God-_ I miss you? _ She nearly cringes at the honesty in her statement, in the sheer warmth that she can feel radiating from her own tone of voice, but then she remembers that this is _ Alex _. Alex, who she’s allowed to be warm with. 

The static crackling over the like nearly drives her mad. But then, _ “You- Lena Luthor misses me?” _

It’s teasing, but Lena can hear the slight genuine surprise in her voice, as though she can’t quite believe that Lena could ever miss her. But at this point, Lena can’t imagine ever _ not _ missing her. 

“Yes,” she replies, straightforward but still a tad nervous at Alex’s response. Across the room now, Sam is watching her carefully, softness etched in her features. “I miss you, and Sam misses you too, you twat. You should have seen her, it was pitiful.” 

“Hey!” 

The desperate attempt to minimize the genuine affection in her statement with name-calling and a slight towards her girlfriend doesn’t work; there is a heavy cloud of tension that has fallen over them, even from miles away. Lena can hear Alex breathing softly through the phone, and she finds herself digging her nails into her palm, uncharacteristically anxious. 

Then, _ “I miss you guys too.” _

Lena breathes out a sigh of relief. So she didn’t overstep.

_ “A lot, actually.” _ Alex continues, to her surprise. _ “I might… come home earlier than I planned.” _

“You are?” Sam is suddenly right next to Lena, screaming into her ear, so close Lena can feel her breath on her neck. Lena smacks her on the arm to get her to back up, but Sam just sticks her tongue out. _ A child. _“But- don’t you want to spend more time with your family back home?” 

_ “Yeah, well. Midvale doesn’t really… feel like home anymore.” _

The telltale jingle of the bell above the door rings out across the cafe area. They are well into the shelves, so Lena can't see who it is, but Sam turns around to shout at them from the ladder- "We're still closed! Come back tomorrow!"

It's early morning, so Lena figures that the likelihood of it being someone that wishes to steal or something like that is relatively low. Still, she feels a chill down her spine, and it sure isn't from the draft that comes in through the open door, and the following silence. 

But then there's a skittering of paws, and heavy breathing as Isa bounds around the corner, and as Sam scrambles down the ladder at such a speed, Lena barely has enough time to hold out an arm before she goes plummeting to the ground face first. 

"Calm yourself down," Lena hisses as she nearly drops her phone, holding Sam back to little effect as Isa collides with her knees, jumping up for a pat. 

"You calm yourself-" Sam very maturely responds, about to say something else but stopping to a halt as she spots someone coming around the corner, phone still in hand, smiling at them from across the room.

"I've barely been back for a minute and you two are already fighting," a familiar voice calls out, echoing into Lena’s ear through the speaker of the phone, and Lena’s heart nearly stops as she hangs up and turns around to come face to face with Alex. 

She’s immediately drawn into a hug. She melts into it almost automatically, without even thinking about it, recognizing the feeling of toned arms around her waist and soft hands sliding up her back. 

“Hi,” Alex says as she pulls back, a smile tugging at her lips. It’s honestly adorable, and the look in her eyes makes Lena’s heart beat even faster. 

“Hello,” she responds quietly, before there’s the obnoxious clearing of a throat and a finger tapping against her shoulder.

“Hey, yeah, you guys know I’m here too, right?” 

Alex chuckles as she pulls away. Lena misses the warmth of her body wrapped around hers immediately, but the look on Sam’s face when Alex turns towards her is enough to bring the warmth back, seeping into her chest. There’s something different about her, there’s a weight that has lifted off her shoulders. Lena can’t fight the smile on her face as Sam tries and pretty much fails to lift Alex up as she hugs her, and Alex curses before bursting into laughter. 

“Wow, I didn’t know I’d be missed this much.” she laughs as she runs a hand through her hair. It’s messier, seeming as though it’s grown longer in just the time she’s been gone, the red strands falling in her face and reaching almost to her chin. 

Then Lena registers her words. Immediately, there’s a question lingering on the tip of her tongue, a ‘how could you not?’ but Sam seems to beat her to it. 

“We miss you whenever you’re not here.”

It seems to come out of nowhere for her, as though she didn’t mean to say it, the words blurting from her mouth of its own accord, because she seems surprised when they come out. 

“Wow, that sounds so clingy,” she chuckles nervously, tugging at her turtleneck. 

“It doesn’t,” Alex assures her quickly, holding a hand up and looking between both of them. “I missed you guys too.” At that moment, Isa barks excitedly, and Alex smiles. “And it seems Isa missed you just as much, if not more.” 

Lena notices throughout the next hour that Sam looks more relieved now, smiling softly as she listens to Alex talk about her time in Midvale. Lena listens to the stories here and there as she works, chuckling under her breath slightly whenever Alex talks about her sister’s shenanigans. 

But while things are, for the most part, back to ‘normal’, the reminder that Alex quit is still hanging over their heads. 

Alex seems to know it too, if the way she looks at Lena across the cafe is of any indication. 

After about two hours, Isa gets restless, pacing in front of the door. Alex pats her head and looks up at Sam and Lena. “I, uh, I should be going. I have to unpack and feed Isa, you know…”

“Right!” Sam agrees. “Yeah, no, go home, get settled! We’ll talk tomorrow when you get here for-” She cuts herself off abruptly, biting her lip and frowning deeply. “I mean, whenever you drop by.” 

Lena sees the way Alex’s throat bobs as she swallows hard. “Yeah, definitely. I’ll drop by.”

Somehow, even with the heat on full blast, the bookstore seems to grow a lot colder once Alex is gone, disappearing down the street and around the corner. 

* * *

“You’re thinking too much again.” Lena practically materializes behind her, startling Sam enough to make her jump, a hand flying up to her chest. “It’s about Alex, isn’t it?” 

Sam groans as she looks over her shoulder at her girlfriend, who’s watching her with a knowing expression. “Yes. When is it not lately?” 

There’s been too many thoughts in her head for the past few weeks, and they’ve all been Alex. She’s had Sam wrapped around her finger since the first time she smiled. There is a plethora of feelings she has swirling around inside, and even one look from Alex can leave her paralyzed. 

Frankly, it’s starting to piss her off. 

“Usually _ I’m _the one overthinking things. You’re going to put me out of a job,” 

Lena is well versed in reading Sam’s avoidance strategies. Right now, she acts as if the top of the nearest bookshelf needs dusting, running a finger along it and tutting under her breath. Lena doesn’t need to be wearing heels to know that she’s clearly acting. “We need to clean. We can’t go into the new year with old dust. It’s bad luck.” 

Sam heads towards the stairs at a brisk walk, a woman on a mission. Lena follows, she’s not about to let Sam run away with this any longer. 

Sam gets one foot on the stairs before she’s tugged back, Lena’s hand on the back of her shirt. “We both know you just cleaned the shelves this morning. We need to discuss this-”

“What is there to say?” Sam throws her hands up in defeat, but doesn’t leave the top step. 

“You like her,” it’s a simple fact, one they’ve both come to terms with, but saying it out loud makes Sam wince. 

“I do. But that doesn’t- that doesn’t _ mean _ anything-“ she steps down then, doesn’t make eye contact with Lena as she pokes at her chest. “I love _ you _.” 

She’s trying to be cute. She’s trying to be cute to distract Lena. Lena captures Sam’s hand with her own, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “We know it’s not like that, darling.” 

“Then what is it like?” She feels frustrated, but Lena flashes her a smile that melts some of the frustration away instantly. 

“Well... we can continue to dance around the issue, come up with reasons why it wouldn’t work, and live the rest of our lives wondering what it would be like, or...” 

“Or?” 

“We could give this a try. Give the three of us a try.” 

“It’s just-“ Sam trails off, glancing back at the door as if that can somehow help clear her thoughts, “It’s a lot more complicated than just telling her how we feel. I mean, there’s the both of us. What if she doesn’t like us both? And then there’s Ruby-“ 

That’s it. It all clicks. _ Ruby. _Sam is worried about Ruby, and Lena knows how to fix that, it’s an easy enough fix. “We should tell her about Alex.” 

Sam inhales sharply. “What? That’s- let’s not talk about this here. The walls have ears and all,” she hisses at Lena, eyes widening. But just as soon as the words leave her mouth, there is the telltale sound of hurried footsteps, Ruby scurrying away from the stairs. 

Sam groans, dropping her head into her hands. “Great. Now I’ll _ have _ to go talk to her.” 

“I’m sure she’ll understand,” Lena assures her. “Don’t worry about it. If anything, she’ll get so excited she breaks something.” 

Sam frowns, “We haven’t even asked Alex yet, we have _ no _ idea if it’s going to-” 

“As if that’ll deter her,” Lena scoffs.

That doesn’t make Sam feel better. She practically drags her feet on the way to Ruby’s bedroom, her heart thumping. She doesn’t know why she’s so nervous; it isn’t like Ruby hates Alex, and what Lena said was right. She’s not doubtful that her daughter will react with anything but excitement and joy.

Still, it’s… new to her, telling Ruby these things. Even when it was just Lena; they’d been alone so long it’d become their version of normalcy.

She raps two knuckles on the door of Ruby’s room and peeks her head in. As expected, her daughter is pretending to already be asleep, messily wrapped in her blankets and obnoxious snoring. 

“Rubes,” Sam calls out. “Ruby.”

Ruby pokes her head out of the cocoon she’d made for herself, eyebrows raised. “Oh, Mom?” She rubs at her eyes and yawns, stretching her arms above her head. “What- what are you doing here? Is it morning already?” 

Sam rolls her eyes. “I know you’ve been awake this whole time, Ruby,” she tells her, smiling softly at Ruby’s response - a sheepish smile and the sudden avoidance of eye contact. “I’m not mad. In fact, I think we need to talk.” 

Ruby sits up in bed. “About Alex?” she asks, then shrugs. “I heard you and Lena talking-” 

“Yes, about Alex,” Sam confirms, sitting on the edge of the bed. She clasps her hands together, staring at herself in the mirror on Ruby’s wall. “How would you feel… if Alex started coming around more?” 

Ruby frowns. “She’s over everyday. Like, she practically already lives here.” 

Sam bites at her lip. That’s… true. “Well, in a different way,” she explains. “Not just as our barista. Or even our friend.” 

Ruby draws her legs in towards her body, a furrow in her brow as she studies her mother, studies Lena, who lingers in the doorway. Casual save for the tension in her shoulders, and that silent worry in her pale eyes, the slight tick in her firm set jaw. 

“So it’s true then,” Ruby fidgets with the corner of her blanket, glancing between Lena and Sam. “You two really are trying to like, _ date her _.” 

Sam shifts. “Well, we haven’t exactly… brought the idea up to her yet. That’s actually what Lena and I were talking about downstairs. We don’t even know if she’ll say yes.” 

Ruby rolls her eyes, giving them both an exasperated look as she sits up more in bed. “Mom, are you kidding?” 

Sam looks back at Lena. “Am I-” 

“Obviously Alex likes you guys back!” she exclaims, arms flailing outward. “God, grown-ups are so dumb sometimes.” 

“Hey,” Sam points at her. “Watch it, young lady.” 

Ruby snaps her mouth shut, but Lena huffs out a laugh beside Sam. “She has a point, Samantha.”

"I wouldn't mind. If you dated her. I want you to be happy, and Alex is really cool. Maybe she'd make you less lame-" 

"I'm not-" Sam mutters, but Ruby shuts her down. 

"You are. But that's irrelevant. You're nearly thirty mom, and you can't keep asking me for permission to do stuff. Be a grown up and just take the initiative," 

Lena chuckles at that, but she's not free from being roasted by the twelve year old either. Ruby focuses her attention on her, and narrows her eyes. "Why are you laughing? You're the same- no, you might even be _ worse _ . It took you _ so long _to get with my mom and-" 

"Okay, that's enough roasting for one night!" Sam holds up her hands just as Lena arches an indignant eyebrow in Ruby's direction. 

They plan on taking Ruby's advice the next day. _ Really _, they plan to. There's a distinct shift in the air, it’s lighter, clearer, now that Ruby knows. But they don’t take Ruby’s advice the next day. Nor do they take it the next day. In fact, they’re so busy with the store, now having lost one employee, that it takes almost four whole days until they can even invite Alex over for a drink. Enough time for New Year's to come and pass without much fuss. 

Lena is already in the cafe when Sam comes downstairs, sipping from a cup of coffee. She hasn’t even bothered to put on makeup this morning, glasses still perched on her nose, and Sam raises an eyebrow. 

“I was lazy,” Lena drawls when Sam approaches, and that only shocks her more, because she can’t recall the last time _Lena_ _Luthor_ was ever ‘lazy.’

Then she remembers the night before, how they’d both gotten wine-drunk and spent the night watching cheesy holiday movies they’d forgotten about on the DVR. “You’re hungover, aren’t you?” 

Lena doesn’t look at her, simply taking another long sip of her coffee. “Of course I am, Samantha.” 

It's then that they both turn to look at the door, as the telltale jingle of the bell above the door rings out through the store, and Sam has to lunge forward to stop Lena’s mug from tipping as she almost drops it. Alex hurries inside, a rush of frigid air and snow flurries blowing inside before the door shuts again. 

"You're not gonna believe how cold it is out there-" Alex starts, shrugging the snow off her coat like this is some regular occurrence, entirely oblivious to the twin expressions of shock on Lena and Sam's faces. 

Lena blinks. "What are you doing here?" 

Alex frowns as if it’s a weird question. "My shift starts at nine?" 

"But you quit," Lena continues to stare at her in disbelief, as if she doesn't believe that Alex is really there in front of her. "I read your resignation letter and-" 

"April Fools?" 

Sam glances at the calendar, as if to double check that it isn't January. It is, January the second to be exact. "Not that we aren't happy to have you here, but... why?" 

The word brings them all pause, as a cold hush settles over them. Alex stays standing near the door, her hand twitching like she wants to reach for the handle. Sam doesn't move her hand from where it rests, holding Lena's mug steady. Lena's eyes don't move from Alex's face, reading every minute expression that crosses her features. 

"Why?" Sam repeats, a little quieter this time. "Why'd you leave? Why did you come back now?”

Alex bites her lip, she can't hold their gaze for much longer. Sam steps forward, and the anxious expression on Alex’s face makes her ache to reach towards her. “I-” she sighs then, and something seems to shift inside her, because she straightens up, rolling her shoulders back and breathing out harshly. “You _ know _ why-" 

"No," Lena interrupts, her voice probably harsher than she intends, cutting across the quiet like a knife. "We actually don't. Treat this as a job interview, you want your job back? Then explain why you just left us with some generic resignation letter and disappeared for a month-"

“Lena-” Sam tries to calm her down, a hand on her shoulder, but Lena stands up anyways. Alex is chewing on her lip now, eyebrows furrowed, as Lena continues. 

“If Samantha upset you in any way-”

“I did not!” Sam insists, glaring at Lena. 

“-just let me know and I’ll have a talk with her,” she continues on, completely ignoring Sam’s shout of protest. 

“It wasn’t… just Sam.” She sounds almost defeated, like she’s admitting something she’s ashamed of.

Now both of their eyebrows shoot up. _ Just _ Sam? What was that supposed to mean? 

Alex seems to realize how that sounds, because she rushes to explain, frowning and blushing furiously. "I wouldn't exactly say you guys upset me, it’s just-“ 

She breaks off. Her mouth snaps shut with an audible click, and the nervousness radiating off of her is practically palpable. “Alex,” she calls out gently. She reaches over, a hand on Alex’s forearm. When did the space close between them 

The action makes dark brown eyes stare down at the contact, the blush spreading from Alex’s face down to her neck, even appearing on the tips of her ears. She clears her throat, shifting nervously again, and-

“I left because I had feelings for you. Both of you.” 

_ Feelings. _

Next to her, Lena is uncharacteristcally silent. Sam swallows hard, able to hear her heartbeat in her ears. Alex is staring down at the floor, avoiding eye contact with both of them. 

"I left because I didn't want that to get in the way of my job. I didn't want to get in the way of your relationship. So I went back to Midvale to see if that would- I don’t know- help things.” 

“Help things,” Lena echoes her, an eyebrow raised, and Alex nods almost sheepishly. 

“I thought it would get rid of the… feelings. But it didn’t. Honestly, it only made me miss you even more," Alex admits, finally looking back up at them. Her eyes glance between Sam and Lena, and she’s nearly trembling with anxiety now, and all Sam wants to do is comfort her. "I told you, Midvale doesn't feel like home anymore. Cause _ this _is home for me. So..." 

She clears her throat, still glancing between the two of them, eyes wide. She’s wringing her hands, and Sam has known Alex long enough by now to know that she’s quickly approaching peak anxiety levels, so she reaches forward and takes Alex’s hands in hers without thinking. 

They’re cold from being outside, still shaking slightly, but Sam just leans down slightly to be eye level with her and smiles softly, reassuringly. 

"I just want to come back home. So... can I please have my job back?" 

_ Yes, _Sam’s heart screams, but she says nothing. 

"Well we can't hire her again," Lena says rather bluntly, and it makes Alex's heart drop, until- "It'd be extremely unprofessional if we asked our only employee out on a date." 

* * *

They make plans for six. "Dress nicely," Lena had said, tugging on the sleeve of the flannel Alex had been wearing - "Not that I don't like this look on you, but it'd be a little out of place." 

They have plans at six, so Sam spends the rest of the day fretting. Tidying up things that are already clean, fussing about Ruby's attendance, about the weather, about what she's going to wear, about what Lena has decided to wear, she's a mess of nerves that eventually bursts right about four o'clock, when Lena sits her down and assures her that she can wait. 

They need to talk, and the uncertainty of it all makes it feel like the building itself is crawling with the anxiety that has Sam's leg jittering as she sits on the sofa in front of Lena now, eyes wide. 

"This isn't smart. We can’t just- just rush into this, Lena-” 

“Is that what we’re doing?” Lena asks, eyebrow cocked. Sam sighs, exasperated. 

“Yes,” she insists, arms flailing uselessly. “What if something goes wrong? What if she decides she doesn’t want to date us anymore?” Then she nearly chokes on her own words, eyes widening impossibly more. “Oh, God, she wants to date us. Both of us. How is this going to work?”

Throughout her mini freakout, Lena remains unimpressed, staring at Sam with much less anxiety than Sam herself feels. “Are you finished?” 

Sam frowns, but- “Yes.” 

“Good.” Lena clasps her hands with her own, warming them up. Sam’s shoulders lose just a bit of tension as she melts into the touch. “We will figure it out as we go along, darling,” she soothes her, green eyes calm. “We have time. We aren’t rushing anything.” 

She seems a little more relaxed, but there’s still a tension in her hands that won’t leave. Sam doesn’t give her anything, for a long moment they rest in that tense silence, before Lena has had enough. 

“What is _ actually _bothering you? Is it the date?” 

“It never- it was all fun and games when it was just us flirting around the coffeeshop, you know?” Sam lets out another heavy sigh, her brow furrowed as she glances off into the distance. “I never expected it to get this far, I never thought we’d be going out and- and _ dating _ and going for dinner where people could see us and that’s a whole other can of worms that we haven’t even _ started _ to think of and-“ 

Lena feels a ramble coming, so she lets go of one of Sam’s hands to pinch her lips shut. “Those don’t seem like problems we can solve with what- forty-five minutes until our first date with this woman,” 

“Mmph-“ Sam protests, but Lena doesn’t let her go until she’s finished. 

“And, Samantha, aren’t you the one who constantly tells me to ignore what people think?” There’s a reason, after all, that Lena hasn’t been dressing as though she’s still running a multibillion dollar company in the city, all diamonds, thousand dollar dresses, and five inch heels. She’s changed, inside and out, without the need to constantly look her best in front people waiting for her to trip up and fall.

Sam shakes her head to break away from Lena’s loose grip. “But that’s-“ 

Lena arches an eyebrow, and the intensity in her gaze makes Sam’s words falter, her sentence fizzles out. “We will burn that bridge when we come to it,” 

And just like Lena had hoped, Sam’s lips quirk up at Lena’s false seriousness, and she can’t help but smile back at her. “That’s not the saying and you know it,” 

“It seems more fitting in this circumstance.” 

Her stomach is still full of anxiety, though, her head spinning, and Sam lets out a heavy sigh as she leans into Lena, resting her chin against her shoulder. “I just- I don’t want to mess this up.” 

Lena nods. Her hair brushes against Sam’s cheek. “Well, if we haven’t scared her away yet, I doubt we could scare her away now.”

Sam purses her lips. “That's… true.” 

“Now, go get ready,” Lena pulls her up and pushes her in the direction of the closet, a hand slapping Sam’s butt as she passes. “We don’t want to be late.” 

“Okay, okay!” 

They still end up being late, with Alex somehow managing to get there first. Perhaps it's Sam's constant fretting as they walk over that makes them arrive ten minutes after they were supposed to be there. Either way, it is cold outside as they reach the small window, light spills out of the slightly fogged glass, but Lena immediately recognises the familiar dark red hair of the other woman, as she runs her hand through it. 

She's taken their advice, that much is obvious, but Lena doesn't spend much time staring through the window before Sam is dragging her in, that previous nervousness all but gone now. They walk in, Sam's hand almost too tight around her wrist, and Alex stands up she runs her hands over the front of her button up shirt, smiles earnestly over at them. 

She did take the advice- although Lena notices the leather jacket over the back of her chair. 

"You made it! I mean of course you did, you guys wanted to meet here anyways but I-" Alex starts to ramble, and it makes Lena's chest feel tight, the adorable way she scrunches up her nose, shakes her head when she realises what she's doing. "You were just running a little late and I- I thought you two changed your mind or something. Or I went to the wrong place..." 

Sam chuckles, "There aren't that many restaurants in town," she points out. “Especially ones as fancy as this.” 

"Don't underestimate my capacity to fuck things up. I kind of have it down to an art," Alex mutters darkly, before flashing them both a smile, walking around to pull out two chairs. 

Sam rests her hand on Lena's thigh as they settle in, and she feels Lena's own slightly clammy hand tangle with her own. They're both nervous, and when she glances over to see green eyes filled with the same doubts as she's sure are in her own, she decides to speak first. 

"This restaurant... they have some pretty decent wine.” 

Lena purses her lips and Sam can _ feel _her sigh. Alex glances up from the drinks menu and gives her a nod. "Any favourites?" 

"Not really," Sam's lost for a minute, so she does the logical thing. "Lena?" 

"Just get something red. Surprise us," 

Alex's answering smile is somewhat strained, she waves down a waiter and puts in her order for a bottle of mid-range shiraz. 

The lights in this building are too yellow. Sam can't help but notice Lena's discomfort, and she thinks it's for the same reasons as her own. The restaurant is rather empty, not a lot of people seem to come to the fancier establishment. There are a few older couples here and there, but the three of them stand out, and the servers seem to be eyeing them curiously every time they pass. 

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe even something romantic. But Alex is red in the face and just as nervous as they are, and Sam feels herself growing more and more regretful with each passing minute. Being so _ open _about this, three women going on a date, publicly, is what makes her skin crawl not with disgust but with anxiety. 

What are the servers thinking? What will the town think, if they go further with this… thing between the three of them?

Sam swallows past a sudden, thick lump in her throat. What would _ Patricia _think? 

As if sensing her own developing discomfort, Lena’s hand squeezes hers, and her breath tickles Sam’s ear as she whispers, “Breathe, darling.” 

“I-” Alex cringes, still beet red, “I think I should go. You guys should have dinner by yourselves, this wasn’t a good-” 

“You leave and you’re fired,” Lena snaps despite her own obvious awkwardness, only somewhat seriously, stopping Alex dead in her tracks as she moves to stand up. The redhead sinks back down into her seat, clearing her throat, and Lena cocks an eyebrow. “Now, we’re going to continue this date with all three of us, isn’t that right?” 

Alex scoffs, “You literally yelled at me out for quitting earlier.” 

“Isn’t that_ right?” _

She looks sharply between Sam and Alex as though they’re misbehaving children receiving a warning. “Yes,” Sam and Alex say at the same time, waiting until Lena leans back into her seat to breathe. 

It serves to cut into the tension between them, and Sam can’t help but be grateful for her girlfriend’s intimidation to be too much for even Alex Danvers herself. She sighs, imagining that the awkwardness and anxiety are flowing out of her as she exhales heavily, slowly, and she clasps her hands in front of her on the table, racking her brain for something to say.

It turns out she doesn’t have to. Glancing across the table, she sees Alex’s lips quirk up into a small smile, and then into a full blown grin, before she breaks. A laugh escapes her, shoulders shaking, and she bows her head. 

“This is ridiculous,” she stammers through a fit of awkward laughter. “We’ve known each other for months now. We see each other almost every day. Why are we acting like this is a blind date that my sister set up with one of her coworkers two weeks after my fiance left me?” 

Sam and Lena exchange a look. “That was… specific.” 

“Speaking from experience?” Lena inquires, and Alex looks up at her, the corner of her eyes crinkling. 

“Yeah. She spent the whole time on her phone and got a taxi back to her apartment as soon as we left the restaurant.” 

Sam winces. “Ouch.” 

Alex just shrugs, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. Beside her, Lena shifts, digging through her bag. “Shit, that reminds me, I’ve got to check my email-” 

“Oh, stop it,” Sam gently elbows her girlfriend in the ribs before she can pull out her phone, shooting an exasperated look towards Alex when she snickers under her breath at the exchange. “Don’t encourage her,” 

Lena gives Alex a sly look over the table, and Alex eases into her chair a little, the confidence returned. “You’d really use such a cheap excuse on me?” 

“Of course I wouldn’t,” Lena scoffs. “We were the ones who asked you out, after all. We chose the venue. I’d ask _ you _to leave if I didn’t want you here,” 

Alex laughs at that, but it’s a shallow thing, one that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She glances between the two of them again, like she doesn’t quite believe what her eyes are telling her. “Why do you want me?” 

Lena looks over at Sam, and she’s baffled by the expression she finds. Sam’s eyebrows have shot right up, and her lips are pursed like she’s trying to hold in water. For a second she wonders if the nervousness has made her partner physically ill, but Sam slowly shakes her head, and lets out a big sigh as if she’d decided to hold in a week’s worth of air in her lungs. 

And when all the air is out, she blurts- “Actually, forget dinner. Let’s get out of here.” 

It’s Alex and Lena’s turn to wear the shocked expressions. Alex’s entire face goes an impressive shade of red in a split second, and Lena is trying to understand where the hell that utterly idiotic proposition came from. 

“It’s- the lights- I think they’re giving me a headache. I can’t think straight. I’ll order pizza. Come home with us?” 

Absolute word vomit of the highest order. 

But somehow, _ miraculously _, Alex doesn’t throw her drink in Sam’s face. She doesn’t get up and storm out, or laugh. She only tilts her head to the side, her eyes unreadable as she muses, “My place is closer,” 

Sam grabs the bottle of wine by the neck — and when did that get here, by the way? — and starts to stand, digging in her pockets and tossing a wrinkled fifty on the table. Alex stands too, and shrugs on her leather jacket, tapping on Lena’s shoulder gently. 

“Hey, princess, you alright?” she asks, genuine concern in her eyes, “I know we said we’d behave on our date, but this place is way too stuffy,” 

She shakes her head to get herself out of her stupor. Sam is waiting, coat on, gripping that bottle tight but she looks a lot more relaxed at the prospect of going somewhere else. “Yes- I- of course,” she replies, and Alex smiles, offering her a hand. 

Her hands are softer than she’d thought they’d be. Calloused, sure, but so gentle as she guides Lena out after her. She doesn’t take her hand away as they walk out, so they stay holding hands as they burst back out onto the street, into the dark of night, the bristling cold. 

“Fuck,” Alex mutters under her breath, and her other hand seeks out Sam. She’d been smart, worn one of her long coats with it’s fur lined hood. “Should have worn a bigger jacket,” 

Sam offers Alex the wine. She takes it, and as she lets go of Lena’s hand to uncork the bottle, Lena can’t help but feel the chill. The brisk air gives them all a chance to _ think _, as they get back to reality, walking away from the shops and restaurants towards Alex’s part of town. 

“It wasn’t the lights,” Sam admits, as they get to a street corner, Alex seemingly giving no concerns to who sees as she tips her head back and drinks straight out of the bottle, wiping her mouth after her heavy sip. 

“Figured as much,” she muses, and Sam gives them both a wan smile. 

She stews on her next point for a while, past two, three, four stores before eventually she asks, “Did I ruin-“ 

“No!” 

“Don’t be stupid, of course you didn’t,” Lena retorts, fiddling with the collar of her coat. “I wasn’t looking forward to eating that garbage anyways. Any restaurant that is this far inland with _ lobster _on the menu isn’t to be trusted.” 

Alex snorts, and offers Sam the bottle. “This is already a million times more fun than being in there. It’s just us, a bottle of wine- basically our usual Friday, huh?” 

It is _ nothing _like their usual Friday. 

“I just thought that you might like to- you know. Hang out like we usually do. And not in a restaurant. Because you seem to have been on a lot of dates before-“ 

Alex arches an eyebrow, and Lena wonders if it’s possible for Sam’s nerves to overtake her usual natural charm any more than they already have. “Darling, can you stop talking and take the bottle?” 

Sam stops talking and takes the bottle, going for a big gulp that makes Alex laugh. The sound rings out across the empty street, warming them both up better than the cheap wine ever could. 

They take three more steps, with Sam drinking wine out of the bottle like a champ until there’s a high pitched shriek to Alex’s left and she turns around to catch Lena a second before she plummets ass-first onto the ground, her stilettos scrabbling for purchase on the sneaky patch of ice. 

Her eyes are wide, and her fingers dig into Alex’s bicep painfully but she holds her steady regardless, as Sam showers the sidewalk with red wine as she laughs. 

“Fucking _ ice!” _

Alex leads them to a small park that looks rather dark and ominous at night, barely lit. The big trees with their bare branches look bone-white, but it doesn’t matter as she leads them through, until eventually Lena complaints of a sore foot become insistent to ignore and they find a barely damp bench to sit on. 

It’s cold and late, and frost is forming over every surface, in a way that makes Alex wish that the moon was out, so she could see world dusted in silver. Since she came back to the states, winter had always been her favourite season. 

Apparently, it isn’t Lena’s. 

“Babe, it’s fine,” Sam reiterates for the millionth time, kissing Lena’s temple as if that would soothe the ache. “Nobody saw it,” 

“I’m not upset because my pride was hurt. I’m upset because my ankle is broken-“ 

“It’s sprained,” Alex corrects immediately, her fingers prodding gently against the bruised skin of Lena’s ankle. “You’ll live,” 

“I may never walk again,” Lena huffs, and Alex glances up at Sam over Lena’s shoulder. 

“Is she always this much of a drama queen?” 

Sam chuckles, the laugh coming out as a white cloud the cold air. “Oh yeah,” she confirms with a nod, looking fondly at Lena even when the other woman shoots her a pointed glare. “She always has been. That’s what makes her, her.” She pauses as she reaches to grab Lena’s hand. “It’s part of why I love her so much.” 

Alex smiles softly, but Lena just rolls her eyes, and rests her head on Alex’s shoulder, shooting a dark look at Sam. “Quit being a sap and give me the shiraz,” 

Sam mocks her in a snooty voice- which almost gets her a slap, but she hands over the nearly-empty bottle anyways. 

It starts slow, barely even noticeable. If Sam hadn’t been paying attention, she would’ve thought it was raining at first, until she notices the small white flurries that are beginning to rush past them towards the ground. It’s not strong enough to stick yet, they melt as soon as they hit the concrete, leaving the grass glistening, but it’s snowing nonetheless. 

Sam closes her eyes, bright smile spreading across her face. “It’s a holiday miracle-“ 

“Great. Just what we need. More trip hazards,” Lena mutters, but Sam elbows her gently in the ribs. 

“It’s _ snowing _.” The snowflakes drift towards her face, and she wipes at her cheeks. “We should make snow angels.” 

“Are you five?” Lena snaps, though her tone is amused, her expression fond as she looks over at Sam. “Besides, it’s not even sticking.” 

“It will soon enough,” Alex pipes up as they watch the snow pick up, the snowflakes getting fatter now, coming down quicker. And it’s true - they’re starting to stick to the ground, covering it in a thin sheet of white, and Sam practically vibrates with excitement. 

“Can you walk?” Alex asks after a moment, and gets an answering grumble against her shoulder from Lena. 

“Under duress, perhaps I can.” 

Alex helps Lena up, and in typical Sam fashion, Sam is twirling around with her hands out, almost in her own world for a moment. It brings a smile to Alex’s face, the little glittering snowflakes stuck in her dark hair, and it reminds her of skating on the lake-

“I want a divorce,” Lena growls darkly, and Sam’s answering laughter is bright. “Stop showing off, you-“ 

She’s dancing about in the falling snow, frollicking around them. Alex is holding Lena steady, and she’s several feet away, so she can’t do anything as she watches Sam step on a patch of ice, and start to slip. 

She can’t do anything but mutter under her breath- “_ Timber-“ _as she watches long legs start to go down, and she had hoped that it wasn’t loud enough for Sam to hear, but then Lena bursts out laughing in a very unladylike manner. 

“I meant to do that!” 

Lena's eyes roll. “Sure you did.” 

They scurry towards Alex’s building — it isn’t far from the park at all, just a few blocks, and luckily the snow isn’t powerful enough to slow them down yet. Lena is surprisingly quick despite the _ “broken _” ankle she’d suffered before, although she’s still clutching onto Alex’s arm, and all that Sam got after her tumble was a damp coat and a bruised ego. 

“Watch out, Isa’s been very excited today. She might knock you down,” Alex informs them as she unlocks the door. Even through the thick wood, Sam can hear the excited barking of the pitbull from inside, nails clacking repeatedly against the floor and scratching at the door. “I’ll go in first. Sam, can you take Lena into the living room?” 

“I am sure I can walk perfectly fine by myself-” Lena bites back, but Sam jumps in first, tugging her by the hand down the hall. 

Once they are settled in the living room, damp coats stowed away, the heater fighting off that latent chill from being out in the cold a little too long, a sense of calm washes over the three of them. 

It even affects Isa, apparently. She’s somehow burnt up all her energy, she’s up on the sofa next to Lena, her chin resting on the woman’s leg as she dozes off. 

Sam rests her arm over the back of the sofa. She’s watching Alex fondly, despite what Alex thinks is an infinitely more adorable situation with Lena and Isa right now. 

“So we’ll see you tomorrow?” 

The answer comes naturally. There isn't any place she'd rather be, really. There's no point in trying to run from this anymore. "Of course. Who else is gonna make Lena's coffee in the morning?" 

Lena snorts under her breath, and Sam chuckles at the unladylike sound in a manner that gets her a swift backhand to the arm, but her eyes are full of fondness for them both, and an almost silent relief. 

The bottle of wine is finished but Alex doesn't feel like they really need any more. She's warm enough already- it settles in her chest as she sinks into the familiar comfort of her own sofa, into the familiar comfort of the two women she's come to associate with _ home _. 

She must be wearing her emotions on her face, because Sam's expression softens when she looks over at her and gives her _ that _smile. 

_ "Alex.” _

Lena calls her name, but her voice is almost hesitant. That in itself catches her attention more than the simple utterance of her name. And it makes her nervous, because now there is no invisible boundary set in place, there's no script. The hush that has settled isn't easily broken, and so she defaults to what she knows best. 

Instinctively, she tries to run. 

"I'll... get us some drinks," she stands up and makes to go towards the kitchen, but Lena catches her by the wrist. Her hand is soft, but it traps Alex in place. 

“Don’t you dare do that,” Lena snaps, not unkindly, keeping Alex frozen just with the look she’s giving. “You’re going to stay right here with us.” 

_ Stay right here. _

And she knows Lena isn’t trying to be deep and secretly reference what had gone down just a few weeks ago, but Alex feels it in her chest, the impact of her words. Something she hasn’t done recently is_ stay, _ but she finds herself not wanting to leave the room despite every traitorous cell in her body screaming for her to _ get out. _

It tugs at her heartstrings, just a bit. She doesn’t know how in the course of a few weeks she’s gone from actively quitting her job, to not wanting to leave them for even a minute to get drinks. Perhaps it’s because now she isn’t worried about her feelings being unrequited. Now she _ knows _. 

Alex can’t fight a smile at the thought, and the way Lena’s touch makes her skin tingle. “So you two... you really like me, huh?” 

Lena laughs. “It’s the reason why Sam wanted to hire you in the first place.” 

Sam is embarrassed, if the bashful way she glances to the side, tucks a lock of hair behind her ear with a spectacular blush on her cheeks is anything to go by. “You also had a really nice... resume.” 

“You liked me because of my... resume?” 

“It was nicely formatted-” 

“She’s a liar. She never read your resume.” 

“I… skimmed it,” Sam defends herself meekly, but Lena pulls a face. 

“No, you didn’t, I was the one doing the hiring-“ 

“Do you guys actually want me to get some drinks?” Alex interrupts their bickering intentionally loud, and both of their heads snap towards her. “Something to warm us up a bit?”

“Scotch, neat-“ Lena begins, but Alex holds a hand up. 

“I meant like- hot chocolate, or apple cider,” she explains with an amused smirk, as Lena frowns and sinks back into the couch cushions. 

“I suppose an apple cider will do.” 

It's a complete opposite to the awkwardness in the restaurant. It almost feels normal- even though they've never spent time together like this in her apartment. Like it's natural for her to see Lena sitting with her legs tucked underneath her, still absently patting a now dozing Isa. It's normal for her to find Sam with her sleeves rolled up and a soft look in her eyes, one hand running through her hair. They talk quietly while she's getting drinks ready, and as she comes back they make space for her in between them. 

Cider for Lena and hot chocolate with way too many marshmallows for Sam. 

"So... what are the Luthor-Arias holiday traditions? Christmas, right? How was that?" 

"Well this was actually the first year we didn’t both cram in work until the absolute last second. And I'm _ still _grateful for the fact that I hadn’t been invited to a million different corporate holiday parties," Lena tells her, sipping idly at her cider. “Too many arrogant, cocky assholes in business suits and not enough spiked eggnog.”

"We don't really have any traditions," Sam glances over at Lena, poking at a marshmallow bobbing in the foam of her hot chocolate. "When I was a kid, I’d go to church. It was always Patricia's thing. I remember she would dress me in this hideous, uncomfortable plaid dress and tights. All her church friends would grab my cheeks and tell me how adorable I looked, but I just wanted to disappear into the bathroom and never come out.” 

“Well, at least Patricia never forced you to engage in ‘family movie nights’ with the Hallmark Channel on,” Lena mutters, and it seems to be a sore spot, because the face she shoots towards Alex is part-exasperated, part-traumatized. 

"Hey! Those Hallmark movies were _ classics _ -" Sam protests, and Alex bursts out in a laugh at the genuine offense on her face. "Alex- _ no, _you've gotta be on my side-" 

“They’re all the same!” Lena argues, throwing her hands up and nearly spilling her drink in the process. “Two strangers meet on accident in some embarrassing yet convenient way, they know each other for perhaps _ two _ weeks before they fall in love, denying that they’re in love the whole time until they finally kiss at the end and realize their feelings were mutual. How is that _ possibly _a classic?”

Alex and Sam share a glance. It's purely accidental that she catches her eye when she does, of course. "Because it's romantic," she shrugs. 

"It's unrealistic.”

"Is not," Sam retorts, and Lena rolls her eyes, equally as mature.

"I don't think it's unrealistic," Alex tries for the middle-ground, Lena glares at her in response, while Sam grins, taking it as a victory. "I mean- Sam, stop grinning like that, I was going to say something-" 

"You're saying that I'm _ right, _ and that's clearly all that matters. _ " _

They get lost in their bickering, but of course, it’s only during the brief moment of silence that Alex’s stomach decides to let out a loud growl, causing both Sam and Lena to snicker. “Right. I forgot we came here to eat,” she laughs sheepishly, climbing off the couch. “I can order a pizza or-” 

“Actually,” Sam cuts her off apologetically before she can continue, and Alex turns back with a rock in her stomach. “It’s gotten pretty late, and we still need to pick Ruby up. We should probably get back.” 

Alex tries to fight off the growing disappointment at that, hoping they’d have more time. As if they aren’t going to see each other tomorrow morning. “Right. No, of course. We’ll… continue this some other night.”

"A raincheck," Lena is reluctant to move, especially with the pitbull's head on her lap. She gently pries free but despite her best efforts, Isa notices her leaving and jumps up, snuffling her hands as she tries to set her back to sleep. "No darling, sleep. Don't- ugh-“

Despite knowing Sam, and knowing she’s a hugger, it still catches her off guard when two long arms wrap around her midsection and pull her in. Sam is warm and comfortable, and Alex can’t help but melt into it, her hands on Sam’s shoulder blades. 

“I’m really glad you’re back,” she whispers, and then she pulls away, much too soon. The words are somehow impossibly soft, and Alex inhales deeply. She wants to lean forward, wants to finally press her lips against Sam’s like she’s been craving for the past few months they’ve known each other. 

But she doesn’t. She knows she has to wait for the right time, and it’s far too early into… whatever they’re doing, to do that. Especially while Lena is staring over Sam’s shoulder at her like that, with a knowing look on her face and an amused smirk, making Alex’s ears burn. 

She doesn’t want them to go. She aches to just tell them to stay, spend the night, anything in order to keep them from leaving, but instead, she steps back into the apartment and leans against the doorframe. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow?” 

“Yeah,” Sam breathes out, cheeks pink. “Bye, Alex.” 

She shuts the door, fighting back the urge to watch through the peephole as they walk away. Isa whines behind her, nudging at her ankles, and Alex reaches back to scratch her head. “Ah, I’m fucked, girl.” 

Isa looks up at her and tilts her head, as if agreeing, and Alex can only sigh in defeat.

* * *

It's almost too easy to fall back into the way things used to be. 

She gets to work early, parks her bike in the alley next to the store, hangs her helmet and jacket up in the back room. She can already hear the sounds of conversation in the bookstore, and she steps in to see the lights aren't quite on yet, but the sun filters through the shelves, as does the sound of voices. 

"I think we should get a painting of Isa, and she should be wearing a _ top hat _, not a fancy frilly dress." Ruby says, and it sounds like this discussion has been going on for some time, because Sam is nearly slumped on the counter, her head in her hand, and a bored expression on her face. 

“Try to put a costume on Isa and you’ll lose a hand, kid,” Alex retorts as she rounds the corner. 

"Aww, but-" Sam starts, pout already set in place, but Lena bustles past, a look of pure disdain on her face. She doesn't seem to be a fan of the idea either. 

A few customers wander in through the course of the week, none of them truly notable. That seems to be the case with the first few weeks of January, after the chaos of the holiday season things feel a little muted. A return to normalcy. 

But for Alex, things are only just about to get more chaotic. 

It starts with Sam, in that lull between the morning and afternoon, brushing her hand against Alex's to get her attention. "Quick question," 

"Go ahead," 

Sam is a little nervous, and chews at her lower lip for a second before mustering up the courage to ask, "Would you like to go bowling with me?" 

"Sure," Alex says, and Sam sighs, relieved for just a moment before Alex continues, and that nervousness returns. "I'd love to see Lena in ugly bowling shoes. Ugly _ rented _ bowling shoes- I think she'd combust," 

"She refuses to even step into a bowling alley. I'm not talking about the four of us. I just meant... you know. The two of us. On a date?" 

Alex narrows her eyes just a bit, a smile creeping onto her face. Sam doesn't look at her, fiddling with the filter handle as if she didn't just clean it out a second ago. "Sam, are you asking me out?" 

"Depends on what your answer would be," 

"Does your girlfriend know you're in the habit of asking other women to go to the bowling alley with you?" 

Sam tilts her chin in the direction of the bookstore, where Lena is very obviously watching the both of them with interest, leaning against the counter, eyes trained on them both. "She doesn't think you'll say yes. She said, and I quote-" Sam raises her fingers to do air quotes, and does a snooty accent that sounds nothing like Lena's. "'Alex is a grown woman, _ Samantha _. She wouldn't be interested in such a childish game,'" 

Alex stifles a laugh, and as if Lena knows she's being talked about, she huffs and turns to go elsewhere, her hair billowing behind her as she stalks off into the shadows. 

"The answer is yes, by the way," Alex answers, and Sam's grin is nearly blinding. 

* * *

She meets her on Thursday night, which Sam promises is the _ best _day for going bowling. It doesn't look like it, when they show up to the alley. If anything, it looks like an abandoned building that’s meant to be in the beginning of a movie scene. Sam pulls into a faded parking space, and Alex stares up at the building with raised eyebrows. 

It’s covered in faded graffiti, a few of the windows taped up, and the door creaks ominously when Sam holds it open for her. She flashes a polite smile to the other women as she steps inside, but the smile doesn’t last long as her eyes land on the elderly man sitting on a stool behind the front counter. When he glances towards them, it’s as if they’re his first customers in years. Alex wouldn’t be surprised if they were.

Sam, however, isn’t too fazed by the place. "I used to love coming here when I was a kid! It hasn't changed one bit!" 

Glancing down at the carpet, the faded neon colours and the mysterious stains, Alex is sure it really hasn't. 

There aren't that many people either. In fact, there's barely anyone save for the old man, and one of the lanes is even down, the lights above it flickering and the wood cracked all the way down the middle. When the man asks for their shoes, he gives them a pair of ratty ones in return, and Alex glances over at Sam, questioningly.

“This is…” 

“Great, right?” Sam finishes, smile bright. 

"Do you want my honest opinion, or-" Alex starts, she doesn't want to rain on Sam's parade, but then she catches a glimpse of a teasing glint in Sam's eye. 

"It's a shithole. You don't have to pretend it isn't. But, despite what you may think, it _ is _ still functional. Emphasis on the _ fun _ in functional _ .” _

Rather than looking for sizes, Sam goes for the ball that has the brightest, most obnoxious colouring which is slightly too big, and shocks her with its weight when she lifts it. 

Alex tries to go for something a little less weighty to be on the safe side. She tests it with both hands, before going up to the line, eyeing down the pins. 

“You’re holding it wrong.” 

Alex’s head snaps up as Sam’s voice pipes up behind her. “Excuse me?” 

Sam shrugs. “Hey, don’t get defensive,” she stalks towards her, and Alex inhales deeply as she gets closer. It’s like Sam is always _ warm, _that warmth constantly radiating off of her. “Here, like this,” she says, adjusting Alex’s wrist slightly.

A nerve in her bad hand twinges when Sam moves it, but she tries not to let it show. "Maybe I want to throw it with both hands, how about that?" she remarks.

"Do we need to get you a ramp too?" Sam teases, and Alex glares over her shoulder. "I used to bowl with both hands... when I was twelve." 

Alex’s eyes narrow at Sam’s slowly growing smile. “You’re not winning yourself any points here, Arias,” she snaps, but Sam’s grin only gets wider. It makes Alex’s stomach flip.

"Golf rules? Lowest score wins?" 

"Last I checked this was _ bowling _and not crazy golf," The weight of the ball - even in both hands - is getting uncomfortable, so she moves to place it back on the rack. That same twinge again in her wrist has her unexpectedly dropping the ball with a loud clang, and she winces as it echoes easily across the lanes. 

Sam picks up on what Alex isn't saying. She places her own ball on the rack next to hers, eyes searching Alex's face before she gently suggests- "They have a few arcade machines? And they do great nachos here. Amazing nachos, you'd be surprised." 

"Can we get them to go?" 

"Of course," Sam agrees, thankfully.

"Not that I don't like the... uh, decor,” she says this as her eyes drift towards an oddly placed fish on the wall, something that shouldn’t belong in a bowling alley at all, and the old man’s relentless stare is starting to make the hair on the back of her neck stand up. 

“I… actually know the perfect place we can go,” Sam suggests, but Alex looks at her hesitantly. 

“It’s not an abandoned movie theatre that probably has a family of bats living in it, right?” 

"A movie theatre..." Sam thinks on that for an uncomfortably long moment before shaking her head. "No, it's just a short drive out of town. We don't even have to leave the car. I'll let you choose the music?" 

Considering the early January weather, snow flurries still falling every few minutes, staying in the car is infinitely more preferable than bracing themselves against the cold. The heat stays on, old classics on the radio blasting through the speakers, and Sam even pulls out two blankets from the very back of the car.

“Ruby and I would travel a lot before moving here,” she explains when Alex looks at her in question, draping the blanket over her lap. “The amount of times that girl would forget her blanket on roadtrips, I swear…” 

Sam even gets a family sized serving of nachos before they leave the bowling alley, but it seems like she could probably finish this off on her own. The nachos don't disappoint, and neither does the view of the town from the crest of this small hill they’d found themselves parked on. 

“So how’d you know about this place?” Alex asks, which causes her date to freeze up before the words are even fully out. She asks mostly because it’d taken a few odd turns and a long backroad to end up here, something she would’ve never been able to find without having known about the spot before. 

Sam immediately shoves a handful of nachos in her mouth, a muffled 'hm?' sneaking out from the corner of her mouth as if she didn't quite understand the question. Well, it's more like she's _ evading _the question, if her constant glancing about the place is any indication. 

“Sam?” 

“I, uh… Well-” 

Alex tries to backtrack at the sight of Sam’s face, a sudden bright red, refusing to make eye contact. “You don’t have to tell me, you know.” 

Sam laughs, a burst of it to relieve the tension, and scratches at the back of her neck. "No, it's not... it's not a _ bad _thing. It's not... I can tell you," 

Alex slurps at her soda expectantly. The noise rattles Sam, who finally glances at her. 

"So... I may have-" she murmurs something really fast, the rest of the sentence unintelligible, but Alex isn't an idiot. She puts it together, and it helps that she’d been able to hear just a few select words within her mumbling. 

"Did you lose your virginity here? Sam..." She scoffs in disbelief, eyes widening as she realizes. "You really brought me to the makeout point of this tiny ass town on our first date? Should I be concerned?" 

"Shut up," 

"We better not get too frisky. It's been years since you were here, the cops probably know about this place by now. I don't want to go in for making out like a teenager-" 

"Twelve years," Sam corrects immediately, clearing her throat awkwardly. "It's been twelve years since I was last here," 

_ Twelve years… _Alex grins slowly, the last piece of the puzzle fitting together. "Sam? Isn't Ruby twelve years old?" 

The quarter-full basket of nachos are shoved into her face. "Nachos?" 

Alex barely holds back from swatting the distraction out of her face. "_ Sam!" _

Sam drops the basket on her lap and throws her hands up in defeat. "Okay, fine! Maybe I did. What are you gonna do? Now you know. Congratulations." She's not mad, more embarrassed than anything, squirming in her seat and crossing her arms like she's being scolded. "I didn't come here for a lecture on my poor life choices okay? I just wanted to-" 

“Whoa,” Alex holds her own hands up. “Nobody’s getting lectured here. I’m teasing you, Sam.” 

Sam blinks slowly, as if having to process Alex’s words. Then a sort of sheepishness comes over her features, and she bites at her lip. “Oh.” 

Alex smirks. “So… Was it worth it?” 

She just barely ducks the hand swatting her way, as Sam scowls at her. "You're an asshole, you know that? I'm sensitive. You can't make fun of me. I might cry," 

"Okay, I'm sorry-" 

"The only thing I got out of it was Ruby,” she rolls her eyes. She seems less tense now, starting to smile as Alex watches her. “I mean, I’m grateful for it. I don’t know what I would do without that kid.” 

"And did the... other participant know? About Ruby." Alex feels like she’s treading on thin ice for a moment, but Sam doesn’t seem to mind the invasive question too much, shrugging. 

"He didn't want to stick around, but I can't blame him for that. We were both young and stupid, if I had a chance to walk away back then, I probably would have done the same, you know?”

"But you didn't," Alex clarifies. 

"But I didn't. And my mom _ hated _me for keeping Ruby, but I think she would have hated me even if I didn't. It was just a lose-lose situation with her, I guess. But I’m happy with my choices.”

The pensive look on Sam's face that follows that admission isn't something that Alex is used to seeing. She's so used to the relentlessly optimistic Sam. The Sam who hums to herself in the coffee shop, who takes every day in stride with a smile and a laugh. 

She isn't sure how to follow this. If she herself should be honest. If she should be quiet, and leave Sam to her thoughts. But there's one part of what Sam said that resonates with her. 

"I get that. I understand. The whole... choices thing. And being happy with them, even though they've caused you so much shit. My family never understood why I'd want to join the military, especially after what happened to my dad.” She rubs her hands on her pants, not looking at Sam but instead gazing out the window at the snow falling. "But I did. And maybe it wasn't the best choice, it fucked me up in so many ways, but it made me who I am," 

Sam reaches out wordlessly to hold her hand. Tentative, gentle, she holds Alex's hand between her own, and Alex holds back the wince as the old injury rears its ugly head yet again, that tight pain in her wrist making her freeze. She can only hope that Sam doesn't read that as a rejection.

"I almost lost this hand in the same attack that lost me one of my best friends.” The words just start to spill from her mouth, and they keep coming after that. "We were ambushed. She'd always thought she'd come back home, but if she didn't, that she'd go down in a blaze of glory." Alex huffs out a bitter laugh. "Like some kind of hero. But she was shot in the back. After that I knew I was done." 

Sam doesn't say anything. The words hang heavy in the air, and Alex wonders if she's fucked this date up even more now. She gets ready to dismiss the whole thing, ready to change the subject to something lighthearted, but Sam gently turns Alex's hand over, looking at the skin of her wrist. 

The angry scar is partially hidden by dark ink, the patterns over it intended to disguise it at a glance. But Sam trails her thumb over the edge of the scar, feels the raised skin, and Alex nearly shivers at her touch. 

Alex reaches her fingers up to touch the underside of Sam’s wrist and it halts her movements. Sam looks u and there’s really not that much space between them. Alex could close the space, to meet those lips again in a _ better _first kiss than the awkward crash of lips and teeth under the mistletoe. 

But she doesn’t. Because the moment passes. 

* * *

Sam lingers in the threshold, and a fond smile crosses her face at the sound of laughter upstairs, both Lena’s and Ruby’s. 

The time for their date is drawing to a close, it’s getting late, and they both have work tomorrow. But Alex can’t shake the feeling that there’s still one more thing to do, this date isn’t entirely _ over _. 

“I had fun tonight,” she says, and Sam turns around with a sheepish little grin. 

“Really? I thought I kind of messed up-“ she goes bashful, but Alex stops her with a lightning quick kiss on the cheek. It seems like a brief, impulsive decision on Alex’s part - her eyes shifty, movements slightly jerky, as if her body’s acting on its own, but she leans forward and presses her lips to Sam’s cheek, lingering there. Sam’s eyes close for just a moment, as long as it takes for Alex to pull away, laughing awkwardly. Sam’s skin _ burns _where Alex has left her.

Alex freezes, still partly leaning forwards, before she stammers out a quick - “I... I have to go,” 

“_ Yeah _,” Sam whispers, and repeats a second time, a little louder. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

Alex chuckles, dark eyes amused at Sam’s reaction, and she tucks her hands into her pockets, walking back towards the door with a nod. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

By the time she gets to the top of the stairs, standing outside the door to her apartment, her cheek is still burning with the feel of Alex’s lips against it. 

* * *

Sam is filled to the brim with giddiness when she walks through the door. 

Lena looks up from the video game she’d been playing with Ruby. She’d never been much for video games, but the kid had practically forced her into it, and she’s thankful to have an excuse to drop the controller when she hears Sam unlock the door. 

“Ha! Killed you again, Lena,” she hears Ruby shout victoriously, but Lena ignores her taunting and gently pushes her over, Ruby falling back against the couch pillows. Her head pops up a second later, smiling at her mother. “Hey, Mom!” 

Lena slides off the couch and meets Sam halfway, leaning forward to give her a peck on the lips in greeting. “So how was it?” she asks, eager for all the information she can get about their night. By the look on her girlfriend’s face, it was a good one, and Lena bites her lip. 

"Oooh," Ruby jeers, drawn in by the promise of gossip like a shark to blood in the water, as a young teenage girl is often want to be. Lena gives her an arched eyebrow in response. "Okay _ fine _, I'll go to sleep... but at least tell me Mom, did she like the bowling?" 

Sam laughs, and shakes her head. "Oh no, she hated it." The words say one thing, but the smile on her face says another, but the confusing answer is enough to tide Ruby over until she's able to ask more questions. 

Lena turns back to her once Ruby is gone, having shuffled into her room and shut the door, no doubt pressing an ear against it trying to listen in. She raises both eyebrows at Sam in question as they sit on the couch, Sam leaning back and sighing wistfully. 

“So, she hated it-” Lena starts, but Sam’s smile widens. 

“She did, but it was great. We went somewhere else instead, and just… talked.” It doesn’t sound like much, but the expression on Sam’s face makes it seem like she’d just had the best date ever.

"Just _ talked?" _

Sam rolls her eyes at the insinuation. "Yes, Lena. Just talked," she huffs, cheeks tinted pink, but Lena continues to pry. 

“And you didn’t do… anything else? Even towards the end?” 

“I mean-” 

Lena practically springs up from her spot on the couch, leaning forward in anticipation. “Samantha Arias, did you and Alex kiss?” 

Sam blushes even harder, but the sudden look of disappointment in her eyes tells Lena all she needs to know. She frowns, unintentionally deep, and the look must make Sam feel even more awkward, because she seems to sink into the couch cushions.

"Why not?" 

"Well... I wanted to. I really did. But we talked about some heavy stuff, and then we were on the way home and- but she did kiss me on the cheek! So we're making progress," Sam stammers, hands waving erratically in the air as she explains. Lena just watches pitifully, sipping a glass of wine slowly. 

“Right,” she nods. “Taking things slow.” “Exactly! But- God, Lena, I really wanted to. Honestly, though, I kind of wanted _ her _to make the first move.” 

"For future reference, I wouldn't mind if you did kiss her," Lena starts, and before Sam can protest she holds up a hand. "I know you had your reasons and they didn't only involve me but... you know I'm on board with this. And I know that means you'll be intimate with Alex, and that's okay with me," 

"I know," Sam assures her, placing a warm hand on Lena’s arm. 

"I am _ very _supportive. Enthusiastic, even. In fact, if perhaps you want to kiss her when she shows up to work tomorrow I'd thoroughly enjoy that-" 

"Okay, that’s enough, I think you’ve had too much wine," Sam says, and gently pries the glass of wine from Lena's hand, finishing it off and putting the empty glass on the coffee table. "But- yeah. What you said? You're okay with it? I'm okay with you kissing her as well. If you want to-" 

Lena smirks, and Sam can already tell that she's definitely thought about more than _ just _kissing Alex. "Good to know," 

"But... at least go on one date before you do anything. Don't just hook up with her on the first-" 

Lena's brows shoot up and she gasps indignantly, her free hand resting on her chest. "Are you implying that I'm _ easy?" _

"Well, given your past history-" Sam starts, but her words end up as a squeak as Lena pushes her back onto the couch. 

* * *

Sam is familiar with Lena's routines by now. By far the most bizarre is the way she gets ready. 

Sam is in the kitchen, getting dinner ready for her and Ruby, and in her periphery she can see Lena jogging from one side of the apartment to the other in varying states of dress. At one stage, she changes outfit entirely, and that gets Sam to finally look up from her boiling pasta.

"You're nervous," she points out, as if it’s not practically stamped on Lena’s forehead already.

"No," Lena huffs, as she struggles to get on her stilettos. She’s scowling, her tongue sticking out slightly, and Sam smiles at the expression.

"Then why'd you change from the red dress?" she asks, trying to wrangle a strand of spaghetti onto the fork to see if it's ready. "It was nice. Shows off your _ assets _.”

"That's _ not _the impression I want to be making on a first date," 

Sam winks at her over her shoulder, and Lena nearly throws a shoe at her before she remembers the pot of boiling water on the stove, and settles for scoffing under her breath instead. "Okay but how do I look?" 

She gestures to the new outfit, and Sam appraises her for a brief second before saying, "Beautiful, like always," which apparently isn't good enough of a compliment by Lena's standards. 

"Be honest," 

"I am being honest," 

"No, you're being _ polite- _" Whatever Lena's about to complain about next is interrupted by a knock on the door. 

Sam glances at the time. Exactly 7pm. How long was Alex standing there waiting? 

"You're no help and I hate you," Lena shoots over her shoulder before opening the door with a wide smile. Sam goes back to her spaghetti with a roll of her eyes at Lena's antics. 

"Love you too," 

Lena pulls open the door, and there is Alex. Sam has to pause once she gets a glimpse of her, cause she isn't sure quite what she's seeing at first. She shuffles through the door with a large bundle of something under one arm, a brown paper bag in her other hand. Her hair pokes messily out of the beanie on her head, and what Sam is guessing is her _ nicer _leather jacket because the black leather is unusually smooth and the jacket unmarked. 

"Please don't tell me that you brought me flowers," Lena grumbles, and Sam has to try not to laugh at that. 

"Oh no, I wouldn't make that mistake. These are for your girlfriend," Alex says, and Sam turns around to see her holding out the paper bag to Lena. "_ This _ is for you, princess." 

Inside is a bottle of scotch. Decent scotch, if the fancy label and the raise of Lena's eyebrows is anything to go by. It’s also obvious that Alex had most likely used most of her last paycheck to buy it. "Good choice," Lena muses, nodding appreciatively. “Nice to see you aren’t too oblivious.” 

Alex shuffles her weight from side to side, and now Sam can really make sense of what's in her hands. A bouquet of sunflowers. Alex looks up at her with a crooked smile, and Sam's heart seizes up just as she remembers- 

"Oh sh- _ shoot _, my spaghetti," she gasps, and then she’s gone, leaving Alex and Lena standing alone in front of each other. 

“You look… gorgeous,” Alex practically gawks at her, and the way her eyes slide up and down her body makes Lena inhale deeply. “I mean- you always look gorgeous, but- wow.” 

Lena smiles. “Thank you.” And then, with a teasing smile pulling at her lips, “New jacket, I assume?” 

Alex ignores her teasing and smiled brightly- proudly, even, as she straightens out the collar of her jacket. “Got this baby last night.”

“It suits you.” And it does- it fits her well, not obstructing the delicate curves of her hips, and the tight pants she’s wearing finishes the look off nicely. 

“So, what do you have planned for the evening?” Alex asks her, tilting forward on her toes, a somewhat bashful smile overtaking her face as she mentions their date. The date that they’re on right now. That’s actually, finally happening. 

“You’ll see,” Lena replies swiftly. She’s not about to give it away, but still, the nerves that she’s been trying so hard to push down suddenly emerge again, as she contemplates whether or not Alex will be into this sort of thing. She’d booked the planetarium just for the two of them tonight. Not that there’d be many people there in the first place, it’s a small town, after all, but Lena had to make absolutely sure tonight would go smoothly. Meaning no annoyances or interruptions. 

She senses Sam watching them from the kitchen, and when she looks, she’s proved right by the way Sam’s head snaps back towards the pot, attempting for her eavesdropping to remain undetected. 

Caught red-handed, Sam curses under her breath as she stirs the pasta, the steam rising up. She glances over at them again, just for a second as they talk, hushed, before flicking her eyes back to the stove. It’s only when she hears Lena’s heels coming her way that she dares to look up again. “We’re heading out,” Lena says, as Alex flashes her a smile over her shoulder. “See you later tonight. Love you.”

"Love you too," 

A quick peck goodbye and they’re off, and Sam unintentionally stares after them until she realizes there is hot water bubbling over the sides of the pot, and curses again. “Shit, shit-“

She pulls the pot off the burner hastily and switches the stove off just as Ruby enters the room, headphones on, phone in her hand. She goes to get herself a bowl of spaghetti and immediately heads back to her room, but Sam stops her. 

She snaps her fingers in front of her daughter’s face. “Hey,” she says, and then, when Ruby barely looks up, _ “Hey!” _

Ruby rolls her eyes. “Oh my God, Mom, what?” 

“We’re having dinner at the table together.”

Ruby frowns. “Uh- why?” 

Sam crosses her arms, shrugging. “Because you’re my daughter, and I want to spend time with you. Is that weird?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay, well, too bad. Sit down.” 

It's been a while since she's had dinner with Ruby like this, with just the two of them. It's something that should feel familiar, but instead it's a little awkward. Ruby's eyes constantly glance to her phone, itching to get back to texting her friends, and Sam's mind wanders over various topics as they eat. 

The bookstore is doing well. The apartment could use a bit of touching up. She'd been reluctant to think of it as _ home _at first, coming back to the bookstore had been filled with old trauma, had felt like returning to the scene of a car accident. 

But with Lena around, and then Alex, they'd stripped it of what used to make it painfully nostalgic, and now it was something else. The bones were still the same, but it was amazing what a fresh coat of paint, some new photos, and some new _ memories _could do to a place. 

"So..." Ruby drawls, spiralling a few strands of spaghetti onto her fork, effectively shaking Sam from her thoughts. "They're on a date." 

"Yep," Sam answers briefly, staring down at her half-eaten bowl of pasta. She’s barely eaten like she would have normally, and Ruby seems to pick up on this. 

"Do you know where they're going?" 

Why is Ruby so curious? Sam sighs, rubbing at her face. She doesn’t know why she’s feeling like this. "Not really.”

"Aren't you like... worried or anything?" 

"We spoke about this before. Lena and I, we want to both have a chance at getting to know Alex on our own, individually, before we jump into something. You know, in case it doesn't work out with the three of us." 

"And your date was kind of a fail, wasn't it?" 

She can’t help but feel offense at Ruby’s lack of tact, despite being more-than-familiar with it after living with it for thirteen years. "Well- the first half wasn't that good... but the second half was fine! Alex just didn't like bowling. That's okay," Sam mutters, before quickly changing the subject. "Can you pass the salt?" 

Ruby grabs the salt, but narrows her eyes in a way that makes her feel like she's under _ Lena's _analytical gaze. "So are you worried that Alex will like Lena more than she likes you?" 

"Why are you asking?" 

"Cause you're not eating. And you _ already _put way too much salt in this, and now you’re worried about it because I said something, right?” 

“No I’m not!” Sam insists, but Ruby just raises an eyebrow, and- God, she learned that from Lena, didn’t she? “Ruby. You’re my daughter, you are not allowed to talk to me about my love life like this.” 

It’s stupid. It’s stupid, the fact that Ruby’s words are actually affecting her. They roll around her head for the rest of the dinner, up to the moment Ruby scoots her chair away from the table and disappears back into her room for the night, and keeps repeating as she pops open a bottle of wine and settles on the couch.

_ What _ if _ Alex likes Lena more than her? _

No. No, she’s not going to do this. She’s not going to ruin her night because something Ruby said without thinking, and she’s especially not going to doubt what is going on between the three of them just because their date didn’t go as planned. It was… it was_ good. _

Still, the thought won’t leave her head, and it stays there for the rest of the night.

* * *

The night is brisk as they walk through town, Lena’s hand curled around Alex’s elbow as they make their way towards the dimly lit diner a few blocks away from the bookstore, the same one she’d gone to with Sam and Alex all those months ago.

She’s been here only a few times since Sam had first introduced her, but it’s enough that the owner of the diner knows her name _ and _her usual order now, if only because of her connection to Sam. 

“Here?” Alex asks, seeming surprised.

Lena shrugs, letting her hand slip from around Alex’s arm as the other woman reaches forward and grabs the door for her. “Yes, well, you especially seemed to like it. I figured why not? We might as well eat before our real plans for the night.” 

Alex’s eyebrows shoot up. “Real plans?”

Lena almost wants to be offended at her shock. “Yes. You don’t think I’d bring you to a shitty diner for our first date, would you? Do you think that low of me?” 

“Didn’t Sam take you here for _ your _first date?” Alex reminds her as they slip into a booth, shrugging her leather jacket off. Underneath is a grey cotton shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and Lena’s eyes linger on the ink that pokes out from beneath the fabric, and then down to Alex’s hands. 

_ Hands. _ Since when has Lena been attracted to something like _ hands _on someone who wasn’t Sam? 

“Yes,” Lena confirms, eyes skimming the menu even though she already knows what she’s going to order. “But that’s different. This is Sam’s taste. It’s exactly what I’d expect of her.” 

Alex hums under her breath. "So what does that say about us?" 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Well... Sam likes trashy diners, she likes prehistoric bowling alleys, and she likes us. There has to be some kind of connection between these things," Alex explains, and Lena reels back in offense, a hand on her chest.

"I have nothing in common with _ diners _ and _ bowling alleys _,” she argues, but Alex just smiles at her, eyes rolling as she sets down her own menu and flags the waiter down.

"Okay, princess, I'm sorry I offended your delicate sensibilities.”

Lena scowls. "Stop it," she snaps, only receiving a wider grin in response. God, she’s infuriating. "I'll cancel the rest of this date. You'll have to walk home alone," 

"As if you would. I know you live for this," she insists. “You _ like _it when I tease you.”

"This is not the kind of teasing I usually enjoy," Lena murmurs under her breath, though it’s still loud enough for Alex to hear her.

Alex's eyebrows shoot up at that, taken by surprise. "Oh really-" 

"Can I take your order?" 

Alex, Lena realizes soon after they order their food, is not the kind of woman to be too shy to eat on a first date. She orders a meal twice the size of Lena’s, and the way she squirts the ketchup directly onto the fries has Lena staring in disgust. 

“What?” she asks, stupidly oblivious. 

"Oh, nothing, I just can't believe you prefer your fries drenched in ketchup.” She makes a show of moving her fries over and squirting her own ketchup in the corner of the tray, like a normal, civilized person, looking up at Alex when she’s done to find narrowed eyes staring right back at her. 

Then, of course, the unexpected retaliation. Alex grabs the bottle of ketchup, and tracks a line across _ all _of Lena's fries, from one side of the plate to the other, ignoring the way Lena gasps as she pops a fry of her own in her mouth without a care in the world.

Oh, this is a declaration of _ war _. 

They don't talk on the walk to the next stage of their date. Or at least that's Lena's intention, but she gives in to the wheedling and the constant nudges from Alex eventually.

"It wasn't _ that _bad," 

"Maybe it wasn't. But mess with my food again, and I'll-" She can't think of what she'll do, not when she looks at Alex and sees that crooked smirk on her face. Instead she pokes at Alex's chest, and the other woman has the decency to at least _ pretend _that it was strong enough to send her stumbling a few steps. "Understand?" 

"Yes ma'am," Alex tries to keep herself serious, but there's just something about Lena that makes her want to just... she doesn't know how quite to describe it. 

She's just more put together than usual tonight, with her long black coat and her bright red lipstick, not a hair out of place. And Alex isn't going to lie to herself, she knows that nervous energy that has her wanting to bounce off the walls and bully Lena into abandoning this date is her own self-preservation instincts, wanting to mess this up since Lena is so out of her league. 

But no, no matter how much she pushes, Lena continues to walk towards wherever they're headed, _ without _letting her know where they're going. And she always has a witty response prepared whenever Alex tries to tease her, and the conversation keeps going like that for several blocks. 

When they finally approach the planetarium, she hears Alex gasp from beside her, and she can’t fight the somewhat proud smile that appears on her lips. “Wait, is this-” 

“I booked it for the night,” Lena interrupts her, leading her inside. “So it’ll be just us. We’ve spent enough time rambling on about science that I assumed this would be the safest bet. I’m guessing I was right.” 

“Yes,” Alex nods in affirmation, a look of awe on her face. 

They choose seats in the far back despite there being nobody else in the building, and as the employee sets everything up, Alex turns to Lena and smiles, albeit a bit sadly. Or perhaps it’s nostalgic. “Back in Midvale, my dad and I used to go outside and look up at the stars for hours. We’d just sit out there, and he’d tell me stories about the constellations we could see. It’s one of my favorite memories of him.” 

Lena reaches over and grabs her hand. It’s warm, and Alex curls her fingers around hers immediately. “Possibly the best part of moving out of the city,” she laughs. “With all that light pollution, you’d be lucky to see one star in the sky.”

“I just…” Alex trails off, hand gesturing vaguely, before she smiles so softly that Lena feels her heart clench. “This is perfect, Lena.” 

She wants to brush it off, maybe scoff and say something like, _ well, of course it is, _but she doesn’t. Instead, she just smiles back, shrugging a shoulder. “I’m glad.” 

Just then, the lights dim, and the narrator’s booming voice blasts from the speakers as he starts the introduction. Lena sits back in her chair, hand still clasped with Alex’s. Throughout the show, a comfortable silence falls between them, and up until this moment, Lena hasn’t realized how familiar Alex has become to her. 

The sound of the narrator’s deep voice is still echoing through the planetarium, and underneath it is the quiet hum of the projections on the ceiling of the dome. Above them, the projector shows different constellations and maps out the stars’ path. It’s so peaceful, it feels like it’s just them and the stars, and that’s when Alex pushes herself up from her seat and turns, hovering over Lena. 

Lena instinctively shifts her head to focus on Alex’s face, and it isn’t surprising when Alex let’s her head fall so their mouths are touching - except it is, just a little bit, but not enough to really bother her - and it’s like she knew this was always a possibility, that the night would end like this. 

They’re in the back with no one else but the narrator around, it’s dark, so Lena raises one of her hands from the arm of the chair and lets it drift up to Alex’s cheek, just allows the kiss to go where it wants to, sighs into Alex’s mouth as they press together more insistently. It is slow and languid, all soft gasps and Alex’s fingertips brushing against the nape of Lena’s neck, and the faintest movement of Alex’s heartbeat underneath Lena’s palm. 

When they finally pull apart, Alex blinks at her, fingers tangled in Lena’s hair. And then, just as suddenly, the lights come on. It makes both of them flinch at the abrupt brightness, the narrator thanking them for coming, seeing them out, and Lena grabs Alex’s hand as she rises from her seat. 

"Thanks for this, by the way. I can't remember the last time I went to the planetarium," Alex says, as they wander out into the cold of night. She has her hands tucked into her pockets, and there's a blush that isn't entirely from the cold painting her cheeks and the tip of her nose pink. 

It never ceases to amaze Lena, the duality of Alex. 

"It's no big deal, really," 

Alex scoffs, taken aback for a moment. She pulls her hands out of her pockets just to gesticulate, which makes the corners of Lena's lips twitch with the beginnings of a smile. "_ No big deal _ , you booked out the _ whole _planetarium just for me. That's- it's kind of a big deal. It probably cost so much, I don't know how I'm going to top this," 

"Did you forget about the whole 'Luthor' thing?" 

Alex scratches the back of her neck, pursing her lips. "No... well, kind of. You don't really seem like the limousine and caviar type, I mean I've seen you drink champagne right out of the bottle-" 

Lena glares at the reminder. "God, I'll compromise on _ most _of my standards, sure, but I'm not drinking champagne out of a coffee mug," she scoffs. 

“Oh, never,” Alex agrees mockingly, and Lena glares even harder. But it's a short-lived glare, because while she's annoyed on the surface, beneath that is a kind of warmth that Alex has only recognized a few times in the months she’s known Lena now. It’s usually a look only reserved for Sam, but now that it’s directed at her, Alex swallows hard, face burning. 

And after that look passes on her face, she turns her attention forwards as they walk, and inches closer to Alex. She doesn't realise what she's angling for until Lena tugs her arm over her shoulder roughly, with a muttered- "Samantha never told me it'd get so cold here-" as some kind of excuse. 

"If you wanted to cuddle, all you had to do is ask-" 

"I don't _ cuddle _. Besides, we’re walking. Walking isn’t cuddling.” 

They stop at the front door and Alex tugs at her until they’re practically resting against each other, Lena’s hands slipping to the small of her back, pinned between the hot weight of Alex’s body and the front of the bookstore. 

It’s slightly risky, Lena can’t help but realize, being out here like this, where anyone could see them. It’s not that she’s ashamed to be with Alex, per say, but the fact that they haven’t exactly gone ‘public’ with their new relationship sends spikes of panic through her.

But she pushes it down, because Alex is so close that she can smell the whiskey on her breath, and her gaze is so strong that Lena feels like she could melt underneath it. 

Alex seems to share her concerns, however, because her eyes flick around them for a second, as if checking to see if anyone is peering out their windows or walking through town at this time of night. When she sees that no one is, she turns her head back to meet Lena’s, and the press of her lips is so quick Lena has to push back the urge to chase her mouth. 

“Night, princess,” Alex winks— and that shouldn’t be enough to make joy burst, bright and hot, deep inside Lena’s chest, but it is.

She finds her way to the stairs of the apartment in the dark, tiptoeing up the steps as quietly as she can. It’s late, so Ruby is probably asleep, and there’s nothing more terrifying than a sleep-deprived almost-teenager. 

She doesn't expect for there to be a light on in the apartment, but there is. A single lamp on in the living room, Sam waiting on the sofa, a glass of wine in hand. 

Something is wrong. It's almost immediate, and it’s not just because she’s known Sam for years that she knows this. She puts the wine glass down when Lena gets in, and she can taste it on Sam's breath, beneath the desperation she pours into each kiss, as she backs her up against the door, it's almost unlike her, the frantic nature to their kisses, on a weekday no less-

"Sam," Lena breathes at a break in the kiss, and before Sam can continue down to her neck like she wants to, she gently cups her face, holding her back. "What’s gotten into you?” 

Sam completely freezes up at the question. “Can’t I just kiss my beautiful, amazing girlfriend?” 

Lena’s eyes narrow. “Of course you can,” she answers slowly, “but something’s wrong.” 

It doesn’t seem like a surprise to Sam that Lena’s able to see through her so easily, because she slinks down and groans, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. “You’re right, I just… can we sit?” 

A white-hot sense of dread shoots through Lena as she takes a seat on the couch beside Sam, who refills her wine glass and downs it before they’ve even started talking. An eyebrow inches up on her forehead as she stares at her girlfriend, who’s now wringing her hands, elbows on her knees. 

For a while Sam seems to be working up the courage to say anything, before the words come spilling out, jumbled and nervous, “I was- you guys just- it’s all Ruby’s fault, really!” 

Lena frowns. “What did Ruby do?”

Sam groans again, frustrated. “She just- she got in my head! Not intentionally,” she clarifies quickly, looking at Lena. “I know that. But she… she started talking about- about you and Alex, and I guess I just, I don’t know, got insecure.”

It takes Lena a few moments to process the meaning of her words. “Insecure?” 

Sam shrugs, expression sheepish. She reaches up and rubs at the back of her neck, a habit she must have gotten from Alex in the past few months. “You both are..." she pauses, letting out a sigh. "You're made for each other. Your date went perfectly. You've got so much in common and I'm just- I messed up my date with Alex. I told her way too much. I mean, why does she even like me? Why do _ you _ even stay with me? You’re _ perfect _for her.” 

Lena reels back. “And you’re perfect for _ me _,” she snaps. It comes out harsh despite her not meaning it to be, but she finds herself growing angry at the way Sam is talking about herself. “Where is this all coming from?” 

Sam just shrugs again, eyes starting to water until she wipes the tears away before they can fall. "I’m just- I’m sorry, I’m just drunk, I should go to bed,” she insists, but Lena grabs her before she can stand up, practically tugging her back down so she falls back against the cushions with a huff. “Hey!” 

“Stop being an idiot, Samantha,” Lena rolls her eyes. "We're not done here. Do you hear yourself right now? You’re being ridiculous.” 

Sam scoffs, voice watery, “Ridiculous?” 

“Yes, ridiculous. This wasn’t a_ competition, _ Sam. Alex likes us both, and our respective dates do not decide which one of us she wants to be with. And, more specifically, it doesn’t dictate who _ I _want to be with, and it sure as hell did not make me choose Alex over you. I love you, and I always have, and that hasn’t changed.” 

Sam shifts awkwardly. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Lena blinks. “That’s it?” 

"I mean I'm not going to argue with you when you put it like that. It makes sense," she clears her throat, avoiding eye contact. Then, her lips quirk up into a small but brief smile as she adds, "Also, you said you love me again. You sap." 

Of course. Lena rolls her eyes, trying her hardest not to smile. “Call me a sap again and that’ll be the last time you’ll hear it.” Then, more seriously, “Are you alright?” 

Sam purses her lips and looks down. “Honestly? I think I’m just overthinking.” 

Lena reaches over, cupping her face and brushing her thumb over Sam’s chin. “Overthinking or not, I’m sorry that you felt like this at all. I love you, and you shouldn’t have any reason to doubt that.” 

Sam doesn’t answer her, instead leaning forward and pressing her lips against Lena’s. She pulls away too soon though, and Lena is left chasing after her mouth with a frown. “Why don’t you show me then?” 

* * *

A few days later, Alex is late to work. It's odd, because she's usually there right on time, if not earlier. 

Sam tries not to think anything of it, but the anxiousness that had been gnawing at her around anything to do with Alex rears its ugly head yet again, and she can't help but think that Alex has decided that this isn't a good idea after all, and she's never going to come back to work, and-

"Shit, sorry. Slept in,” she mutters as she races behind the counter, hurrying to set things up for the morning rush. 

Sam narrows her eyes at her as she works. The sluggish movements, the bags beneath her eyes, the way she winces at the bright lights in the store are all indications of one thing. “Are you- are you _ hungover?” _

Alex freezes, her hand still in the air as she replaces the baked goods from the other day. “No!” Then, at Sam’s unimpressed look, she bites her lip. “Okay, maybe a little.” 

“Alex, it’s a Wednesday!” 

“I know, I know!” She shakes her head, then winces again, holding her head. “I just- I went out with a friend last night. It was totally unplanned, and so I crashed at her place in the city, which is _ also _why I was late, and-” 

“You’re rambling, darling,” Lena breezes in like nothing like the hangover isn’t a surprise, simply looking Alex up and down. “Fun night?”

“I mean, yeah-” 

“Great, just don’t let it affect your work again.” 

And then she’s gone, vanishing into the shelves, and Alex and Sam exchange a look. 

Sam wants to ask, but she doesn't have to. "It was Vasquez. She's been uh... helping me out with stuff," 

"Stuff?" 

"Yeah. I had to tell her the good news, you know? So I did, she had the great idea to celebrate like we would have if Lucy was with us, and then I don't remember the rest," Alex shrugs, embarrassed about a wild night out, but there's a bittersweet smile on her face that makes Sam's initial disgruntlement fade away. 

The way she mentions her old friend doesn’t seem to come with the same sadness that Sam had noticed from her before, but rather, there’s a nostalgic smile on her face. “Anyway, that’s why I’m hungover on a Wednesday morning. What’s your excuse?” 

Sam frowns. “I’m not hungover.” 

“Well, you sure seem like it. That, or you just haven’t slept in two days.” 

Thinking back to the past few nights, Sam finds herself blushing at the memories. “I’ve slept,” she argues. “Just… less than usual…” 

It must be clear on her face what she’s thinking about, because Alex stares at her for a second too long. Figuring her out, the mild concern on her face fades, and she bites her lip, glancing at Lena. 

“So that’s why she’s wearing a scarf,” Alex mutters under her breath, and Sam’s blush spreads down her neck as she turns to her. 

She claps her hands. “Okay! Get to work.” 

She swears she catches Alex mutter something else - something about an invitation - under her breath, but the loud, invasive grinding of the coffee maker breaks through the sudden silence, drowning out the rest of her sentence.

* * *

It's not a particularly busy time for the bookstore, but life gets hectic anyways. After the first handful of dates, they can't really find the time to schedule anything else. 

None of them are okay with leaving Ruby alone at the bookstore, especially since they'd already had a break in once. Alex has her group therapy, and eventually Kara comes down to visit which takes up an entire week of her time. Sam has to ferry Ruby between soccer practice and recitals since their usual carpooling situation is no longer an option. 

At one point, a few minutes after closing, Alex’s head snaps up at the sound of the door being wrenched open and Sam practically dragging Ruby inside by the elbow, looking livid. 

“I cannot _ believe _you got kicked out of Girl Scouts,” she’s saying as they cross the store, Ruby’s eyes wide as they make their way to the staircase. 

Sam’s scolding doesn’t let up in the least as they walk. Halfway up the stairs, Ruby turns her head and mouths _ ‘help’ _at Alex, but Alex just shrugs, helpless, as the apartment door slams shut behind the two. If anything, that’s the most exciting occurrence for the next few weeks, especially with Ruby being grounded after the whole Girl Scouts debacle, unable to bother anyone downstairs. 

Spheerical's acquisition of L Corp has been smooth, for the most part. There are still some things that require Lena's attention, little details that were overlooked during the big logistical undertaking, that didn't get picked up until the new year. She gets calls at random points of the day, and it is quite funny to see her in her soft sweaters and glasses, throwing around corporate jargon that mostly goes over Alex's head. It culminates in her having to spend a few days in National City to sign contracts, leaving Sam to run the store on her own in the meantime. 

Alex has started to notice that Sam works hard. Too hard. The bookstore isn't particularly busy, but with Sam running about doing a million things at once, it feels like things are a lot worse than they are. 

Lena leaves on a Sunday, and plans on coming back by Wednesday. The headaches start on Tuesday. 

She doesn't realise she's working herself too hard till closing time approaches, and the store is quiet but her head is pulsing. She steadies herself with an arm against the counter, and almost jumps when Alex speaks. 

"Hey.”

"God, don’t sneak up on me like that,” she grumbles. “And I'm fine." 

Brown eyes meet hers. "I didn't ask. Besides, even if I did, I know you're not.”

"I guess I just miss Lena," she brushes away Alex’s concern, but the other woman is undeterred. 

"I know you do. But you're also getting a headache," she argues matter-of-factly, hands on her hips.

Sam doesn’t even question how she knows that. "It's not too bad.”

Alex squares her jaw, and glances at the clock. They still have half an hour until the store is technically meant to close, but she doesn't seem to care. She flips the sign to closed, and starts tidying up, leaving Sam on the couch with a glass of cold water. 

She doesn't realise how close she is to a burnout until she sits down for a minute and ends up with her arm against her head to try and block out the light. She doesn't realise how much better she feels after a _ rest _ \- and an actual rest and not just a moment to breathe between errands - until Alex gently shakes her arm, and she uncovers her eyes to find that it's already well into the night, and she's somehow fallen asleep on the sofa in the cafe. 

Alex crouches down beside her, gentle fingers brushing her hair out of her face. "Feeling better?" 

"How long was I out for?" 

"Six years," Alex teases, and Sam swats at her blindly. Her hand makes contact with Alex's face, and Alex splutters out a laugh as she gently pulls Sam's hand away. "I've got pizza on the way. How are you?" 

"Better,” she answers honestly, voice still a bit hoarse from her unexpected nap. “Wheres Ruby?” 

“Already in bed,” Alex answers promptly, surprising her. It must show on her face, because Alex chuckles. “I know, right? Kid was exhausted from school today, went right to sleep.” 

They get upstairs and Alex gets the pizza, plates already set on the table. Sam has a shower after dinner, and feels a lot better once she's in sweats and a hoodie. For all that her insecurities have been hounding her, she doesn't really feel bothered by Alex seeing her in clothes that have definitely seen better days. It feels natural to see Alex wandering about the apartment, her leather jacket somewhere downstairs, her boots by the door. 

They put on something to watch, and Alex doesn't seem to be in a hurry to leave like she usually is. In fact, she's relaxed against the couch, not bothered at all by Sam leaning against her. 

For lack of a better word, she's _ comfortable _where she is. Comfortable with Alex in a way she only really ever is with Lena and Ruby. It's almost natural to rest her head on Alex's shoulder, to close her eyes when Alex gently runs her fingers through her hair. 

She's about to slip into another dreamless nap when she feels the woman shift beneath, almost forgets who she's with when she feels lips against her forehead in a soft kiss. 

She smiles into it and Alex chuckles, a low sound that settles deep in Sam's chest, warming her up from the inside. She glances down at Sam, an apology on her lips. "I actually do have to go home to feed my dog," she says, wincing slightly at Sam’s dramatic pout. She’s already up now, rounding the couch, and Sam sits up on her elbows. 

"Lena always thought you were just making up excuses when you said that," she laughs, trying hard to push the wave of disappointment down. "Are you going to leave without saying goodbye?" 

There's a momentary pause, and Sam is about to hastily apologize for implying anything, until Alex purses her lips, seemingly trying hard to hide a smile. “How could I?” 

The time it takes between Alex to lean over the back of the couch, cupping Sam’s chin, seems to be an eternity. The moment their lips touch, it’s already much, much different than the first time they’d kissed that time under the mistletoe, awkward and fumbling. This time, it’s softer, _ gentler, _and Sam starts melts into it. It’s different, kissing Alex compared to kissing Lena, but it’s just as intense in a way she hadn’t expected it to be, her chest warm. 

“Wait, no- c’mere,” she murmurs against Alex’s lips, tugging on the collar of her jacket. Alex rounds the couch again so she isn’t leaning over it, and Sam briefly misses her mouth until Alex is leaning back down, cupping her face and pulling her closer. 

It’s almost scary, just how quickly they transition into something more heated, more intense. Sam’s heart is beating a mile a minute as Alex presses deeper into her, lips fitting perfectly against each other, Alex’s hand coming to curl around the back of Sam’s neck. It’s only when Alex’s weight settles in her lap, her legs resting on each side of Sam’s, the other woman literally _ straddling _ her, that Sam almost passes out. 

When Alex’s mouth travels from hers down to her jawline, Sam knows this needs to stop as soon as possible, despite it feeling so _ good. _ There’s a burst of warmth deep inside her, spreading out and making her grasp even tighter at Alex, as if she could disappear from under her fingertips, but she has to stop things before they spiral out of control and they end up in a situation she’d rather _ not _ be in, ever. 

She’s only felt this way with Lena, many times before; except, usually in that case, things ended much different than they’re going to with Alex. 

“Okay, wait,” Sam gasps as she pulls back, pushing at Alex’s shoulders. “My daughter is in the other room. And this- we can’t- not yet.” 

Alex doesn’t look disappointed, just understanding as she leans back, still straddling Sam’s lap, chewing at her bottom lip. Her face is flushed as proof of their unexpected transition from an innocent kiss to a heated makeout, and she clears her throat. “Shit, right. Sorry,” she apologizes, but Sam shakes her head. 

“No, don’t apologize, it’s just- God, I really like kissing you,” she laughs, out of breath. “_ Really _ like it. And I want to kiss you some more, believe me, but…” She gestures down the hall towards Ruby’s bedroom. 

“No, yeah, I know,” Alex agrees. “This was.. a lot.” 

“Let me reiterate that I _ really _ like kissing you,” Sam says, smiling when Alex huffs out a laugh. “So… we can still-“ 

Alex’s lips are back on here before she finishes her sentence. This kiss is much more tame now, not as heated, Alex shifting so she isn’t putting all her weight on Sam’s lap. 

“I really do have to go now,” she sighs into her mouth eventually, and Sam groans, dropping her forehead to Alex’s. 

“Do you _ have _ to?” 

“Yes,” she confirms, to Sam’s chagrin. 

“Or you could… you know… bring Isa back here? I just- don’t want you to leave just yet,” she admits. “Even if we’re not doing anything.” 

“Sam-“ 

“Right, of course, I’m sorry- that's too much, isn’t it?” she cringes and shakes her head. “Right. Okay, you go.” 

Alex seems to not want to go herself, but she manages to drag herself to the door anyways, looking back over her shoulder. “Goodnight.” 

The door shuts behind her with a quiet click, and for a few minutes, Sam just sits there on the couch in silence, her lips still tingling. 

Then, out of nowhere, “God, you guys are so gay.” 

_ “Ruby!” _

* * *

Lena has never really been one for public displays of affection. That much is what Sam remembers of their days in the city. That's what Sam remembers of Lena's past relationships as well, that she'd never be very tactile, keeping her dates at a respectable distance. 

But as soon as she sees Ruby, Alex, and Sam waiting for her at the airport, she rushes over, and there's a sudden flurry of hugs and kisses to all of them, with Ruby even getting a red lipstick mark right on her forehead. 

"You were gone for like two days," Ruby grumbles, rubbing at her head with her sleeve, and Lena scoffs, the smile never leaving her face. 

"That doesn't sound like 'I missed you too, Lena'," she sasses right back, "I might just keep your present to myself then," 

Alex looks a little confused, there's a twitch at the corner of her mouth, her hands still firmly in her pockets but she glances at Sam. 

"I'm not surprised that she bought things. I'm surprised that she isn't coming back with a third suitcase," Sam says, taking another sip of the watery and disappointing airport coffee she'd paid four dollars for. The grimace on her face says it all, and she tries not to look too disappointed as she drops the rest of the drink in the nearest trash can. 

Ruby perks up at the promise of a gift, and is eager to usher the adults towards where Sam parked her car. And then once they get there, she's quick to call shotgun, but Lena doesn't seem to mind. 

Once her suitcases are loaded into the back, and after she complains about Alex and Sam taking too long to try and fit the overfilled suitcases into the trunk ("I'm freezing my ass off out here. There are times that I do miss having a driver-" to which Alex promptly responds with a- "Give us a hand then, _ princess _,") she finds her place sitting next to Alex in the back seat. 

Sam glances at them with a smile, a _ smile _when she sees Alex's arm around Lena's shoulders, and Lena takes that as a sign that her master scheme has worked. 

Because of course, the trip was useful. It was nice to see Jack again, along with a number of other former associates as they started the new year. She had an opportunity to go and say a few words at an executive meeting. The heels and corporate wear had gone unused in her wardrobe for quite some time, but fitting into it all again was like putting on a familiar set of armor, and she'd taken to it at a speed that surprised herself. 

But now she'd taken a brief holiday to her past life, she wasn't really holding a desire to go back. Not at all. 

The bookstore is closed when they get back from the hour's drive. They'd still have a little while till closing, but neither Sam nor Alex seem pressed to get the store back open. 

The gift also serves well as a distraction. She didn't think the new tablet would be such an instant hit with Ruby, but she immediately runs up the stairs to set it up, leaving the three of them downstairs in the closed-up bookstore. Chairs are turned over and placed on the tables, the sign has been turned to 'closed', and someone has shut the blinds.

Lena drops off her bags upstairs, the familiarity of the space rings out as _ home _in a way that her old penthouse in the city simply hadn't. She can hear Ruby thundering about in her room with her new gift. Everything is more-or-less how she left it. 

Sam appears to have been reading a self-help book this time, it sits on her bedside table beside yet another empty coffee cup that she most likely forgot to take with her. 

Lena's just about to make her life easier when she notices a pair of glasses that aren’t her own sitting there, right next to the book, and she raises an eyebrow. “Samantha?” 

“Yeah?” Sam calls out, somewhere within the apartment. Lena doesn’t turn around at her voice, just keeps staring at the glasses. 

“Don’t tell me you fucked Alex while I was away.” 

Almost immediately, there’s an abrupt choking sound, and Lena realizes Sam had been drinking _ another _ cup of coffee - Lena can’t help but roll her eyes; as if she hadn’t _ already _ had a mug sitting here - as she asked it. 

It takes a few moments for the coughing to cease, Sam pounding on her own chest when Lena peers over her shoulder, her face beet-red as she stares incredulously at her. 

"What? N-no! No I'd never, of course we wouldn't when Ruby's here- we didn't- but we did... uh," Sam clears her throat, blushing an even deeper shade of red than before, and Lena’s eyebrow lifts higher on her forehead, "It was just late, and I didn't want her to ride home in the dark, black ice and stuff, motorbikes are _ so _dangerous, so she may have... slept over, at one point." 

As anti-climatic as the explanation is, Lena still smirks at Sam in a way she knows drives the other woman insane. “Oh?” 

Sam’s eyes narrow. “Yes, Lena. That’s what happened.” 

"And nothing more?" Lena turns around fully, arms crossed, skeptical. "Not even a kiss goodnight? Honestly, Sam, you're absolutely terrible at this-" 

"I never said we didn't _ kiss _," Sam mutters quietly, a grin spreading across her face as Lena's eyes widen. Before Lena can react however, Sam pretends to listen out for something, backing towards the door. "Oh, what was that, Alex? You need me downstairs? Lena, I'd love to continue this conversation, but-" 

"Oh, we are _ definitely _continuing this conversation." 

True to her word, it doesn’t take Lena long to bring it up again. "The city was boring. I want to hear about what _ you _did while I wasn't here," she asks Sam, as they sit on the sofa in the cafe downstairs. Alex was kind enough to buy some decent scotch to share, and the record player croons on in the background. 

She's trying to act nonchalant, but the desire to know burns, especially when Alex and Sam share a sideways glance. 

"It got kind of busy without you here," Alex starts, swirling the scotch in her glass. "I was surprised, you know, that you actually _ do stuff _. I thought you just stood behind the back counter and played with the record player all day." 

Lena doesn't dignify that with a response. Sam stays oddly quiet, pretending to find something interesting in the back window. She's _ embarrassed _ about this, she's gone shy, her cheeks are red, and it's absolutely _ delightful _to see her so flustered like this. She's about to drag her back to reality and back into the conversation but Alex pipes up again. 

"Also, Sam nearly worked herself into having a migraine again.” 

That gets Sam to turn around, glaring daggers at Alex that don't seem to be quite as effective as she thinks they are. 

This is news to Lena. She arches an eyebrow at the woman in question, and Sam withers under her sharp gaze. "It wasn't that bad this time. I had Alex to take care of me," Somehow, Alex seems to have absorbed Sam's usual confidence, because she runs a hand through her hair, smiling to herself. 

"She just slept it off, then I stayed for a little while the first night-”

"The _ first _night?" Lena cuts her off, her tone a mix of amusement and surprise.

"I stayed over the next," Alex's confidence drops just a bit, her eyes searching Lena's. "I hope that's okay." 

They are still finding those boundaries, so Lena understands why Alex feels like she has to ask, nervous about her response. But there really isn't any need for her to be. If anything, Lena is comforted by the fact that Sam had someone. If it wasn’t her, it would have been Ruby, and as much as she loves the kid, Lena knows having her mother in such a state would be too much for her to handle all on her own.

"Oh of course it's okay. I'm guessing now that I don't need to interfere anymore with you two, you've got yourselves sorted out and-" 

"Wait-" Sam narrows her eyes at Lena, who stumbles on her words at the sudden change of tone. "You didn't really need to go to the city, did you? How did you have time to go shopping during a business trip-" 

She quickly tries to remedy the situation, but Sam is already figuring out everything, Alex glancing between them like she's watching a tennis match. "Did I say I went shopping? I don't shop. There's staff for that." 

"_ Lena _," Sam cries, throwing up a hand, and Lena lasts all of a second before she breaks, laughing. 

"Okay, fair enough. Maybe I didn't _ have _to go on that trip, but it worked, didn't it? You're okay now." 

"I hate you," Sam rubs her forehead with one hand, grumbling under her breath as Lena rounds the couch, dropping her glass on the table nearby so she can settle draped over Sam, her arms wrapped around her. 

"You don't. Alex, get over here," Lena says, before grabbing Alex's flannel and dragging her over to squash Sam from the other direction. A surprised squeak escapes Sam’s mouth as she falls over onto the couch, her chin finally coming to rest against Sam’s shoulder. 

"Okay. Lena, I think that's your last glass of scotch," 

"I'll have you know that I'm not drunk at all. Is it that bizarre for you to see me _ happy _while sober?" she scoffs, a hand flying to her chest in offense. In reality, she’s far from it, content with them as she sits, but Sam and Alex both roll their eyes. 

The air is charged, there's an underlying tension that thrums through every conversation, every laugh, every gentle touch. Alex is drawn in by the mellow light, the sweet bite of mid-range scotch. She's struck by a sudden rush when she realises that this doesn't have to be a one-time thing anymore. 

They've moved from the couch to sit on the floor near the back counter, leaning up against it, passing the bottle of scotch between them. Sam puts on some Etta James, and after a little bit of a dance between her and an unimpressed Lena, they end up on the ground again, with Alex in the middle. Lena's dark tresses run like silk through her fingers, as she buries her nose into her shoulder, stifling a groan as Sam sings along off-key. 

This thing between them is new and fragile but it's _ theirs, _Sam and Lena have brought her in with open arms, there's no script, nothing to fall back on, nothing but uncertainties as to how it will look like. She'd spent the entire trip to Midvale with this uncertainty hovering over her head. And now that she's home she can't help but feel guilty for wasting the holidays with her own problems. 

Of course, there's a right way, and a wrong way to go about rectifying that situation. But Alex is four drinks in, and the company makes the words tumble out as soon as the thought is half-formed in her head. 

"Come to Midvale with me," she blurts, and the words that Sam were just about to sing to her fade on her lips, and she looks at Alex curiously. Lena stiffens beside her, gently lifting her head to look at her as well. 

"Midvale?" Sam's brow furrows, and she tilts her head to the side. 

"To meet my-" Alex begins to explain, but stumbles when she realises how forward it is. They've barely gone on a few dates, and she's already rushing through things, she's already thinking about getting them to meet her family, and- she holds up her hands. "Okay. I know how it sounds, it's stupid and you don't have to do it." 

Lena gets her to pause on the brink of a rant, her cold hand taking one of Alex's. "This matters to you. I don't know about Sam," she glances over Alex's shoulder at Sam, before her gaze drops back to Alex. It's then she realises how close they really are, "But _ I'd _ be happy to," she finishes assuringly.

Alex turns to look at Sam, when she hears her clear her throat. Sam's also not too far away, close enough that Alex can see her jaw work as she thinks. "I can't say I wouldn't be _ nervous _-”

Lena snorts under her breath. "That's an understatement.” 

"Hey! Shut up." Sam cries, and Lena pokes out her tongue maturely. But it's a sign of something that Sam is nervous about. "Does she know? About us?" 

"She knows," Alex nods, and that calms her down just a bit, the tension being released from her shoulders. "I mean, I don't exactly know _ what _she knows-" that makes Sam's shoulders tense again, "but Kara's probably told her the right thing just by being an annoying little shit anyways.” 

Lena cocks an eyebrow. “You talk so highly of her.” 

Alex chuckles, only slightly bitterly. “Yeah, well, she’s been too far up my ass with… this-” she gestures vaguely towards Sam and Lena, “-that I’m convinced she’s living vicariously through my love life.” 

“And your mom? How is she about this?” Sam asks, then, almost as an afterthought, “Does she know we’re… women?” 

Alex smiles briefly. “I mean- she’s always known I was gay, so that’s not the shocking part to her. She just never really expected me to land _ one _ beautiful woman, much less two.” 

The way she says it, there’s a tinge of old hurt in her voice that makes Sam’s ears practically perk up with attention. “What? Why not?” 

Hesitating, Alex shrugs. “Dating isn’t exactly easy when you’re constantly moving around and being deployed. And after Maggie… I guess she just assumed I’d given up. Which isn’t _ too _ far from the truth at the time,” she admits quietly, “but things have changed.” 

_ Things _meaning her fear of getting close to anyone ever again, meaning the caution she’d approach potential relationships with. She feels content and secure now, with Sam and Lena, in both their friendship and this new relationship that’s blooming between the three of them. It’s a different feeling, one she hadn’t had with Maggie even when things were good, and she’s determined to keep it that way for as long as she can. 

They both seem to understand this without her having to outright explain it. The tension in Sam's shoulders eases as she reaches out, holds Alex's hand in one of her own, brings her knuckles to her lips in a gentle kiss, almost like she's _ thanking _her for opening up. “Anyways,” she laughs it off, shrugging, uncomfortable after having gotten so emotional all of a sudden, “I think she’d really like to meet you guys.” 

Alex already knows that Eliza will love them both. Sam has such a way with people, she doesn't think she's met anyone who _ doesn't _smile when Sam does. And Lena has a scientific mind, something that she's sure her mother would appreciate. They're two beautiful, amazing people, and she's struck by the realisation that despite everything, they've chosen her. 

She turns when she feels Lena shift beside her. Her hand tightens its grip in her shirt just a bit, and soft lips press against her jaw, dragging her attention away from staring intently at the shelves in front of her. When she looks at Lena, there's something _ different _about her, it might be the light, it might be the fact she hasn't seen her in a few days, it might be the alcohol in her system that's making things just a bit blurred around the edges. 

She closes the space between their lips, and hears a cough and a muffled splutter from beside her, and feels a tug on the hand that's still being held by Sam. 

"Sorry-" Sam wheezes, and Lena closes her eyes and exhales heavily, reluctantly pulling back to glare at Sam over Alex's shoulder. 

"You had her for several days, you _ shared a bed _, and the first kiss I get with her upon getting back you ruin-" 

"I'm sorry! It's just- you just took me by surprise," Sam wipes at her mouth, clearly still feeling the burn from scotch going the wrong way as her eyes water. She places the bottle aside, and releases Alex's hand to gesture at the both of them. "Go ahead. I'm- uh. I'm ready this time," 

Lena rolls her eyes. “Thank you for your permission, Samantha.” 

If possible, Sam looks even more sheepish, and it only makes Alex laugh a bit under her breath, which in turn makes Lena glare at her instead. 

So she very maturely nudges Lena with an elbow, trying to weasel out a smile. "Okay, you have to admit that was a little bit funny. And it's also the second time that Sam's wasted alcohol like that-" 

Sam looks downright _ offended _by the implication. "I've never-" 

"The wine?" Lena arches an eyebrow. 

Sam purses her lips at the brutal reminder. “Okay, well-” Then she pauses, sinking back. “Yeah, I have no excuse for that one.”

It's stupid, she downright _ enjoys _ seeing them like this, their back and forth and bickering as they lean forward to look around her makes her laugh. It makes her laugh a way that she hasn't really laughed before. It fills her chest with a burning happiness and okay she's _ definitely _ had a little too much to drink because she's _ never _been a giggly drunk before. 

"And see? Now you've broken Alex," Lena pouts, as the mood from before is now gone. 

"I'm not- I'm sorry." Alex shakes her head. But her smile doesn't go, especially not as she sees Sam's own grin beside her, those amber eyes filled with an emotion she isn't quite ready to name yet. 

It's Sam who captures her lips next, swiftly yet gently capturing all her attention in a very short time. Soft, pliant lips against her own that seem innocent at first, before Sam's fingertips trace up the back of her neck, wandering into her hair. 

Then her head is tilted to the side, as Lena traces burning kisses up the side of her neck. It makes her heart race and she leans into it, eyes slipping shut at the feel of Lena’s mouth against her skin. 

Lena doesn't stay there for long, though, she forges a path upwards, along her jaw and onwards to Sam. Lena places needy kisses on Sam's cheek, which is enough to distract her from kissing Alex for a moment to indulge her. The momentary reprieve from sensation has Alex blinking against the haze of lust, and Lena's hand comes to rest on her thigh as she leans right across her. 

Just like the other night with Sam, things start to get heated quicker than Alex had expected, and she pulls back despite not wanting to. “Wait-“ 

They both stop immediately. Sam can't hide the disappointment on her face, but she does back off slightly “What?” Lena asks, concerned until Alex chuckles lightly. 

“I just- I want to take this slow. Us, I mean.” 

Lena just rolls her eyes. “You’re saying this _ after _ you invite us to meet your family?” 

Alex purses her lips and cocks her head. “I- yes,” and at Lena’s amused smile, “Shut up!” 

"Alex is right, Lena," Sam sighs, throwing Lena off just a bit. "Ruby's upstairs," 

“Oh, right. Forgot she existed,” Lena teases, expertly poker-faced even as Alex gapes at her. 

"_ Lena _," It's Sam's turn to roll her eyes, smiling despite herself. Alex had almost forgotten about Sam's hand on the back of her head until she pulls back entirely, immediately missing her touch. 

“I should get back, anyways,” she reminds them. “I pay rent for my apartment, even though I feel like I practically live here.” 

"You know you could. Live here. The bed's big enough for the three of us-" 

It takes every ounce of Alex's willpower not to think about just how big that bed actually is, and how the three of them would fit so nicely together- "Thanks for the offer but-" 

"_ Slow, _Samantha," Lena scolds her, but Sam just narrows her eyes and turns on her. 

"Oh that's _ rich _, coming from you. You were about to jump her bones a second ago-" 

Lena brushes it off with a flippant wave of her hand. "I wasn't! I was simply moving to get closer to you. If I happened to almost straddle Alex then that was purely coincidence,"

“Alright, and that’s my cue to get home,” Alex interjects, cutting their next round of bickering short. She tries not to look at their disappointed faces as she slips on her jacket. “Try not to kill each other before tomorrow, please?” 

“No promises,” Lena scoffs, at the same time Sam assures her, “We won’t!” 

* * *

In the time before the trip to Midvale, a few things happen. The trip is scheduled to happen in the springtime, and excitement grows as the snow melts with the return of comfortable, warm air, leaves begin sprouting on the trees outside the shop, and the sun decides to hang around a little bit longer each day. 

Lena isn't one for the change of season. She hates change. Despises it. The first sunny day they get has Sam and Alex dragging her to the _ park _of all places, and she ends up red in the face, sniffling the entire time. There aren't enough antihistamines in the world to save her from the torture of springtime allergies, and she spends more time cooped up in the store, glaring at people who leave the door open for too long. 

Sam decides that Ruby needs a bit more responsibility in her life. While she's not sold on the idea of Ruby getting a cat (she's never been sure if Lena was allergic to cats, since she wasn't allergic to dogs, but Sam wasn't willing to take a chance for an even more grumpy Lena), she's completely okay with Alex loaning Isa to her after school, to take to the local dog park with a neighbors' older kids. Alex even pays in cookies for every walk to the park, which Sam pretends she doesn't notice. 

Alex goes to group therapy a handful of times. At first it feels very much like a chore, but eventually it becomes part of her routine. Vasquez is always happy to have a familiar face, and she's more than proud of Alex's progress, especially when she sees her talking to a few of the newer entries to their little afternoon group meetings. 

And Sam's suggestion that Alex move in had been partially a joking one, but the apartment she rents feels less and less like home with every additional moment she spends at the bookstore. Sometimes dinner runs late, with all the conversation and laughter around the table, that it gets too late for Alex and Isa to leave. A few times, Isa falls asleep on the upstairs sofa, and Alex doesn't have the heart to wake her up and move her so she stays as well. It's in those moments that she finds out that her favourite way to wake up is with the smell of pancakes in the air, Isa's head resting heavy on her chest, Lena snuggled into her side. 

They don't get up to much those nights, not with Ruby in the house, not with a million and one things to be doing. But eventually salvation comes in the form of a birthday party slash sleepover that has Ruby out of the house for an entire evening. And Alex's schedule is free, and Sam's not stressed out of her mind, and Lena drags Alex into their bedroom as soon as she looks like she's about to cut and run yet again. 

She gets to learn them both at the same time, what their bodies like. It's unexpectedly tender, where Alex had thought (imagined) that it would be rough and raw- oh that does happen _ afterwards _but that's a different story. 

She learns to love playing video games with Ruby, who gets her another controller on their unofficial two month anniversary that Sam totally didn't mark out on the family calendar with a letter 'A' with a red heart around it. She's absolutely dreadful, but sometimes she's lucky enough to beat Sam. Beating Lena or Ruby is downright impossible though. 

Alex doesn't realise how fast time is passing until she nearly forgets to pack before the trip, reminded only by an argument between Sam and Lena the day before as Lena packs way too much, and forgets that they're travelling in Sam's car, which does _ not _have the trunk space for half of Lena's wardrobe. 

* * *

They’re an hour into the roadtrip when Lena starts to complain. “You need to pull over,” 

Alex glances at her in the rearview mirror. “What? Lena, we’re in the middle of nowhere.” 

It’s true — on the way to Midvale, the route consists of many long, boring dirt roads that lead to the mountains they have to pass to get there. Currently, all Alex can see from each direction is the long stretch of road they’ve been on for twenty minutes now, and then corn fields beside them, reaching higher than their car. 

“Yes, well, I need to stretch my legs,” Lena argues, and Alex sees out of the corner of her eye the way Sam’s head falls back against the passenger seat’s headrest. 

“You can’t wait twenty minutes until we get to-“

“I feel like I’ve been shoved into this backseat for hours, I need a break.” 

Alex’s grip unintentionally tightens on the steering wheel. “Is she always like this during trips?” she asks Sam, just barely above a whisper, loud enough for Lena to glare at her through the mirror. 

“You should see her on airplanes,” Sam scoffs, rolling her head to look at Alex and raise her eyebrows. “She’s a nightmare.” 

“And that _ nightmare _ can hear you two perfectly,” Lena snaps, falling quiet when Sam and Alex merely exchange an amused - albeit slightly annoyed - look. 

“If we pull over, I can’t guarantee that we won’t get murdered by a crazy farmer for trespassing,” Alex huffs, igniting the unimpressed look Lena shoots her from the backseat. 

Sam chuckles beside her. “Or a killer scarecrow,” she adds, barely able to get the sentence out through her laughs. 

Lena just grits her teeth. “You’re a dork, Sam. Alex, are you going to pull over or-" 

“Keep complaining and I’ll leave you here, princess,” Alex teases as she pulls off the side of the road. Lena immediately rips the door open and stumbles out with a loud sigh as she stretches her legs and back. Isa follows, bounding out of the back door and racing around Lena. 

“Okay, Sam, out. We’re swapping seats.” 

Ruby holds out her phone to take a photo of Lena as she grumbles and stretches. Alex grimaces at the muffled crack of her bones as she does so. "How did you survive sitting in a chair all day as a CEO?" 

"I didn't just _ sit in a chair all day _-" Lena growls, ready to snap but Alex's mischievous smile lets her know she's been had. 

The break turns out to be useful, Isa gets a bathroom break, and Lena is significantly less of a grump during the last leg of the trip. 

They swap seats. Alex doesn't think it'll be a big deal, till she feels Sam shuffle in the seat behind her, knocking her seat in the process. The back seat is apparently not designed for someone with legs as long as hers. 

But it's only for another twenty minutes really, the car makes short work of the roads, and they start to see signs of civilisation, a few dotted buildings here and there. And Lena smiles just a bit as Ruby shouts and points at the first sign of the approaching coastline, a thin strip of reflective blue on the horizon. 

And then, _ finally _, a faded sign welcoming them to Midvale. 

* * *

The first day goes by quickly. They spend most of the day unpacking and getting settled in, only able to relax close to sunset. As soon as they get the chance, all three of them are collapsed in bed - different rooms, per Eliza’s demands - and Alex doesn’t wake up until almost noon the next morning. 

Padding into the kitchen, she sees Eliza already up, fixing a few cups of coffee. Her mother sets one of the mugs of hot coffee in front of her as she sits at the bar, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Did you have a good night, sweetie?”

Alex sips at the mug gingerly. “Yeah, definitely. Though, I think the whole ‘separate rooms’ rule was a bit too far, Mom.” 

The exasperation in her voice doesn’t phase Eliza, who just rests her chin on her palm and stares at Alex as she drinks her coffee. “Yes, well, can you blame me? My daughter comes home with not one, but two girlfriends! Of course you’re going to be sleeping in separate beds. I was your age once, I know how tempting-” 

"_ Mom- _ " Alex pinches the bridge of her nose, not wanting to hear the rest of it. "Please stop. We wouldn't do... _ that _ here." 

Eliza ignores her disgust. “Oh, please. As if I didn’t raise you for almost thirty years. Remember junior year?” 

Alex cringes at the reminder. Junior year of high school was the time of awkward flirting and dates set up for her by Vicky, all of which she’d ended up calling her then-best friend to come pick her up early - and it just so happened that one of those nights had ended with Vicky at her house, in her bed, just as her mother had come home from a long day of work. 

"That was different, Vicky wasn't-" 

Of course, the mere _ mention _ of another woman summons Lena. Definitely the most _ possessive _of the three of them, her dark hair is piled up atop her head and tied hastily, there are dark circles around her piercing green glare, and she's without her signature red lipstick. "Who's Vicky?" 

“No one!” Alex immediately regrets even coming downstairs, especially when Eliza smiles and turns to Lena with the most innocent look she can muster. 

“Oh, nobody, sweetie,” she says, then sips her own coffee before she continues, “Just a high school crush of Alex’s.” 

Lena arches an eyebrow, but Alex is saved from further questioning by Sam coming downstairs in a rush. Almost as if she's already had her coffee for the day, with way too much energy for a normal human being at this early hour. She says her 'good morning's, and leaves a kiss on the top of Lena's head before rushing over to give one to Alex as well. 

Sam - and the cup of coffee she places into Lena's hands - is enough of a distraction for Lena to drop the subject entirely. But it doesn't have her safe from Eliza's scrutiny. 

Her mother seems to be watching her all day. She can't help but feel like she's being judged at first, that her mother's acceptance was conditional, and the unpleasant feeling lasts up until later that night, hours after both Lena and Sam have gone to bed, as she’s sitting cuddled up in front of the television with a glass of wine. 

She doesn’t realize her mother is still awake until the older woman takes a seat next to her on the couch, startling her for a second and almost making her spill her wine. “What are you doing up so late?” 

Alex raises an eyebrow. “I could ask the same of you,” she retorts, only receiving a blank look in return. She turns back to the TV. “Fine. It’s not what you think- I’m not waiting to sneak into one of their rooms, Mom.” 

Eliza frowns. “Who said that’s what I was thinking?” 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Wasn’t it?” she laughs, but then grows somber once again, sipping her wine. “I couldn’t sleep. I was just… thinking too much again, I guess.” 

"About?" 

"Things... stuff. Just about how lucky I am that-" 

Then, right over Eliza's shoulder, Alex watches as a door swings open slowly. And none other than Sam sticks her head around the doorframe, looking from side to side. She starts to tip-toe across the hall, towards none other than Lena’s room, before freezing as she spots Eliza and Alex in the living room. 

“Oh! Hey guys! What’s up?” 

Her guilt is evident in her voice, almost palpable. Alex leans back against the cushions with a smug look as Eliza just raises her eyebrows at Sam, who’s paler than Alex has ever seen her. 

“I was just- water. Thirsty.” 

_ Yeah, definitely thirsty, _Alex thinks.

Eliza smiles knowingly. “Kitchen is this way, dear.” 

"Oh, right. Silly me. It's late and I've lost all sense of direction. Which way's up?" Sam rambles, letting out a choked little laugh at the end as she throws her hands up and backs towards the kitchen.

Eliza chuckles at her antics, and turns back to Alex to see her rubbing at her forehead. "You're all terrible at sneaking around," 

"We don't exactly have to, back at home." 

"Home? You live with them now?" 

"N-no. Not exactly. Not yet. It's way too early for that. I still stay at the apartment, the one that-" 

"Hm," Eliza purses her lips, studying Alex with an almost amused expression, like she _ knows _. "Of course, that must be because of Isa, right?" 

Alex blinks. “Not just because of her,” she answers tightly, feeling the back of her neck heat up. “I like it there.” 

But it's a lie. She knows it, and Eliza knows it's a lie. It convinces nobody. There's not really much tying her to the apartment. It doesn't feel like home. Even this, Eliza's house, hasn't felt like home. Not since she got back from her deployment. 

For Alex now, home is the bookstore. The smell of books and dust and old wood, the rich bitter taste of coffee. Home is the bookstore in a way that Midvale never was, that her own apartment never is, and it rattles her that she’s grown so attached to not only the store itself but the people in it. 

"No," she admits, after a moment of silence. "You're right. I don't know why I keep pretending like I don't. It's-"

She hears a loud slurp from behind her. She turns around, and not only is Sam standing there with a glass of water, Lena is also there- which is surprising in and of itself, because _ nothing _gets Lena out of bed. 

“You aren’t already moving in?” Sam asks, seeming genuinely confused. “Then why is there a toothbrush for you in our bathroom?” 

Lena rolls her eyes. “She is moving in, darling- she just now figured it out.” 

"Don't forget all the clothes she's left at our place," Sam adds, making Eliza grin wider. “There’s spare glasses on the nightstand, too.” 

"And the fact that Ruby and I cleared a spot in the alley so she can park her bike.” 

"And the dog bed that Isa never uses,” Lena is counting on her fingers now, looking over at her girlfriend. "Really, Sam. I don't see why you bothered-" 

"It was in the shape of an avocado. It's so cute! Eliza, you really have to see it," Sam answers gleefully, either ignoring or simply not noticing the way Alex has grown redder and redder with each thing they list off. 

Lena's expression softens, and she walks over to rest a hand on Alex's shoulder comfortingly. "You're also one of Ruby's emergency contacts at school. Alex, you're part of us now. I don't see things changing any time soon." 

"I just need to get you a key." Sam says with a smile. 

* * *

“See?” Sam says a few weeks later, pointing triumphantly at the floor by the couch. “Isa loves the bed!” 


End file.
